Recently someone I knew...She lifted my hand and stared at the ring.

Her soft small hand against my coarse calloused skin brought back memories for the both of us.

She didn't say anything. She just stared at the ring while turning my hand instead of asking me to take it off or anything. I thought "eh since when she so magpie?" but then I looked at her face. She was deep in thought.

Suddenly my other friend said something and she let my arm fall and we both pretended nothing happened.

Many people know that I picked up Jorrel's style of flirting and turned it for my own uses. That sickly sweet toungue of his which I copied out of fun.
However even fewer people know actually how much my style differs from his.

I once used that toungue of mine playfully. On the first day of meeting her I had gotten her number right off. Sheer guts. I knew right off that she was a girl way out of my league but I tried anyway giving some floppy excuse too. But hey I got her number.

The night passed in a flurry of text messages as I asked about her and she told me about herself. And inbetween I used that art style.

We texted each other into the morning neither of us stopping the conversation. And neither of us studying even though the physics gerak gempur was the day after.

Even though we only met once. And even now I haven't seen her more than 10 times. We got pretty close.

I still remember E-yan going "attaboy!" when I talked to him.

Then I decided it was wrong. I'm not supposed to do this and I reversed things fast.

But we stayed friends in the end luckily even though I did some pretty drastic things. We never hooked up either or said anything in the end so I never knew how she felt.

But whenever my male friends see her. They always ask "is that the girl which you kept that heavy long distance corespondance with?" followed with "dahm wastefull la you Kington"

Not long after that I buried all that I knew on how to sweet talk. And soon after Sarah Tan on a super rare occasion scolded Jorrel on it too.

And soon after we both lost our knack at doing it well. Although Jorrel still uses it when joking around so I'm told.

Eventually she hooked up with another suitor. And that was it. I carried on with my own life doing my own things.

But I felt ashamed for sweet talking her without a reason. I wasn't even interested. And when I looked back in those old smses I realised there could have been something.

And now I've stopped dumping false compliments for no reason and I've forgotten whats the true magic of doing it too. I still feel like a bastard sometimes thinking about it. But suddenly I find myself pressing hard to remember the secrets of it.

But the way she looked at the ring that day. Was she wondering if I had finally hooked up? Seeing her face just made me remember the road I didn't take.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

I felt like I've turned down what might have been a massive chance. But now I don't use it anymore. Because I felt that it wasn't me enough. But I find myself wanting the skill back now more than ever. What do I do?....
------------------

Ok ok I promise no more wierd introspective posts. Next post will be a super short one about a conversation I had with a kitten.

My heart beats rapidly. I let out a deep breath.

I pull it out the small envelope. I tense my thumb and I use it to open the flap which was glued shut.

Slowly, I open it without tearing anything.

I slide it out. And then I pause halfway. I flip it over and look at my name. It's clearly written in black. Even under the pale orange light from the lampost it's clear.

I take another deep breath. I close my eyes. And I say to myself. "let the detector run free"

I turn it over slide it out and read the contents slowly. Having the detector on while reading something like this is truly special. On the paper it says something but in my mind it translates the thoughts of the writer. As if the very person's will is leaping out from the small thing held in my hand.

I read it throught once. It doesn't say anything special. At the most it seems like a generic note.

I "read" it again. It tells me what I've suspected for awhile. It's nothing new to me. It's not too important either.

It just confirms things.

A wind blows. The note and the envelope flutters in the wind. I feel like letting both of them go. And turning to snap at them. Setting them on fire. I look inside the envelope feeling it's uneveness.

There's another piece of paper. Not bothering to read it the conventional way I use the old methods right up.

Hmmm, something new. It mentions something new.

I chuck the envelope along with it's contents on a table with some other stuff not bothering to hide it.

No point hiding it. No one would be able to understand it. Even if anyone else tried to read it they would learn nothing.

I've met someone else who also knew something about the old ways of understanding things. I've no idea what happened to the person. But that fella couldn't understand how to master it. So the fella kept having seemingly lucky guesses. If that person mastered it or at least made the attempt to...I could use his opinion on the contents but....That person is gone too...And now I'm all alone in the understanding of this.

So this confirms my suspicions and my earlier deductions. And it tells me something new I should look forward to. Hmm so things change again eh?....

I was wished 3 times even before I left my house. Wah, thanks Su Yi, Mark and Sze Mei(you're older than me)

Yesterday, my classmates were like "eh Julian's birthday today right?" [turn behind] "EH KINGTON YOUR BIRTHDAY ALSO TODAY RIGHT??!!" [looks up from answering Pui Yean's sms] "Er......Yeah...."

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!!...................."
"Eh birthday boy answer maths question. You all can sing later."

Ehehe escape...But they remembered during physics. Shucks.

11:53...Walking hard and fast to the car. Gotta move...Gotta move it's so far...Blazing sun too.

I cooled the car by pouring most of my water on my radiator. Cold aircond hot seats. This will just have to do.

First gear and the engine roars. I guess the best route to Taman Sea and I slam the accelerator at every straight road. The bends are clear giving me free reign to drive rally style! On straights I drive F1 style.

I reach Taman Sea pick up my bud and it's off to HELP(Sorry I screwed up on one of the bends. Didn't mean to risk your life). We get there 12.50. Aih. Traffic wasn't good.

After watching some really inspirational clip....inbetween wondering where is Janey and Henry Augestine....We went for lunch.

It's kinda odd to step into a room full of people you mostly don't know and suddenly it errupts in all of them singing Happy Birthday. But quite funny lo everyone thought they were singing for Sarah.

Eventually they sang again when we were makaning. Thanks guys even though I don't know a lot of you.

Visited Janey and Henry in the end. Had a great time catching up.

Went for huddle. They pulled out a cake and sang again. Seriously wei! PRO la you all!

Got home at 8 and had a long chitty chatty with Sarah and Henry. Eventually fell asleep feeling awfully happy. Woke up remembering I had to turn off com.
-------------
God always gives me the best gives every year somehow. Never physical but he somehow answers my prayers for everything else on that day. Everything short of rapture la.

But you guys always get me stuff anyway. THANKS! =D


Previous post comin off. Part of the censorship. Please don't repeat anything that was said on the last post.

Recently a friend of mine told me how the fella went on a date with this other fellow. And before that the fella picked up some information that the fellow was sorta interested.

So well, the fella really liked the fellow and fella told fellow.

Fella's information was misguided. So it was kinda pai seh. Like pai seh pai seh.

So I was offering comfort as usual. (as any friend should do) And as a lot of you know. I'm not too good at it. But I tried my best and adhered to some guidelines.

But then again. Isn't this situation super common? Well that fella told me "It's not fair."

Not to offended or anything.....But seriously wei....Remember who you're telling "It's not fair." to la!

A lot of relationship virgins out there just like me have been through this crap LOADS of times.

Well normally the girls come out on top most of the time lo. If the above situation happened with fella being female and fellow being male.

Fellow is a jerk. And Fella receives the sympathy of everyone.

If it were the other way around.

Fella would be a sad freak and the joke at parties. While Fellow would also receive the sympathy of everyone.

Life isn't fair really. But hear this. The fact that the fella even agreed to even go on a properly declared date. That's a far step ahead compared to the rest of us ok? Ok la most of us.

It really isn't fair true la getting embarrassed over a table like that. But seriously. It was pretty good la that those fellas get that far. But jumped the gun.

