This year my life has been full of personal problems.

Loads of it. With no end it sight. Looking like some kinda wierd downward spiral.

I wouldn't say that I've emerged from them unscathed. I even thought that I'm insulated from these things. After last year and all....I've even felt cold and distant to some of these personal problems the smaller one's. But somehow some of them. Are really trying to break me down. Tear me apart. Show that real men truly do cry.

Some of this.....I guess has warped my personality. Cracked me. Split me around my edges. And with 1st term results I think I'm about to see it buckle and split or rather burst.

I've lost my manners. Lost my morals. Lost my pride. And I'm losing friends.

I guess it's no big secret that I've got more readers than friends. And even those which are close to me are just sorta closer too. And I'm begining to offend those which I have left with my new found temper.

All my personal problems have made me draw back into myself, keeping to myself.

It's just like what my dad said to me when I started form 1.

"Keeping to yourself like that you're going to end up a loner."

I think I'm just sort of there right now anyway.

Maybe Stephanie Lim from Pe2 saw it coming, saw me withdrawing into myself. But I'm not her concern. She's my classmate's girlfriend. And to me thats where I draw my lines.

I used to hear whispering. Whispering I couldn't understand. I used to see dark shapes. Shapes which I couldn't describe or look at. But that was even when I was in college. And the nightmares. Warped as hell. It could wake a child screaming blue murder. Leave grown men curled up in a fetal position in bed eyes open with cold sweat. But I'm used to them.

The whispering still comes occasionally when I'm not paying attention to what I'm doing. I never see the shapes anymore.

But now I can't tell the time. I'd stare into space. I'd forget what I did just this morning or what I did yesterday. My past 2 weeks of holiday now seems like a smudge which I can only guarantee that I definately played a lot of dota.

I'm losing touch with the world isolating myself. I still remember the words Mar-xha said to me.

"No man is an island."

They still ring true. But I find myself becoming an island all the same. No not a tropical one maybe a nothern island in the nothern ring.

It's all happening again.

I wish I could start this whole year again. Maybe I shouldn't have come to Taylor's. Maybe I should have picked a different career line. Maybe I shouldn't have loved who I loved, hated who I hate and learnt what I know.

I wish I could just go off into another world leaving no traces, bringing no one, telling no one.

And there I'd start again after learning from my mistakes.

But this is reality and I have to fight it bone and bone, flesh and flesh, claw and nail.

But I can't taste my food anymore, I'm not sure what is pain and pleasure, I don't know what makes me happy, what makes me sad. I'm not sure if I'm still Kington inside. Familiar faces call me that but am I still Kington?

I think I'm losing it. But I can't be sure. Maybe I should write down what I am. But what am I? Slipping back and forth in the timeline of my own life. What am I?

I wonder if I really am sane anymore. Or is this what insanity feels like to a mad person? Or is this just a dream? Pinch me. Please.