The Bite

A bizzare photo tag

2009-02-13T11:01:00.003+08:00

From Emily. No not my kitten.

No not Mackey house's hottie.

Uhhhh here http://emilys-stitch-in-waiting.blogspot.com/2009/02/of-being-tagged-you-are-tagged-with.html

The idea here is to go to your 6th picture file and choose the 6th picture, and then tag 6 blogging friends.

Whats there to say really? Hurm hurm. I remember the cause and reason for this picture....was....

"Eh I heard got a lot of hot chicks in LEO right?"

"err yeah...."

"Go snap pics of them."

"wah dahm pervert. Which 1?"

"simply take only la."

4 years down and here it is in my recompiled stuff from my desktop hard drives.

Don't ask me what happened to them man I can only remember Sook Yen's name and thats it lol. Although knowing the quality of my com(caresses it with unhealthy glee) I could quite possibly zoom in and find out....but nah. This was from the day my year had the stepping up ceremony. And as usual it was up to me to run around going shutter happy.

I think it got in the mag too honestly. Can someone back home verify?

Oh well a small dose of iritation for the people who so fervently dig up stuff about me. Had I actually cleaned up my drives properly. And thrown out the scrapped pictures. You would have gotten to see a pic of the girl who taught me the basics of flirting ooooooo I would call her si fu if I could find her too heh.

Anyway I tag:

LES!

VID!

LEONA!

HENRY! HENRY! HENRY!

SUH MING!(if you find the megabytes to do so)

and.... PUI YEAN! ( i wanna see what photos you have in your com heh)

The Sudden Farewell

2008-10-22T11:08:00.002+08:00

Terribly overdue.

-----------

She must be pissed.

There's no doubt.

It's because I left so suddenly. Heck she's got every reason to be pissed. All she had was 1 week notice.

Oh I'm afraid of her piercing gaze. Her sharp stare.

It's always so stabby whenever I say something that's awfully ambigious about what I've been up to.

So I'm glad the last goodbyes were through E-mail and sms.

Escaping most of the fury. But then again I was smart enough to tell her at times when she would check only at work or when busy.

But then again I wish I could've stayed for just 1 more month.

Maybe it would have been great to have all of us grinning from ear to ear watching her taking her slow march.

Looking her very best. With the crowd just silently watching with quiet smiles on their faces and all the little girls amazed at how beautiful she would be but all the boys fidgeting because they can't wait for some cake. Boys will be boys.

I really wanted to be there. But I can't.

I'll get you a wedding gift when I come back. =P

Things to do

2008-08-20T12:42:00.003+08:00

Before I go:

Collect numerous house addresses.
See that dentist which I'm so bloody afraid of.
Get that jaw x-ray.
Get that chest x-ray.(I'm going to glow when I come back from the hospital)
Get that laptop. Fill it with the other European languages.
Get that visa.
Get that Visa.
Get that flight ticket.
Get that music from Eswhy.
Port the load from my desktop onto my future laptop.
Clear out most of the cupboards in the house.
Pack that soon to be near the weight limit bag.
Shop for thicker than normal clothes.
Load up on drugs.
Finish a few calculations. And not to forget pass them along.
Call Lesley.
Adjust some muscles.
Learn how to cook properly.
Select some tools.
Leave some things behind.
Buy tissue for people to weep at the airport.(just kidding la should't you guys go somewhere to celebrate after I ciao?)
SHOP!

And see all the monyets for the last time.

No bomb!

2008-08-14T20:48:00.002+08:00

"Don't get hurt, don't fall down, don't trip, because if you get hurt no one is going to help you, no one is going to give you any sympathy and they're going to screw you for getting hurt in the first place."

Growing up with that kinda advice has always been....uhhh yeah you can guess.

"Everyone will be watching your every move waiting for you to screw up, so learn how to watch your own back."

"You gotta cover your own ass cause people will be setting you up. People are going to let you catch the shit."

I guess thats why people keep on coming to me. Some kinda natural stability I have. The shelter in the storm. Even when my life flips I'm still praised for the plans I have stocked or the new plans that I form.

Then the results flipped me like a ramly. And grilled me like a steak.(pardon the food analogy hungry lah)

So I backed up into my contingency plans. Long and complex.

They were all thrown out of the window by the very person who gave me the advice. And they sure hit the sidewalk hard.

Then a friend heard about things and took me for a walk and handed me a stick to use on random leaves to insanely destructive effects. He was wowed by my martial prowess. I'm deadly with anything 3 and a half feet long.

Another 2 kept checking up on me.

An e-mail from australia told me to cheer up.

When I called one of my "daughters" to inform her about something else she was also very concerned about my current state.

So I guess the first report that came out about me was pretty bad. But things cooled pretty fast.

So stop acting like I'm a bomb about to go off wei. I'm ok seriously. *jabs Li-Sheen* I'm not emo.*prod prod*

I sure hope this isn't a bad precedent

2008-08-10T02:00:00.002+08:00

i've just had an incredible 24 hours

I've just got back from an all meals free trip to melaka with free lodging in the home of the yeow sisters xinyi and xinyan

But the past few hours leave much to be desired. When i arrived home after the long drive...

I was told to give up my phone, my car, going cross country, and pay 500.

I hope my results go wel.

Karma biting you in the @$$

2008-08-03T01:35:00.002+08:00

I've been having problems with my health a lot. And it seems to be precisely after I go out with a girl.

Which is bizzare. I think some jealous guy cursed me. That or one of my angry groupies.

30th June I ended up with severe muscle damage and some mental repair work to perform. From the night before. Was not easy.

Then I was taken to go pick up chicks. I ended up a cripple.

Soon after I was busy like mad and didn't see anyone for awhile except for Peggy and Yee Hwa. Which nothing happened.

Then I went off to see Pui Yean. I fell asleep on the floor and had a cold which has plagued me until now.

Then I went out with sweet ol'....Whoops I mean young Xinyan. Sorethroat for a very very long time.

So what was the last thing to happen? My hands got mauled. Shortly after I was drowned in a slew of work with scalpels without handles, extremely heavy boxes, super heating blowers and glue. I've got cuts all over my hands, which I've cauterized one by accident with the blower but I'm not really bothered cause I could've gotten more cuts if I had the skin of a pantywaist.....but I got stabbed by a box. Yes Wtf people. I got stabbed by a box and it got stuck deep enough to draw blood. And the freaking scalpels only cut me once!

Papercuts are deadly.

Passing By

2008-07-27T03:34:00.002+08:00

The door handle eases of it's centre as if it was made out of rubber when I push it open.

"Cheap door"

The black and white marble lining all polished covers the whole lobby with a central gazebo of white being the concierge.

I swallow my earlier comment.

It's warm so I pluck up my sleeves a bit to expose more of my upper arms to the cool aircond.

As we approach the restaurant, the head waiter steps out to greet us.

I glance right and I see a young woman staring back at me her hand pausing in the air to whilst replace the cutlery.

We lock eyes briefly.

She's pretty with her sharp features on her soft cheeks forming a slightly cunning face with her long hair framing everything so beautifully. Her jeans and her shirt tell me she's a traveller possibly arrived or preparing to leave.

I turn my attention back to the menu being shown to us and she continues picking out food from the table.

We decide against Japanese and enter the coffee house instead.

1 hour to go.

"the mussels are good"

I scoop up a plate of it and the day's meal sponsor picks a few of the juicier ones.

Turning around I notice her picking at the local appetisers.

I pick a bun and head on back to my table.

As she passes by she looks at me again and I glance briefly at her just long enough for her to know that I noticed.

She takes her seat and I look across the table to know that I'm lagging behind on the mussel massacre.

As I sink my teeth into a tough foccacia bun, I look left and I catch her stealing another look.

"Be more discreet dearie" flits through my head.

As she continues eating I examine her table in between plucking the flesh from the mussels. 3 young women, 1 elderly woman and 1 young man. Looks like a family without a father.

I notice the bag resting against the table leg. I'd guess it's hers.

We continue to glance at each other throughout the rest of the meal and briefly lock eyes once in awhile.

Finally our eyes meet and neither of us turn away. I give her a subtle smirk and she gives me a quiet smile.

I go off to check out the fruits and as I scan around looking for anything worth taking, I feel her vision focusing on me. I pick out a 2 mangosteens and turn around to head back to my table.

She looks away. As I approach her table she turns to look at me once more and her eyes trail me to my table as I take my seat, she rejoins the conversation at her table.

The bill is paid as I finish my mangosteens.

I give her one last look. She doesn't turn around.

And we leave the place.

Dear girl...If only I could be sure you're from the same place. Maybe we'll catch the same flight. Maybe there'll be an empty seat next to yours which I will so gladly fill because I'm travelling alone. Maybe we'll meet at some party if we're from the same country.

But until we meet again. If we ever meet again. We're both travellers and this is really as good as it gets.

And I'm off to the airport.

Thai temperatures causes bizzare dreams

2008-07-23T13:12:00.003+08:00

I saw a really really pretty girl on Monday but I wasn't sure if she was really that pretty cause it was just some side view from far away.

Tuesday she took our orders. While my dad was picking our fish/lala and vege and stuff and trying to tell the guy in his smattering of Thai how to cook the stuff, I was trying to keep my jaw from hanging open.

THAT LENG. Then she walked off possibly due to the fact that she couldn't understand what the monkey's arse was my dad saying half the time. That or she walked off coz she shy the Malaysian guy staring at her.

My dad says we're eating dinner there again today....WOOT!

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Been having really weird dreams in Thailand the past few days. On the first night I imagined I as talking to joel and suddenly he said "Imagine Pui Yean was a computer game level...Like super mario style."

I woke up stared cock around for awhile and went back to sleep and then suddenly. "eh you know ah me an Joel were talking about what would it be like if you had your own level like as in some game designer made a whole level based on you"

The next night I was having dinner with a friend of mine then we did some silly crap and I woke up snickering on the couch/hammock downstairs. I spent a few mins staring at the blank tv screen in front of me.

And the coup de gras. I was walking around some oddly built place talking to random people which all seemed like a normal dream till I woke up and realised I only talked to female friends the whole dream through only spotting 2 male friends but never talking to them.

The following dream was about driving in a really dangerous parking lot which was FREAKING massive. I think this was induced by watching the kingdom and how other people drive in Thailand.

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One of the dudes I'm working with told my dad one of the ladies in the other section of the factories likes his son.

My dad replied "lady or lady boy?"

Then my dad took me aside "I don't think you should stay here too long should send you back soon"

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

Yesterday was full of errors and a Texan man shouting F*** at people because we accidentally dropped a former breaking most of the moulds. Tech glitch really. Dude came over and said sorry in the end. Well needed comic relief.

Work Orders/ OMGWTFBFFBBQMCQLASERGUNPEWPEWCHEWNEW

2008-07-19T16:23:00.003+08:00

Day rolled by with good lunch. More crap. More scolding for falling asleep again. And seeing some very nitpicky men toy around with milimeters, grinding sets and an arc welder for 4 hours.

And then just about when I was really bored. Figuring I might as well go wash my face. And that things could not possibly get more daunting.

On the way back from the toilet. I heard a loud clap. I glanced around and I saw the eyes of all the women in the end of the factory that I hadn't really been to so far was staring at me and grinning.

I just thought "WHAT NEVER SEEN GOOD LOOKING GUY BEFORE AH?" and walked off. Then I figured "maybe they've never seen a young fella here before marh something of an oddity"

When we were leaving we just popped into the main circuit room to check the circuits. And I took a glance at all those ladies.

And I noticed "WTFBBQMCQ ALL CHECKING ME OUT AH? ALL STARING AT ME! ALL SMILING! Are they looking hair to shoes the sure fire signs of getting checked out?....Oh shit. That girl just played with her hair shamelessly flirtatiously...DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

I'm not even allowed to go Bangkok. I'm getting shamelessly checked out by aunties. I'm holed up in a factory in the middle of nowhere which is in a district which is 45 mins from bangkok.

DIE LAH I WANNA GO HOME.

Highly paid

2008-07-19T16:20:00.002+08:00

I'm probably the most highly paid part time worker in the country.

I earned over 14 bucks per hour yesterday. Plus I got to see Flo Rider. Supposedly. Don't look like him le.

Plus free food, free drinks and a real interesting job.

OH yeah things are good.

Just wasting time

2008-07-17T15:52:00.003+08:00

My parents are coming home today.

I've gotta go pick them up from the airport today. YEAH I GET TO DRIVE DADDY'S CAR! OH YEAH OH YEAH OH YEAH!

So they've been gone for like the past 1 and a half weeks.

As expected for over a week I've slept no earlier than 4 am.

Been doing all sorts of wierd crap recently really making full use of the holiday.

Even went to Cheras to see Kurt last night. Turns out he lives REAAAAHHHLLLYYYYY near to Sri Garden.

Tried the extremely powerful 21.

Experienced the world of a pick up artist.

Saw my engine spew white smoke. And saw Bird freak out and jump right out of the car.

Played cards in a park at night while eating McD and telling ghost stories. And saw Keong freak out.

Explored an odd and frustrating part of KL.

Finally went to Cheer.

But now with parents home. Things have to take a turn for the good boy. No past twelves anymore. No coming home smelling like ciggarettes(not my fault on that count). No late night Nasi Lemaks.

Oh well if I ever run out of things to do I guess I could catch a train to Times Square crack a book open and hope there's some cutie behind the counter.

Fury

2008-07-16T03:07:00.002+08:00

He did that.

To her.

I've always just lightly defended her when he's made less than favourable comments about her.

But when I called her in front of him and he told me what he did to her.

He made me regret what I did 2 years ago.

He made me regret not taking care of her for these past 1 and a half years.

When he told me I was shocked.

So thats why she's afraid to have a prolonged conversation with me.

I'm going to draw those circles around her.

And if he kills himself by accident by attacking again.

I hope he realises that he's dealing with a master and he should stay away from the master's sister.

BAH tourists!

2008-07-16T02:57:00.001+08:00

"OH MY GOSH I DIDN'T RECOGNISE YOU STANDING OVER THERE! YOU LOOK SO DIFFERENT WITH YOUR HAIR ALL SPIKED UP AND ALL DRESSED UP LIKE THAT!"

The more and more the squealing voice told me I looked diffrent and patted me on the back for previous endeavours in other places. The more and more I thought to myself.

"You F---ing idiot what the crazy crap are you doing here tonight agreeing to come here and agree to try this to begin with?"

This isn't me. I don't need this especially with the life I already have. I'm having a blast without it.

I said another prayer.

I quote my sis "Is there any sense in picking up a chick from a night club?" and with a glance around the then company of 100% non virgin, 100% dance floor dirty dancers and 100% probably trying to get laid. And I thought, Nah. This ain't my idea of fun.

So maybe I'm just travelling. I feel like a lonely planet author. Travelling places. Studying cultures. Maybe involving myself a bit in them. But never really truly getting my feet head wet.

Being tourist is what Mr. Seedy enjoys best I'd guess.

Malaccan plan?

2008-07-13T11:44:00.003+08:00

Certainly scared Xin Yi by scolding Kurt.

But still going to Melaka and having a free place to stay would rock. But leaving in twilight with 1 crapping guy, 1 emo guy and 1 ecstatic guy cause he's finally getting to visit his girlfriend's house is like turning the car into an iron maiden of suffering. Seremban jam is ALSO incredibly frustrating. Oh and did I mention I'm also fetching her sister which doesn't like me very much?

But as a guy who agreed to drive all the way to Penang and back for a plate of Lorong Selamat Char Kuey Teow. I think a few plates of O'Chien should be in order. Oh yeah. Kurt pay pls.

I NEED TAH SLEEP!

2008-07-12T09:58:00.002+08:00

I woke up at 1. And after much groaning and shuffling very much like a sleep zombie I took the first in a string of many baths.

So I picked up the phone and talked to a really old friend. And bang.

I got stuck with him for the night.

And the rest of the night was spent suffering in BarCelona. My friend wanted me to learn how to circulate among people better and hopefully score with chicks in a club. And I thought I was already a legend. OOps.

I went just to give him the "hey I tried it and it's not for me"

And yes I did bloody hate it. After the 5th time of introducing myself while having to shout repeatedly into ears while changing pitch so it wouldn't get garbled in the bass pumped out by the massive speaker the size of a coffin. I was insanely annoyed. I was beginning to wonder how they managed to pick up their respective chicks until we left the club and I discovered I was the only 1 with my vocal cords intact. Being bored shitless in a group of other people's dangerous friends is a sure fire guarantee for silence.

So what else is there to do in a club? Drink? Nope cause as a guest it's not right to take other ppl's drinks. Dance? Tried but almost all my muscles we're already in shreds from previous exertions leaving me moving like a jellyfish robot. I'm now double leg limping for my efforts. Like just kena Anuar attack. So that left me with just taking a seat, while avoiding the drunk guy and wondering about when I can hop off from this.

Finally after some time we left.

After that hopped off to Devi's corner in Hartamas where there was a huge fight. Best teh-o-ais I ever had.

I left them early citing that I was feeling like crap and when I reached home Bird replied my sms. I found out he was still awake and deciding that since it was too early to go to sleep or too late to go to sleep depending on how you view it we took a walk around Lake Gardens till the sun was up.

With me telling horror stories yet again about pick up artistes. If I told anyone else the shock and horror of your world being shaken like bingo balls in a mixer would leave you forever mute. The dude is just sorta used to me telling him about the really seedy bits in Mr.Seedy's life.

Needed it after all the debauchery that happened the night before. I mean earlier today. Uh you get the idea.

Had breakfast in PBD.

And laughed about how none of us had actually slept the previous night.

Good night people. I'm overdue by a day now.

Oh Pudding

2008-07-08T04:00:00.003+08:00

I didn't get to see Queenie's little monster.

She woke up at 11 plus. And I woke up at 12 plus. Way way way too late to go see the pup.

--------------------------------------------

So the stuff is due soon. And I don't know the time. So I'm pitching ahead to one of my pets. Asking her to do a little recon.

I'm putting my hope in her.

Sigh. Even with my parents gone off for my sister's convocation. I'm not all alone at home.

Granny is visiting and my aunt and uncle is actually staying here to make sure I don't bring back any girls/drive the wrong cars/smoke any weed.

Sure thats fine and all since I don't do any of that *wink wink*

But since they're here...I can't drink. And I can't hop off anywhere too strange.

Screwed lah.

Oh and they speak cantonese only.

We Shall Resume Abnormal Programming

2008-07-07T03:43:00.002+08:00

11AM I got a buzz with the vibrations running through my bedsprings.

Groggily patting random patches of bedsheet I managed to find the phone.

"Can I come over?"
"Sure but you realise there's nothing to do in my house."
"On my way."

I let him in and proceeded to uncoil myself onto my living room couch burying my face into the backrest with my ankles dangling off the armrests. He picks up the newspaper and begins to read.

"The dude dahm emo lah cannot tahan."
"You know what he needs?"
"What?"
"To understand how to find hapiness and satisfaction in everything that he does. Then only he can be truly happy."

I roll over and through squinting eyes I see him gesturing for me to carry on.

I roll on over back to press my face into the couch to avoid the sunlight.

"When he can find that, he can have the ultimate joy, with that whenever he picks his nose he'll even feel ultimate bliss."

And with that I go back to sleep.

---------------------------------------------------

"It's pronounced BARH-THER lah"
"Oh I always thought it was batter"

I turn the wheel and engage third geer and we roll down the slope.

"Ok this is how it goes. Barter is trade. Ok? Batter is the thing you fry stuff in. And well butter is something I only wanna do to 2 things in my life."

"My toast and.................My girlfriend."

I engage fourth gear and keep going.

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Moral of the story. Don't ask me to explain things when I'm groggy. Unless you enjoy those answers.

Monkey ass pilfering QUOTAH

2008-06-30T14:23:00.002+08:00

I'm supposed to dry up my printer quota today. But ass that taylors is, When you cancel a print job it takes 6 hours to give you back your quota. Oh suck lah.

So I'm stuck.

I wanted to dry up my quota printing blank paper so i printed the exact amount of paper to dry it all up.

I cancelled it because I needed to print yet another map of KL Hilton.

Then disaster struck. Reality bit me in the ass.

So now I'm stuck with a really teeny weeny map that SORTA shows how to get to KL Hilton. Wah gg wei.

Btw com died again. Not my fault. Been dead for about 4 days. Com technician still hasn't come to pick it up.

Yes you have a repairman. I really do have a computer technician. =D

Com still dead though. -_-

FACE DOWN ASS UP!

2008-06-25T12:17:00.002+08:00

6AM
"Aww come on man. Don't be such a chicken it's only been about 6 years or so since you've done that. Besides it's perfectly normal. Grow a pair and go on, go do it."

"Tak mau lah. Aiseh dahm pain. And I've been sleeping peacefully for so long already."

"Balls lah you've been sleeping. Groaning hardly counts as sleeping. Go do it only lah."

7:20AM
"Shit wei cannot tahan. Shit. I think this is it."

Spent the next 2 mins face down ass up over the toilet bowl. After that another 10 face down ass down cause I couldn't stand clutching the sides of the golden throne anymore and had to sit down and resume puking. Even after all that internal struggle.

I haven't puked in about 7 years because the last time I did I puked the meds out that was supposed to help me keep it in. Best to get it out anyway so I just drained my stomach by riding the muscle spasms very painful ones at that especially with all the recent adjustments.

The next few hours we're spent on my parent's bed with mommy going off to work before I could ask for a ride to the hospital and daddy still in Thailand dealing with uncooperative thai buggers which try to pass themselves off as engineers.

Told Xin Huei not to come today as I was in a less than proper state than to welcome her and just laid around all day waking occasionally to go "UGGHHH!" and drift off back to comatose.

After awhile of trying loads of numbers for help getting to the hospital I got Bird to do it. Using my car. You can tell how desperate I was. Getting the most notoriously dangerous driver in our midst with one of my precious cars to fetch me to the hospital because I had problem walking to the piss pot without leaning about 3 dozen surfaces. Said toilet only 10 feet away to begin with.

I nearly gave up when we parked at the administrative end of Damansara Specialist Hospital. I coulda walked to Pizza Hut and had pizza therapy for the same distance it took me to get to the other end. Doc slapped me with some pills and told me if I could actually keep any food down at all...I should. And drink loads of water and rest a lot. That being said and all I only puked once the whole day. Stomach being as empty as wallet after all. Insurance rocks.

Had a Subway sandwich after the doc visit. Sandwich took me an hour to eat. Went home to beat the chills by curling up in a blanket and refusing all food. Whilst DotA teammate Bird burned a copy of his accidentally deleted DotA for himself.

So I'm alive again. And kickin. After 1 day of groaning and not being able to move.

A short update on the things I've been doing.

Surviving exams.(felt like a massacre)
Prom night.(felt like the moment)(for PE1 the moment of wonder where I kept taking pics with loads of jaw dropping girls)(the awesome moment of going clubbing and staying up and out on the streets of KL till really late)(and ending up sleeping on a luggage rack which was bloody cold the next morn)
Com repair which I just got it back 2 days ago.(Hence no blogging)
Reading the final installment of Harry Potter.(wasn't bothered to read it earlier and since no com read only lah)
And the awesome road trip with classmates last week.(Ipoh, Penang and Taiping)

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And anyway title of the of the post is actually the title of the following song. Which we were chanting most of last week anyway.

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Expect a proper update soon.

Remembering good friday

2008-06-11T17:47:00.003+08:00

everything - Lifehouse

WAH LAU!

2008-06-01T23:01:00.002+08:00

Free-IQTest.net - Online IQ Test

......................I actually skipped 2 questions. I think the test is screwed. Either that or my iq just spiked.

Further math GG!

Bleep

2008-05-29T12:45:00.002+08:00

WARNING! ACHTUNG! ATTENZIONE! AVERTISSEMENT! ATENCIÓN! WAARSCHUWING! AVISO!