But thats besides the point. Girls tend to hold a more advantageous position in this dating game. Us guys just sorta have to have the thicker skin. The more impassive features. Be the tougher recovering gender. Because comfort will NEVER come.(okla not never la but if you wanna keep your chances good you better act tough apparently)

This whole situation made me give Bird the "NO KIDDING REALLY?" when he said in the Bible it's stated that God intends for every man and woman to get married eventually unless they are called to serve Him.

I don't get it lo. It's a difficult situation for us guys. When we wanna make our moves and hint we hope the girls know. But for guys that are kinda unskilled we hint like firing "SAVE ME" flares into the sky and if the girl doesn't pick up on it. We keep trying. Most guys lose patience and finally tell the girl, and sometimes they succeed or they kinda sat on a beehive of problems, without pants on.

I don't mind really listening to people and comforting people(not complaining really!) because I'm learning from it. Besides it's what friends of the opposite gender do(and sometimes it's someone that I owe it to). It's either that or it's a bucket of ice cream. And since it'd be a waste to see a chun chick balloon out I decided on the former. But girls if you read this(most of my readership is girls anyway)(yes I know)....Give the guy a chance first la. Most of the guys I hear that get turned out have very very very good backgrounds and personalities most of the time. And guys likewise la.

Well my friend is pretty good looking in this case. And supposedly someone asked the fellow and found out the fellow is supposedly interested. But somehow the fellow reacted badly. Not sure what happened. But then again thats also common right? Anyway fellow, You're a jerk!
-------------

If you fellows out there wanna whip me over my own problems saying I'm a hypocrite. I've already given the person a shot. Wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy back. But sorry it's my new policy to move on and never re offer.

Yer. Today dahm pai seh.

I dropped the comment that none of us probably studied for AS during the hols. And Ms. Chian probably dropped my econs forecast. OH CRAP!

Mistake no.1........

Then curiosity got the better of her and she had to ask...
"What did you do with your 2 weeks holiday then?"
[frowning]"I read books."( I sooooooooo did not wanna say "deadpool" "zombie survival guide" "teach yourself thai" "the innocent mage" "time" "forbes" "f1 magazine" "astro guide..." and "thud!")
"What kind of books?"[frowning too]
"uhhhh....um....guy books?"[sheepish look]

At this point the guy behind me laughs and Edwyn shouts "OH MAN YOU DA MAN!"

A few unwitting guys even offer (GASP) "chick lit?"

I knew I was deeeeeeeeeeppppppppp in the muck. Because PM 11 stopped talking. They were quiet. And pretty much I had the "being examined" feeling. Being examined by a whole bunch of hot chicks.( [plays with ring] Mentally: Please be distracted by the ring. Please be distracted by the ring.....) And Lydia was also there so I guess Kar Leng will be hearing the unabridged version during their usual phone calls too. And I'll get cha-ed by help people then.....

Mistake no.2.......

I think Ms. Chian could probably feel my embarrassment. (I REALLY DO LIKE MY FANTASY NOVELS BUT I LIKE THEM BETTER WHEN THEY'RE SEX FREE!)(More space for the trolls that way) So she shifted topic to a story about the No.1 hottest girl in FHM Singapore.(A men's magazine. Domesticated playboy. Legal in Malaysia.) What happened after that I kinda didn't pay attention either....

But yeah the PM11 Girls if they had no idea what was a Guy kinda book or a men's magazine........

THEY SURE DO NOW! And there I was thinking Guy books referred to books girls sorta cannot tahan reading. Like Dungeons and Dragons Ruleset 3.5.(Jorrel knows what I'm talking about)

Recently...I talked to the Bird about a foe which I can't detect. Someone I couldn't figure out. Using a whole bunch of clues and evidence it either points in a circle that I am my own enemy or the enemy is someone I don't know. Or it could be one of my close buds.

We talked about it. Recalled a few more facts. Dug around in his memory and my memory. And finally used the collected information in my head. I was so ready and willing to label my dear friend as a foe. Someone who even though I had no confidence in beating was my enemy in the situation.(don't ask me why I normally withdraw if my enemy or foe is someone I think I can't beat)

And I was ready to up the ante and cut loose some very old and potent stuff which would involve some heavy relearning...

But as the Bird so clearly pointed out. Either it's not the fella. Which all in all isn't likely as everyone knows that 1 thing about the fella. Or the information giver. Was soooooooo baaaaaaaddddllllyyyy misinformed.

Bleh. How did it ever come to this eh? Feel dahm pai seh la when I think about it. Even the bird could tell I was a bit malu in the car.(some people wouldn't probably notice right now the only expression I have when I drive on some days is when I'm trying to do a 3 point turn on no power steering)

Yer la. I was afraid of fighting an enemy I didn't know. Someone whos abilities and skills and possibly genetic advantages would rank waaaaaaayyyyyyy above mine. In my mind I was thinking as if I was fighting some variety of immortal or something extraordinary which rose far above the average man. Which is something I can no way beat. Let alone nick the "armor".

So I labelled one guy. And proceeded to build strategies around that guy.

Thank God la that Bird pointed it out. Coulda wasted a lot of time there.

So now I guess that I have to admit I don't know my enemy. And that is awfully unsettling.

But I've been through worse. An unknown group was announced itself as my enemy blatantly. One who claimed to have the means. I probably couldn't defend myself. And any attack made would have led me to running like a madman howling down the road. Or probably drawing weapons and telling others to run and get help.

I was unsettled initially. I even blogged about it actually. The panic was high. The fear was real. I was given a few protective measures. But only so much could be done. Things shifted. Freedom was tightened. And in the midst of it all we wondered why would they want this of us. And no one knew who they were.

We panicked. But we recovered. And now everything is back to normal. And we truly wonder if it was a conjob. But we're all still on 24-7 alert. In case...

Now yet again. I don't know my foe. My enemy. My antagonist. The unseen other hand preventing me from my goal.

So, Like the balance of trade chapter in economics. To combat deficits, you can attack your enemy as it is. But the condition is you must have enough information about your enemy.

So, like the alternative. I'll take the supply side policy. Improving myself so that my foes cannot attack me. And maybe I'll become like some kinda myth, something whispered among others, something that rises above the normal to be something called "Oh yeah man thats the bomb!" or just something awesome. And with that I think I'd become a living testament thats a bit more obvious to the Great Man Above who gave me His blessings. And the results would be awesome. A beacon showing this is His territory. Some kinda banner saying "pwnage!""1337!" "leet!" you know those He's the man kinda walking banners. Like I was wearing an A-board with his name on it.

I'd title this post "thank you Bird" but skarly the guy lagi ego. He'd lan yong me even when I'm not playing dota then. Ew.
----------

And oh yeah...I'll blog about it some other time but I'll say it first. Thanks guys.

Merci pour les souhaits d'anniversaire!

It's Sept 21st. Been a fast year eh? Made many new friends, learned lotsa new things, perfected some tricks, got a license, gained a few valuable insights into my purpose in life too and started college. Now just 4 and a half years from the end of my education. (AND I SURE CAN'T WAIT TO GET OUTA STUDYING UGH!! ISH!!)

But then I think again. Where do I stand?

This sudden introspective glance was brought on by my friendster. Occasionally la I look through the birthdays and I saw "Cheryl" pop up. Common name. Don't bother gossiping.

I remember the first day we met in Taylors. I was helping her out. And she said I was nice enough for helping her out.(Although my new found friends left me with her after giving her a warning about me."TAKE CARE BEWARE OF HIM DON'T LET HIM DO ANYTHING")(And me of her "SHE'S TAKEN KINGTON FORGET ABOUT IT!")