The following post on the site you are about to read includes text that contains immense vulgarity. And incredible swearing. If you are of the opinion:

A) Kington can't swear but I'd like to see him try.
B) It's been awhile since I've seen him do it and I'd like to see if he's slacked.
C) I USE TO LOVE THE OLD DAYS WHERE HE WAS THE HULA MULLA SWEARING DEITY WITH NO COMPARISON!
D) Swearing is funny.

Go on and keep reading

If you are of the opinion:

A) Swearing is bad.
B) I can't stand swearing it's rather uncouth.
C) I can't bear to see this fellow swear. It's out of character.

The "X" button in orange at the top right of your browser is made just for you.

------------------------------------------------------------------

First of all a big massive "FUCK YOU" to Leeds with 2 middle fingers raised and thumbs stuck out perpendicularly from the 1 finger fist. For sending me the fucking generous offer of a 30% bursary for my fucking extravagant fees. Yes, fuck you, british bitches. Thank you for the orgasmic offer. But FUCK YOU for taking me away from as enticing as a woman saying I'm changing into something more comfortable Manchester.

And a secondary equally large "FUCK-A-DEEDLE-DEE-DOO TO YOU" too Manchester with 1 middle finger and sneer. For NOT sending an equally genitilia copulating generous offer of a 30% bursary for my mother fucking extravagant fees. Yes, fuck you, you white skinned assholes. I hope your penises dangle when they should be stiff. And stiffen when they should be just dangling.

And a third not so humoungous fungus "CHUGA CHUGA AOOOGAH FUCK YOU DICK CHEESE!" to you Mr. Further-fucking-maths. For giving me decidedly bitch-ass and resolutely unsolvable for the likes of dumb fuck me type math problems. Dahm goat fuckers.

Mother fucking hell. Been a long time.

Set an appointment with me if you wish to hear the chinese versions.

Cheerio! =D

Goodbye, but I'll be back.

2008-05-11T00:46:00.002+08:00

"Why are you smiling like that?"
"Because I get the feeling a very brilliant guy is going to go in late for exams and still do well."

Thank you. And for that I'll do my best! So bloody touched!

I'm hooked

2008-04-29T19:52:00.001+08:00

Wanted to have it there too. Thanks for the company today. And for being sporting enough to eat.

Gotta stay connected right?

2008-04-21T23:46:00.001+08:00

Cool right? So many.

By the maps in our head

2008-04-20T23:00:00.001+08:00

Lets go see the other world.

Good shot.

2008-04-19T14:01:00.002+08:00

It had to hit my gun to explode. Because all the bullets that hit me directly didn't.

A Call

2008-04-18T00:08:00.002+08:00

Reminds me how much I miss the caller.

14th april

2008-04-15T15:32:00.003+08:00

A gift for the one called Kitten.

World is fair lah

2008-04-07T13:06:00.002+08:00

After all the teasing. Eswhy and Darren tagged me. Sigh after the connection went down for 2 weeks too. Wow typing is rusty already. Handwriting improved too.

And so it lives!!!!!!!!!! CONNECTION WORKS!!! BUAHAHAHHAHA! Thank you God! SNIFF!

Sigh actually tags are crazy tedious for me. So I tak suka duh. Pui Yean refuses to do any tags either. Sigh.

But I'm a good sport. And after all the teasing I give Eswhy it's only fair I answer it.

-----------------------------------

Instructions: Remove 1 question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged. Whoever does the tag will have blessings from all.

1. What are you craving now?
Cottage cheese. With....A lot of stuff basically.

2. What was the last movie you've watched?
The Mist. Jorrel picked. It was so-so.

3. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
Just 1....Fine. I wanna drop out of college make my first million by the time I'm 21 and go out with that hot chick with HELP. Failing that...I'll settle for being able to play COD 4 without ever getting giddy.

4. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
Actually the question is metaphorical la Es!

uh, yes. (isn't that supposed to happen anyway??)

LOOOOSEEEERRRRR!

Uhh rainbow. Haven't seen any in awhile but yes to both literal and metaphorical forms of the question. (HAH!)

5. What are you afraid to lose the most now?
More money. I'm flat broke! I spent 200 in 2 weeks! HOW LA!?

6. Why are you wasting your time to do this?
Cause. I need to do something light-hearted.

7. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
-_- no. There are always other roads to rome. Unless the person asks outright in a "YOU TELL NOW OR DIE!!" I'll always pick the other way(s).

8. List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
Tease-able. Tease-able. Fun to tease.

Kidding lah. Fun person. Great at the piano. And uhh...Hot?(one of the rare compliments I'll ever pay you. So you should save this 1)

9. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
FEMALE!(BY GENETICS NOT SURGERY!), and someone that can match me in most of the things I can do. And as Bird would so put it "A hell lot less corrupted/messed up than us."

10. Which type of person do you hate the most?
uhhh those lan si people that keep shouting "HE THINKS HE GOOD!" when we're playing dota.

11. What is your ambition?
when i was a kid: Inventor
now: see no.4!

12. If you have fault, would you rather the people around you point out to you or would you rather they keep quiet?
Actually I'm pretty sure I know all my faults. But if they point it out I'll fix it. And only people who really care help you fix yourself. But if they keep quiet they're screwing themselves. The latter doesn't bother me ^^

13. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
God. DUH!

14. Are you a shopaholic or not?
I'm a guy. DUH

15. Find a word to describe the person who tagged you
tease-able!....not a word...uhhh....will "fun" do?

16. What will you do when someone faints in front of you?
Check for pulse, breathing perform the necessary procedures and asks for absolution from nearby family if I can get it. I lost my license! sorry! I'm no longer insured for malpractice!

17. What makes you different?
THE DRUGS! uhhh I mean I've always been for a nuture stand in the nature vs nuture part of the argument. So I'll go for my messed up childhood. Sniff.

18. If you could go back to the past, when would it be and why.
Being a baby. People feed me. People bathe me. People wipe my.......
You get the idea.

19. (My question!) If you could play/sing/hear one last song before you kick the bucket (i am so morbid omg.) what would it be and why?
If I had to pick 1...(YES YOU MORBID FREAK ESWHY!...thats why we get along!)

Shadow proves the sunshine - Switchfoot. Very personal for me.

20. MY TURN! Cause I love seeing people suffer with awkward answers: Would you consider the tagger dateable? (Eh I'm open we talk about these things)(so gonna be backlash but it's gonna be funny)

Maybe if I could get clemency, enough energy, enough time. Or if I could ever stop teasing. Ingrained habit! Heh just heard something funny recently. Wasn't that a bizarre and confusing answer?

Victims:
Henry
Sze Mei
Cheeps
BENJI!

Sigh came late everyone has been tagged. Sniff.

-------------------------------------------

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

HEH!

I shall now be known as Ah Chua

2008-03-25T13:42:00.003+08:00

*Over a unlogged location on the net proxied to a house*

"Eh I'm going to HELP to see a chun chick this Friday and for their Easter play."
"Bring me please. Thanks."
"I didn't offer also."
"Thanks!"

I had my reservations about it really.

Because time with the person was actually very limited.(Can't expect much from a big shot) And he wanted me to fetch him from an out of the way location.

And he was being such a demanding freak about it.

And not to mention the last time I introduced him to someone jaw-dropping he stoned and said no more than 5 words to her even though she was extremely friendly trying to strike up a conversation and all.

Stoner.

I was actually supposed to leave at 11:30 reach HELP by 12 and take a back seat and watch the big shot call the shots in a meeting.

Freak came out of his class late without saying anything and we reached HELP main block at 12:25.

Duh can't go.

Then he said..."Eh got someone in a white skirt waving at you."
"Huh?"

I glanced up from settling the stuff in my car. And I saw Wei Chin.

Turns out she's also there for the HELP CF. Nice.

Then suddenly the guard steps onto the bus and asks Wei Chin next to me to show that she's actually a student. DIE LOH! I pull out my handphone and assume the 2 handed grip of a student. She pulls out her ID and he skips me. WHEW.

See la Wei Chin dress so hot the guy had his doubts lah.

Enjoyed the CF and then had Jamie try to guess a friend's name.

He ended up as Esther.

After CF we bummed around with Jamie as they started moving stuff and Jamie assumed the form of a zombie taking a rest.

And while we were waiting for Issac to bring the stuff, "someone's coming" said the internal muse. "For the next 5 mins I shall not be using my name." I told them. "What name will you use then?" a person replied. Then Jamie said, "He shall be Ah Chua!"

"Someone's coming." said someone out loud.

I glanced. Realised that it's probably a B-Psych student.

Then Wei Chin arrived with the last drum.

And the person that was coming said, "Is there a Kington here?"

All the CFers are trained crap talkers. They put on their most innocent looks and said "Nope."

Wei Chin pointed and said "Nah". "No lah he's Ah Chua!" Jamie interjected.

And I filled in the gap by saying "Uhh well you see Kington is really just a pen name."

Very stony silence.

====================================================================

"If her hair was sliced a bit about there. They'd both look rather similar. Nah they both have very unique looks. Opposite ends of the scale. Just a bunch of hair."

And then I fell asleep.

The phone rings.

I groggily reach for it and put it to my ear. Wondering who could be calling at this time of night. Only 2 choices there really. My lil sis or Mike.

I hear a metal against platic kind of knock.

"Hey it's been awhile." a voice smoky and female at the same time touches my ear through the receiver.
"Yeah it's been awhile." I reply.
"So how have things been?"
"It's been ok..." Then I remember and continue "...Hey I thought it became a mutual unspoken agreement that we're no longer talking to each other?"

The world freezes. Nothing moves. An unnatural pause. Even I've stopped moving.

I open my eyes. Exiting from deepest level sleep always has no recoils. I'm staring at the orange light. Bouncing off the wall.

I look at the phone. The receiver is still in it's place.

Curse it. It was just a dream.

Because I'm lazy to grab my material...

2008-03-25T12:38:00.003+08:00

I've actually started writing down blogging ideas and video ideas cause with all the constant brainstorming it's getting a bit hard to keep all of it.

Yeah I'm really considering Lesley's idea of getting published. Still quite far off though. Trying to reach the quantity and quality of "Skin" by Roald Dahl first.

So for now A SPACE FILLAH!
---------------------------

Home Streamyx dead like a smacked mosquito. So hence, I can't log on, hence, I've got a lot of free time, because I'm not studying, because I'm too lazy to. Super bored. Super lonely at home.

Hence, I'm in the library. Sigh. Laggy comp.

Taken to having the speakers stolen from the com playing bossa nova/lounge music/chilling music all day long. As in Elaine Elias(personal favourite), Stan Getz, Tom Jobim, Secret Garden*sudden "OOH!!" from Australia*, Double Take*hears an "OOH!!" from Taman Sea* and various other musicians.

Exam starts tomorrow. Mechanics for normal maths. It's just pretty much F5 physics with more thinking again.

Further math on Thursday. Gonna let that sink and focus on the rest.

Xin Huei is probably no longer gonna follow me to coll and back anymore pretty soon. So it's gonna be back to me and mah carh. I feel like Susumu Nakoishi "homeless car-boy" from Homunculus cept without the l33t mathematical skills.(very thought provoking manga)

So all I get now is Eswhy. This is going to be crazy funny. (scared yet es?)

So with nothing really big happening this week I guess it's just gonna be kinda chilling. Apart from revisions(which happen on a minor level) It's hard to build up the initiative to study when Li-Sheen told me that she went from normally A or B to all D. So I panicked for 5 mins. Then I figured. Aiya yat sang yat sei.

Oh going HELP again. Pretty fun actually. Been going there quite a lot.

====================================================================

Grey area just means we're not exactly like friends anymore. The bit where things get ambigious lah. The bit where what we are isn't so clear anymore.

It's not like waiting outside St. Peter's gate wondering if you'll get to enter Paradise.

It's just a 3rd option.

And it doesn't leave me hanging.

So hang your guilt instead...The decision of the black and white doesn't even have to actually ever come.

Having a title for both of us. Is just something society wants. You should just forget what society wants and decide what you want. In life, thats all that matters.

More crap

2008-03-18T09:51:00.003+08:00

I received a call while I was in the library.

"Hello this is Ms. Mary Ng from the CAL office. Are you free at the moment Kington? Do you have class now?"

Blood ran cold like a tap in Genting.

So what did you expect really?

Becoming a real habit to talk crap when preposterously bored.
-----------------------------------

During the course of a talk 1 on 1 with a professor from Southampton paying a visit to local colleges.

"I gotta ask something really...Is Southampton's campus on a hill?"
"Oh no, you've got us confused with Bath. Thats the real on the hill campus in the UK."

========

"We've got all sorts of sporting facilities on campus acturally if you're into sports. We've got a lot of badminton courts, badminton interest is keen there after all. Tennis courts, and well lots of places to play football. And oh there's also a pool there in the centre of the campus."
"Well....as an asian and all..*leans forward in a serious manner*..I gotta know really...being not able to handle the cold and all...Is the pool heated?"
"OH! Of course it is! Well heated!"

What the crap...I was joking lah....Aiyoh...Even Ms Mary Ng laughed...

==========

Out of line while talking to other people....

"eh I dahm scared further maths lah! My teacher comes in and he speaks greek! LITERALLY! NO JOKES!"
"huh?"
"OMEGA, MUE, SIGMA, EIGEN FURTHER MATH DIE WEI!"

============
I forgot the rest of the crap

LCD SIGH

2008-03-15T13:48:00.002+08:00

I need a solid glass screen. Then information hunting would be a lot more fun.

First time I had any business with it was early in 2006.

Spent 2 hours trying to track down someone whom I didn't even know but had a pretty clear mental image off.

A few hours later success. (mom's friend's sis lah she's too old. For ANY of us lah.)

During CNY this year I went on the information hunt for the exact time of a meteor shower's maxima.

Found it. Using a laptop hooked up to a spare LCD screen. Laptop screen was fried. But it gave the sweet feeling of operating a dual screen system.

Went on a information hunt for details of the Colbie Calait concert.

And wow if I had a glass screen then I woulda started circling little details all over the screen. Write notes on the edges and all.

But sigh I did get what I wanted anyway.

But when I finally found out everything. I also found out I couldn't go.

Because as so aptly put....

Eswhy: How bout you go with Xin Huei?
Xin Huei: NO! YER!
Me: Eh dahm wrong lah!
Eswhy: How about another friend?
Me: Going with another female friend who is just really a friend like you feels wierd lah.
Eswhy: I'm in Germany anyway by then.
Me: And going with another male friend is lagi wrong.
Xin Huei: HAHAHAHA YEAH!
Me: Cause Colbie sings a lot of love songs. And when she starts singing one...I turn and look to my left or right and see....Jorrel emo-ing cause he doesn't like the music that much or Daniel Hon.

*Full blown laughter*

Long arms provide more moment!

2008-03-13T19:29:00.005+08:00

I was sitting in the library. At the computer cluster. Wanting to blog on wednesday, read up on spiritual stuff and check a few blogs.

Then a real freak of massive proportions came and sat next to me.

Ok lah he ain't fat or anything. However as I quoth!

Excerpt from E! News(really)

today i was walking with Desmond to the new office Taylor's used wasted our money on. (i feel wasted is more apt in describing what Taylor's does with our money) i was feeling a bit sluggish all of a sudden, and Desmond too was feeling a bit lazy so we were sorta shuffling and dragging our feet along.

so we were walking, then Desmond said:

"i feel like we just had sex."

*no conversation...*

"SO.. uh, what time is it?"

If Kimm reads this blog. (No not the Kimberley from HELP.) She's gonna go "HAHAHAHA THATS SOOOOO DESMOND!!!"

So well yes I know Desmond. Eswhy knows Desmond. God save us.

Des: What're you doing?...*in a provocative manner*
Me: Uhh reading blogs.*pulls hoodie closer*
Des: Ooooohhhh Who is that? *points at Kim from HELP's picture*
Me: Just some friend from HELP.
Des: *grins in a disturbing way*
Me: *closes a few links with pics of the blog owners there*

The Dude was super annoying. He just kept playing with my CD player by opening it and using his finger to stop the cd then closing it to get the CD to read again then by opening it to stop the cd.

Rinse and repeat.

Eventually the dude googled the BME pain olympics and tried to get me to watch it. When the first image appeared.

A quick guess of all likely outcomes of the video ran through my head...I pulled my hoodie over my head after 4 secs and refused to look at his screen anymore.

Seriously folks DON'T WATCH IT. Googling it is enough to return you a video description that will scar your mind's eye for the rest of your life.

Having this dude here trying to show me the vid was crazy creepy...Because who the nuts ever says "Have you seen the BME pain olympics?" in a gay and seductive manner???

So I figured...Bash.org. Is a website for this.

Bash.org. A website full of chat logs. Just chat logs. Very funny chat logs. The potatoe as a valentine's day gift idea came from there.

So I started reading. And laughing at it. Just reading through although it was probably been my 8th time there.

He finally decided that I was boring and he left. Nice.

But if he ever tries to shove a disgusting video in my face again...

Long arms provide more moment!

The high price of sleeping

2008-03-13T10:53:00.002+08:00

I've been having a crazy amount of touble sleeping recently.

Just been bonkers. At first I had no idea why I couldn't sleep. Then I had a long phone call which basically reduced the need to run complex calculations.

That was about 2 weeks ago.

Then life went on. I slept so well I overslept. 2-3 days later I was back to square one somehow waking up at 5 or 6 for no apparent reason.

In a nutshell.(get it? dude can't sleep slowly turning into a nut?)

I wake up about 3-4 times a night now.(Err yes I do see the sms. But if I replied at 3 am and your phone wasn't on silent you'd probably wakeup in annoyance.)

And now I can't sleep. Head spinning and aching so bad that I feel like rolling it around in saltpeter and setting in on fire. And my lower back aches so bad from bad sleeping positions.

I've been "sleeping" all day long. But the fact that my eyebags are actually getting deeper begs to dispute the quality of rest.

Gah. Anyone got any sodium nitrate to spare?

Romanticism

2008-03-05T13:20:00.002+08:00

I twist the key in the ignition. With a weak rattling noise the engine comes to life.

It's a hot and sunny day. I hate travelling on these kinda days.

I wave the 2 white protons sandwhiching me on either side off to go first.

I engage the reverse gear and I hear the familiar beep of my sensors coming to life and I slowly back the car out from our host's home.

I wave goodbye to her. And it's time to tailgate.

Fuel was low again so I did my best to keep up even at low speeds. Supplementing engine power with momentum. Using gliding power. Lending a little extra to the engine. Braking later. Guiding with brakes.

All the tricks.

I flipped through the 4 cds I had eyeballing the titles rapidly. "e", A H written in a very distorted fashion, "God"(the worship CD I was listening too all the way on the journey here) and the last CD "Blindside".

I knew I was in for some fun.

I pop in the Blindside CD. Close the cover and insert the jack.

Sweet.

On slopes I release the overdrive function to catch up with them. I note their respective power outputs.

Kembara poor acceleration without switching to low gears.
2 Sagas of indeterminate age. Auto. Maximum speed of about 150 on a straight with high acceleration due to low number of gears.
1 SE Myvi. That guy has got some serious go.

It's going to be tough keeping up. At least I'm comfortable.

I turn up the volume to 40. And I can't even hear the wind rushing by my car anymore.

The Myvi starts weaving in and out cutting left and right to go faster. Traffic stops him.

The 4 of us hug the right lane at about 120 km/h.

The Myvi pulls up right next to us.

He darts off and tries weaving to get ahead again.

He needs more experience.

The hard beats blaring out from the speakers filling the car. I bet if I drove near enough to them they might hear something.

I think they're all pressing flatout. My foot is only halfdown to save petrol. Dwindling energy sources after all.

We reach the Kesas highway toll. I whip out my SmartTag and shoot on through.

I wait for them to pass me again. And I tailgate going heavy because the road is wide open.

Speeding along the road with the slower more lazylike cars on a Sunday crawl parallel to us. They seem so slow. Like dew trying to fall off a leaf.

130km/h.

I see their cars rattle. And drift along left to right. They must probably be strugling to balance their cars.

Experience has me holding the wheel gently with 1 hand and steering steadily.

The howling of the air rushing past our cars are loud. Even with my heavily insulated car it's still pretty loud. But my music is louder.

Pity I don't have any Pillar with me. "Reckless Youth" would be a perfect song right now.

We are the fearless ones
We are the loaded guns
With nothing left to lose
We are the reckless youth

I see both white Saga's follow the branch off into Subang. The black Myvi follows. Foolish. The damansara exit is still further up.

I shoot pass the Subang exit, and I glance into the rearview mirror. The Kembara didn't follow me. He's headed the same way though.

And I realise this may be the wrong exit.

But who cares. I've got my music. I'll never get lost. And it doesn't matter if I'm all alone in the car anyway. Just time to enjoy the drive.

And I dash off furhter into the sunny highway. Singing with the music even if I'm not sure of the lyrics half the time.

------------------------------------

Actually I'm having a load of trouble sleeping. I just can't seem to figure things out.

Ever since last Monday I lost the need to worry. But why is it I still can't sleep at night? I'm not worried about anything at all but I wake up about 4-6 times a night.

And I'm suuuuuppppppeeeeeeerrrrrr hungry ever since I decided to go "Sun up till Sun down". Benefit is Ms. Chian lets me go for 8-9 econs on wed though! Super quiet wei I tell you that PM 11! Not a peep wei!

SNIFF!

And to my friend. Aiyoh I know I'm quit the jealous fellow sometimes but I've got no reason to worry anymore lerh. So you can quit thinking if I'm jealous.

The things I did

2008-03-01T09:13:00.002+08:00

No not a lovey dovey post.

It's a list of crap.

INCIDENT 1

Yes. I've got a smart mouth. That consistently spews crap.

Regularly. And in the words of Ms. Chian. I'm a verbal diarrhea.

Actually the whole of PE4 is just collectively called verbal diarrhea actually.

But I just drove the point home one day.

Andrew: Come on man I know we're so good 1 of us can take 10 of them PM11 girls on.
Me: There's only 8 of them...
Andrew: Good enough lah aiyo 1 of us can take them all on la that means.

We we're debating about the noise level in our tutorial compared to theirs. We join PM11 for econs.

Ms. Chian: You all so noisy lah compared to them. Whenever I go into their class it's always quiet you know?
Andrew: I tell you what. You give me a few PM11 I solve that problem.
Me: Can I have Lydia?

*silence* *stare*

Fang: You so short try what?

I have no idea. Ngam ngam I spew crap somehow it's quiet and everyone catches it. Edwyn spews crap about Sarah Poh no problem. I spew crap about anything. Big problem. -_-

INCIDENT 2

I stuck out my left hand. Then my right hand. Then I put my left hand onto my outstrectched's right's elbow then did the same with my right hand to my left. Then I put my left hand on my hip.

Ms. Chian: ARE YOU DOING THE MACARENA?
Me: I just suddenly remembered the movements...
Ms. Chian: *sigh* *shakes head*

Then as she was reading the consultation schedule I stood next to her and as I was reading over her shoulder I extended the right arm again.

Ms. Chian: *super confused look*

INCIDENT 3

Ms. Indra: When you see this question in exam...You'll hit the ceiling.
Me: Will it cut the aircond? It gets pretty cold in there.
Ms. Indra: *stone* *pause*

INCIDENT 4

During bak kut teh this dude asked me if I've ever been out with this girl before. I said no.

And while we were in the car I got bored so this happened.

Me: Eh Eng Joe how often you go out with Nien Ying?(his girlfriend)
Eng Joe: Everyday.
Me: *stone* Wahhhhh geng.

*silence*

Me: So.....Yee Cheng....How often you go out with your sister?
Yee Cheng: Everyday lah of course!

Too scary?

2008-02-28T14:18:00.002+08:00

Bird scoffs at the idea of me being scary.

But then again he claims the eyebrow is due to a depressing childhood. So I guess nothing scares anymore.

But people still get scared of me all the time.

Even my employer stared at me for 20 whole minutes throughout the whole journey to college without saying a single word cause she was too afraid. She's the employer wei!