I stoned and laughed and she just smiled. We talked, we worked. And I missed the bus home but hitchiked a ride from Michael.

As the sunlight faded I said something I won't repeat...A bit personal la...
She called me philosophical. I guess when you hardly talk for 2 whole days. You spout WAYYY load of crap on the first ready ear.

In the end wayyyy after that we hardly saw each other hardly spoke. But then I heard she broke up with her boyfriend.

And I tried to use whatever Joel had taught me. This was before I asked Yiyun for anything. Don't ask what.

Right there and then she tried to use me to get to Fang and I didn't notice. When Fang said no to a favour I asked regarding her, I kinda daydreamed during the lesson(physics I think) I ran through all the snippets of conversation which had her name and came up with a whoooooooooooolllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeee bloody long list of problems. (instability in a lot of ways, and a few other undisclosable things only for my records only)(or for a funnier explanation ask Adrian from PM1)

Eventually she agreed to go out with me I needed the air and she needed nail polish purchased in KL not being local and all. Go figure.

I thought I had Mandarin on that day. Which I didn't(cause it was supposed to be thurs everyone made that mistake) so I went to Peggy's house. For the last time and we talked crap till my Mandarin was supposedly over. (ponteng got me a 95% attendance rate in the end -_- shows on cert) Totally wasted the opurtunity too. Aiya magneto corneto leh.

We never contacted each other after that. And I totally forgot about her as she probably did about me. And from what I know now she's in some former frozen wasteland at the moment. With a new boyfriend joining her next year.

Uhhh yeah. Well if she could see me now. From nice guy who was like a knight in shining armor helping her out and all...Always listening nicely to her problems...Reassuring her...To now a guy thats been broken yet struggling to stand no matter what. Would she be dissapointed? Should I be dissapointed for deviating from my self goals so much in such a short time?

Nah she's too far away to care and I don't think she'd notice since I don't really feel too hung up either exams around the corner. Just slightly bothered and disturbed. But who knows. And who knows where she is?.....

But then I remember Pastor Sandra saying a long time ago. "It doesn't matter what you are or what you were as long as you're trying to improve....people will see it. So keep at it. Hopefully things will change."

Hopefully. Surely. But I guess the situation has changed. I'm no longer dependant on the temporary. Investing in the Eternal truly is the best investment indeed.

I Feel Undermined

Last Saturday I was sent south to Johore with very little choice. Only excuse I could think of for not going to see my grandmother crippled by stroke.......

"Eh cannot la dunno what I ate wrong!" Through the toilet door.

But my granny....Uhhh....Saying it just factualises it. So I'll avoid it. She's on the mend...yeah on the mend...

Oh yeah the kaya! So yeaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.........I already told Sarah....

I bought kaya for some people mostly guys la. So uhhh I'm not gay btw. ANYWAY! Yeah I bought some la. And it was kinda enough for my friends 1 for each family and 1 for my own household. Sor sor I told the fellas I intended to give to BEFORE I actually gave it to them.

My sis gave 1 to her boyfriend without asking me. My family opened one as expected. Leaving me 1 short.

Shit what do I do now? With only Keong, Bird, Wei Yew and Jorrel left to deliver to....Who do I pick to lose out on sweet smooth kaya?....

This is really quite annoying as all branches of the family keep saying "One day you'll have to manage your own family." But my opinion on what I should do is so heavily undermined actually it's just insignificant. Annoying le. When I brought this up my mom shrugged and said "too bad". Shit now what?....
---------------------------------

Australian Education

I went to IDP today. And a very very kind lady(with a very nice jacket she musta wondered why I kept glancing at her collar) explained everything to me gave me a nice undergraduate prospectus too.

Lets see....

Average fees for Bachelors: 26.5k aussie (78 050.45 myr)
Living expenses: 18k aussie (53 015.40 myr)

3-5% Inflation rate to be included.

Fees for Masters: Somewhere between 26-27k aussie
Bursary: 25-50%!! SWEET!!! THAT'S A LOT

But apparently they rarely hand it out.

So the layout
3 years bachelors +1 Yr honours(need a 3.5GPA min to get it)+2 yrs Masters(need a 3.0GPA min to get)

6 years if I'm a pro freak enough to get 3.5GPA and above.
-----------

Rude Malaysian Driver

While I was exiting Curve yesterday after I failed to get what I wanted. There was a Brabus D4(pimped out version of a merc) ahead of me.

He cut across a road to get to the exit and as he did so he ate into my lane. But I held ground and waited. So he went ahead I was behind him.

I looked ahead I saw him move. I looked right. No cars coming. So I thought he musta moved. I scooted my car forward and to my horror the rich man didn't move! I slammed my brakes and I ended up tapping his rear. Leaving 1 faint while line where my kancil bumper has unceremoniously kissed his butt.

He got out slammed his car door and I was just about to get out of my own seat until I noticed...He looked really angry. Normal la you tap sexy car. He was still shouting even though I was apologising really loudly but VERY politely(it's an art discovered in times of panic really). So I opened my door and stuck my head out the door. I was about to unbuckle and get out properly but then.......

THE FREAK KICKED MY CAR! I was SO shocked I forgot his number plate on the spot! Then he came over to my door and I had a feeling he was going to punch me so I pulled my head back in. I apologised profusely even as he was still approaching and he slammed my door in an attempt to try and injure me. He hit my knee though. And it's keloid. Pain. But bearable.

Then he stormed off to his car got in and drove off. I stoned for a few secs. Looked at the other drivers and realised they were as stoned as me and drove off.

I was saying grace all the way after that. Then I realised I was lucky I didn't get out he mighta tried to open a can of wupass on me. But then I realised that...

He's a chubby freak who nearly fell over just trying to kick my car. Thank God if he tried to assault me don't think he could actually throw a painfull punch. But nuts forgot to memorise his plate from all the shock. Coulda made a police report on the kancil kicking freak. But at least he drove off when I was ready to settle. But cause of that I don't need to settle anymore.

Still didn't get my supplies from Curve though sadly.

-------

Tomorrow paintball. Gonna wear shorts and paint a bullseye on my chest.

And my english isn't pro Sarah! Really! Don't puji me so much. Ego la! And you're teacher is just expecting a lot out of you. You've got it in you seriously.

-_- Australian Unis have no honours system(1st class, 2nd upper class...) and Masters are purely by invitation only. ARGH *trashes around*

Now for humour. For you seriously depressed SAM people and the bored outa their skulls A-lvls people.

Whats the scariest plant in the world?................bamBOO!(AH...........Just had to say that pardon me.)

Yesterday after watching the Bourne supremacy with the Bird we received a call from Jorrel.(not to be confused with father of superman)

"Hey wanna go do survey?"

The survey was actually about mamak food. And what did we discover while on the survey?

Su Yi wasn't home at 5 pm yesterday. Laura wasn't home at 5 pm either. -_-

When we reached SS2 we parked accross from McD and went into McD. We found a young student studying bio. So we sent Jorrel. Actually we didn't wanna do it but Jorrel did it anyway. So when he was asking I suddenly walked up behind him. He looked at me, paused, and said

"eh you go away!"

DEI I'M THE DRIVER LA MACHA! So I trudged off to buy myself some coke and a cheeseburger. Then me and Hon were just pointing at him and going on about how he musta been letting his charms go crazy over there lol.

We asked Hon to ask a guy that was walking out from Evangel. So he opened....

"hey! Wanna do survey??" Smooth Hon! Me and Jorrel walked into Baker's Cottage to laugh it off.

We found out he doesn't go mamak at all. His reason: Expensive.

After that I asked Kevin's mom. Ok I'm not really sure if it's Kevin's mom coz the girl over there looked like Joanne but there's also another girl that looks a lot like her la!

She kept asking me the whole time I was there about what she was going to get for this. I shoulda said warm and happy feeling. But I was feeling crusty. Like a pizza.

Then we sent Bird to ask a DVD peddler. When he asked what should he write for the guy's occupation. The guy stared at him and said "you can see for yourself right?"

We found out he goes mamak quite often and his income bracket is in the same range as the guy coming out from Evangel. JOKER!! LOL! NO NEED QUALIFICATION TO EARN A HEALTHY LIVING!

----------------
1 vampire to another "I bit a diabetic person just now. I'm so screwed when morning comes"
"Why?"
"Too much sugar buzz won't be able to sleep."
----------------------
Bleh. For the first time in close to a year I've slept with and actual pillow. My sister went back to UK leaving all her pillows and stuff on the bed. So I was lazy to move it into the cupboard and slept on all of it. DAHM PAIN WEI!!! NEVER EVER EVER GOING TO SLEEP WITH SO MANY PILLOWS AGAIN!! PAIN ALL OVER!!
---------------------
Oh cheeps and music lovers. For you.











She's cute. Coz she's sooooooo tiny!! And her voice is real nice too.

Ah yes. The fluctuating exchange rate.

With the price of education swaying around like a bamBOO!(scariest plant in the world) in a crazy always shifting wind.........

Options sorta open up/get reconsidered.

Ok maybe they don't sway. But the darn UK exchange rate doesn't look promising. Going high AND staying high. I just hope it kills itself like a guy that smoked too much weed and died from carbon monoxide poisoning.(dying high)(literally)

And all this happened when I picked out the UK unis I wanna apply to already. Sniff the not-well-to-do are always tortured by tertiary education sniff. Can't just wake up and say....

"I WANNA GO IMPERIAL CAUSE I'VE GOT THE MOOLAH AND I WANNA SUFFER IN THE NO.1 MECHANICAL ENGINEERING UNIVERSITY IN THE UK!!"

Can't afford Imperial anyway. Sniffles.

SO.............Options are...........
UK: Manchester, Bath, Leeds, Southampton.

4 Years Masters In Mechanical Engineering

I qualify for all those unis so far la I hope. But pricing for those. It's like what Chee Ping said. (I will not repeat it. Sounds scary until now) And trying to move all that money over would be a downright headache. (move all of it now: collect interest 8%, Move later might get a nice and pretty exchange rate)

Second option.....

Australia: Melbourne? Where else?

3 Years Bachelors and another 2 years Masters

I've never really considered Australia. I've always been set on UK really since I was a kid since US is a no-no(No offense but I don't think it's a very good place to study). Besides there's no integrated Masters and Bachelors program there for engineering. So it's either I do 3 years and come back do my professional paper, do a 4 years bachelor or do a 3+2 which my dad suggested.

Pros: Oysters(SEAFOOD! Hepatitis jab please!), Better weather(No stupid permanent rain with dark cloudy skies), More buds going Australia(All those SAM people), Some other hidden reason. I get to skip A2 engineers from A-lvls are normally offered unconditional offers based off their AS results.(eat your heart out sam people, That means same intake as my buddies.)

Cons: 5 YEARS!!! AUGH PANJANG! SERIOUSLY PANJANG! Although 5 years of enjoyment would be nice.....But 5 studying years nonetheless.....I'll still be studying even when you guys are back in Malaysia enjoying. (Well...Except maybe you Sarah if you're dad holds you back 1 year. Then we'll probably finish together.)

3rd Option.....The Morningstar Option.....EH!? lol J/k

IF my dad doesn't let me succeed him. Then I think I'll do psychology. Possibly in UK Southampton or in HELP. But I don't think my dad has much of a choice. Mommy wants me to anyway.

4th and last option

It's an option that involves me studying like crazy super sial and aiming really really high. I'll be gone even longer still if my dad holds up on his end of the bargain. When I feel depressed with the way my life looks I keep thinking of taking it up and just using it sometimes.

I get a scholarship up till Masters level or Bachelors level if I can't get any. Then when I'm done I'm off to France to enter the prestigious INSEAD(provided I can convince them to let me in lol), LSE, or Harvard maybe. For an MBA. Seriously will come out looking super impressive la. But the total time taken is 5 years AT BEST and then I'll still have to take my professional paper. 6/7 Years no paper. I'll be 25 when I'm done.....And then the extra reason rears it's ugly, pizza face, lopsided head again...

[sigh] Options, options. Pick a card, any card. I still think I'm going UK personally. But there's that extra reason which makes Australia look enticing....And oysters.......Drool.......

"Pass your mom the toothpicks." My dad commanded. As a good son I handed them over.

Picked a toothpick out and simultaneously picked up my handphone to read an SMS from a friend.

I stuck the toothpick in my mouth and proceeded on a search and remove mission with my left hand as I read the message while holding the handphone in my right(more dexterous, more proficient, stronger and of course dominant) and suddenly my dad said something. My attention was suddenly divided between all 3 jobs and then...............

OUCHIE!! I was kinda shocked by the sender because........A) Wasn't expecting a reply B) was totally expecting someone else C) And the questions kinda broached in on a personal matter which only my close friends know.

I kinda stuck the toothpick between my teeth and seperated a lot of gum from teeth.

So I sucked. Ok the duck sliver went down.........EH copper taste.....Blood......[a lot of sucking slowly increasing in pressure].....WHY SO MUCH BLOOD 1??!!

Really shoulda focused on that sharp implement of wood.

Only when leaving the carpark did I actually reply the message. So forgetfull la........

Then on the way home I saw fireworks going off in the sky. Indian temple in Kayu Ara village if you were wondering folks.

When I got home I received yet another message "Ah..Beautifull fireworks!.........."

Lol! Kinda stoned when I saw that. Sorry ya. Wondering why you suddenly mentioned fireworks for awhile.

Oh did I mention I went Johore today and came back today?

So distracted. MSN and blogging at the same time I forgot what I was blogging about.

OH YEAH MY DISTRACTEDNESS!!

Cheeps's friend said it's unsual if you don't daydream.(yeeeeee muuunnnnn)

But I look like I'm permanantly daydreaming. Not permanant but a lot la really. But I'm so divided I actually pay attention AND daydream. Don't ask how....

So.....with this wierd characteristic of being able to think of multiple things together....with only diminished capabilities....you can kinda imagine my head during exams...thinking of the last page...answering the current page...guessing whats on the next page...

It's wierd la but it does lend me and unusual edge. Thinking in many branches at once I consider all basic possibilities together at once when I do any planning. Strange isn't it?

Now what was I talking about again?

Ya.....I know I used to sulk a lot.....

Ya........I know I don't sulk for very long....

Ya.......I know it's annoying when I sulk too...

So I've been a little sulky since mon. Can't help it right? Sometimes even the most cheerful of people sulk.......So bagi muka la....

I finally got the thing from Keong....(shh brudder don't tell)....So a tool is received....

I've been feeling generally both jealous and angry ler at some guy for being SO FREAKING SELFISH. But since....I can't touch nor reach the guy...Maybe just a smattering of detect too...(got nothing that points at him directly) I can't do nuts.