And recently...Friend. Don't so scared of me wei. It's not like I'd really harm the person. I know it's not intentional lah. And the only time I choose to deal anything is when it was intentional.

It's all fine and dandy lah. Cause people aren't scared witless. But I find it funny lah. I haven't really let go of anything dangerous or deadly recently. So no reason to fear lah really.

But then...I was following my employer and I were walking around 1U picking up random things. She needed some hairclips. I needed to replace something I broke.

I'm not averse to shopping with girls actually. Cause I do it with my sister occasionally with major amusement throughout the whole session. No she does not ask me if her butt looks fat at all btw.

She wanted to talk to a friend who was working in crocs so I started looking around the store. Jakun marh. Never really seen the whole line of crocs before. I still think they're mad ugly and mad overpriced.

When we left I commented that I'd never seen her friend before who was also her age. And I also said that her friend is what most guys would call fairly cute.

Then she said "want me to introduce?" I replied with "For what?" she does know my status after all.

She replied again "To get to know her." and I repeated "For what?" again.

Then she actually looked at me and bowed her head slightly and apologised.

DANG MAN! THAT SCARY MEH? Sigh! And I even said it playfully!

-----------------------------

Eng Joe keeps thumb upping at me when he sees me handling my other phone. Sigh. Got even by closing the door on him and Stephanie when they we're alone today. Sweet.

I'm a sucker for compliments

2008-02-27T21:47:00.003+08:00

I still remember when I went to cheras for a gathering where my aunt was sponsoring dinner.

It was the first time in a really long while everyone was in Malaysia. So we had to pig out.

Geo duck. Old whiskey. Amazing food. And a really crazy egg.

But I gotta admit. I was dismayed for 3 reasons.

Mike went out with my lil sis and when they called I was already in cheras. Those 2 are crazy fun put together. Somo go joyriding. AISEH!

Second...no Poon Choi. As to what is it...Ask your parents what a full poon choi is. Jaw dropping.

And I was also dismayed because I couldn't go visit Soo Koon. Just kidding.

Why am I saying all this?

Cause when there was left over food. My aunt would point at it. Nod at me and say "bandaraya"

When my cousin said "wah Kington you really bandaraya today". I replied "yeah you look in the fish tank you can see me sucking the side."

My sister jabbed me in the ribs for that.

Yeah Sucker. Woot!

===================================

on to it yeah?

===================================

Ordinarily. ORDINARILY! I'm quite annoyed when someone overtly praises me.

It's just something I picked up last year.

Imagine having tried something quite wow. And everyone praises you for effort and skill shown. And everyone in the world is telling you on how the other parties would benefit so much.

And nothing follows through.

Dang man. Annoyinh ah. Peggy is really afraid to comment on any of my plans now. Her jaw just hangs open whenever I say anything.

Even now Edwyn stops cold when he catches my glare when he starts spouting crap over something awesome I did. Classmates stopped commenting about my skills in dota. Couldn't stand the strange reaction.

But aih. Xin Huei arh. That girl spouts praise and compliments like.......like...those tacky pot bearing water fixtures. Or the fake fat terra cotta koi in the fish pot outside my house spouting water out of it's gaping mouth.

Everyday arh....She gets into my car. Learns something new about me. And........

A) Her mouth hangs open and she goes "Gosh........."
B) She goes "omigoodness that's so sweet!"
C) She goes "that's just amazing........."

I could go on forever. Or just as long as she does.

But it doesn't grate. Amazing.

I know I do quite amazing things sometimes.(see I am conceited) Even close friends still gape at me when they ask about something odd and get an answer that shocks.

======================

I gotta cut in here. There's this girl named Zoe making fun of a guy named Kingston by referencing a thumb drive in her hand.

I feel Adeline-ed. Deng annoying juniors.

======================

But it's still odd to have someone gaping and going wow everyday as part of the first conversation you have in a day. Very odd.

But I guess it's ok to get reviewed. After all we know the compliments are purely just comments because we're both uninterested anyway.(she's nearly taken for the 50th time I'm telling this in 3 days) Sometimes it's just entertaining too.

But it's just odd. And I actually feel quite amused when she goes wow and all. But nothing gets me laughing as hard until she says "I hate you Kington!" Woot. I can be annoying after all! Now I just gotta turn it on Bird!

-----------------------

Love teasing her about her dates actually. Major source of irritation somehow to see me smiling like the Cheshire cat.

Goodness she thought me and Emily had something going on! Guess she's not alone haha!

And I heard

2008-02-25T23:19:00.002+08:00

"Eh eh btw
Yesterday I went for Darren's birthday dinner
Suh Ming was asking if you're with Lesley O_O"
"UHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
"HAHAHHAHAHA"
"SHIT"
"anyone answered the question?
YES !
Ya
Me !
^^
I was like NOLAH
They're just good friends only what
He's definitely not with her
GUARANTEE"
"And Sarah also ! She was like Nolah Kington won't be with Lesley wan kinda thing
Eh did I spell her name correctly btw O_O"
"yeah
-_-.............
MING ARH!!!!!11
!!!!!!!!@!!@!!!!1111oneoneonetwotwotwoexclamationmarkexclamationmark"
"AAHAHAHAHA
Cause apparently right !
Someone said that her status on Facebook isn't single anymore
So ya
The whole speculation on how Lesley has a new boyfriend"
"WOW
oooooooooo
hahahahahahaha
SUH MING ARH!!!!
then i tau who lorh
i think
wait did that come before or after all the asking?"
"Er
In the midst of it la"
"sighhhhhhh
sighhhhhhhh"

==========================

He is mighty to save says:
MING ARH
He is mighty to save says:
I WANNA BITE YOU LEH
He is mighty to save says:
BUT I GOT NO FANGS COZ WHEN I WENT TO THE ORTHO AND THEY YANKED OUT MY FANGS
He is mighty to save says:
BUT I'M STILL GONNA BITE YOU
Suh Ming says:
WHOA!!!!1
Suh Ming says:
ok what happened?
Suh Ming says:
lol
He is mighty to save says:
deng
He is mighty to save says:
last night
Suh Ming says:
you are PUTTING BRACES?
He is mighty to save says:
i HAD bracers
He is mighty to save says:
last night lah!
He is mighty to save says:
ELEH
He is mighty to save says:
YOU WANNA KNOW ASK ME STRAIGHT LAH
Suh Ming sent 2/25/2008 5:34 PM:
huh?
He is mighty to save says:
lesley lah
He is mighty to save says:
aiseh!
He is mighty to save says:
beh tahan
He is mighty to save says:
*pounces*
Suh Ming says:
EH YOU ARE CONFUSING ME TO THE MAX!!!!!
He is mighty to save says:
zzz
Suh Ming says:
OOOOOH
Suh Ming says:
LAST NIGHT!!!!!1
Suh Ming says:
hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe
Suh Ming says:
what?
He is mighty to save says:
DENG
He is mighty to save says:
*mauls*
Suh Ming says:
everyone was curious about you two
Suh Ming says:
lol
He is mighty to save says:
BULLSHIT
He is mighty to save says:
JUST YOU LA
He is mighty to save says:
...............
Suh Ming says:
who says?!!?!
Suh Ming says:
lol
Suh Ming says:
ok maybe more of my g4 friends?
Suh Ming says:
XD
Suh Ming says:
heee
Suh Ming says:
how did you hear of it?
He is mighty to save says:
................
He is mighty to save says:
i think Sarah telling me there's always a progression behind every problem was a big fat hint
He is mighty to save says:
even if it was supposedly "random"
He is mighty to save says:
*gnaws*
Suh Ming sent 2/25/2008 5:39 PM:
huh?
He is mighty to save says:
fine lah
He is mighty to save says:
someone told me lah
He is mighty to save says:
don't really need to ask who ok?
Suh Ming says:
WHO?
He is mighty to save says:
don't want
He is mighty to save says:
the fella afraid to die
He is mighty to save says:
aiseh
He is mighty to save says:
you freaks lah
He is mighty to save says:
all screwing up my plans
He is mighty to save says:
dahm tulan you know?
Suh Ming says:
WHAT?
Suh Ming says:
OMG THERE WAS A PLAN?!!?!
He is mighty to save says:
zzzzzzzz
He is mighty to save says:
OF COURSE LA I GOT PLANS
Suh Ming says:
and i didn't say anything to lesley also?
He is mighty to save says:
..................
Suh Ming says:
i am really sorry if i screw it up
He is mighty to save says:
_-_--__----_-__--
He is mighty to save says:
not paying attention arh.......
He is mighty to save says:
i've known everything for a long time lah
He is mighty to save says:
if she got a boyfriend i gotta admit it's news to me lah
He is mighty to save says:
but i knew there was a guy going heavy on the assault
Suh Ming says:
adrian?
Suh Ming says:
i heard that she's not single
Suh Ming says:
on facebook anymroe !
Suh Ming says:
so yea we are really realyl curious
Suh Ming says:
and i'm really sorry kington
Suh Ming says:
didn't mean to spoil things for you
He is mighty to save says:
no adrian
He is mighty to save says:
no lah.......
He is mighty to save says:
not adrian
He is mighty to save says:
and i'm really just friends with lesley weih!
Suh Ming sent 2/25/2008 5:45 PM:
lol
Suh Ming sent 2/25/2008 5:45 PM:
then what plans?
Suh Ming sent 2/25/2008 5:45 PM:
wth
He is mighty to save says:
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
He is mighty to save says:
cannot tell you
Suh Ming sent 2/25/2008 5:45 PM:
...
He is mighty to save says:
mulut tempayan lah

====================================

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz Ming arh Ming! YER FIRST YOU LAME! Speculators! BAH! ANNOYINGH AH!

I listen

2008-02-25T18:07:00.003+08:00

And I wasn't kidding when I said I've learned how to identify more than lies.

If Lesley is psychic. I'm a prophet. However blasphemous that sounds. But it's the only comparison that fits anymore since I reached this step.

I'll post up some more stuff once I get the liu from Pui Yean.

It's all sort of humorous. Sorry I know I haven't been updating. But between my ailing health(not my fault), dota and intense sleepiness+business. I can't really update.

So here's an extra heavy dose for the next few days.

Embarrassing

2008-02-25T17:01:00.002+08:00

"So whats up with all the worship?"
"I just lacked worship in my com turns out and I wanted to top up."
"If you really want you should ask Xinyi."

Oh Ah another reason to hunt her down.

"Normally people only go worship crazy when they're emo. Whats up?"
"I'd rather not discuss it this week. Can we delay it?"
"Hmm alright."

He turns to another. He knows me too well too.

"So why are you emo this week?"

---------------------------------------------------

She takes a seat next to me.

And I feel the prickle. She's calling. That or she's trying to observe me working.

I try to dodge. Try to consume anything outlying. I just feel so embarrassed.

"Kington."

I can't ignore without there being a scene.

"Why did you get 3 out of 25? What was your breakdown for AS?"
"A, B."
"That's not a very strong A you know? You could lose it in A2."
"Yeah I know..."
"So why la you only got 3 out of 25 for the test?"
"Well that part I didn't really turn up for class, sick a lot and..."

She looks at me with a deep look of concern.

"Emotional problems."

Her look softens. It speaks volumes.

'This disillusioned, insanely bitter young man who has always shocked me with how much he knows about the dark side of the world...has a heart that can bleed underneath it all.'

She glances under the table and sees the 2 hand phones.

"You got girlfriend ah?" Curiosity in my love life does not mellow with age regardless of who the person really is. Sigh.

"No......"

She pauses staring at me to carry on.

"It's complicated and I feel embarrassed to tell you teacher."

She realises I'm quite badly taxed cause in a rare glimpse I'm speaking with proper full English.

She leans back in her seat.

"So what are you going to do about it?"
"I'm going to read up and ask you anything I don't know."

And she knows I'm contrite and will probably solve A2.

Sigh. And I took up a promise. To never be affected. Even went out and solved the riddle of ridding sight. Rearmed myself. Went back into a cold winter freezing my heart over. Numbing the shots, I don't even feel physical pain on the level of the average man anymore.

But I let myself be affected. I'll just have to ignore things and shed all the loose weight. Like the soldier discarding his pack to cross a dangerous point.

I'll discard it all.

To slaughter this A2.

Dahm pei

2008-02-23T10:36:00.003+08:00

There's no real explaining how I look now.

I look dishevelled yet well maintained at the same time. Like a super tired guy that hasn't showered in days but still found the time to shave, brush and comb. The eyebags don't really match the air.

An estimated 12 hours of sleep can really destroy me. 12 hours in 3 days mind you.

3 very nightmarish days of sleep.

Woot I slept close to 11 hours on Sunday though.

But when I woke up(finally) I went around clutching my head. But I thought to myself. "Nice my sleep cycle reset itself."

Then I had to get up at 5 today. -_-

Quite...I don't know how to put it lah. Yer I wanna sleep lah. I can't sleep actually. Almost can't. I get somewhere between 6-4 hours of sleep. It's sorta been like that since uhhh over a week I think. Lack of sleep addling the head you see. Or read. Or hear. Argh whatever tung tung tung chiang.

It's also quite a wow factor for my fixed passenger because her chauffer doesn't have anything else than black eye rings for breakfast. What do you expect I have to tell my employer la. Everything actually stays coherent when we're talking amazingly. However she's notice my voice modulation goes out the window and I'm slurring.

But then again she's been saying wow since the first day of knowing me personally.

But then again she's also a bit freaked out at me laughing at my own misfortune and me confessing that I'm actually envious of her while having a massive grin on my face.

Emily and her confused me right out of my head over who their respective "others" are supposed to be. YOURS OR HERS LAH!!?? DEI SO CONFUSING!

Huh? Apasai la? What happened? Yawn.

Impassive

2008-02-21T22:36:00.003+08:00

Although it's getting late and we're forgetting our duties we can't help the morbid curiosity as we stared into the screen. Flicking through my connections.

We know each other too well.

None of us want to perform our duties.

Even with the orange light and the screen of the laptop illuminating the room. It's still bright enough to see clearly.

We settle back into our positions.

His in front of the laptop reading important information. And myself lying on the bed looking very much like a corpse.

Unstated things hang in the air. Something from my end and his end. It makes the silence seem filled yet all encompassing.

"I need to write a note. You'll be seeing her tomorrow so you can pass it to her for me?"
"No problem."

I prepare him paper and pen.

The pen hovers over the paper. Hesitating. Thinking. Wording in his head.

Then he writes firmly and fluidly.

All I see is a could of grey around him. I cannot fathom his thoughts.

-----------------------------------

He turns down the volume.

Pulls out his laptop and hooks up the external hard drive.

He plays an old song.

There's no sound apart from the car's engine and the music emanating from his computer. The only light is from his screen, the LED indicating his external hard disk is active and the pools of light from the lamp posts.

He's bobbing his head to the rhythm of the music.

It's a good song. Actually it's an excellent song. And the lyrics are meaningful.

But why did he pick it for this time of the night?

It's past 12. We're just grabbing a bite. But why did he pick that song? I'd never pick a song so strong.

I yank the handbrake at the red light.

And I glance at him. He's still a grey cloud. But I can see a red discolouration. He's playing it to cope with the hurt and the pain.

-------------------------------------

He takes the note from me. He's gone to edit it.

I'm just merely a courier for the note. He trusts me to do it. Because we're that close. And he's seen me take care of one of God's daughters.

He hands the note back to me.

Because he knows I'll never read it.

Because Kingtons have more respect than curiosity.

============================================================================
Blood lined mask
============================================================================

He sees me staring at the high ceilings. Singing "Say" and just walking ahead of him in the unusual high speed.

Too energetic. Too fast. Gait too closed up.

He knows it. I should be too chewed to be able to sing. My throat wasn't able to produce any noise earlier too. My legs were too shot. The knees failed to work.

But I'm walking rapidly. Singing in a high octave. With another voice.

The other 2 do not notice anything.

But he knows not to speak or ask.

Because I just need my time alone.

With the rain pouring from the sky. Falling on every bit of my body. Washing me anew.

He knows.

What happens beneath the blood lined mask.

--------------------------------------------------------------

"I'm sorry about yesterday. I was pretty emo."
"Yeah I could tell. That's why I didn't say anything."

And I engage the gears of my car. And I do what she's supposed to be paying me for.

She knew it. I did my best to just look sleepy. But I guess I can't hide anything from her if I gave her the best form of resistance against me.

"I'm still quite emo actually."
"I know. A bit more than yesterday."

I really can't hide anything from her. And I was actually smiling when I was apologising.

How sharp her keen eye probes my stance. How instinctively she understands the aura I project.

To the world. I've mastered it. The stance looks right. The aura looks cheerful. Like a colourful cloud.

But she sees the dominant colour. This friend of mine.

===================================================================

It's a mess of things.

"Why you so sad 1?"
"I'm trying to figure out the menu. I don't see why toast costs as much as ordinary bread."

He shrugs.

"Oh, it's steamed bread."

"Why are you so sad today?"
"I've been having problems sleeping recently. I think it's the bed."

He stares at me after putting down his spoon and fork.

"Why do you happen to be so sad today?"

"I'm just having problems alright. It's just getting embarrassing."
"Tell me."
"It's nothing lah. I'm just trying not to let it get to me. I told Bird that it's only sad if I let it get to me."

I try not to look him in the eye. I don't hear him picking up the cutlery. I look at him.

It's concern.

Not a warning. Not a rebuke. It's just concern. Concern for me. Not concern that I won't be able to perform my duty to serve.

Pure concern for my well-being.

I look away again.

I feel him trying to probe me. I block and swing a false gesture into the air. He knows it's fake. He gives up knowing that I'm not going to say anymore.

He picks up his cutlery.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Behind the blood lined mask. He's seen it fall off.

He's seen me be impassive.

He knows I've hardly even been stirred at all for a very long time.

But he's seen something other than blood and sweat roll off my face.

He's seen my full capacity for emotion.

And he knows the only thing that forces the tears flow.

But I know why he's so impassive.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Prepare for a part 2.

I can't freaking sleep past 4 am anymore. I keep waking up.

YER! BEH TAHAN WEI! SNIFF!

Suh Ming. If you read this. You super lame wei!

Learning and teaching on the fly

2008-02-20T20:31:00.002+08:00

I challenge you.

To raise the skills.

And help the children again.

So here I find myself. In a super warm cafeteria. Scrubbing my face with my left hand. Deftly annoying one while teaching the other one maths.

Problem was. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to teach.

So I had to read, study the examples and produce coherent proper and helpfull answers.

Sigh susah. Friday teaching a real lil kid add m3 too.

Only if the lil kid remembers HAHAHAHAHA..........

SNIFF malas teach lah! Me and my big mouth!

Zzzzzzz last year teach Emily and Khai Sim until head spin already. Wah. Sigh. Patience kena test dahm kuat. At least when teaching the stamina to yan really God given 1. Somehow it's like the only thing I kept from the older days.

Sien. Actually got a stuffed up nose. So skipping the powerhouse idea of a post today.

Super jaded

2008-02-19T14:58:00.004+08:00

Life is kinda boring.

It's like one big yawn nowadays.

There's not much to do. All my plans have been streamlined and trimmed for efficiency. There's no superflous moves anymore.

So there's not much to do. All I do is wait day in day out. Something pops out. I abuse it. Then end up waiting again for awhile.

Nothing seems to be interesting anymore.

It's like since I know the end of anything. And I know whats necessary to produce the end I don't have to do much anymore.

Even hanging out with people I just end up staring into space mentally asleep because there's nothing for me to do. Sometimes I'm enjoying myself having a rest from the day's actual bits of work(getting tougher)

I just feel so jaded. Chewing on my food in AC all I can think about is how and where to find better food.

Every game of dota I play. I feel like I can do better. And I know I've already done better.

Well at least things are getting more challenging. Things are just about to heat up again I guess.

And sigh...Friend...When you get that permission to go and have that awesome dessert with me. Let me know lah.
--------------------------------

2 beautifull songs. What surprised I listen to this kind of music? I listen to everything remember? Try to feel the emotion in the songs.

Fool

2008-02-18T20:44:00.004+08:00

Aye be it so.

Aye just as true as the rain pours from the sky.

Aye just as I was born from my mother's womb.

More fool than man aye?

Too oft as the weather changed. The dry leaves flit by across my car as I drive alone on the roads.

I think of it.

That. Aye.

I be more fool than man.

Planning the endings of so many stories. Wading into it all standing blindfolded.

Agreeing to be the protector of the person I believe has the greatest shot of being a legend where I believe it will count the most.

Pulling threads and chains to influence the outcomes of a lot of events.

Shaking things.

Predicting forecasts.

Predicting lives.

Predicting future worlds.

And yet I keep making mistakes.

What good is a man if he is but a fool when he drowns in the robes of his own office?

What good is a man if he cannot utilise all that which is given by God to him?

What good is it if I keep trying to keep my honour but in the end it's just a facade?

What good is a man if he's asked to manage the lives and outcomes of many, but can't even settle his own domestic life?

Aye. I am a fool.

But if this fool don't work.

He's not even a fool.

------------------------

Inspired by something Jorrel can repeat from start to end. It's actually kinda fascinating. That and I kinda feel like an idiot now.

Nearly full recovery! (Thank you Sarah for constantly checking up on me you aunty!)

Praise God! Recovery had hit an invisible wall for a few days sinking in and out of fever. Glad thats over!

I lost 2 kg

2008-02-16T21:02:00.002+08:00

Yes ladies and gents.

In that 1 week of illness. The triple infection week.

I think there was a third. No real way to ascertain since I killed off everything.

Especially since I spent the week nauseous unable to pig out during the one week of the year where every guy in the country proudly thumps the table and tells the rest of us how much he gained in weight.

The least I could do was eat a few dishes and not hold my head while relatives ate the other dishes.

So yes how did I lose 2kg?

Not eating I guess. I spent nearly the whole week starving cause I just couldn't put down any food. Dahm jelak lah when you can't taste your food.

I also lost quite a bit of hair. No baldspotting though. Mom gave me genes which gives me a lot of hair.

Did lose a bit of muscle mass too. That weighs a lot. Realised it at the gym when my strength fell in most places. Even the muscles that support some of my functions don't work too well. (shoulder popping out during lateral pull down can be crazy painfull)

But.............

Haha.................

Eat your heart out wei! Starving lah. Fat gets burnt off first!

Since I lack it everywhere but the stomach...Free toning session hahahahahah!

But still beh syok I lost thermal insulator but I'm going UK so soon.

--------------------

I'm listening to Vertical Horizon. Nice lah their music. Super classic!

"Gotta be honest, I think you know. We're covered in lies but that's ok.............."

Irritation abound

2008-02-16T02:16:00.002+08:00

I need my left hand.

I need my left hand BAD.

I need it to input quick commands!

But it's preoccupied holding my phone thats too small to cradle in my neck.

The small voice on the other end is obviously very happy to hear me speak.

To listen to the opinions of this now super jaded, aging once prominent photographer full of energy.

I hear a beep. And I know whos sms is that. And I want to read it.

I hint a few times. Changing my tune.

I try to irritate. Saying very little. Just trying to make it seem as if the person on the other end is talking to a wall.

I get brutal. Jorrel and the others are telling me they're all suffering because I'm preoccupied elsewhere. And I'm shocked by my own brutal comment.

Finally I say I've got to go.

And as I hang up. I begin to explain why the call was so long to my buddy next to me. And when I tell an important detail.

I can feel him turning to look at my shrug.

Kid. Give up. You're never going to get anywhere. Especially with what I already have. You can't ever match the stuff that impresses me. And I'm sorry. But I'm really that jaded.

I gotta admit it.

2008-02-16T00:57:00.003+08:00

Went to coll. Had class. Ate cuttlefish during econs.

Went for lunch with Shern Ren, Serena, Joel, Xin Dee and Eswhy. Xin Huei hopped halfway. Still got her stuff in my car.

Came home. Coordinated a few things. And left 1 handphone at home. Walked to post office while considering a lot of random things.