My previous stuff and plans just falls flat. So I've been feeling helpless and been acting sulky.

After my bath today I was just sulking around quietly without saying anything then suddenly I heard my dad say "Haih failed design....No other choice but to re-design."

Then I realised....So what if I've encountered a set back thanks to that guy. My dad redraws things all the time sure he complains but he does it anyway. Without failure. No matter how many times it takes. And someday I'm going to be in his shoes/slippers/shorts/t-shirt(hopefully no glasses) and my son will probably be sulking around behind my back too looking for inspiration to escape from his current pit of despair.

I hope I can give him the inspiration and the will to keep trying and succeed. And hopefully he doesn't have to deal with a selfish freak too...[flails+sulks]

-------------

On a side note.....Today I spoke to someone I haven't talked to in a long time....Actually no didn't really talk to the person....Just sorta contacted the fella.

And for the first time........I got proper replies.......

It's been awhile ler. Spent a lot of time together with the person. Someone who actually knows almost all my secrets. The major ones. But lately we've been outta touch.

Actually we just sorta drifted apart. The fella's replies just got a bit infuriating with their brevity. And I became quite pesky anyway so it was partially my fault.

That person hooked up and I stabilised their relationship by forcing them to confront a demon. (hey Edwina remember you called me stupid for making that move? ^^)

But Jorrel called me under-appreciated after that. Cause I just delivered the person to his/her partner and since I was sure he/she was safe...I walked out of the person's life to cement their relationship.

But eh? I'm back lol!

Suddenly the fella left me with a request today. To comfort our common friend. Because lately they've drifted apart too.

But the problem is...No one knows whats our common friend's problem lol. And I'm too far away and I haven't seen our friend's face in so long I can't use those...."detectors" you know? Can't use it on msn windows and SMSes properly. Failure rate too geng.

And I suck at fixing broken souls. I suck at giving comfort.

But the request came from THAT person. No not my loved one. Just someone who saved my ass. Bleeding very badly. Emotionally and physically and the person takes time to help heal me and listen to my problems. Guess I really should pay off the favour.

So I'll get to work, and try my best regardless. When I think of this I recall Paul having the same problem. He did great works. He wrote stuff that's been read all over the world by billions of people. People respect him and revere him and were like "WOAH HE DID THAT!!" in his time. But yet he said...."I'm not there yet." This awesome guy Paul saying he's not there yet but doing such great things...OK la maybe he said it himself but he was really really geng. Seriously. Just gives me hope that even if I lack the confidence to fulfill my duty, I might still make people go "WOAH KINGTON DID THAT!"

Woke up at 9. Awfully early actually compared with the past few days. Lately I've been waking up late even with the drilling. I just lift my head off the pillows thinking "whats the freaking point?!" before going back to sleep.

Today in reality I woke up at 6 something. I just stared at the ceiling trying to recall what happened the past few days. Then I realised why I was awake. I was aching like mad. Half my body was on my floor while the other half was on the mattress. Giving my neck a freaking hard time!

I put myself back on my bed and then proceeded to wake up again and again as I kept having to shift my body from floor to bed. Sien.

Woke up at 9 and ran my errands. Kancil went for repair lol.

Finally at 2 something played some dota. But had a dreadfull feeling for some reason. Just felt a lot of dread.

When I was nearly done I alt+tabbed and saw some messages from Sarah. So pretty much since I was losing anyway.......left the hero in base, slapped in some music and just goofed off looking for cheap kills and talking to her inbetween deaths.

But I couldn't kick that feeling of dread. With the dota game I was just kinda dividing my attention on Sarah and the game. Then I went to get some lunch cause I forgot to eat yet again.

Then when Sarah took off to study(and I wish you all the best at it Sarah) I only had 1 task and that was to eat lunch. I looked at my food and I felt like puking. Washed my face in the sink. Bleh dread. Lucky didn't puke. Didn't eat since morning too.

Then I just laid down on the floor and read more about Asher of Restharven.

But inside I know whats the problem. I guess no real point la trying to think of something which I can't solve anyway. Just have to trust Him. Sorry I didn't mention it not that I don't trust you...But there's no point in burdening you with a problem you can't solve right?...

Listening to Paramore now. Could be the reason of the headspinning-ness though. Really nice music anyway.

Ever wondered what would it be like to be someone else? Having the abilities of Vanessa(Copycat) from Marvel comics?

One of the very uses of a photographic memory....Is to repeat certain actions with no uncertainty in percisely the same way and if God willing on the precise breath cycle and heartbeat cycle.

Standing at the dinner table today pushing in a chair after lunch I was wondering how I could improve my memory. Then I realised I was pushing in the chair the way I had seen it done in a movie when I was a kid still below 10.

I'm nearly 18 now very soon to be and I'm still doing it this way. Then I decided to analyse my life. Yet again.

I came to realise that a lot of my life is a copy of other people's. When did I ever copy things so wholesale? Musta been during those dark years when I developed this Kodak memory.

Ish. So I've copied Jorrel's sweet talking. I've got a few gaits when it comes to walking. Multiple accents and a plethora of repeated habits which tend to rotate too.

Then I wonder who I really am. Existentialist theory aside. What am I? Am I a copy with different genes of my parents but a copy of other people?

What is mine really? What is originally me? What bit would show if I were stripped of everything? To have never met anyone? To have never ever watched tv? To have lost my eyes there and then to that incident?

What would stand alone? What would stay? Clear as a white tower shone upon the light in dark empty endless plain?

Nothing would fall away when such a thing if ever were to happen I guess. My own experiences(no matter how warped), my dreams, my aspiration, my goals, my own feelings, my thoughts all of them have changed how I've copied things.

I've taken Jorrel's idea of sweet talking on it's own. But they way I do it is different. Everyone says I shouldn't copy it. But nah it isn't a copy. He's just inspired me.

The habits and gestures copied surely they would be strange? But nah there's enough of my own mannerisms to add a little twist to it. I don't exactly open my palm in the trusting gesture in the common way. When I say "Take my hand" my fingers play out like a starfish stretching and yet coiling too. Genetic quirk.

And maybe some of my ideas are copied. Maybe my taste for alternative music is copied. My writing style is a bit of a copy too. From the russian master Sergei Lukyanenko. But the way I expand them develop them. It's all mine all unique to me. And no one can replicate it. No one has proven themselves able to anyway. Which makes me so unpredictable.

Sure I may be a better than average person at copying things. I can even copy myself for that matter.(yes it can be done for the curious, and yes I do copy myself for the pat guah) But truly I stand on my own I guess. And if thats not good enough? I believe so too that I'm one orignal person. And I'm proud of it. Even if it does make me wierd.

-------

Next post may be handwritten. Itching for the feel of my pen or my pencil against the paper again.

I guess I should start studying.........

I should also hop into the pool.

Bleh but there's just somethings I gotta do first.

Woke up this morning and tasted something like iron in my mouth. [spit] [spit]

Brown colour. Haiz bleeding again. Beh syok. Well at least I've stopped having nightmares ever since that a few days ago. But those dreams are looking dark.

Oh well. Btw I'm gonna settle this Jorrel and the money thing soon so if any of you need your money don't worry. It's coming.

9AM:

*BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR* FREAKING DRILLS ARGHHHH!!!!! DAHM NOISY!!!!!

Then I remembered yesterday and I wanted to just punch the floor hand enough for the wood to snap. Well the problem with controlling your own sleeping pattern is that you can't really wake up properly. So before I even swore I fell asleep again.