Came home again. Pocketed the other handphone. It's mostly a dead weight.

Picked out the Sentra keys. Low petrol but can't beat that comfort when you nearly groaned out loud sending a passenger home from raw pain. And walked out of the world.

Went for an escape.

-----------------------------
Alright alright I gotta admit it.

-----------------------------

Falsetto off, I said our goodbyes. For once. Haven't turned it off since the switchfoot concert and that was for volume and stamina. And even after that with my throat all busted up I put my hand to my throat and squeezed it back on.

I just wanted to say goodbye proper and all. With everything real.

I'll miss everything.

I'll miss seeing you think. The way you just stare off into space. Musing quietly whilst plucking at the corners of your pillows.
I'll miss watching you play with your clamshell handphone. Opening and closing it absent-mindedly not at all like the people in my line would do it..
I'll miss walking behind you soundlessly even as you're happily humming in front of me.
I'll miss telling you all my confusing stories and seeing you pause after hearing them.

And I'll miss the expression on your face when you catch me just looking at you trying to find the words to fill the silence.

Even if it was awfully short lived.

I remember meeting you. With the marble beneath my shoes. I felt so torn inside that day. I would have let the facade blow but my friends were reminding me how fortunate I am. I felt like tearing my own face out.

Shortly after I lost all the confidence in myself. Confidence that I was once something that people would be proud to say they know.

Then you put it back in me. Reminded me that well...you still think I'm a nice guy. I still don't see how you get that notion. But if you say it's true I guess maybe it is. Haha.

Telling you a rubbish story over a piece of very hard chicken and rice. It was all fun. Walking in the insane heat with your friends knowing we were likely to be late for class. Was something completely new for me.

I picked up the pieces. Slapped it back together. Regained the confidence that I needed to do what I do now.

We got a lot closer recently. And I'm happy we did.

Spending time together. Laughing as you did the things that always made me smile.

Gossiping about the rest of the world. Was also major fun. Even if I didn't know some of our subjects.

I was wondering if I would miss you after you leave. It rested on my mind a few weeks ago. I've seen a lot of people come and go. And in the previous year I mastered not feeling anything seeing people go. Walk out of my life. I've even let one of my oldest friends go. Without even a second thought.

And yeah I gotta admit. If I was there watching you go down into the lower hall. With marble under my shoes again. You might see me do something other than smile.

See you.

When you're back I'm going to book you for one full day I don't care!

And yes you're a good teacher haha. That or I'm just a good student.
---------------------------

Listening to a lot of old songs. Feeling nostalgic. All I gotta do now is stare at the moon sipping wine from a glass. And suddenly laugh to myself shaking my head.

Or a gin would be excellent.

Suddenly wondering what would happen if it's time for Mike to leave. Or time for me to leave things behind.

Aiseh friend leave already stoning keep quiet with Jorrel laughing/complaining about the lag next to me. My turn to leave I wonder how I'll react lah.

Mourning

2008-02-14T13:56:00.002+08:00

Throwing the blank check and the order letter into the backseat with the sun rising in the sky slowly painting it's orange glow on everything.

I slam the door.

Shove the key into the ignition and twist spreading a bit of energy to get the car to start on the first try.

I rev the engine of this rarely used 1.4 litre car. It's only 1.4 litres but it's light making it agile even if the handling system is less than ideal.

Time to go and get to work I guess. The world can't wait forever.

And even if I don't play my role it'll figure out a way of it's own. I just wanna know I did something anyway.

-----------------
One of the possible reasons it's called Valentine's day is because of a dead Catholic saint. And I know all you protestants out there wrinkle your noses at the thought of anything about saints or the Seven Sacrements of the Catholic faith.

As a guy that is neither here nor there I can't really say much. Except that we all have the same boss but different office.

Ah wait. Thats all pretty unrelated.

Uhh yeah anyway. I don't really see how this specific day has anything to to do with crazy hustle and bustle of chocolates and roses. If you ask me lah. If you really wanna do anything it gets even more wow if you do it on another day.

Valentine's day is kinda like saying you've submitted to peer pressure.

I really sound like I'm trying to justify my inactivity today right? Well I do acknowledge I'm not doing anything. And well it's cause I've got nothing to do really...And today is really a day for me to mourn.

It's the day that I had to let someone die. Oh well. It's only a death in theory. It creates a paradox. So is it a metaphorical death? I'm not too sure myself.

I felt funny last night. But I just dismissed things. I ended up waking at 5:30. I wanted to go into a long 1 hour devotion. Best calm my soul can ever find with so much stuff weighing on it.

But I fell asleep waiting for something.

Very difficult for me to stay awake. I slept during econs exam. It's not that I'm tired. It's just the general I don't wanna stay awake feeling.

It's such a muted day. I'm waiting for this crux point to pass so I can unfold my hands and get to work again.

Today was supposed to be yet another rest day. But dad's laptop came through. So I gotta go get it. Taking the fast car. Sadly not the very very fast car...That would be just awesome.

I guess all of this is just another random babbling session. Been really crazy in terms of the need to think recently. And with everything offline/sleeping/resting today it's kinda hard to get all of my resources.

Mythical creatures

2008-02-13T18:27:00.002+08:00

Slept the whole evening yesterday so not really surprising I missed the update...

-------------------

I'm called the druggie king. I got the nickname when Bird came to my house and saw me pull out med packets for myself.

I think it goes without saying I pulled out a lot of packets.

Ever since then he just keeps insisting I'm a druggie king.

After awhile I gave up and agreed when the other guys agreed with Bird.

So here's a run.

"Eh if you sick go eat your drugs lah. You sure got a lot right? You're the druggie king after all."
"Eating already la. I'm the druggie king lah of course I know what to do."
"Oooo Nice. You taking Tinkerbell arh?"
"Yeah and some other faeries."
"Nice. Taking any elves? Like legolas and some arwen."
"I dun like taking elves that much."
"How about dwarves?"
"I don't like mixing my mythical creatures."

------------

"I don't quite like taking dwarves actually. The high isn't that high. It's just sorta low and short lived."

"And dwarves are kinda funny anyway. Take Grumpy for instance. Makan already don't get you high 1 it makes you dahm pei and dahm angry for no reason.

Happy is ok lah. Quite good actually la makes you happy all the time. But then like very unnatural lah. Happy freak suddenly.

Then there's Dopey. Instant stone on consumption 1. You'll go all stoned out 1. Cannot think properly at all for awhile.

Sleepy...is just kinda low. Always pass out 1 from taking sleepy. Can't seem to stay awake.

Bashful dahm funny 1. Makes you all shy shy.

Sneezy...Goes without saying lah."

---------------------

Actually I'm getting kinda sien with so many people asking what are my plans for today. It's nothing lah to ask. But it keeps going...

"Eh you doing anything for valentine's day?"
"No orh nothing planned."
"Ah? Why?/Not doing anything?/But why?/You should do something lah."
"Nothing la I'm just a single guy so I've naturally got nothing to do."
"ARE YOU SURE? Sure got something 1. You're Kington lah."
"Go find your girlfriend lah."
"I don't have lah..."

And the conversation goes on and on. Can actually get quit pei.

Now silly Keong don't wanna follow me Megamall. Eh I thought agreed adi if you get nothing you'd follow me :(

Sniff. Then again you didn't promise so I cannot say anything lah.

Questions

2008-02-12T20:09:00.000+08:00

Why does my throat bleed. Why does it hurt so bad. Why must I pelt your poor eyes with my incessant complaints about my ill health. Why is the sky blue. Why are my left hand's fingers skinnier than my right hand's. Why do I keep snapping like I'm in a musical.

Many questions.

Many pointless questions.

And even more crappy answers.

Yes, indeed we are in the age of information(according to IT ppl) or the age of reform(according to politicians)

So I will answer only the first three(TUH REEE) for the sake of entertainment.

Since the dawn of...........The new year........1 man has wondered.........Why la throat so pain?

And well yeah I found out. The small itsy bitsy vessels that line the walls of my throat occasionally rupture from my prodigious coughing.(Yes, it does sound like and old man's cough if it makes you happy Sarah.)

While it sounds positively painfull(I assure you it's not very painfull) it is merely disconcerting to spit in the sink after a gargle and see blood in it. However the coughing is annoying. Coughing blood is something curiously cool in a morbid fashion but it gets annoying when all you smell is blood for awhile. My nose is happily blocked.

Why does it hurt so bad?

I bet you're gonna say "it's bleeding dummy". But no. Thats not the cause really.

It's cause my throat is an angry mass of blisters. There's so many blisters back there if you're not looking properly it just looks inflamed. But the inflamation is localised to a pattern. Amboi cantiknya batik merah jambu pada kerongkong mu! Well I got Diflam in liquid form for it lah. Works super well.

Oh why do is still talk normally with blisters and capilaries popping in the back of my mouth?

Falsetto lah doink. Never notice 1 arh permanant falsetto. Pinching solves the pain problem.

Oh last one. Why do I keep pestering you guys?

Cause I want candy. That or Diflam in lozenges form. Sniff.

Tomorrow I'm going to talk about the drugs. Thats a lot funnier.

It's not for me to say but for you to know yourself

2008-02-12T12:55:00.000+08:00

My sleeves smell like blood and I'm still washing out blood occasionally from my throat.

I think I'm totally going to miss the forecast date for my full recovery.

--------------------------------

I woke up too late to actually make it on time for the first lesson actually. And I didn't bother to check if my friend had class at 8. So ended up in coll with half an hour to shake leg.

Went to AC and ordered the slightly different teh-o-panas and she ordered her milo panas.

And the updates began.

Everything was laid out on the table and she encouraged me to keep at it saying results were so far positive and I'm still an amazing freak doing some amazing things and picking & planning some amazing strategies.

Her situation on the other hand is flowing right but hasn't reached stability. The difference between us is that I'm unshaken due to strategy. She's unshaken because there is a certain unquantified connection on her end. The bond point is pretty obvious. It's good in fact. But all thats left is to sever old chains.

We're both pretty accomplished at predicting strategies. The difference is I lack knowledge about the norms of society making everything I do a bit surreal. And she's still a little naive over the fine tuning causing inefficiency.

So we trade advice on how to handle our respective situations. Both involve patience.

It's quite nice to have someone which has that rare analytical approach until we get along so well because of our similar examining nature. And we both know there is a secure wall between us because she knows my lines, I know her lines and she received the ward against my skills a few years ago.

Been reinforcing it anyway.

When it's time to go, I knew I had to say it. The important phrase. Not everyone gives solid advice and sometimes the advice is given improperly because the person isn't involved. I know I'm not involved. And I've suffered like mad listening to advice from third parties with their heads a continent away from the muddled mess. And I'm probably not the only one consulted on her end so I say it.

"It's not for me to say but for you to know yourself."

And she knows she doesn't have to ask why I lack anything for this so and so day in the future.

I don't think she'll ever ask why I lack plans for certain days in the coming events after this.

-----------------------------

It's just something I've been saying a lot recently. And it's just one of the meanings. Wow I'm regaining the ambiguity!

Whats the point lah?

2008-02-12T00:21:00.000+08:00

Sunday and Monday was supposed to be my back to back rest day.

SIGH.

Sunday started with me clutching my throat cause it felt so dry and closed I wondered how I could breathe. Rolled around for awhile unable to go back to sleep from pain.

Got up gargled mouthfull after mouthfull of water.

Had the night before's pasta couldn't eat at the restraunt because I couldn't taste it making it wayyyyy to easy to jelak.

Went to church with Bird after raising core temperature enough. Took awhile though.

Afternoon church went to office to do some work. With some alarm and door trouble involved...Went to say goodbye to Yee Mun and then in a super abnormal occurance for the whole field...Stepped into Keong's house. Seriously. We must be like the one of the 3 ppl to step inside Keong's. He's got a 22 inch LCD screen for his dota frenzies btw.

Went home. Had dinner. Then raise the temp again. Then pick Wei Chin and went for Su Yi's thing.

And just when I thought the fever was coming back...It didn't woot.

But then I spat blood into the sink when I slipped off to go toilet. Sigh. Sucks.

On Monday woke up at 6:40 went back to sleep to a twisted long nightmare. Then Bird and Turtle called. They wanted to skip coll so they wanted to crash at my place.

They kinda didn't get the hint that I probably needed more rest. It was a pretty big hint actually. I was just rasping a whisper for about an hour while they were at my house.

Went to bank for dad. And had a crazy amount of trouble. Waste lah. 2 hours just to straighten out documents that are just supposed to be handed over the counter.

Dad was pleased so he said "treat yourself at megamall"

Went to Megamall to repair com.

Parked in Gardens...But ended up walking to Northpoint. Sial far.

Then did the insane.

3 guys, 1 Combo 6(for 6 people) and half a dozen Deli Wings.

Ate like monsters. Cleaned off everything. Crazy fun. Crazy full.

Got home slept and played com till 3 am. Needed to un-emo. No idea why emo but just emo. I think it was the bank difficulty or the annoying lady at the sony repair centre or the incredibly sakai and annoying duo that joined us from Sunway.

Whats the point lah of selecting 2 days to rest. Life happens.

It's better to just go to coll and sleep during lunch break or smth.

Oh wait I'm blogging. Deng.

NO EMO~!

2008-02-08T21:06:00.000+08:00

Head still muddled. Sigh. Slightly muddled. Can't get full access to the storylines that's been moulding in my head for the past few days.

The blood in the phlegm is scaring me.

Still sick. Was sweating like crazy and having the feverish sleep earlier inbetween replying smses. Sorry eh friend you had to wait about 40 mins for a reply. Was trying desperately to collect heat. Success! Fever broke!

At 1 I started staring out windows looking for the maxima.

1:30 I got out of the house with my cd player blaring Pillar.(seriously ladies and gents this music isn't for everyone)(too fierce) Stood around in the front yard staring at the cloudy sky waiting for the maxima.

Currently there's a meteor shower. Been going on for a few weeks actually. But today was the maxima.

Didn't get no maxima on these retinas.

I'm not drugged out of my skull. But I'm having a lot of trouble with my appetite. I'm not feeling hungry when I'm supposed to.

Jorrel is actually crazy enough to kill non stop till I go for a walk with him in 2-3 hours time. Sot lah.

Ok time for 2-3 hours more of sleep. Been sleeping like mad for the past few days.

Supposed to go house visiting too if my health can hold.

Eww Yuck

2008-02-08T17:23:00.000+08:00

When I sneeze I smell blood and it hurts like crazy.

When I cough I smell blood and it hurts more than just "like crazy"

My head feels like it's been stirred using the "folding in" methods.

When blasted with air cond I shiver like a fragile leaf in the wind.

I make zombies look full of energy and life.

But at least I'm nearly recovered!

And at least I still think coherently.(or at least at usual standards)(somehow usual standards also involve feverish babbling I guess)

I've gotta go lie down for awhile.

I'll post something up when I feel better.

Cis shouldn't have travelled.

Yet again

2008-02-04T13:11:00.000+08:00

Zzzzzz feeling emo again.

Sigh it really does suck to be the human lie detector sometimes.

Being the human lie detector is just putting it at the surface level.

I guess when you go through all those modulations and skill sharpening events.

It's not just lie detection that happens anymore. It's just plain outright detection. Of everything.

And wow. When things surface. It's like you just pulled a really really ugly thing outa the water.

I'm having trouble staying asleep. I keep waking up at 6. And coming from me saying I've got problems staying asleep it's another level of trouble already. I can actually induce sleeping handy when you're charged with energy, wounded, in serious pain and the like. But I wake up so pissed off, annoyed, down and out I can't go back to sleep.

Even the feel good factor of the switchfoot concert was inked by it.

But I put myself back together after a long prayer. But then when I fetched this other guy for breakfast. Wow. He talked about all the things that kept cutting. Even with my prayer still in my head I felt as if he was lashing at the bandages that were covering the wounds.

Sigh. Nothing was resolved all these days in the end. Didn't even fix anything. I just went off did my own things to get away from it all.

But I think everyone is just taking a turn for the worse. 1 is going nuts. 1 is considering an old option I considered last time as well. I'm gonna stop him though. And as for me? I feel like retreating away from society.

But sigh advice says, I should go all out?

I know I've been lazy to update. It's just that I'd rather kill ppl than update.

Sigh tomorrow driving to Johor. Boring long journey with no speeding and my music turned down crazy low. Sure bored cow.

And today drove to lcct and got lost. SIGH drove for about 2-3 hours today. Limping and numb again SIGH.

Yes. Expect the emo post when I get back from Johor. But it's going to be good.

Domestic life

2008-02-01T16:45:00.000+08:00

Aiyoh slow lah. Only Southampton and Leeds have replied my applications. I've got this "oohhhhhhh I've gotta kill that?" feeling at the moment. They've both asked for AAB for my final results. Do-able. But it's still a challenge. But hey, Since when do things comes without a price. Or a challenge.

---------------------------

I put enough money in the parking meter for the ticket to reach up till 1 today. Threw the ticket onto the dashboard. And said Thanks for getting a parking right in front of Burger King at 8:13.

Sweet.

Strolled off to class. Slightly late but yeah better than normal. Next week hopefully punctual lah for everything.

At 9 had further math. Tricked Mr Wong with the maths question. Woot.

10 talked to Stephanie and we exchanged information. Might have to do an uplink eventually.

Andrew opened com for me and hassled me at 10:30 then I shot off to Free Trade Zone(FTZ) and PE4 did the usual. Boycott lesson.

A severe lack of people turn up in CC instead of class and the teacher is forced to tutor instead. Heh. Edwyn got scolded over the phone and was called ring leader. Luckily Ms. Chian didn't call Fang or Andrew. Edwyn was the only one with the legitamate excuse.

At 1 I buggered off. Feeling hungry I asked a friend out to CHEEE YUUUUUKKKK FANNNNN!

We waited half an hour for the stuff to arrive and then we tucked in. Seriously. This is the best Chee Yuk Fan for about...as far as I know lah.

My suet cha tasted funny.

We talked till 3. It was really relaxing. Because we could talk about things that the rest of the world isn't supposed to know. Our worlds are almost mutually exclusive so it was very different. However when I jokingly mentioned I wanted to make dog curry outa my dog. The fella freaked. OH YEAH FUTURE VET LOLOLOL!

Then I realised I only had parking till 1. Jumped up and went to get the car.

NO SAMAN WOOT!

Drove off leisurely to avoid burning excessive petrol. (the sentra is really burning fuel)

Got to SMKDJ at 4.

Then I saw someone that I haven't seen in...9 years!! It was back before everything began. Wow it's been that long and we're both so freaking different now. Tried to watch movie in someone's house but tak jadi cause no cable. Ended up playing 2 very impressive games.

-----------------------

Switchfoot concert today. Woot! Wanna go walk walk before the thing starts @@

MUST BUY THE SHIRT!

2008-01-31T19:02:00.000+08:00

hermes says:
and then mayb abit later i'll have to ask u to go to bake wif yen to buy me a new bag of breadcrumbs to pass to someone
hermes says:
^^
Landstalker's compass says:
do i look like felicia to you?
hermes says:
lolololol
hermes says:
nope.. u just look like the outside of siam paragon now
Landstalker's compass says:
COZ NOT EVEN FELICIA DOES THAT!
Landstalker's compass says:
LAMER
Landstalker's compass says:
LAMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrr
Landstalker's compass says:
*POKE POKE POKE*
hermes says:
cant reach.. nyahaha
hermes says:
come leme give u a maths ques
hermes says:
feel free to ask ur maths teacher hehehe
Landstalker's compass says:
zzzzzzzzzz
hermes says:
see how long u take first la ok
Landstalker's compass says:
ask lah
hermes says:
if u give u..
hermes says:
(a-x)(b-x)(c-x)........all the way till .. (z-x) =?
Landstalker's compass says:
yeah?
hermes says:
yea. wat does all that equal to?
Landstalker's compass says:
zzzzzzzz
Landstalker's compass says:
that will take a bit
hermes says:
not surprising la... my senior took half a day to find the ans
hermes says:
ganbatte~~~
Landstalker's compass says:
i'll think of it on the can
Landstalker's compass says:
where ideas work best!
hermes says:
lol
hermes says:
u know arr.. that fusheng (mr lamer ) always uses my can to poop and lausai and all that crappy stuff
Landstalker's compass says:
LOL
Landstalker's compass says:
AWWW POOR THING
hermes says:
and he close the door after he';s done
Landstalker's compass says:
DOES HE SQUAT ON THE SEAT?
Landstalker's compass says:
AND LEAVE THE SLIPPERS THERE?
hermes says:
now the beautifull part is that that room has no window.. sien..
hermes says:
no thank god for htat
Landstalker's compass says:
LOL
Landstalker's compass says:
GG
Landstalker's compass says:
HE TURN LEFT IN UR TOILET WITH NO WINDOW
Landstalker's compass says:
actually makes sense lah
Landstalker's compass says:
toilet with window in the uk
Landstalker's compass says:
imagine you're glued to the seat
Landstalker's compass says:
and got chilly wind
Landstalker's compass says:
get up and close meh????
hermes says:
neway.. moving on to more pleasant stuff
hermes says:
apparently the a-lvls system here in england has been sold too...
Landstalker's compass says:
?
hermes says:
try to guess
Landstalker's compass says:
to who?
Landstalker's compass says:
hmmmmmmmmm
Landstalker's compass says:
thailand
hermes says:
its a company
Landstalker's compass says:
oh
hermes says:
very famous one too
Landstalker's compass says:
cosmos
hermes says:
i wish
Landstalker's compass says:
LOL
hermes says:
den we no nid to work dy
Landstalker's compass says:
AIA
hermes says:
yea right...
Landstalker's compass says:
scholastic?
hermes says:
think more global dude!
Landstalker's compass says:
virgin?
Landstalker's compass says:
mircohard?
hermes says:
nope
Landstalker's compass says:
macrosoft?
hermes says:
nop
hermes says:
now ur being lame
hermes says:
*JAB*
Landstalker's compass says:
pear?
Landstalker's compass says:
falsefruit?
hermes says:
haih..
hermes says:
its Macdonals
hermes says:
*d
Landstalker's compass says:
WHAT THE........
hermes says:
hehe
Landstalker's compass says:
monkey with a tiara doing the heebee jeebee jig?
hermes says:
lol
Landstalker's compass says:
eh go dl who wants to be a super hero
Landstalker's compass says:
they audition american idol style for superhero roles
hermes says:
i have too much stuff for dl la...
hermes says:
tooooooooo much
Landstalker's compass says:
it's a super lame show
hermes says:
nice dramas out now~~
Landstalker's compass says:
Ice Bitch: FREEZE MOTHAF****ER
hermes says:
whee.... i feel sooooo motivated to watch now
hermes says:
LOL
hermes says:
sounds like they shud use her for ice maidens voice
Landstalker's compass says:
someone really said that
Landstalker's compass says:
it's uncensored so far
Landstalker's compass says:
OK LAH
Landstalker's compass says:
LIKE FURION SAID
Landstalker's compass says:
NATURE CALLS
hermes says:
lol
hermes says:
he says it calmer ok...
Landstalker's compass says:
eh btw
Landstalker's compass says:
answer is *********
hermes says:
darn so fast
Landstalker's compass says:
duh
Landstalker's compass says:
hardly had to think
Landstalker's compass says:
i'll ask dd over dinner
Landstalker's compass says:
lol
hermes says:
lol

---------------------------

Notes:

In thai "turn left" is liao sai.

Try to figure out the math question. And tell me over msn don't ruin in for other ppl.

Falsefruit= apple

Somethings were omitted in this post. But omitted material does not affect continuity. And take a random guess at who that may be.

"fiction"

2008-01-31T08:46:00.000+08:00

Orange light shines across the pinkish bed sheet. The glow reflecting off the pale coloured wall onto the rest of the room.

The black book in my hand is large and heavy......

Trees rustle from the sudden wind. It whips across our faces blowing hair into her face. It's cool and as if it's foretelling the coming rain.

She looks away from me quietly biting her lower lip as we lean on the metal bars.