Didn't last long though. I woke up when the freak started drilling again.

Neighbour house reno dahm kacau lo. Maybe she's trying to fix those darned leaking walls. But aiyo yesterday they drill the front part. Now they drill the middle part tau? Dahm tak syok lo!

ISH!

Looks like yesterday's calculation does show something though. Looks like I didn't waste my spare time studying "that" for the past few months. A use turned up ^^.......

With the plus point of new stuff coming in.......And a spare unit of ********........Man things are looking up again. But then while at a traffic light I found yet another factor and BAM need to recalculate. Life dahm messy la sometimes.

Happy again ^^ but grumpy over the fact that when I got to HELP today. I had to find out from Sarah Jane that orientation night was actually tonight, Yee Hwa they all went home, and the fact that Yee Hwa didn't tell me it was tonight.

Grumpy. Grr....But happy la. Odds change with every turn. And as someone whos use is to turn the pebble which tips the boulder. I'm being hopefull. But things will be nightmarishly hard from here on. Wish me luck.

---------------------

Oh the speculation begins on my lovelife again. Today's passenger kept asking me....

"You like Sarah Jane don't you!? YOU DO! I KNOW IT CANNOT HIDE!!" [impassive look]

Kar Leng thinks I have a "thing" Lydia.

An odd guess from friends is that I also have the hots for Sarah Tan. 2 Sarahs lol.

Yiyun thought I was pursuing Lesley.

Joel is tipping me off on how to handle Eswhy.

Edwina's class things I'm all drool and spittle over Jia Hui.

It's so fun to be ambigious. I'm not gonna confirm nor deny any. Just for the fun of it. But.......just to give you a hint so you can join in on the speculation. Watch the words. They're selected.

But there's no one left. So I guess I'll just have my make my own light in the dark. "Strike your own matches and light your torches. It's a long trek in the dark. And don't hope to see another face while on the trail."
Memory reboot was a success sadly. But at least I've achieved photographic state again.

I deleted the last post in case you stalkers were wondering.

Didn't even last a few hours. It was a very well written post but nahhhhh I was feeling very emotional. And it bared too much so sorry it's gone. Writing something like that was too brash. I know I'm supposed to be happy and thankfull with whatever I've gotten but you know la sometimes you just get slapped so hard in your face you lose your balance. And since I'm running anchor free nowadays, alcohol free, temptation free, greed free and a lot of what not missing that slap just made me slide off the platform. But I'm good. I'm good. I've come to terms with it. Can't say I'm entirely happy though. Things could be better but I guess they're fine the way it is now.

See Bird hapiness really doesn't come exactly up to content.

Argh a bit frustrating a teeny weeny bit but it's more or less ridden with dissapointment. Ah I guess guys like me aren't meant to have a heart. Just inteferes with the work. [slaps face] Gotta focus on the goal. All other things are second consideration after all.

Sze Mei talked to me before I went out to makan with Keong and the more I talked to her the more I realised I can say anything no matter how painfull it is to me with a smile on my face. If it's because I'm happy....I don't really find so. I just get the feeling it's etched on my face. A mask. The guard, a shield for whatever thats vulnerable inside. Not much left but just making sure whats left doesn't look like the other bits. Calloused and scarred beyond recognition.

Thanks Keong for cheering me up and temaning me. Either way you got a nice Williams supper out of it right?

Oh man.........cd player battery quit.......[grumbles]

Feeling out of it for once so don't expect to see too much of me. I'll probably mope around for a few days and normally when I get depressed I stop blogging for awhile. Sorry Sarah no entertainment. Till then lah. I'm gonna do something undepressing. Wish me luck I don't turn to the bottle. Expensive habit.

Oh Lesley! Ice cream call! Good for nursing a depressed person! I belanja then lets weep it out!

Wheeee my recovery from those exam days is going well. I've stopped having the urge to puke everytime I cough. (bye bye pregnant woman feeling)

The limbs have stopped aching and my wounds have finally started healing the right way.

I guess all I have to do next is just keep resting. But aiyohhhh so much to keep doing wei! Next week gotta study too. Preferrably I start tomorrow also. Ishhhhhhhh 1 long never ending journey in academia.

Recently....Chee Ping said 2 things that flattered me. (aww Cheeps, thanks man)

He said it's easier to understand things when I teach it. As to compared with another super smart guy. He brings in the a's though so I still respect him very much but all this time I really wanted to learn how to teach others. I've just got soooo much crap and information in me and well sometimes it's worth sharing. And now that I actually make sense when I try to teach people things....I'm pretty happy. I think I'll give Emily and Khai Sim another round of tuition again. Payback for last year's moral tuition lol. (sadly only got a B3 in the end) (sorry em!)

He also said I look like the kind that has a girlfriend. It's both flattering and uhhhhh [look left, look right] pai seh. I mean like I don't have 1. It's for a freaking good reason too. I'm wierder than wierd, strange than strange. And I'm a skinny freak. All the things that girls don't look for. So when he said I look like a guy with a girlfriend I was like......."you're sooooo not gay" (sorry cheeps lol but isn't it empowering to feel straight?)

I'm just really bored so I'm not sure whats the significance of this post.

But while I was walking around with Sister dearest in Curve we went to the house of pancakes for supper. I wanted to belanja her la since her birthday so I gutsily said,

"Tonights supper on me la" [Peeps in wallet] "Shit"

She laughed like mad to that.

While waiting for the food la I ran a few calculations in my head. And then I was like "WOAH, Suddenly keen observation!" Felt high and mighty about that but I remembered I just figured out how screwed I am. Sniff. Potong steam. (I won't tell what are the calculations for)

Ok you know what.....Su Yi........I'm gonna bite you when I see you.....

Why la you didn't tell got cf games.....

As a guy with no proper bible education. Felt like a total Noobasauraus.

Ish I'm gonna ask Hon to teach me bible. This will not stand! I need teachings! And I need to get an Old Testament bible.(I've never had bible education before, reason: kinda personal) Haih so many things to do.

Anyway, contrary to my speculated pick up line......"Hi I've got a camera, wanna take a picture with me?" "It's an SLR....Single Lense Reflex......" (I don't use it btw. Rather curl up and die single than use it) I didn't bring a camera.

So no pics. Sorry guys. But Su Yi this was the worst day to come for outsiders. HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL US?? Dahm left out la no time to really get to know people.

Uhhh ya the games. So Me and the Bird just hopped into Henry's group while Ben-G jumped into someone else's group. I think it was Hui Yuih's........He musta used that "Hi, did we go to the same kindergarten" line on her.

The first game we missed. Second was some crossword which we didn't understand. So me and Bird spent a lot of time looking at each other while he told me to chill because I was repeating "I'm gonna bite Su Yi" very rapidly. Exam after effects ok!

Then the third,
We were in the stairwell playing Taboo. We get a card. And we can't say any word on the card. But we have to somehow tell our team whats the word. 1 point for a Taboo card. 2 points for a Taboo card based on something from the bible. 30 seconds. Timed by Jamie Khoo. (who keeps thinking I'm Kingston zzzzz)
Moment of the day.

"It's a part of your body."
"NERVOUS SYSTEM!"
Biomed overdose.

The fourth, Charades of events from the bible.
We had a pastor's daughter which was very shy but when she did the bible Taboo she was dahm chun. Really pastor's daughter. So we left her to identify what we were doing. We had to act as a group and only 1 person could guess. Total opposite of charades.

First challenge: Job questioning God.

This was tricky. She guessed Job.(btw I have no idea whats her name I heard it but I'm still confused) But she couldn't figure out anything else. So we saw a question mark. ("need hugs?" sign) and we pointed at it. She asked us if it was about hugging. -_-

Second challenge: Ruth proposing to Boaz.

This we used another person. Cause that was the rules. Which was darn funny. Somehow la I really don't know she guessed Ruth. I didn't understand how really. The proposing part a girl knelt down and proposed to a guy so that confused her but he did the ring thingy so she got it.

Left Boaz. So......Henry did the bowling action. She said "bowl?" we nodded. Then Henry started clapping his butt. Everyone was clapping their butts. Oh man those guys in the free wifi zone must be dahm wierded out. She guessed butt. After a lot of false guesses she arrived at "ass". "bowl" + "ass" = "Boaz" good enough.

Last game,
Hang a banana from rafia string at the waist and swing it without using legs or anything at an orange. Kinda like getting a wrecking ball to move house that can roll. Had to push it 2 metres. A lot of guys passed comments about the bananas.

Felt hungry. I love bananas.

After all that we saw Jamie do some funny dance which she performed at the HELP cf camp. Very very very very very funny.

Finally,.......Adjourne for lunch. Me and Hon left coz I could tell he was bored. Janey, Henry, and Ben-G stayed behind cause Hui Yuih asked them to join them for basketball.

Can't help the feeling I've dissapointed Hui Yuih though. The guy who was so nice back then suddenly reached college and when I finally spoke to her in so many months..."So ya I gangster want fight ah?!" lol that jacket really gangster.

And that was the end of it. HELP CF is huge. Soooooo many people turned up. Like some kinda DJ CF but everyone is wearing streetwear.

Sarah come la next time. After your trials k? I'll make the journey whenever I can. Dissapointed la you couldn't come la today.

I'm not going to shout "FREEEEE!"

Because that would highly irritate the people in SAM program angry.

Besides most of them flare up whenvever we even try to tell them how suffer it is to be in A-lvls. So no I'm gonna totally avoid he fact that I'm going to be living in total bliss/boredom for 2 weeks.

Nope. Not going to mention it. Not at all.

Since I love all you SAM people anyway.......I'm going to tell you how crap my holiday is going to be. [hands out rotten tomatoes]

I'm currently on this CF travelling marathon. Trying to go to every CF......today sunway..TOMORROW THE WORLD *cough* HELP *cough* [fancy dodging of rotten tomatoes]

And current goals:

I'm gonna learn some posturing during holidays so hopefully you guys will see me standing straight after hols. Can't put it off anymore I can feel the damage happening to my bones. It hurts a bit while studying and the discomfort from driving...Lets not even go there.......But if I don't succeed you can slap me straight. Yes all of you. Including you stressed out SAM people BUT NO NOT YOU SIN SEANNE! AND NO NOT YOU STEPH LIM! YOU 2 YOUR SLAPS DAHM DEADLY LA!

Meditate. Got a lot of things to think about.

Repair my body. Overstudying and undersleeping+ non stop nightmares. Really puts the sakit in you. Whoops there goes the kidneys. Nearly threw up countless times this morning too. (feels like a pregnant woman)

Reset the brain. I can't talk while making sense anymore. Been doing lots of wierd things too. Led to Daniel Hon saying "he's a 5 yr old kid trapped in a 17 yr old body" [does some metal gear solid move] "SEE WHAT I MEAN???HE DAHM LITTLE KID BUT HE CAN DRIVE!!"

Reset the heart. My hearbeat has been out of whack recently. Effect from lack of sleep+stress. I woke up yesterday from the sudden sheer pressure of the pumping. Throbbing feeling all over. Kinda like being hit by a massive hammer. Or just like shaking hands with Daniel Hon. Gotta reset those nutty emotions too. Makes me happy when I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to be sad.

Prove that I'm no womaniser. I emulate the other parts of Jorrel la!(the scolding bit lol "dog la" "useless!") ISH! I don't go flirting with random girls! I was there when Sarah scolded him remember!? Even then I always hint that I'm taken when I meet new people!(Just something I do don't bother asking why)

Buy my sis a birthday present. She bought me a really expensive present...

Learn more French.

Learn Thai.

Learn more mandarin. And hopefully seperate my mandarin from my cantonese. "Ni Hou Moh?" -_-

Pray more. Read the bible more. A MUST DO! Ish lately I forget even this when I study.

Bleh. Go back to gym. Been a long time. Really really weak already compared to when I stopped. Silly cannibalistic muscles.

Try to update less. Causeeeeeee.........[cough] You know who you are....I wanna give you more time to study cause my posts are too long....[cough cough]

Hopefully reinsert the arts and craft skill back into my hands. Might need to use it soon. Sniffles. Really shouldn't have dropped it all.

Clean up my com.

Study. (sadly sniff yes AS coming)(earlier than SAM finals too)

Try to be less annoying.

Try to stop swearing altogether. Yes no more "Oh shit!"

Move some things.....

Last but not least...

Finally.....................[ :P ] NOT TELLING ^^ The last thing is personal. But wish me luck in it.

Anyway all the best to you guys/gals in SAM. Good luck in your trials! And A-lvls brothers and sisters! LETS GO HAVE SOME FUN. I mean study. [dodges the rotten tomatoes]

Been having a lot of outside food recently so it's kinda NO BALANCED DIET!

I'm gonna be skinny like Pui Cheng soon.....(kidding ya I don't know if you still read my blog)

I've sooo definately lost weight mannnnnn from underweight to even further underweight. Lesley if you're reading this.......Thats why I ate the ice cream ^^

I keep having to haul up my jeans and keep having to tighten my belt. Dahm susah wei! All to prevent that super embaressing pants falling incident.

Yesterday I had no vege at all.....So I'm gonna have to digest something to offset that.

Food in subang dahm unhealthy la my body is just aching from eating the food there. Ok la maybe 1 meal a day isn't too bad but when you're lunch and dinner comes from there.....it gets pretty ugly.

I've got this huge muscle to weight ratio so it's really sucky. Not enough protein and the specific food groups to sustain this prolonged lack of nutrition so my weight is dropping from my muscles eating themselves.

OI NO CANNIBALISM LA!

So girls dislike the idea of me losing weight so fast........^^ I think I've lost 1kg since I started staying back in college.

Ok just so you girls don't attack like a lynch mob tomorrow on the last day of exams....It's tough being a guy who loses weight so fast ok! You go gym and you tell the guys there "I lost .5kg studying for exams" they reply with.....

"Poor you eh. Take some weight gainers la like.........."

Now you know how they fill out those shirts so well.

Speaking of shirts I've got a new shirt with unicorns on it. Seriously it's a lot more straight than it sounds.

Yes I'm trying to be funny again. I hope you all enjoy this post compared to the super long ones recently about wierd random stories which are awfully dark. Sorry 'bout that.

Btw I can't get a hold of McD so I might be going alone to HELP right now. Please Sarah say "yes" at least! Dahm sad la I go sendiri.......

Btw this is just to repeat things. Who wants to go to help cf on friday?

SMS me. If not it's gonna be me and McD. Which would be oddly funny but lonely.

------------------------------------------

Engine wailing. Radio silent. Vision within 9 metres. The road is dark. The skies are washing the roads.

4th gear. Into the corner. Clutch still depressed I turn the car. Then I time the release of the clutch and the press of the accelerator. My legs look like they're dancing. But my car is sliding.