I wait quietly for a response.

The tension is thick in the air as she doesn't say anything and I have no idea how to comfort her. It's been a long time since I've left my post.

She wipes away her tears as we still stand there in silence and as the world passes by behind our backs.

I wait still for a response as she wipes her face again while still staring blankly into space.

She tells me she'll be alright and that I shouldn't worry and I should leave if I need to.

I stay.

I hear a short but distinctly disturbing wail. It came from her. But she didn't move.

And it wasn't an audible 1. It was just picked up by something else.

It's the sound of everything inside wailing from the hardship.

And it's a wail signifying how useless I've become. How redundant I am. It speaks volumes about how I can't solve anything. How I've failed to help her because I was afraid of her.

It's bone chilling.

The orange light dances lightly on the glossy book surface. I blink and stare. I'm lying face down and sideways on my bed.

Staring at the words "Fiction" printed in very small print on the back of the book.

An Eurasian man wear dark sunglasses and a jacket is flashing a torchlight in my face from the cover of the book.

"Fiction" I read it again. Right. Sure thing.

And I knew it's going to be the first time in the series of late night rude awakenings I experience tonight.

Sensing the Sun

2008-01-28T19:13:00.000+08:00

It's dark. It's hot. Not crazy hot but the kind as if I've been placed in a Thermos to collect heat.

I open my eyes. I see nothing. I throw off the blanket. And let my senses play out.

My nose is jammed. I can see faint outlines of stuff in my room. I'm on my bed half covered in my blanket. I hear the usual rumble of stuff being prepared for daylight downstairs. I taste sour spit. No blood thankfully.

I stare at the sky. The cloudy sky. It's dark.

On the fringes it blue and there are some blank patches which are clear in the sky. It's serene yet foretelling a cloudy and probably rainy day.

I lay back down staring at the ceiling. I feel the warmth of things against my blanket. My skin is lightly sticky from bathing in sweat due to the light fever.

I enjoy the peace and calm of the morning trying to avoid thinking of the busy day ahead. Trying to avoid thinking of the games I played last night. And just stare at the ceiling listening to the gentle chopping sound of the ceiling fan slicing gently through the fan.

*Ring ring*

"Yeah I'm awake don't worry."

The call ends and I stare at the ceiling for a short while longer. 5 minutes later I get off my bed and get ready for the day.

It's still cloudy but I can feel the sun rising deep within me.

---------------------

I retreive from the shallow box a pendant.

It's made in the shape of a sun encircled by an outer ring filled with symbols.

I let it hang holding it halfway down the length of it's leather thong.

Holding it up to the light to check for any imperfections in the design.

It's dirty.

I remember when I first talked to the future owner of the pendant. It seems so long ago. So distant. When I was a mere template for what I've become.

She ended up working for me a year after we met. I taught her vaguely about capturing fleeting beauty and she learned prodigiously developing her own style.

Licensed incredibly fast. I'm thankfull for it. Because she had the license she could help me when I got into that accident.

Helped me when I was dripping with blood and limping.

Months after that I helped her solidify her relationship with her boyfriend. I knew she was borrowing my influence and I gave her full consent to abuse it.

The whole of my family including the extended family knows her name for various reasons. We've done each other a lot of favours actually. And she's also met another branch of the family.

We hardly talk anymore. But we both know we both don't have much time for each other.

I realise I'm swinging the pendant.

Oh well. Buds are buds.

The stab

2008-01-28T00:42:00.000+08:00

I pissed the Bird off.

The unfazed. Super good at annoying people off. Bird.

After all those years of crap. 3 only actually. We've got a serious bond already.

Thing is I mentioned his bad driving very pointedly in a conversation. Saying how he's the last person on earth I'd take driving advice from and that his track record speaks for itself.

He got pissed enough to get out and slam the car door. Walk across the road and get into turtle's car.

I just waited for the traffic light to turn green then I went home to park then got into turtle's car.

He was naturally a bit pei already and probably got "overscrewed" from his parents over his driving. So I guess thats why he so pissed.

My reason for bringing it up? I was getting scolded for not jumping the traffic light. And jumping the gun is what got him screwed for all his accidents.

It's not without any reason I brought it up really. It's because I absolutely hate people telling me how to drive.

Even if my dad is telling me how to park I can get quite annoyed. The passing comment is alright. The shrieking I can handle. The "jaga speed" I can also handle.

But an outright instruction on how to drive seriously taxes my patience. I.E. "jump the traffic light" "cut out and cut back in to block the guy" "don't give him face" And doing it repeatedly begs for me to do something.

Naturally I don't have much hand-eye coordination skill. I can't play basketball. I actually rely on crazy reflexes and the ability to just repeat the same motions as accurately as a video tape. Thats how I get through life.

But driving...Ohohoh I love driving. Apart from the numbing sensation thats caused by the seat pressing into my lower back causing me to limp right after driving...I loveeee driving.

Driving is like ballet with the car for me. Manual or auto. Kancil or Iswara or Sentra or the other 2 rarely used cars. It's all good to me. It's crazy fun.

The calculations based on speed, turning radius, brake traction and tyre traction. The sheer complexity of it all unravelled in my head in a split second as I enter corners lets me enjoy the drive fully and feel the corners almost precisely.

The vibrations of the wheel, pedals(manual) and body of the car. Tells me how much pressure to apply to the accelerator, how much grip should I have on the wheel, how steady it's going to be when I brake.

I know all of it. No matter how the car swerves. No matter how near it gets to the dividers sometimes. I know all of it.

It's just crazy fun for me. I'm really fully in control of the car when I'm paying attention. And to tell me how to drive, as if I'm a complete novice, unless the person is crazy skilled like turtle. I'll get quite annoyed.

I've got a lot of experience driving. I've been driving almost everyday for the past year since I got my license.

So ladies and gents. Don't worry lah when I'm driving. I know what I'm doing lah. If I happen to drive recklessly. Don't worry I've probably already done worse.

Driving is an off limits topic between me and Bird now. Oh well.

WHOOPSIE

2008-01-27T12:39:00.000+08:00

Friday started with a phone call from Yiyun.

"Eh wake up already a not?"

I've had a super disordered sleeping habit for a long time and on Thursday I even woke up at 5 am and read an sms asking me over to sample some brownies.

Needless to say at 5am I shouted "what the??" pinched myself to check if I was dreaming because it felt so foreign and all. But still fell back into sleep. Woke up(late) and re-read it. Then went to coll. Late again.

But on fri...I actually made it really really early. By normal standards of course. Eng Joe even asked as we were talking to coll "Eh why so early?"

Sat down for physics. Assaulted by pain. Went home.

Ate the meds. Ate the food. Played 1 crap game of Dota.

Headed off to HELP and tried to get my passport renewed.

As I was parking the car...I saw a familiar face. In between judging the space on the left and right of the car I kept glancing at the face. She notice I was looking and she stared back. So.....I looked in the mirrors. You know la can attribute it to passerby curiosity. Then I looked up. Remember where I met her. Waved. And *crunch*. GOODNESS CRAP I SCRAPED THE FRONT! THE FRONT OF THE CAR! AGAINST THE KERB! OH MY AHHHH!!!!!!!

She half laughed and smiled and walked on. I still think her hair is lala.

Form counter closed. So I took the shuttle bus off to wisma. And read Daywatch(sequel to Nightwatch) while waiting for CF to start.

CG ice breakers and stuff after worship. Heard the "He's from taylors but he don't know how to sew his pants" joke finally. Hehehe EDEXCEL SUCKS! WHOOPS!

Had a really really long lunch with the HELP CF gang. Then decided to make a move before it rained.

Then went to get the passport done. Quite fast. But sigh coulda saved 150$ if I had the bankdraft for which I pay the first term for my uni.

Oh the Imigration department of Malaysia also says my thumbs are messed up.

Before I got home my cd player batt quit on me. So...No music. The stuff I'm used to listening to and I enjoy. Sigh I switched back to Hitz.fm.

Went for supper. Tisu again for turtle and bird. And I ate mee goreng daging. We were pondering the existance of daging in it for awhile.

Then fragged with kurt till 2++ am. Slept till 6:20. Got up feeling quite pei. Then 2 ppl ffk me. So had a walk and breakfast with Colin.

Got home dota. Lunch. And went out to hunt for a present for Jamie. Took awhile to decide. And I didn't have anything to go by. Didn't even do any research. Felt like I was up a creek.........With no paddle. No compass. No map.

As it was getting wrapped. I did the usual. Talk craaaaaappppppppppp. I sorta know the people at Pretty Bows. And the lady kept on insisting she saw me on Friday. But I assured her I haven't been there since earlier in the week. "Good looks are pretty common yeah?"

Came home and had to handle an explosion of a unedible recipie from India. If you look really carefully you can see where my skin is stained. My room also kena a bit.

Went over to Jamie's.

Came home. Fell asleep typing a message to Jamie.

Woke up read an sms from a friend.(wow if I ever get an sms on monday morning it's generally from you heh) And Sunday is a blur dry boring sickly day. I'm very close to a fever sadly. Hence the babling senseless post.

---------------------

Nice hair btw friend. Quite wah.

Wierd crap

2008-01-26T10:45:00.000+08:00

bull says:
i found my thumb
Yew (:+++< says:
underneath your feathers?

Happy Birthday Sarah/Peggy

2008-01-23T23:03:00.000+08:00

I was actually supposed to post this on wednesday night itself...But I fell asleep cause I was super tired cause there were actually 2 birthdays on the day itself.

In keeping with the usual style of putting up very few pictures and not describing anyone at all...I'm just going to say...

Happy birthday Sarah Tan. ("Kid" Laming power!)

Happy birthday Peggy. NYOH! (Delete! Delete!)

And I totally forgot what else was supposed to be in this post because I've procrastinated too much.

-----------------------

If I get asked one more time "Where is Sarah?" I will seriously immitate xinyi and scorch earth!

So many people ask wei! Aiyoh we're both single lah!

Super annoying amount of people asked when I went HELP.

Ice breaker for their CG was today and miraculously the only reason I could go was because of food poisoning/my digestive tract is really breaking down.

Slander

2008-01-23T01:34:00.000+08:00

Sigh turns out the slander against me has really piled up in my silence.

Maybe I should have discredited the source...Hmmmm...Is that allowed?

Sigh. Quite annoying lah when people stop talking to you because this fella starts gossiping about you.

Actually the mouth isn't annoying. It's the general effect of the reaction of the crowd.

Getting mudslinged non-stop is getting tedious. However I'm fortunate enough to have people around me that know me better than that and actually help deflect it.

My usual policy is just to stand upright(even with the scoliosis) and let my character just show on it's own as living proof.

But oops. Sigh. Turns out the slander will trim my outer circle of friends.

The distant friends that I want to get to know better are slowly getting trimmed off. Hmmm...

Oh well I wonder if it's fair to retaliate.

Moments of sarcasm

2008-01-22T15:07:00.000+08:00

I'm going to pull out my com's speakers and drag them to my room.

Cannot tahan wei! Too much good music! It's like being thristy 24-7 now!

--------------------------

"A tabloid once said you were gay. Do you have any comments about that?"
"Oh I tend to make up rubbish during interviews just to see if the reporter is actually listening."
"So could you go over what happened?"
"Well I told him that I was a homosexual but I had to give it up because it made my eyes water. And he just nodded and kept writing."

Brilliant. It was on top gear.

-------------------------------

Kurtwin: Eh guys I think we're losing.
Kington: Eh Kurt I didn't know you got secret I identity.
Kurtwin: I do?
Kington: Yeah. You're captain obvious.

Every few days whenever we get to frag.

--------------------------------

"How did you get here?"
"Oh we flew."
"You flew?"
"Yeah you've never heard of the flying club? To get airborn right we just take a running jump...Then we try really hard to forget about hitting the ground. If you get that right. You won't land."
"Amazing."
"Isn't it?"
"So how did you get here lah?"
"Drive la."

A wise man once said...

2008-01-22T12:26:00.000+08:00

"If there was a law against stupidity I'm a repeat offender."

Actually no. I don't think any wise man would say that. Probably a wise guy though.

Ugh slept at 3 yesterday. Super sleepy in college...

Last night went out with Bird and Emily for supper. Lucky lah had Emily there if not Bird confirm whine non-stop about results all the way.

"Eh Bird if you wanna commit suicide...You just fly up then you stop flapping."

When we were done ordering.

"Eh Bird still alive eh!"
"I got caught in the tree."

Had a small discussion on suicide tactics in the end. I managed to turn his opinion around about the merits of jumping.

--------------------------

Alright I've got the goods. I can go Uni now.

After fretting about it for awhile I just totally forgot about it till my cousin's girlfriend reminded me about 1 week ago.

But shortly before that I came up with a contingency plan.

Screw up AS too much to get into uni and I'll do psych in Help.

Sigh still doing engineering.

Somehow it's all a bit lacklustre. After being so stressed up over it when taking the papers somehow when I got the results it was more relief that I didn't mess up than being happy I did pretty ok.

But the buildup was bad. I couldn't get up because I had daya ria and it blew apart my sleeping schedule.

So I got up at 10:30 got to coll at about close to 12.

But I was kinda worried because I asked Andrew and he said a few ppl didn't get A for econs. And he didn't get A for physics either. Which I really really needed. Even if it's 3 As and 1 B for phys I'm out of Uni because I applied to unis too high in the tier.

Then when I got to coll I found out by overhearing the Vietnamese girl talk to Eswhy...No one in their law class got above D for socio. And quite a few people screwed up math.

Scary.

I had to wait for Mr Ananda to get back to the office before I could get my results in the end so I waited till 1.

When I told my mom and dad they were quite happy about it.

But I knew 1 thing is for sure.

Those 3 As are gonna be worth squat at the rate my A2 is going.

(For the benefit of the SAM people)

A-lvls is divided into

AS (which is what we just took which is just pretty much a repeat of SPM material with more thinking)
and A2 (entry level uni stuff. The material is very different much more complex and requires a level of maturity that I don't have)

AS and A2 will be averaged out at the end of the 1 and a half year course to determine the final grade.

And as my teachers put it.

"An A in AS helps your final grade. But be sure to get an A because you're going to be hard pressed to do well in A2."

Ms. Indra is freaking right so far.

"Even with an A in econs for AS, It's still possible to get C for the final grade so don't relax."

Ms. Chian is also on the ball. I've got a feeling I'm quite dead in this department too.

Ms. Lim however just encouraged us to do well over all. Maybe cause she's given up hope on us.

Either way like my sis said "Getting the A here means you're answering the way they want you to. But it's good you realise that A2 is the real deal where you'll be tested properly. So keep up the good work."

I've gotta figure out a new way to do things. The old mechanical way of learning by copying isn't working at all in A2. With further math to contend with (I'm weak in both sections. Actually more like crippled) I'm in a very bad state to fight it.

Can't give up yet sigh.

"For every time you refuse to use your talents. It's as if you're refusing a gift from God. And even when you're refusing to use a gift from one of your friends they would feel offended. How do you think the person who has done more than just given you talents and life feel?"

They ring hard. And I realise I've gotta look for my wings again. And if I can't find them...I better have something that allows me to fly.

-------------

And oh my results at this level although they sound good...They aren't "wow" worthy actually. They're good I have to admit. But everyone knows I could lose things. And we're all still in the thick of the woods. Lets add oil(to borrow a phrase from a friend) my fellow a-lvls brothers and sisters and fill those A2 papers to the brim with something more susbstantial than crap.

Daya ria

2008-01-21T02:00:00.000+08:00

Food poisoning. Sial.

Yer I don't wanna spend the night with my head spinning like some lovestruck young maiden smitten with a very charming young man(such as the delusional self image of the author of this blog).

I had a nap on the floor. But I couldn't stand the orange lamp in my room so it's now pointing at the wall and I'm living off any light bouncing off the wall.

But my mom would come in see me sweating and shout at me to go take a second bath.

The din nearly split my head clean like firewood on the chopping block.

But I woke up much later at about 11 had a bath anyway.

Came out. Then found my fragging mates.

Had a sad frag. But we were saying "If we win this 4A's tmr right"

Game was that sad.

We didn't win. Duh no possible way.

Fear for my econs now. NOooooooooooooooooo I don't wanna give up 10% of my income to my econs teacher!

Oddly enough. I'm not worried somehow. Not even anticipant. I'm just talking crap with a friend who's alvls doesn't matter anymore too.

Sigh I guess I should sleep. If not I won't be able to get up on time tomorrow.

If the results suck...I'll be home early and you won't see a post from me.

If they rock...I'll still be home early and you won't see a post from me either cause I'd be busy.

And a big thank you to the only non-alvls student who wished me blessings. You know who you are. Smsed me at 4:30. Thank you wei.

Wow 3 hours of sleep

2008-01-20T00:01:00.000+08:00

That night fragged with Bird till 4 then slept for 3 hours.

Woke up went to wish Amanda farewell. Went to church. (sorry eh friend I had to dash off so suddenly if I wasn't late I would have to stayed to help you)

Went for lunch with church members. Sent a new guy I just met to KJ station then came home to a fully occupied house again. Sigh no longer alone.

------------------------------

Looking for a roti tissue we went to a mamak just me and a pal.

Then I saw them. The people from a world that I don't quite belong but I frequently visit.

Then I saw her. Still the same. Ever cheerful. Ever smiling. As if I never walked into her life.

I talk to the others while hoping that she'd notice me waving. But she doesn't. Too busy.

Oh well. I go back over to my bud and settle back into my chair order my usual teh-o-ais. I drop her an sms asking if she's in this so and so place. My normal style of teasing when I spot her and she can't see me.

"Haha Yeah" comes the reply. But I didn't notice it.

She calls and asks me to raise a hand so she can see me. I raise my left with the tape and she doesn't see it. She's kinda short anyway so it wouldn't be easy to see my hand.

"Wave it in the air." I wave. "Can't see"

The phone call ends shortly after and my bud and I get cracking on his roti tissue and me on my cheese naan.

Minutes later her group makes to leave as me and my friend are only halfway through our meal.

I wave to them. And resume my meal.

Chewing on my naan with mint paste. Ah bliss. Sucking on my teh-o-ais. Watching 22 men chase chase a leather ball. It's all so relaxing. Even with such a crazy week. Things just seem so peaceful to just be sucking on the straw.

A tap on the ribs.

I look up. And I see her smile and wave goodbye.

"Oh well" I say to myself as I resume sucking my rapidly dwindling teh-o-ais. Somethings just aren't meant to flow that way I guess. Even after knowing her for so many years I guess we'll just never have a solid conversation.

Guess I'll never know the person behind all those smses.

----------------

Jorrel asked me soooo many freaking times in a row "Are you sure you're not gay?"

-_-...............BEI la this guy

Cause it's just youuu and meee and all other people without nothing to doooo

2008-01-19T23:40:00.000+08:00

The sunlight licks the surface of the pale green car as we speed across the intersection.

It's cool even though the rays are bright because it's still early in the morning.

But in the car...

She told him she’d rather fix her makeup
Than try to fix what’s going on
But the problem keeps on calling
Even with the cellphone gone
She told him that she believes in living
Bigger than she’s living now
But her world keeps spinning backwards
And upsidedown
Don’t say so long in the cellphone
Don’t spend today away
Cuz today will soon be

Gone, like yesterday is gone,
Like history is
Gone, just trying to prove me wrong
And pretend like your immortal

She said he said live like no tomorrow
Every day we borrow
Brings us one step closer to the edge (infinity)
Where your treasure, where’s your hope
Forget the world and lose your soul
She pretends like she pretends like she’s immortal
Don’t say so long
Your not that far gone
This could be your big chance to makeup
Today till soon be

Gone, like yeterday is gone,
Like history is gone,
The world keeps spinning on,
Your going going gone,
Like sumemr break is gone,
Like saturday is gone
Just trying to prove me wrong
You pretend like your immortal your immortal

We are not infinite
We are not permanate
Nothing is immediate
We’re so confident
In our accomplishments
Look at how dark it is

Gone, like frank sinatra
Like elvis and his mom
Like al pichino’s cash nothing lasts in this life
My highschool dreams are gone
My childhood sweets are gone
Life is a day that doesn’t last for long

Life is more than money
Time was never money
Time was never cash,
Life is still more than girls
Life is more than hundred dollar bills
And oh the town fills
Life more than fame and rock and roll and thrills
All the riches of the kings
And up in wills we got information in the information age
But do we know what life is
Outside of our conveinent lexus cages

She said he said live like no tomorrow
Every moment that we borrow
Brings us closer to the God who’s not short of cash
Hey bono I’m glad you asked
Life is still worth living, life is still worth living

We sang the whole song. Heh. We were just so high.

And whenever a "gone" came along we'd shout it extra loud. As if we're referring to the problems in our lives.

Then the next song plays....

"I'm surrounded by the sound of loud machines, And everyone's got their problems, and no one knows how to solve them....."

And we sing it all the way till I park my car.

Brilliant music.

Right ear(s)

2008-01-19T11:48:00.000+08:00

As I walked to my car. With the sunlight reflecting of the winshield causing glare to flow into my eyes blinding me.

I thought...Aiseh I hope it starts on the first try.

And that it needs a wash.

Then I unlocked the car door. No remote so it's done from the driver's side. Then I saw...No right ear mirror.

*blink/stoning blink*

The ear is intact worh. WHAT LA AIYOH SO VAIN UNTIL NEED TO STEAL CAR MIRROR MERH?

Then I played with the mirror adjuster.

With no other car to drive I took it to coll anyway. No mishap. But I had to have Xinhuei as a spotter in the car on the way home though.

--------------------------

I got into the car. Then I looked right. Eh why my car ears folded in arh?

Then I looked at the left side.

Aiyo some smart bugger school kid musta thought it was funny to fold it in.

I tried using the motor function to unfold it. But it just whined in the casing of the ear.

So I wound down and gently pushed it open.

Then I played with the motor.

Creepiest noise came out from the right side ear.

But it works lah at least.

Sadly it's loose now by about 10 degrees both in and out so I have to keep adjusting it everytime I get in.

Unfair lah both cars also kena @@

EnerChi

2008-01-19T09:22:00.000+08:00

ARGH CANNOT TAHAN!

YOU PEOPLE MUST LISTEN TO "THE LESS, LOUD MACHINES"! THE ALBUM!

THATS MUSIC!

A Dream Too Late sounds pretty good too.

---------------------

"Eh we gotta walk in a circle. Follow the path you know? So the energy is maintained."
"You mean the EnerChi arh?"

---------------------

Had a strange at first super crazy then suddenly dead serious and in the person's own words "sober" talk.

Learned quite a lot.

----------------------

Having a suddenly inflow of a lot of good music. Nice. Ear candy.

Cost of dreaming

2008-01-17T21:25:00.000+08:00

"You've got Sarah still want more arh?!" The sound goes high. Echoing gently in the orange sunlight. Loud and with a unique frequency that stands out from the other voices in the crowd. Simple. Sharp. In a plaintive teasing tone. Echoing off the pink walls and the cars parked around us. With a background noise of the collective murmur of the crowd, the sweet whisperings of the couples on the benches and the rustling of the trees in the wind.

He's talking to Fang about Sarah Poh.

(Gotcha wei! Just had to do it! And now on to the cost of dreaming. Eh Sarah don't whack me for this. Sorry. But it's worth the idea.)

---------------------------------

"That's so sweet." A flicker a shot of a close friend saying it.

And it rolls over into complete darkness.

I'm sitting at my computer. I'm typing in URLs.

I type in Lesley's and I read a post. I skip reading the date. But I see and itinerary and I read it just a bit and I jump through looking for anything interesting.

I type in Henry's and I see there's no update. I scroll up and down and read the chatter box. Nothing's changed either

And I type in Sarah's and I see there's no update either. No new comments either. And I remember what time I slept last night.

No one can update at that time.

Strange. I never type in the URLs. I can't. It's difficult just trying to remember the spelling for Henry's.

It rolls off to black.

And then it rolls in.

Quick glimpses of details. Of things to come. Of things of the people around me. I think I see a wrecked car. I feel a rotten brake underfoot.

And then comes the past.

A repeat of things which have happened. I see Sarah. I see Bird. I see the Nother. Things flicker and shift but all the while keeping that blue coloured tint of memory ploughing.

Then I see the repeats of dreams which have become reality at some point. The McD. The paper. The pen.

I wake up. I feel the bitter cold. I close my eyes again. And images leap at me.

I roll out of bed. I take a leak and I look into the sink.

I let go of the sour spit that was building in my mouth. I wash my face and see the water swirl down the hole. I'm mostly at home at home with no one to talk to. But not like I'd fully reveal what I saw anyway.

I rinse my face again.

I don't have a clock to tell me when things are coming. I don't have a timepiece to tell me when to move. I don't have a watch to tell me precisely when things happen when they do.

I just use the pendulums.

All I can do is hope I'll know how to react when they do come.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I drop dem' knives onto the floor. They go clink onto the floor.

I take my seat and she's using the computer. I wait for her to get out the thing she wants me to do.

When she's done and she leans back, I rest my hand loosely on the mouse. It's small cool and plastic.

I flip through the pages on the screen reading quickly.

She rests her hand on top of mine as I hold the mouse steady as I'm just reading the screen.

I look at her and she just places her fingers in the nook between my forefinger and thumb and curls them her fingertips touching the edge of my palm.

She squeezes gently.

I smile and continue clicking away.

----------

She's very close as I'm reading the details rolling across the screen. Bored she leans her head on my shoulder.

I whisper something to her. And she looks me in the eyes and I just smile.

She rests her head against my shoulder again and I turn my attention to the screen yet again.

But I find myself not paying attention to the readout.

I find myself just enjoying her warm touch on my shoulder.

I touch her cheek with my hand.

--------------------

I'm leaving in a car. I'm driving with a team member in the car with me. The black car rolls out across the area with the usual music playing gently in the background.

We're both bored just watching the scenery pass by.

He's lost in his thoughts.

I'm thinking about her even as I'm setting up some equipment. And her warm touch on my skin when I didn't the heavy stuff I'm wearing now.

--------------------

I keep things into my pockets. And I turn and ask the nearest person where is she.

I scale the steps 3 at a time with light grace as I don't want to go stomping up the stairs.

I find her on the uppermost landing it warm orange light. And I sit next to her.

She edges closer to me until our shoulders press against each other.

I turn and look her in the eyes.

And I whisper sweet nothings for her to hear. As she just listens and smiles.

---------------

The offload nearly tears my head inside out. The switch and the upload of the information. The record of yesterday pours into my head. For a fraction of a second I'm heavily disoriented.

I turn on the sonar in my head. I pass the ambient sound over the whole room sweeping it giving me a view of everything. It's tinted blue and I know it's because my eyes are shut.

My blanket is draped over my left hand. But the rest of me is bared to the elements.

Still refusing to open my eyes I recall last night's dream.

I smile. Then I realise it's just a dream.

With the blanket around my fingers I touch the corners of my closed left eye. To wipe them away.

---------

The cost of dreaming.

The high price of it.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Peculiar. Could use a bit more touchup for this. Oh well just gonna come back and fix things later.

Sigh gonna sleep early. Don't wanna wake up late for coll anymore. And it would be kinda embaressing if I got into a transport deal with Xinhuei and she kept having to wake up her driver everyday.

The genius kid that never says anything no matter how odd the stuff I fling at her would probably finally get pissed.

It's in 2 parts. And there was an edit because of a mistake in my writing some things don't fit right.

Useless Wednesday

2008-01-17T00:19:00.000+08:00

Amazing how people can put your life into perspective.

I woke up REALLY late today, quickly settled everything, packed my bag and drove to coll.

And I smsed my friend and got an expected reply. Much later during coll I got another expected message.

Sigh. Alright didn't get my hopes up anyway.

Then I made my first mistake for the day. I received an information request wayyyyy late last night. I made a mistake. Wow a definitive source of information losing the thread and getting the info wrong and missing on top of that. Got chastised over the phone.

Ordinary lunch.

Then went to the cafeteria.

Sarah Lim was doing some SAT stuff and then I noticed....Midge.

Talked for a bit. And read Sarah's SAT vocab cards. Ok lah my vocab. Then Sarah started asking me to describe some words. I messed up a few and had difficulty explaining them to her. Strike 2. Deng.

Then I spoke to Stephanie Tan. Really gotta thank her. She's provided me with a ladder out of this problem I've had for donkey long. Woot. And when I talked to her...I found where I dropped the rope. Where I dropped the links. Now I can get back on track. Fuh amazing how you talk to some people and the un-stuck your head.

Then she asked me a maths question. I actually taught her M3 for thinking skills questions last year.

But suddenly I knew nuts. I couldn't do a single question right. I was more redundant than anything. I couldn't even check her sums. I became a wooden stick. Yer. I guess it's time I picked up the pieces and viciously maul my A2 subjects if not I won't survive this...Gotta focus.

Aiseh.(nah my famous word right? heh)

Then I drove home and I couldn't seem to overtake this guy. He kept giving me face I could tell but I just couldn't seem to overtake him. I couldn't find the turning point for my car so I just plain couldn't. Wow sadness I've even lost some driving skill.

Then I sent sis to ss2 got home and was playing dota for about 3 mins till I got a call. Died right out when my teammate did something REALLY stupid.

Then 2 people left the game. And I suddenly realised the importance of the call. I quit the game in the end.

Amidst the shouting from my mom, my sis and my dog's barks...I did my best to listen to everything and tried my best to help. (I hope I helped enough.) I've never had a phone call so long in such a long time since I called Sarah last year and even then it only lasted 20 mins.

But I felt that I hardly did nuts. Wow I've fallen from grace. The guy who Violet and Emily turned to for help is long gone too...

I sent my sister off back to UK.

And as I was walking back to the lift I pulled out my hand phone and read an sms about seasons. Thanks.

In the car on the long drive back home I didn't say anything to my mom so the car was totally quiet. Apart from my music playing on her radio.

I thought about things. I'm accountable for my history but my performance is shown by my present.

And my present is a lil under-performing. I've gotta get things back on track fast. Because I'm about to get into heavy work soon. I can feel it coming.

This is just a wake up call. Not to trod on me while I'm in the dirt. And I actually feel inspired by such a day to take up the wings again and soar. Like I once did before.

Just like what was expected when I was first crafted.

----------------------

Right person wrong time. They ring hard. Tapping me on the shoulder and giving me a sucker punch.

Yeah right person wrong time. It means a lot.

A clue. An indication. And it sinks like 2 super concentrated drops of acid through my skin burning me through.

Double stab.

The first I notice because I've been reviewing something non-stop ever since I talked to someone in the afternoon. And I realise I made another mistake. A bad move.

I hope not. I wish it isn't so. But I don't think I'll know. But the phrase..."words have power" rings in my head. Me and my trap...

I've dropped my very own blades on myself.

And I realise I've picked the right shield. Because if I didn't I'd be weeping with my head in my hands.

Then I realise the other stab.

The right person at the wrong time. Had it been nearly a year ago when I was just picking my tools it would have been the right time.

Had it been close to a year ago when I was switching my resources. It would have been the right time.

Made so close. So parallel. So compatible. Just right. Almost everything is the same.

So comparable. Nearly the same and complimenting each other nicely.

But the time is wrong. I picked some of the other set of tools to diversify myself. I picked up the other helmet. The other greaves.

But the inner things in me still shine through. And I've realised what I'm missing out on. But somehow with what I'm headed for now...I don't regret anything.

Even if I pass on what I have now...I won't know for sure what could've been. I feel the loss. But then again there's nothing in wondering what today might be like if I did yesterday different.

As a man of my craft. Holding my tools high. Working and toiling for God's plan. Taking every cut and blow as a frontliner. And trying to catch his flow and push it the way he wants. While trying to avoid getting swept away.

As a man who's main tool is strategy. I can only plan and hope I don't make any more mistakes.

But as I quote..."How do you make God laugh? Tell him your plans for the future."

----------------

I've screwed myself. The damage has finally surfaced. I want to hit myself for it.

But there's no point. I was only the trigger. I just touched the detonator. I can only hope I didn't cripple myself.

But I can't say it's unfair. I bet my other brother is complaining if it's unfair too. But bro I hope you leave this to me. And follow your future not your past.

Gotta move my resources back though. Confusion. Sigh.

1st week of coll for 2008

2008-01-16T00:30:00.000+08:00

Last last Sunday ended on a good note. With a nice convo with Sarah. And a super encouraging one from Pui Yean("You've had all the bad days for the quota so you can have the good days after this!") Thanks Yean!

The whole week before that was just buried in crap lah. I spent the whole time after Henry's party ber-emoing around.

Then Sunday put a little ray of sunshine into perspective.

But sigh sadly someone turned me down for lunch on Monday. -_- Never mind lah expected also.

So I ended up going off to try and get my passport made. But I forgot to take my passport sized photos and my birthcert. ("Kurt say IC!" "passport!")

Realising that there's no point going back and forth...I hopped off to fetch Lesley and her friend for hanging about till about 7 smth. About 3 hours were spent stoning and crapping actually. Then went for dinner with Emily followed up with Bob with Bird, Penyu and Emily. Found Xinyi in the morning and found out I could scare her.(she's super hard to locate and I need her for something) AMAZING! NICE! WOOT!

Good day.

Tuesday first day of coll. Was fun getting my feet wet again.

Wed was also a fun day but it was pretty long. And oh I found Xin Huei in taylors for the first time. Need her for something as well. Dad left for Bangkok. Fragged 2 good games in coll. Slept late betting and all with the 2 guys after fragging.

Thurs I think I bummed around the whole day but went out to do crap anyway. Mom left for Bangkok. Got to sleep on the masterbedroom's bed. But slept at 4. Woot first taste of a bed in close to a month. No I didn't lick it.

But I froze my butt off no blanket.

Friday I froze over. No blanket again but super cold. I woke up to Lesley's sms (THANKS WEI REAL LIFE SAVER!) Got up put everything together. Went off to coll. After coll friday rocked lah. But at night was just the usual fragging. And I figured out the heat problem for my com.

Sat I went to Pasar Seni with Bird. And we bought a kite for Benaiah since he was leaving Malaysia. Wau! Bird super suck at bargaining. But hey it was fun.

Sunday, said farewell to Amanda. Sniff will miss you Panda! Then I went to church and had lunch with the subang/klang huddle group. Came home and my parents were home. Went to Viet Kitchen in 1U with aunt and my cousin who was brought up from Johor. Good dinner. But I felt like something was wrong. I didn't manage to perform my function in the morn after all...And turns out my shoe is beyond repair...So the week ended on a bad note for me.

Sigh and I also started swearing again. I quit last year because I knew I was going to hang out with Sarah a lot more and swearing in front of her seems very wrong...

Alright alright gotta fix things before the week is over.

And I've got a blog post readied but uncompleted. Gonna be a few days before it comes up. Trying to add Malaysian flavour to my writing.

Oh also quite happy cause I managed to shift some resources last week. Difficult but sooooooooo worth it!

Downloaded The Less and Grey Holiday too! Was a super super happy week!

Acid slpash

2008-01-15T01:38:00.001+08:00

Supposedly when I'm pissed it feels a lot like acid spill.

Scalding and burning things everywhere. Burning up little shrubs from their miserable lives. And scalding a few unfortunate souls. But no one was disfigured luckily.

But supposedly when Xinyi gets pissed she stares you in the face you lose a bit of hair, some small critters die and insects just die in the general blast zone everywhere.

Oh yeah temperature drops by 20 too while you're feeling hot under the collar simultaneously. She's good...And I'm jealous.

Well supposedly while under this roof there are penalties for lashing out and doing anything.

So normally I ber-emo in my own room trying hard not to swear or I try really hard to read the Bible(reading it takes a lot of effort and concentration and time when I'm pissed because of the plain way I was made)

But wow. This night is really testing my patience.

I was alright till my friend dropped the bomb of false hope on me. Twice. I was already well insulated for the first blow. Stared at my foggy little crystal ball for a good part of my free time guessing things and it popped up. So I just chilled first. So when the news came I dodged backwards and smiled thriumphantly because I didn't get slapped. Then I leaned forward with a smirk on a face. Then for "wed" I had a drop of hope. Then Life the nasty guy I live with, did a backhand and splattered that smirk of mine all over the wall on the left.

First time I was well prepared lah cause I kinda expected it already. But kawan...The second time lah it was like getting slapped by the back hand of fate. I know it's not your fault and all but..."wah" is the best and all I'll say. But then again quite used to you potong-ing my steam...

Then round 2. Sis wanted to tell me mildly interesting stories but it's a lot like the stories that people tell and you go..."you didn't know that?" but I was feeling snappish. So I said "who asked?" heheh high 5 Rachel if you see this.

Sis didn't hear it though. So she told her donkey story anyway. Which is fine and all till she went..."Kington listen to my story lah. Very interesting."

By the blessing poured on me please give me the strength to handle crap. WOW NICE LAH SISTER JUST BLEW THE ENDING FOR A SHORT STORY I'M READING. AND WOW FANTASTICALLY BEFORE I FINISHED THAT SENTENCE ALL THE ENDINGS FOR THE SHORT STORIES IN THAT BOOK.

Deep breath. 1....2.....3.....4......*holds temples* *closes eyes* *scrubs face with a coarse palm*

And dad wanted me to settle his 3G/messages setting problems for his handphone. Which involved calling Maxis about 5 times tonight alone. And the whole time my dad would sarcastically say "And I thought you said you were the smart one?" everytime I had to call them again or tell him the latest turn of events. Not to mention the fact that I haven't done my homework and I should have went to sleep about an hour ago. In the words of Keong "sweet" heh.

Cleansings breaths yeah...1.....2................3........FOUR LAH.......*holds temples* *closes eyes* *pinches bridge of nose*

Oh yeah not to forget service with a smile. Like adding insult to injury weih.

But kinda yay it's working buahahaha I've got the skills and the thin hairline patience of keeping the fire 1mm from the surface to get the job done. Woot. I'm running off the 3G connection from the handphone for this.

But I guess it's just a build up. Sorry wei Sarah I'm really not angry at you seriously. Just a lil dismayed. And you know how much I really don't want to scold you or unleash any form of wrath...

And the buildup...carlosttherightwingmirrorsoIcouldn'tcutrightdrivingtocoll today some guy stole just the mirror leaving the whole ear intact but removing the mirror,late for coll(woke up sooo late lesley got up before me),no proper room to prep for coll,forgot to load a cd in the cd player,crazy jam on the way to coll,forgot to charge handphone knowing perfectly well I had a very very necessary phonecall to make that day,sis decided to get frustrating asking for my cousin's number again and again and again repeatedly and asking me if I'm sure and being too lazy to call my aunt who would for 200% without a doubt have the number,asked classmates if they wanted to shift our class on friday so we could go home at 12 and so I could go to HELP CF to see the Rainbow and my other friends there, got a no for that,had 2 seperate hours of frustrating further math...,drove home without the right mirror once again,came home wanted to play dota but sis wanted me to do crap for her, got to play dota in the end but ended up having 2 crappy games, went for gym(massive tax on willpower truthfully), saw bittergourd chicken on the table, had to help cous move stuff even though I super badly needed to deliver stuff to Kein Yew and take a bath, lost water pressure during my bath, a niggling thing that can push me to yelling point everytime I think about it and Oh I'm hungry. And oh my shoes are irrepairable.

But all that didn't matter actually. I just let bygones be bygones was fairly pleased after the water pressure came back. Was kinda happy actually.

Then you tak jadi come -_- how long lah has it been since we last talked? Was super looking forward to it and all...

But oklah things were sill pretty good today. I asked for a spotter to replace the missing mirror and Eswhy even went so far as to say she'd be willing to stay till 3 just to help me out. Wow I'm touched. Eswhy actually agreed. Xin Huei did the job in the end. Had a fairly good lunch. Found a super chun chu yuk fan shop the guy moved actually. Thanks to Edwyn for that. Good physics lesson. Xin Huei might be able to drive in the morn and afternoon back and forth while I rest if she gets the license fast enough. Managed to fight for the Sentra back tomorrow. Nice. Lifted 15 kgs using only 1 muscle. Even that surprised the trainer a lot. Mom fetched me home too. Saw the Turtle too. Mike is also being a real bud trying to get me tell the rest of the story. A fun relay of smses between me and a friend and a really really touching goodbye in a phonecall. It was so short but when I put down I just had to go "Wow!"(I don't think you know who I'm referring to but I just had to say thanks anyway really made my day halfway) Managing to catch Xin Huei in the cafeteria before class started. Finding out that I might be taking on 2 permanant passengers again finally. Finding out I might get a source of cash soon. Well needed with 4 diff birthdays coming. I've got a chance to reach full potential now. Finally talking to Sue Wei again ^^ And God still loves us.

Hopefully tomorrow is a better day. Seriously wei. Another day like this and you'd see me trying to abuse the full skill set with Keong's parang.

----------------

And everyone give a huge round of applause to Lesley for passing driving. Congratulations again! (But you still don't get to drive me.)(No way!)

I can't help

2008-01-13T17:54:00.000+08:00

Had a lot of questions about myself answered. Somehow the guy just knew all I wanted to ask. Even said it all before I asked.

-----------------------

"You are the hope so let no tears fall"

A chunk of a litany. It surfaced only recently. Sadly it didn't come with the title of it. So it's still a mystery whats the title of the whole thing. But more and more pieces are appearing. Sometimes it comes in a rush of them. Sometimes it's slow.

Whats the meaning of it?

A person once asked when was the last time I let the tears flow. Let emotion tear out of me from the eyes weeping and showing the emotion fully.

It's rare for me because of all the adjustments. Emotion isn't something that comes easy sometimes.

But to weep. It's difficult.

Not because I lack the componenets to do so.

It's because I'm not allowed that luxury. For the pieces to continue fitting I can't.

Being part of the best hopes for mankind. Akin to a shining light in the darkness. As inspiring as a cripple walking.

Having joy in the pits and tight fights of life. My life the one with the harder fights and stronger nightmares.

As long as I keep it under wraps and I can show that managing it isn't a problem...There won't be a problem.

I can keep providing the faith. The hope.

But seeing the other side of my coin only leads despair. If I can lose hope and faith. A lot of people would give up. Because it just shows even the shining example can screw up. With that every other candle help in hope would be blown out.

Keeping the all important tools and skills running at peak performance is the best way to avoid problems.

But now I'm begining to find inadequacy....But I will persevere because I'm the hope.

----------------------------

"Hey I heard thats coming. Aren't you going to help out Sarah this time?"
"I can't that little bit is out of both my control and my reach."
"Still quite amazed you managed to pull that off last year. Quite amazing."
"I do try."

So yes for once I'm finally useless in the face of a problem. Sigh. Time to go get cracking on building more stuff.

I need some good long sleep...

2008-01-12T01:40:00.000+08:00

I've lost touch. Ish. All I do is just plain stare off into space.

Even driving I just stare off into space.

Back from coll. Stare, answer Eswhy's questions. Stare. Tap steering wheel to the beat of the music.

To Damansara Heights. Stare, tap wheel to the beat of the music. Stare.

To Bangsar Village. Stare, try my best to talk crap(mixed results from the sleep deprived mind) and once again tap the wheel....Stare.

The problem is ordinarily when I'm staring off into space I'm normally thinking. But nowadays it's just mindless gaping. So vegetative...*stares blankly at the screen for a few secs*

Oh yeah right. I was blogging.

After all the sleep loss I'm even gesturing more now. And the only gestures I actually made in Thailand was "how much?" and "piss off you're too expensive". Now I'm waving like a magician formulating sigils and seals in the air trying to build a wall of solid gold. *leans back and sees the randomness* *shakes head*

Crap talking is at all time low though. Sigh alright gotta go see Jorrel about whacking the dents outa my crap. Sarah isn't around to really replenish it anyway. The crap has finally lost it's substance leading to a lot of "Ok....what were you trying to tell me again anyway?" Sorry about that...

So I do a lot of out of whack things when I'm sleep deprived. Sigh. Getting in on the years eh?

So whats keeping me up?

Lots of things actually.

Going backwards. In not exactly chronological order...

Yesterday's blog post took 3 hours to write. About there lah. Cause Kurtwin kept bugging me over his personal statement causing my already sleep deprived head to lose it's train of thought. Then I'd struggle looking for my rails. Have some good peace thinking then he'd ask something or whine about how he can't seem to fill his cap. But hey been there. Can't say anything.

2 days before I was playing dota and making bets with Kurtwin and Bird. Stupid stupid stupid bet. Yer how could I agree to it. Sigh.

The day before that working for dad again.

The day before that that I was packing for coll or smth. Hm....

Oh whats keeping me up tonight? I gotta teach Kurtwin and Bird how to fill in their UCAS applications...I sooo wanna sleep badly. Yer later Lesley wake up earlier than me again. *groans* *scrubs face with a coarse palm*

Still a long way to go before those fellas finish it too.

bull says:
date u put wat ah
bull says:
king date for the alvl u put wat
Kurtwin says:
...
bull says:
king afk...

bull just sent you a nudge.

Shattered lense says:
what?
Shattered lense says:
date?
bull says:
yes date
Shattered lense says:
date I put SAM girls
bull says:
i dun wan to date u though

bull says:
woot nice one
Shattered lense says:
sex i put "not getting any"
bull says:
say getting some lah
Kurtwin says:
sex ur sis n mom will put F
Shattered lense says:
i'm honest
bull says:
well duh
Kurtwin says:
they got an F for sex
bull says:
eh dun delay pls
Kurtwin says:
@@
bull says:
u got an M so dun complain
Kurtwin says:
lol

Shattered lense says:
kurt say ic!
bull says:
uc
Shattered lense says:
crap
Shattered lense says:
dunno what to say di
Kurtwin says:
ic
bull says:
memnay
Kurtwin says:
wooops
Shattered lense says:
i wanted to put it on my blog
bull says:
memang
bull says:
...
bull says:
damn mo liu
Shattered lense says:
lets try again
Shattered lense says:
kurt say IC!
bull says:
uc
Shattered lense says:
shutup bird

Bei! BEI BEI BEI!

Oh nice song from Double Take.

I wish Cor Win would teach me something but no he won't

2008-01-12T01:20:00.000+08:00

A large chunk of my downloads are stagnating at the moment so it's kinda sad lah.

I can't finish my language files. And after a month it's only reached 30+ percent.

Pimsleur which I'm so greedily downloading 7.25 gigs is crawling along so slowly...When I see 10 I jump for joy till I get stuck...just like the torrent is stuck at 99 hours 99days and 99 mins to go...

Fsi is also kinda slow but it's 64.9% and 13 hours to go so it's all right.

Daywatch has constantly good speed but stagnating in queue at 20.3%.

Running with scissors stuck at 0. Too much other stuff to download for now.

Rodrigo y Gabriela also stuck at 0...

However a Secret Garden album crawled in through the gaps today. The album from 2007. Not the stuff I wanted to listen to while doing my online pysics exam.(got owned by the paper)

Sercret garden discography1.7 % I'd have to say I'm quite impressed.
White stones 3.7% And Dreamcatcher 24.4% 6kb/s 5 hours to go.

Sigh supposedly lah. Fabled myth lah. Cor Win figured out ages ago how to proxy his downloads. Including the torrents. Crazy speeds. It just ends up constantly 120kb/s....Consistently.

But when I ask he ask me to fly kite. Sigh.

Rose in the box

2008-01-11T01:06:00.000+08:00

I opened the painted metal box.

Only 2 people have the key to this. Primarily the other owner just stores his stuff here. Me being the other just uses it as a stop over point for stuff I'm moving to and from this place. Basically just cutting weight from my bag.

It's dark. The sad halogen tubes provide most of the light here. I'm all alone here looking at the metal box with it's orange face.

The only other sounds are crickets in the far off distance playing their monotonous songs as the air cond cooling unit drips onto the metal awning somewhere in the darkness behind me.

I fumble with my keys dropping the whole set to the floor.

I pick up the metal box's key with my thumb and forefinger. It's crazy heavy. But I just can't help but stare at the key for a moment in this almost silence wondering how different things might have been if I didn't screw up.

No point wondering anyway. I shove the key into the mini padlock and pop the box open.

I look inside. It's empty apart from the files and folders books piled high nearly to the brim of the locker. Any higher and I'd scrape my knuckles sticking my hands in.

I pull out everything and shove the contents into my bag.

A gentle breeze rushes in and caresses my face. The air is cool and moist, it had been raining.

I stare into the empty metal box and I just shake my head as I close it again.

---------------

The air is humid. And it's oh so hot. Heat was building in my thick clothes. The sunlight had me squinting.

I wasn't used to wearing them then. In such a combination. I'd rarely wear them in such a combination at all. But...Things change and force certain things to happen.

"One please." I say to the lady barely older than me behind the table.
"Alright but could you leave your name and your number it'll take awhile to wrap."

15 minutes later I'm back picking it up.

I open the box. And I place it inside the metal box gently carefully.

Before closing the door on it gently and locking it with a padlock.

------------------------

I remember opening the box. I feel my heart beat harder and stronger as I look at the contents.

It's all so foreign. Did I really produce all that?

I shake my head in disbelief. Is it my gift? Surely there's more to this than just the Right and the Left at work here. Surely there's more than that weird repeat cycle gift at work here.

I stick in a stiff folded board. Filled with yet another of my gifts.

I remember hearing "I wish you luck" as my friend handed over the paper with the draft written on it barely hours before I placed it in. She was merely shocked and had nothing more to say as she began to see the real thing buried under all these clothes sloppy hair and strangely solid expressions.

"How is it?" I ask.
"Well it's fantastic. No mistakes your English is good on it's own give yourself some credit. She's a lucky girl."

So there's 3 copies surviving in this world. I think there's 3. The draft in my drawer to remind me not to make the same stupid mistakes. 1 embedded in her mind.

And the last is carved into the hard stiff board. Somewhere from my sight. And in a place I will be denied entry to for possibly the rest of my life.

-----------------------------

I catch them peeking. Even as I hurriedly close the box.

I look at them and muster a nervous smile.

They merely nod and walk away smiling. It's all done. And it's ready.

-----------------------------

My back is supported by steel. I take great care to avoid the steel nubs that line this surface.

1 in my spine and I could be numb for the next few hours. 1 in my ribs and I might tear something.

I rest my wrists on my knees as I stare at the ceiling.

I haven't gained the love of the dark yet. So staring at the lights wasn't as painful.

I hear the click. The padlock opens.

I look away.

It's all quiet now. It's silent out there and gradually getting darker as storm clouds roll across the skies.

The air slowly thickens with an unknown tension. I don't say anything. My heartbeat itself is calm and steady.

The person opening my locker chooses to say nothing either.

A lenghty pause. Most people would choose to dramatise this as a pause of unbearable length, one too quiet, one which would chill the soul. But then reflecting. I wish the pause had never ended. I wish nothing was said. I wish it went on forever.

But someone had to say when it was time to go.

"I'm sorry....."

I close my eyes. Fatigue. Strain. Stress. Regeneration. All of that has racked my body for about a week. All the difficulty. All the hard work.

For nuts.

The person takes a seat next to me.

"I'm sorry." it comes again.
"Don't be. It was my mistake. You have nothing to be sorry for."

Silence.

"Shall we go?" I try to start up the conversation again.
"I've gotta print some stuff first so I'll call you when I'm done."
"Right. I'll go off to rest somewhere. Just let me know when you're done."

Glad to part company I go off to try and sleep. It doesn't go well. I don't get any sleep in the end.

---------------------------

He's so young. Oh how the younger ones always try so hard. Hopefully things go well for him.

Maybe that's why it's so profitable to open this booth year after year.

But he only bought one. Sadly.

He spent so long looking at them. Examining them checking every fold was right. Trying to get the neatest looking one.

He put in a lot of effort. Some people are so lucky in this world.

Sigh too bad Benjamin over there had to waste his time and screw up his order.

He was patient and polite enough anyway. He just rolled his keys continuously while waiting for me to complete wrapping it.

All he did was just stare at the trees the whole time too.

Amazing how sweet some people can be. Just amazing how some people like this can still exist in this world.

I hand him the stalk and he just smiles politely. I can see he's worn thin by unspoken stress and things.

I smile back and wish him luck.

He replies he's going to need a lot of it.

He walks off carrying the rose with great care. Who knows where he's going with it...

==============================================

Very very pleased with this piece of work actually. Could use some comments though. Lesley? Charlie? Sarah? Pui Yean? Say smth pls ^^ could use some feedback on the style.

It's strange lah just had a Huddle with the adults and I realised I'm the youngest guy. All men of about 22 onwards and a young guy of 19 in their midst. I'm barely 18 too actually! They just poured all their advice into me even as they listened to my problems. Really thankfull to them and to God.

The inspiration for this piece of work came from something Sarah said about studying. Can't remember what anymore. It's all so muddled.

Been listening to Lesley's blog a lot of late. The song that autoplays...It's just so beautifull. It just brings me back to when I was studying music. Dreaming of how I would play great songs just like that someday. Can I have it please Les? ^^

Spiral...

2008-01-09T23:00:00.000+08:00

Was up till 4 talking to Bird and Kurtwin.

Ended up in a really really stupid bet which might push a lot of my skills overboard.(lets just accredit it to the ramblings of 3 of the craziest minds after finally losing in dota)

That and finding out a really really smart girl is doing the Sunway A-lvls 1 yr course.(I can hear all the coll students screaming "OH MY GOODNESS!") Sister of the smartest girl in Sunway A-lvls lah. Expected lah.

Fell asleep after talking crap for awhile cause the 2 of them decided to go in "crap circles" got an sms asking me where am I too! Creepy nearly got dragged back in to the maelstorm of crap...

Woke up saw another sms. Wah head dahm foggy had to answer. And that was waking up.
---------------------------

Another landing. The steps are grimy. I can see it in the dark. The walls smudged wtih strange black stains.

The gaze behind me rests on my shoulders.

I know his expression is empty.
Waiting to see how I handle things.

We're climbing the stairs. Easy to climb it takes not much effort.

Agreeing was harder. Much harder.

I see her moving so energetically in front of me.

Climbing the steps happily. In her pointed shoes it's a bit difficult for her.

But for the other 2 of us our shoes have rounded toes. It's not a problem.

It's dark here...The shadows and the cool air compell me, Almost daring me to go at full speed. But if I did I wouldn't be able to watch her. And I'm not allowed to pass along the responsibility.

I bob upwards on every step trying to keep the energy in check.

The other man behind me. Only 12 days older. But he knows whats going on in my head.

The stairs hurt. Climbing them. He knows it hurts me like crazy.

There's no blood dripping anywhere. But he can tell it hurts. My gait didn't change. But he knows it cuts me bad. So badly and deeply. It's got nothing to do with the damage I've had to deal with.

His eyes drift off and check my hands. Relaxed. Checks the side of my face as we turn the steps to go around another flight. Tearless. Empty cunning expression. And I catch him looking.

Another landing. Just a few more floors to go.

It gets darker from 1 or 2 dead lightbulbs. I feel the blood flow harder in my veins. Harder to control the breathing. Harder to steady myself.

He doesn't notice that at least.

Ahead of us, she doesn't notice all of this transpiring behind her.

I glance behind. He just shrugs.

We walk on. 2 floors to go now.

She's smiling. Walking up these steps quickly slightly faster than normal. Energeticly. She's really really happy.

I turn around again. The face is cold. "your choice" it seems to say.

And we take the next flight again.

Why am I here?

Because I wanted to make sure she'd be safe. But here I am sending her up these stairs so that she could see another man. Possibly her love interest. My rival.

The place was quite far. And it was in a different direction than where we were headed.

I doubt my judgement further. Was it profitable for me to agree? Was it wise?

I'm ruining myself...I'm destroying what I tried to build with her surely...

But as long as she's happy. Whatever makes her happy. Thats what I tell myself.

We reach the top of the stairs. That dark spiral.

I look behind again as I open the door. And I see her walk smiling ear to ear past me. Happy that she'll get to see the guy we walked all the way here for.

And my friend behind her just gives me a "All the best with your choice" look.

And we step into the crowd. To look for him.

Leg

2008-01-08T17:20:00.000+08:00

Thanks for yesterday eh buds. Dahm syok.

You're just so entertaining lah my neck and face muscles are pulled from resisting laughter already. Lets do it again sometime!
--------------------------

Freak it hurts.

"Are you ok or not?"
"Yeah, peachy, excellent just need to get over the pain first."

Ok try standing straight. Try walking. It's probably just a bump to that tender bit.

No comments. Woot should be alright lah. Just walk it off.

*splat*

WHAT THE JEWISH JANGLE! SO MUCH BLOOD! All over the five foot way! FREAK ON MY SHOES TOO!

"Your leg!"

Right sure thing. Duh it's my precious leg. Whee excellent my leg nice! Woot and we're so far away from anything and everything.

"Sit down first lah!"

A lady rushes out with plaster and tissue is pulled out.

"Plaster it."
"Let me dry up the blood first." I respond.

Siong lah dahm pain firing all the nerves one shot. It's nearly too much pain to stand.

I pull the fabric back. Take a waiting to tissue mop it up.

"You've got to seal it up."

Freak I gotta press it...Apply pressure...Basic first aid technique right...

I close my eyes. Place it on the horrid mess of a bloody fountain and press hard. There'll be no more blood in that area with such pressure.

Still breathing hard a plaster is slapped on.

I spend some time limping around but eventually I'm walking around.

But by nightime my feet hurt too. I sit in the bathtub with my feet soaking in water as cold as it gets. Sadly the nerves there are half dead not hypersensetive.

I felt like dripping iodin into the water but I resisted the urge anyway. The wound is covered in iodin.

<-------------------->

"Uncle you ok anot?"
"Yeap perfectly fine! Sweet! Having a great day my niece."

She just grins uncertainly.

"Why are you laughing and telling so many jokes? You look so cham."
"Maybe he's in shock." says Mr."I'm applying/pouring dettol right into your wounds"

I know from experience grown robust men recoil from pain. And I'm getting a healthy bit of first aid there and then.

All I feel is just cold air. Wow amazing. I know the old idea was to have things so screwed up pain wouldn't be on the list of sensations.

I had already denied help getting to the office because I didn't want to embaress myself further. Bravado. Waving to my friend's sister required effort. But chuckling to myself, and to the further curiosity of what kinda freak they're bandaging, I remember her expression. Worth it.

I keep telling jokes and laughing even as they keep applying antiseptic to the numerous wounds and taping on the massive bandages.

"I don't know whats wrong with you wei..." she says shaking her head.
"Me neither." I reply.

Well at least thats it for the pain management. Fuh luckily it was perfected 2 years ago. Lets me bleed like a spigot with minimal pain.

Getting home nevertheless was hard enough.

Thanks for it. Still working too. Good enough lah to keep going. To keep doing what I do best.
---------------

Wow I need to sleep. Super sleepy. Couldn't even get this post to turn out right.

Just finished Liar Game. Now need to pass it to Jorrel. Hmmm Lesley since you watch these things do you want a copy too?

Now it's a big question. Should I finish My Boss My Hero even if Michelle said it ends weakly? Or should I just hop over to 40 litres of tears?

And a big thank you to Michelle for giving me the last episode of Liar Game...1.1GIGS WEI!

Evaluation of dec 7 2007- jan 7 08

2008-01-07T23:35:00.000+08:00

The Good.

I reconnected with Henry.(although I had to shock him in the process)(I told you Lesley I can be scary)
I discarded some fairly pointless stuff I had learnt.
Took a journey back into the past and dug up some pretty useful stuff I USED to know how to do.
Had a lot of strength pumped in.
Reconnected with a lot of old friends.
Saw Emily. As promised last last year.
Saw Lesley. As promised last year.
Saw Sarah. As unpromised in any year.
Talked to Pui Yean quite a bit.
Fragged with Janus!(super+ there. Shit wei I feed like a cheeseburger)
Learnt how to handle my outputs. (and the efficiency of my input requirements)
Went Thailand and got a lot of positive writing influences there.
Got 3 pairs of jeans from Thailand. Loving them!
Got a new pair of headphones.
Studied some other non-academic stuff.
Learnt a bit of Thai.
Watched 1408 with the slackers in Jorrel's house.
Found my purpose in life.
Found my self.
Found my faith.
Figured out how to control the freaking bleeding.
Had the famous lorong selamat char kuey teow!
Got Bird to stop worrying about how I conduct myself in most aspects.(just today)(was heavily quizzed on my course of actions and when I produced mature well thought out answers which indicated I had already thought of all these things before hand)
Finally saw the insides of Sri Cempaka.
Found a lot of chun new music. (THE ROCKET SUMMER!)

The Bad.

Laid my paternal Grandmother to eternal rest.
Pushed Sarah away for a brief moment.
Dripped away a lot of blood.
Nearly lost my faith, my self and my confidence.
Nearly lost my trust in a brother. But now I doubt my sister instead.
Did not pick up my skills in my left and my right again. (very very sad loss)
Skills learning progress was fairly stagnant. Just a few enhancements on old stuff anyway. (am I reaching the end of things?)
Lost patience.
Didn't study any academia.
Didn't do any homework.(sure gg tmr/today)
Fell sick quite a bit.
Lost in a personal fight.
Didn't get to renew passport.
Lost some of that glimmer and charm.
Didn't finish Daywatch nor the awakened mage.
Didn't clear out my hard disks.
Pissed off my parents one too many times.
Didn't see Michael.
Didn't fix things with Mar-xha.
Left behind a lot of things.
Burnt a bridge or 2.
Lost a few skills entirely.
Didn't go out with Sarah as much as expected.
Didn't go out with Lesley as much as expected.
Became a total cheeseburger in Dota.(apart from being a total nut)
Gained some negative influence in Thailand.
Restrung some finances.
Hard drive swamped with music.
Didn't touch any musical devices. Apart from my speakers.
Lost a lot of stuff from my memory. As Sarah dreadfully pointed out with a question.
Lost a bit of the driving touch. Ouch the most hard burned and forced into service driver losing the touch.

The TBD(To Be Determined) (terminology courtesy of Trisha)

The pessimist bit in me won. Beat the optimist bit in me in a contest. (basically how many times and under what conditions would hang out with Sarah, and a few other things.) So the pessimist will reign. No telling where that will lead.
Had a bit more nightmares than usual.
Moved up in the ability to predict things.(yes it can be both good and bad)
Mucked about in other people's business.
Dispensed a lot of advice to Wei Yew. (can go either way seeing how things turned out for me)
Investigated things.
Couldn't figure out a question Sarah posed in the past. Almost back to square one too.
Changed stance. Twice.
Made a few dangerous decisions.
Got my dog to stop following me around so much. (sis's doing actually haha)
Bought switchfoot concert tickets.
Didn't teach anyone to replace me again.
Spent a lot of time focusing certain skills and totally left out some.
Copied stuff.

--------------
Wow complicated. A lot of things aren't even mentioned.

Well I do this self-evaluation a lot actually. Every once in awhile. And sometimes once a week or every few days.

First time I've put it off for so long actually. But oh well the demands of the world can't wait can they.

Alright time to sleep. Lesley is telling me to anyway. Pretty sound advice seeing as I'm as dead beaten as my car today.

Feel like redoing today again. Quite a wonderful day apart from forgetting to bring my birth cert for passport renewal. But first I gotta get back into the groove. The flow.

Pointless rambling. Gotta sleep.

Snore. Ciao.

2 thumbs up

2008-01-07T00:41:00.001+08:00

2 thumbs up ladies and gents!
2 unscannable thumbs up!

I got my IC renewed because I'm already 18. Really fast actually. But the scanner couldn't read my thumbs. And I don't think it's cause of the calloused right thumb.

Lady tried everything. From powder to cream. Nope. No go.

Finally she said. "Thumbprint tak match lah."

Hmmm...Retrospectively...When Mr Chua tried looking at our fingerprints last year...It was agreed I've got freaking scary thumbprints.

Maybe all that thumb damage changed it eh?

My mom has no thumbprints though. Creepier.
----------------------------

Side note...I'm begining to re-consider working for my dad. Because that would mean working with my sis.

And from what happened today. Doesn't seem good.

I checked out entry requirements for Bath psychology. GOODNESS GRACIOUS! 3 A's!

Well at least I can consider Australian Unis as long as it's not engineering. I'll go have a look around.

Although HELP's 30k for 3 years program seems tempting...With friends there and all...But hey it's my life I'm putting on the barb wire here.

Flowchart

2008-01-07T00:21:00.000+08:00

Ok I've seen the light.

I understand the accursed thing.

I understand the purpose.

But I don't understand why does it hurt so much less that it did the last time?

Experience lah must be.

So I just bummed around all day reading the awakened mage.(those love dovey bits in the book can be quite squem worhty)

Made some massive progress finally. 200 pages in a day. Not bad lah.

Then when I finally put the book down. I figured out why and how does it figure out into the plan.

Mentally I'm staring at a huge flow chart. More like mindmap. But it just looks like names hanging in the air in a 3d ball some large, some small.

It's full of names. And below every name is written loads of details.

Sarah Tan's is detailed and complex. Sarah Jane's is outdated but detailed as well but more or less like a history lesson.

Bird's is also there. Dauntingly complex compared to everyone else.

Locations are also listed.

An insane number of names are listed here both male and female.

Trying to understand the factors of the plan is the point of this. I use it a lot just wondering about it. I just try to understand the connections. Try to figure out where it begins. Where it ends. Where things are pointed. The purposes of things.

I pull out a red marker. I start circling names and places. It's almost everything. I pull red line from each to a centralised location. I keep drawing.

I draw a large circle. Larger than any other. Almost as big as myself.

And I write GOD in it.

Below I write. "Save me." and "I serve thee."

Did we kill her?

2008-01-06T22:57:00.000+08:00

Grief hangs in the air quietly. Silently.

I remember Sarah saying "I love the rain!" a comment that was generally met with approval.

I've always liked the rain since I was a kid. Home alone just watching it roll off my roof on a cool morning before school.

But now it hangs in te air. If only Sarah hadn't said it so much I might not have heard it roll off.

I pause the cd player.

Pretend to pour over my novel. I guess everyone thinks thats my way of managing grief. As I'm about to find out it really is in 1 month from then...

They talk about the rain. About how it had affected the humidity. 3 days straight of rain. Affected resistances. Affected the temp.

Then they talk about how they tried to fix things. Picking new chems. Even when they knew the risk.

It was all about giving her a moment of relief.

But it turned out this way.

As one of the decision makers finishes a brief summary of everything it seems everyone had stopped all they were doing.

There was no typing.

No sudden movements.

No tapping.

No page flipping from me.

Just the gentle chopping of the fan, the whrring of my cd player keeping the cd in perpetual motion.

A laugh from a kid from the other side breaks the silence.

But it hangs in the air.

Did we kill her? No one answers. Because we can't. But then again we did our best to soothe the pain.

The test of a man

2008-01-06T02:36:00.000+08:00

It's easy to praise God when you're high flying and having everything going for you.

But it's a real test of faith if you can still praise Him when you're down and kicked in the guts.

I do my best to remember that. And most of the time I can.

But the troubles are just so difficult!

The wisdom in the plan is endless. But it's so easy to forget sometimes.

I'm being tested maybe?

A guy I don't know even says I'm so different from when I last saw him. Have I fallen from grace again? Or have I just changed my stance?

But I won't give in. I will re-focus my goals. I will re-tune my songs and instruments. I will buckle down and fight till my nuckles have no flesh from my efforts.

I will be tested. And it's time to prove my mettle. Prove that I can fulfill what is expected of me.

-------------------------

Sorry Sarah if I've been a bit cranky lately. Sorry if I've been a bit spiky. I'll try to lock back onto course. Your friend should be alright soon.

I need time to myself to think. To re-sight. Recuperate from my work. Rearm the precious gifts.

I'm going back into isolation for awhile.

Even David questioned God

2008-01-06T02:18:00.000+08:00

'I have found David son of Jesse a man after my own heart."

I remember it well.

I have no idea why.

The same way I have no idea my brain pans through a thousand facts during a conversation but can't seem to remember even my own birthday sometimes.

It's dark in the sky. And we're walking towards the yellow and red lights.

He knows I'm hurtning like mad. But I'm laughing and it doesn't even sound bitter.

He's never ever going to be able to tell what goes on in me at this rate.

"I think I'm beyond the asking God 'Why?' at the moment."

"When I was a younger I used to blame God."

"No I don't mean that I'm blaming God. I'm asking God why do I have to go through this. I'm asking what is the purpose of putting me through this. What is the real point letting me suffer."

"It's alright to question God. Even David questioned God."

"I'm just really asking how does it fit into the next part of the plan. Somehow when I think about it there's been a reason for every thing I've been through so far in my life. But then again asking right now I get no answer. Maybe not telling me it's the way to get the effect intended. Then again it's up to Him to tell and me to wonder."

What is it in the PLAN!? I WANT TO KNOW! WHY DOES IT HAVE TO INVOLVE SUFFERING!?

The end justifies the means? I don't agree with that. Surely our God can't be so cruel to put me through this before I've even reached adulthood.

Corruption revisited

2008-01-06T01:51:00.000+08:00

I wanted to shout into the skies "Is this fair?" "F*** the effort" "Must it always be done this way?"

And then he stayed suddenly.

I wanted him to leave.

I just wanted to not move.

Stare at the grain of the table.

Hear the crickets chirp their monotonous song.

Close my eyes and just float around on the noise.

As we talked I washed my hands with tea.

My nail just goes in tight circles around the centre of the table.

I don't want to think about it.

But as long as I'm sitting at this table I'm forced to consider things.

Soon he leaves. And it's just the 2 of us.

He says he wants to call someone. So I tell him to use my phone, it's postpaid.

He dials.

The person doesn't pick.

He uses his phone.

The person picks.

I move my chair over.

And all is silent apart from her saying hello and the chirping of a sea of crickets.

I find myself back in square one.

I'm back to hearing her voice again. Even if it's distanced.

"Kington says Hi too." he relays to her.

And I shift my chair away.

I wish I could re-enter my corruption status. The thing I left behind to help Sarah, the thing I left behind to help Peggy, the thing I left behind to help those who needed it most.

I feel it rising to the surface. I want to just grab it and fully utilise it right off.

I look at this guy across the table. I think of the guy who just left. I think of the people who I sacrificed and buried this stuff for.

They'll never even see or understand how I got it.

It would be so easy to just burn it all again and go back to scratch. Anything just to avoid the bleeding.

And then I realise we're both bleeding.

"It's a service to God." and I swallow it. I let the pain tear at me. If I take it on, I won't be able to feel the pain but I'd lose a lot of things.

I remember her voice. Shouting my name when she saw me the first time in months.

I wronged her. And it's unforgiveable. It's been so long. She won't even talk to me proper. Is she afraid I'd bare my fangs again? Ever since her and Lay Shu I tore it all out. Even if it was ragged. How it had to bleed. How it had to destroy a lot of what I was. I couldn't let it loose again.

"Sleep well." the conversation ends.

It can't be fair. I don't see how it's fair. The trade isn't fair. It's just not right.

But you don't always get a fair deal everytime. And surely there's something more.

I can't give up yet. I've still got things to do. Even if I bleed like a spigot this time.

Some people just don't know what they've got

2008-01-04T00:07:00.000+08:00

Freshly inspired. From old events mixed with current events and new events. Stuff I see and stuff I guess. No explanation required and none given anyway. And thanks Henry for the support.
--------------------------

'Alright then, that's that. You'll be alright from here. If there's anything just call alright?' He says dusting his hands.

'Thanks for the help kay? I would never have gotten anything done without you.' She reciprocates. 'I'll make it up to you when I can.'

'Don't mention it. And don't bother lah it was a fun piece of work for me too.' He says while donning a golden mask which has no expression. A pneumatic hiss sounds when he locks it on completely.

'Hey...' she waves a hand at waist level to catch it in his vision.

'Yeah?' he does up his collar and dons his gloves as words green flicker across his vision in a HUD fashion.

Freedom
Acute sensory
Control device
External connection

FACE ONLINE

Body armor pressure leak. Inspect at camp.

GEARS running at 80% capacity.

Vital signs are stable. Bleeding detected. Check upon return to camp.

Battery 19 hours remaining.

The rest of the readout is just a report of his missing hardware and used up supplies. He already knows anyway how much he's spent and replaces the spent items from a case resting on the white linen sheets of this fancy room.

'How are things with you and her?'

He pauses for less than a second and pulls out a knife from the case with excessive fervor. Barely noticeable the hopes. And loads it into his jacket. But yet he doesn't turn around and keeps loading. As if to hide any emotion that may show on his face. But the mask is on anyway.

'I guess it's not good?'

'I'm just a friend.' comes his reply.

'You know...There are other women who can't stop thinking about you...You're just such a great guy. She doesn't know what she's missing out on.'

'There's nothing between us.'

'You're just always so kind and helpful not to mention you're fairly good looking inheriting that long line of genetics. Smart, resourceful and such a gentleman.'

She nods in the direction of the cases laid out on his bed.

'Hahaha I just enjoy doing it you know?'

'And you're humble too.'

Damn her. Why does she have to know? Why does she have to ask?...

'I've seen you doing stuff for her. Constantly improving and yanking more out of yourself to lay on the table. She's already received such rare stuff from you. All the kindness you don't share.'

'She's just a good friend. You could call her a best friend if you will.'

'C'mon don't try to lie. I'm just like you, a living, breathing lie detector. But then again everything is about as obvious as the Sun in the sky on a clear day.'

'I'm not lying. I just told you we're friends.' He pulls out his guns and dunks the cartridges in another case. He replaces the discarded cartridges with new ones from the new case.

'Condition report.' he whispers it out. And he reads the conditions of his guns from the mask HUD again.

'I've seen the way you look at her. With such a longing look at her in your eyes. You're also always so happy with her.'

He touches the mask with his right hand adjusting it slightly.

'Don't you hear me? I'll make this blunt. And straight forward because I can't keep you here all night.' She folds her arms across her chest.

'You're wasting your ****ing time. If she's not interested you should just pursue other avenues. There's so many choices. So many of them waiting for you to just accept their dinner invitations.'

He turns to gaze at her. But it's impossible to tell his expression. Because he's got the mask on. But then again his body language voices a reply with a shrug.

She walks nearer to him.

'Don't you see?'

And she's a few feet away now. She stops.

'I can tell you she's not interested. And she's also hinting otherwise. You've just got no hope.'

'I didn't ask for an opinion Dr Freud. So stop giving me a psychoanalytical examination of her personality and her choices.' He closes a case. And clamps it shut with 2 soft clinical clicks.

'Please I don't want to see you hurt yourself anymore...I just want to see you happy again...I know your heart is bleeding most of all...Just let go. Please and look around you...' her voice is almost pleading.

He gathers his cases and bags in silence.

'You're just under appreciated. Please just try someone else for a change...You never know who's waiting for you out there...Or they may be right by your side waiting for you to give them a chance.' He raises a hand. But she ignores it.

'Please...Just don't be so stupid to waste it all...Please...She's not worth it. She's a bitch for reeling you in like a fish.' She reaches out and touches his arm with her fingertips...

He whips around and grabs her by the throat and lifts her cleanly off the ground and brings her to the wall in a choke grab and slams her against the wall. With her feet dangling above the ground. He flexes his shoulders and he gains a bit of height as she is lifted further off the ground.

His right hand is brought up between her face and his as he leans in. A curved knife extends from the back of his hand from under the sleeve in a slow deliberate fashion as he brings it closer to her face. He's so near to her all she can see his mask and a little bit of the room out of the corners of her eyes. It makes the room a lot darker than it already is. He's not shaking with rage. He doesn't seem to have lost control. But she knows inside he's boiling with emotion, it just doesn't show. And she knows it means he's nearly complete. Based on what she knows...

She looks at the mask. It's got red cracks all over it now. The red cracks seem like solid lines. Neon red against the pale gold of the mask. In the darkness it glows brightly. But the mask was plain earlier...

'LET BE!' He shouts.

'If I choose her LET BE! It is my choice to make foolish or not! Even if I am a tactical expert if I screw up it's my choice to screw up if I want to or not!'

She grabs his left hand raising herself off it to avoid choking. She's strong but not strong enough to get out of his grip. If she decides to attack him...She figures she'd just be dead before he even gets a scratch.

'If I love her, let me be! It's her choice to make on which guy she wants to choose! I don't ask God why didn't she choose me! I ask God what does heartbreak hold for me that He'd let me experience it! I'm ready to accept it! All for her happiness! Even if the guy she loves doesn't love her back...I'd be there to mop up her tears and wish her well...I'd just hang around hoping that someday she'll notice me...or till I move on...But I love her with every bit of me and I don't think I'll ever let go...'

He loses a bit of height as the energy shifts and she manages to tiptoe.

'I just want to be by her side than not be with her at all.'

The edge of his mask around the chin is dripping.

He looks at her without fury and notices for the first time in previous moments since he started shouting, she's crying and her face is crestfallen.

He lowers her to the ground. And she slumps to the floor and just cries pulling her knees to her chest. She rests her forehead on her knees to hide her face. Her long hair forming a side curtain.

Her gentle sobs are the only things to be heard in the room. It begins to rain outside.

He takes quick steps with pronounced agility across the room to grab a tissue box and hands it to her.

She just nods and grabs a few to wipe her face without looking up.

He sits on the floor to her left right beside her. The blade on his right hand is fully retracted.

'Your mask is busted.' She says smiling at him weakly with red eyes. With those familiar eyes which seemed to be able to laugh on their own. Today it seems like they're laughing a bitter laugh. 'Your chin is leaking.'

'I'm sorry...I shouldn't have gotten mad at you. You mean a lot to me and I shouldn't have lashed out at you. You were speaking the truth after all.'

She rests her head against the wall, closes her eyes and a tear flows out. She dabs it. 'If my men could see me now they'd lose all respect for me. Hahahaha.'

'It's alright. They won't hear of it.' He speaks softly now in a coaxing tone.

'Thank you again.' and she dozes off from the lack of oxygen due to him choking her. Her head slowly tilts and rests itself on his right shoulder.

He pushes her head up gently and carries her to his bed. And tucks her in.

He decides on a spot directly across from a window.

His chin begins to drip again.

2 claps and the lights in the room go off.

He yanks off the mask. There is no malfunction. He throws the mask onto the carpeted floor.

He massages his eyes and gives his face a quick wipe to take off anything there might have been. He takes a deep breath.

He doesn't move from his spot and does nothing but wait for the Sun to rise.

The words "Some people just don't know what they've got." drifts across her mind lightly as she sleeps.
--------------------

Whew wow. Finally I write something I'm pleased with. Past few storys I've told I just sorta dissapointed myself. However I'm satisfied with this. Although I'm rather sleepy now and some editing needs to be made. Lazy lah. Dahm tired di. Although I'm rather dissapointed with how I fit the title in. Get the story? If you don't never mind lah. I'm still learning. Reading awakened mage at the moment see if you can spot the influence. Apart from the very apparent one. Still haven't reached the 200th page sadly.

Found an album of ambient music used for movies. Having a great time! Don't think I'm going thailand. Yay!

Revisiting Thailand

2008-01-03T00:39:00.000+08:00

I don't feel like going back to Thailand. Coz I was quite emo there actually between the haggling and all.

But aiyoh. My dad, mom and sis are pleading for me to go back to Thailand.

Yer.

My mom needs my perfect eyesight(those Thai coins hard to read don't laugh) and understanding of public transport.

My sis needs my ability to haggle, my insanely minor thai, my guiding abilities(sense of direction included she has almost none sometimes) and someone to jaga/accompany her.

I've got no reason to go back apart from getting some people who I missed the first time around some buah tangan. And of course getting Sarah(the other one, no not Yong, no not Tan, the other one lah! Aiyoh Jane lah!) a better gift.

But somehow I'm quite lazy to go. First time I went I got a super chun hotel room due to overbooking so I was very happy. But to go back and get a not so chun hotel room would be like ruining the happy happy image. Sniff.

That and I intend to fulfill the promise to Lesley while everyone else is in Bangkok.

I also get my first taste of privacy in close to a month. I've been sleeping blanketless, pillowless on a mattress in the hall for the past few weeks. MMmmmmm bed......

I also scared those CF guys go out again without me! @@ SNIFF YER I STILL TAK PUAS LAH!

@@ Dad just pleaded with me to go with my sis. Sigh I agreed to go on the condition she manages to settle her UK visa and renewing her passport.

@@ *crosses fingers*
-----------------

Oh btw my phone is having some massive errors. I think it's a maxis thing. So any messages you send me there's about a 90% chance I won't get it. I'm not sure if any messages I sent out got eaten up too. Bird sent me about 8 today all I got was 1.

Strange way to begin

2008-01-02T10:27:00.000+08:00

I cough.

I clap my hand to my mouth as I rush to the sink.

I wait.

I swallow my saliva.

I wait.

Cortisol is running high in me.
-------------------------------------

After lunch with Henry and Sarah. Which I gave Henry a bit of a shock halfway.

It was nothing. Quiet nothing.

I wasn't expecting anything anyway.

After a plain and ordinary dinner at home I just got back to trying to fix and recover lost files on my dad's com.

Then just sat around reading "The awakened mage"

I got some info in during the afternoon which was supposed to leave me feeling elated but somehow I just didn't get into the groove of things.

Then sis said she was coming home to pick me up so we could watch the countdown.

When she got back with the boyfriend I knew I had the chance to jump off and go meet Bird and Jorrel.

I met up with them with about 40 mins to go. Went looking for Nother then. But didn't find the animal/unknown.

So we just waited in the park. With the 2 of them being high as a kite. I think Jorrel was just super happy cause of that...

I would have stared at the sky. But it was all clouds so there was no point.

So the 2 of them just crapped each other really hard with non-stop laughter between those 2 as I tried to yan the lameness.

Couldn't quite get into the total lameness groove.

Luckily Emily wasn't there because she'd be reeling from the pain of the uber crap. Unluckily for me no Emily to teman me.

4.........3..........2.........1.........

*Boom**boom*

The fireworks of 1u began. We just stood there watching. With more random comments of crap.

My phone had already broken it's memory banks. So it was just clicking away in the background.

When it was done we sat down and started talking crap about what to do next.

Then curve's fireworks began. We got up and just watched the shot after shot.

Conclusion. Curve pain better pyros.

Then I found out they were actually depending on me to send them home. When they found out that the car was with my sister. They still didn't care. That high eh.

We walked halfway to the car. Stopped halfway in between though and just tried reaching my sis. In the end we decided to walk to McDonalds.

In the dark. On the pedestrian walkways of BU. Bird has less sensitive eyes. Jorrel's has contacts on. But I see perfectly well in the dark and I know all the foot routes so I led.

3 We walked. 3 We marched.

And we crapped like crazy.

We reached McD and couldn't find a place to sit down. And on the way back down the stairs Bird caused some permanent trauma.

Then we just sat and talked outside McD near the parking exit.

Finally we decided to walk off to the petrol station and get something. Then we walked home. Through the rain and all.

3 brothers walking together.

In the dark. Of the night.

One of us did the exact same thing last year.

With the rain pouring down on us. We just kept going. No point waiting for a ride. No point hitchhiking. No point hoping.

So we just walked.

All of us with our churning emotions inside. Hiding with our own unique styles of dealing with it but yet also shown because of our unique styles of dealing with it.

But we avoid mentioning it. We avoid talking about anything. We just walk quietly in the rain occasionally opening our mouths just to spout crap.

Finally we reach DJ. The area of our homes. And we see our supposed ride if we chose to accept it pull in.

And I take the keys and send Jorrel home.

Beginning as brothers. We have to split someday I guess. But until then we're together with all our problems. Our bond. As brothers.

Quietly handing each other our strengths to get through this new year.

Who's coming?

2008-01-02T01:11:00.000+08:00

"Eh by the way abang who is going?"

I heard the names but I didn't quite catch one.

"Sorry?"
"Sarah."
"Huh? Sarah?"
"Sarah lah."
"Uhh Jane arh?"
"No lah Yong."

I can't help it but everytime I think of her I think of the very first time I screwed up with after learning some pretty impressive stuff. A lot better than the main stuff I use these days.

But thats not I remember mostly.

I'm running on the edge of a pool.

My jeans are wet.

My feet are bare.

I'm shirtless.

I'm focused on the palm tree ahead of me.

Then I remember a record of a foreseen conclusion about running along poolsides seems oddly familiar.

I focus on the palm tree in the distance and the deck chair.

The palm tree goes from vertical to horizontal. The deck chair goes from horizontal to vertical.

I think of how gravity is 9.81. I think of how tall I am. I think of how near I am to the pool edge.

I think of how I'm most likely about to die or snap my neck.

Oddly I don't think of anything that I've left behind. I don't even think of my life so far.

*BAM*

I hit the ground. And everything is dark.

I roll into a recovery position.

I just clutch my head. Repeating it mentally heavily again and again. "Don't pass out. Don't pass out. Don't pass out..."

However verbally all that came out was "shit shit shit shit shit...."

When the ringing stops. I hear her voice.

"Are you alright?"

I open them and I see her leaning over me.

I run a check of everything adjusting jaw and licking teeth to see if it's all there.

I don't move for awhile as everything is still wobbling from the shock and the blow.

Everyone is quiet and staring. My bud is telling everyone to clear off and give space. Good old Sarah. Arriving first and knowing what is necessary. But nevertheless ignoring necessity.

I just don't move I stop swearing and there's a blink blink moment right there as I wonder who is this fellow staring at me.

I try to avoid the records in my head. Violent sloshing and backtracking together could be very dangerous when you're not sure if you have all your mental faculties with you.

I get up and look around seeing some flesh and blood on the ground. I check my hands and my body.

"Where am I bleeding?"

Living miracle. Even more so since that day eh?

Bad way to end

2008-01-01T22:43:00.000+08:00

The car weaves right from momentum and angular acceleration.

My right hand grips the left side of the wheel feeling the resistance from the drive shaft in the tyres, grips and all with the brakes.

Left hand reaches for the gear to switch to fifth as my left leg slams down the clutch.

5th gear. The sun hasn't risen yet. Pump harder I will the fuel injection system pulled by the steel cable connected to my accelerator.

The feel of a manual.

It's fast. I've never driven like this before even if I was rushing. Utilising a copy of F1 driving style embedded in my head from watching F1 loads of times.

And the world bleeds to black.

I'm listening to the words of a prodigal.

My eyes are the equivalent of welded shut.

And the world bleeds to day.

I'm putting down my mug gently with my left hand and I'm expanding my throat to check for a sore throat.

No sore throat but I feel liquid running down it. Very light liquid but it tastes lightly of sodium.

I pour myself another mugfull and down it in less than 2 seconds.

It goes back to black.

I feel cold. I feel small amidst this throng of voices. I feel distant. I feel like I'm suddenly all alone in a totally white emptiness with no one around. But yet I hear the voices. And the voice of a prodigal.

The prodigal stops.

And I know it's my cue to begin.

I start talking. And I remember that morning in the car. I scared my passengers. Sarah commented about my driving and the other Sarah which is more used to my driving adjusted her seating position.

I think about how my driving has changed. And as I include it in what I say. I find myself slowing down.

Finally I stop.

My hands a symbol of completion and unity of skills when they're closed, split apart.

The day bleeds back to day. A pale morning. I'm hearing Henry comment about my driving and I'm watching the world whizz by as my memory goes into fast forward.

Back to the darkness.

I speak what it means with a forceful breath.

I bring my right hand to my face. I put my thumb on my right temple and my first 2 fingers onto my left temple.

I try to continue.

I can't.

I press harder.

I can't.

My mouth opens.

I still can't.

I close my teeth. And open wide my lips for more air. Looking like a bizarre grimace of pain.

I still can't.

I press harder with my fingers and I feel the frame of my face distort slightly under the force. My right arm goes numb.

I try to fight it harder. And I feel everything go numb as I give up. Everything feels numb and lightly pinpricked. Yet it's all cold but I feel comfort in this cold because it's not the same cold I learned everything in.

Looks like I didn't make it to the end of the year. I lost by less than 48 hours.

And a hand touches my left shoulder in the darkness. I barely feel it.

I pull my right hand away from my face and open my eyes for the first time in over God knows how long. And I realise the problem.

I concentrate, gathering air and restarting most of my muscles.

And I realise it's a problem.

My team musn't see this. My charges musn't see this. The people I'm training musn't see this. Jason musn't see this. My teachers musn't see this. My friends musn't see this. My close friend musn't see this. The people I support musn't see this. The people I renew musn't see this. The people I fix musn't see this. The people I repair musn't see this.

And I manage to fix myself. Hope does not die. We live on. We carry on in this work.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah I'm good." and I felt like I really am. And I really am after all.

Please not yet...

2008-01-01T18:27:00.000+08:00

It's been a year.

One depature when I got my license to drive(terrorise)

One went just recently.

Don't go there's just too much grief! There's still more I want to know! More I want to ask! More I need to learn!

She's the last...

Suddenly I envy Sarah's language abilities.

God I plead and beg with humble supplication I'd be willing to trade any portion of me. More time please. Please. I think we all need more time.

Please give me time to soften up again to feel the pain proper. Because I want to feel it this time. Like I did back then.

The meeting

2007-12-31T15:21:00.000+08:00

The gentle chopping of the fan slicing through the air. Outside the window the orange sun casting it's rays onto my neighbours house announcing a insanely hot day for the day greeted me in the morning.

Eh blanket and pillow. Wow it's been awhile since I've used them. Then again my pillow is only about an inch thick.

I hear the quick chanting of another language downstairs. Oh granny is speaking in tongues...GOODNESS GRACIOUS I'VE GOT CHURCH TODAY!

So I finally cleaned myself off. Needed it bad. When you've got alcohol pumping through your veins + Loperamide and various other chems involved with stabilising it + massive gastric attack + cortisol you kinda get knocked out into a GG state pretty fast.

No lah not drunk!

Then went off to church with a bud. And in church I solved a riddle that no one else has noticed so far. And I finally got that renewal I've been begging for. Total reset of everything.

Took Emily and Jorrel to lunch. A&W in state. Saw her feed him waffle. Wah can laugh until die! "Sek ah sek ah!"

Woke up at 6 saw my friend's sms. Decided I belum ada tenaga to layan yet so I just went back to sleep.

Today had lunch with 2 buds. After I sent 1 bud off, me and the other just reconnected on the level that we had a long time ago. I think when he asked the all important question and I gave him an answer anyone would view as honest it just tore away all the time we've spent apart. Been a long time. Was a great talk.

Nothing much nor anything big to do tonight.

----------------------------------

The theory.

"Congratulations." Says a deep voice.
"For what?" A lighter voice.
"For surviving the year more or less." A cunning voice.
"Ah thanks." The lighter voice.
"Yeah congratulations." A wise voice.

Low light vision.

A light voice is owned by a youngish looking fellow who looks too young to be the age written in his IDs.

The deep voice yet again has the face of the same light voice but is dressed in what looks like travelling gear. With an impassive look.

The cunning voice. Same face but twisted into a cunning look. Wearing clothes which seemed to have been tailored for freedom of movement.

The wise voice. Yet again the same face a full white suit covering almost everything in fabric.

And everyone sits on ornate chairs. But dark chairs. With a lot of space between. Orange lights illuminate those speaking but nothing else in the room.

"So an evaluation?" Ventures the light voice breaking the silence.

"Alright then let me start" says the deep voiced person.

"You've started this year sure you've got your marbles. The owner of the other 11A proved you wrong with her cutting ways. But you figured out how to let go. Yet you made the mistake of burning everything that was learnt so you dumped yourself back into square one. Smart enough you picked yourself back up...."

"Yeah you finally figured it out." Interjects the cunning voice.

"You're meant to learn to fully utilise everything. Solo. You're the solo piece in this song because you can survive solo. You don't need anything or anyone else because of the gifts you have."

"Right enough you did figure it out and you got to work using them. Studying them again." Says the deep voice taking control again.

"You accepted the dealings and the pains. Accepted the past and tried understanding the future. And you've laid the first plans for it."

"Well done and well thought out for the best effects I'd say. But who's to say whats the next few events and who's to say how it will unravel." Says the cunning voice.

"Only God would know." Says the wise voice.

"And people came to you again. For help." Continues the deep voice.

"Because you're back to being respectable." Interrupts a kind voice.

A light flickers to life revealing yet another person with the same face dressed in a caregiver like fashion. The expression is thoroughly calm.

"And it's something to be proud about because you're taking care of His children as expected of you again." Says the wise one.

"You've also began to reach out to your faith again and realise the miracles. Kudos to that."

"Back to it. You've also made tremendous progress. Finally getting your studies straight. As well as your domestic life right." the deep voice continues.

The cunning one steps in, "But you've also made a lot of mistakes as well. Your administration abilities leave something to be desired. Actually a lot to be desired."

"But of course at least you've learnt. In fact I'd say you're learning particularly fast this year." the caregiver kindly softening the blow.

"By the by and on the whole. You've become a product that we can be proud of. Something that's finally right. A real charm, proper and well. Growing guts and using your wits more. You've also gained a bit of strength and weight throughout the year. You've become respectable. You've softened and become kinder. Bidden goodbye to your apathy. And solidified into a proper gentleman." the wise one sums it up. "One that looks after women well too." He adds with a wink.

"Well done." the deep one agrees.

Everyone but the light voiced one claps. While he nods mouthing thanks.

The clapping dies off.

"So whats on for next year?" the light one speaks yet again.

"Lets see if you can keep it up eh? And try to fix those poor administration skills of yours. And that is all. The rest will be in the written report." the deep one replies.

"Thank you, gents." says the light voiced one as he rises from his chair. "And a happy new year."

"Likewise" they reciprocate with various gestures.

Shaving

2007-12-29T13:35:00.000+08:00

Fuyoh just had my first shave a few days ago.

As I brought the razor to my chin my hand was shaking gently.

I've got a lot to be peeing my pants about actually. My chin is uneven. I've got scars on my chin too. So an uneven chin makes an uneven and potentially painful shave after all.

"Just the right amount of pressure"
"keep the skin taut"
"Use the lubricating strip on the top edge of the razor to lubricate thoroughly first"
"Go against the direction of the bristles to have the clean shave"

I can never judge the distance in the mirror properly hill anyway. So after 10 mins I still haven't put the razor to my flesh. I gave up and passed the razor to my left hand. Wow it became a blur in my left hand. Twitchy from nerves and lack of sleep.

I pass it back to my right hand. And touch the razor. I nick my skin for being stupid enough to try.

In the end I figure...Hey vibrating blade sure cleaner shave!

And I use my own chin to steady it. A few upward pulls later. Clean chin. Then for the misai.

I remember my friend telling us offhandedly she plucked clean her misai a couple of months back.

I laugh remembering to pull the razor away from myself first.

All of it came off in the end apart from a lil bit on my right side. So I kept scraping. 5 mins later...I've got a nick and a clean face.

Shucks and I was hoping to get no nicks.

Fudge. Gotta shave already bristles poking out.

--------------------------

On a side not however if you guys ever find me online at night. Most likely this is on at the moment. Double screen fun! Laptop on the left, main com on the right.

After all that waiting for lunch. I actually lost my appetite. Sigh. I hope I've enough of an appetite for tonight's poon choi.