Thunk. My tires hit the curb lightly. But not enough to blow them.

"Do you want me to drive?"
"Nah I think I can handle."
"Do you want assistance anyway?"
"Share some."

The world chills and I feel the wheel. My tires are loose on the road. I lack the grip.

SHHHHHHH the water parts at the force by the tires of my car. Too bad it's a turn. The barrier comes nearer. I lower my gear. Pressing hard I release the clutch quick. The car leaps my engine roars. And my car pulls out nicely. A bit close but good enough to avoid any damage.

"Good to see you're taking care of your life nicely."
"Well life is a gift isn't it?"

I turn on the radio as I hit the open highway. It's a straight road. So I can afford to go faster. I slip once in awhile but sheer momentum prevents me from going too far.

"Next up right after this break "switchfoot - meant to live" "

Ah that song. I remember it so well. I never really liked it but my current situation remind me of the meaning of it.

Fumbling his confidence
And wond’ring why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he’s meant for more than arguments
And failed attempts to fly, fly

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside

Dreaming about providence
And whether mice or men have second tries
Maybe we’ve been livin with our eyes half open
Maybe we’re bent and broken, broken

The chorus plays and I remember how it was. Pushing my car through every corner. Taking every risk. Trying it all and all the while betting it all. Not just while driving too. And it all started a long time before I started driving too. Risk is a board game. But it bored me. Living in risk. Thats where I enjoy things.

Oddly enough I'm always the first to lose in risk....

We want more than this world’s got to offer
We want more than this world’s got to offer
We want more than the wars of our fathers
And everything inside screams for second life

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live
We were meant to live

Then I remember the words, "Don't bring him to the test."

I look at the speedometer and I realise I've slowed down. From 125 on the wet roads to a mere 85. Yeah, I guess I really should respect this second chance at life. Not everyone gets it after all.

-------------------------

Long story bleh.
------------------------

I recall an old song I love the lyrics, I love the melody, and I can't help but listen to it over and over again. I can't stop listening to it. Thats probably the main reason I can hear it in my head.

Angel of mercy
How did you find me?
Where did you read my story?
Pulled from the papers
Desperate and hardened
seeking a momentary fix

All I wanted to say
All I wanted to do
Is fall apart now
All I wanted to feel
I wanted to love
Its all my fault now
A Tradegy I fear

Angel of mercy
How did you find me?
How did you pick me up again?
Into the mercy
How did you move me?
Why am I on my feet again?
And I see you

Back when I was younger I used to wonder......Why was I picked to be ressurected. Why did God pick me a person who would not be able to appreaciate the second chance, given a new lease on life too. None of it made any sense. I was much happier being dead anyway.

Before just the daylight
Come and i stand by
Waiting to catch the quickest plane
Flying to nowhere
Is better than somewhere
That's where i've been and nothing's changed

All I wanted to say
All I wanted to do
Is fall apart now
All I wanted to feel
I wanted to love
Its all my fault now
A Tradegy for sure

Angel of mercy
How did you find me?
How did you pick me up again?
Into the mercy
How did you move me?
Why am I on my feet again?
And I see you

I'm so lost in you
A tragedy seemed to be over now
A tradegy it seemed to be over now

Angel of mercy
How did you find me?
How did you pick me up again?
Into the mercy
How did you move me?
Why am I on my feet again?
And I see you

By the mercy of the Father I stood again. He could have made me whole again I guess. But he left the scars to remind me that I've already gone once.

Now I understand. There was more to life than those dark days. Living again walking among the living again. Breathing in the sunlight. Life is enjoyable turns out. And I'm happy enough to repay him by using what I learnt on the the other walks of life to repay him.

But tell me Angel of Mercy. Whatshould I do next? What should be my next goal?

And most importantly. How much time is there left for me finish it? I get the feeling things aren't going to last very much longer. Tell me please.

How long will the peace last for me to do my work? When will the crux come again followed by me being plunged into the darkness again? I'm ready for it this time. I won't let it get me.

Going HELP CF on Friday. Who wants to come? Anyone?

And no Pui Yean you're not being ignored btw.

I'm too lazy to write my long ass story. So there. Maybe during hols when I have the time.

Gossip is fun I know....But I really do love my privacy so anything I say here on this blog is generally of the vague type. Nothing makes sense. Even the stories generally do have some hidden meaning (long or short, Not kidding if you didn't find any go read again) because sometimes is stress killing to let it out.

*cough* that being said....Yes, it's time for CRYPTIC CRAP.

Tomorrow is the paper 1 exam. For math. So it's kinda as difficult as shaking the salt shaker(no effort required).

Been having a lot of trouble recently trying to concentrate. It seems I can't even concentrate on daydreaming which is rather strange coming from me who spends almost every waking minute daydreaming. Which leads to very very random conversations in a very very incoherent manner. Sorry people. Lack of good sleep does that to me.

ADP library is quite cool actually, very open spaced. I keep glancing right at Chee Ping and Jarric studying though. So the girl over there who has noticed my glancing is begining to think I'm looking at her >.> perasan. Not homosexual.

I hacked off my scab today with a blade which I bought for 1.90. As expected it isn't as sharp as the percision engineered boxcutter at home. So the experience is summarised by 2 words. "Blunt" "Uncomfortable"

Sorry Claire. You really shoudn't have looked.

Now for some buzz. When Yee Hwa went to vietnam I asked her to bring back a Vietnamese mail order bride for me. She brought back a magnet. Porcelain mini vietnamese girl. ^^ Fair complexion. But then oddly enough I found out on the same day that there's a vietnamese girl in Taylors, also porcelain complexion. Yes guys go chung.

Go, Go GO!

"So whats next?"
"Unclear signs la. Not sure of her direction."
"As in?"
"Well if she was a compass...She's pointing both north and south at the same time. Very confusing."
"Mixed signals?"
"Ah yes thats the word! Sorry la brain fog."
"Go sleep la then!"
"Need to do some work le. Then hurry up la."
"But cannot focus."
[-_-]"What the problem?"
"I don't know la. I can't tell all these mixed signals is driving me nuts!"
"Go on."
"It's like one minute she's hot then the next she's cold. It's like she's eager to talk to me, then she can't wait to get rid of me."
"Life is confusing ain't it, maybe she's trying to get you to focus on your exams first."
"Maybe...But I don't know la. Skarly end up like the fiasco at the begining of the year?"
"So it's hard to love and let go. To as you put it 'grow a heart and then rip it out with meathooks without anesthetic and antiseptic'. But isn't loving the only way of progress?"
"True...Passion drives great leaders. Passion is a great teacher. But must learning be such a painfull process?"
"It needn't be not if you succeed. And not to forget. Even the most crooked of guns hit their mark eventually."
"Maybe I'll wait for more signs first. Or clearer signs. Even the answers from Joel and Yiyun aren't exactly as clear as the sun in the sky. Not exactly a painless process you know?"
"Hmm up to you lo. Either way you've got some heavy exams to go through first."
"Patience is key, oui?"
"Oui. Holiday coming....Time to make some moves.."

My photographic memory came back for awhile. But it seems I'm losing the skill again. Wish me luck for thursdays physics.

Above story is abridged. But mostly is some philosophical debate and planning beteen me and myself (which would be hellishly boring to repeat, and I'm having difficulty recalling anyway).

Boys speak in rhythm and girls in code
doo doo doo doo
doo doo doo doo
Tell it to me straight, give it to me now
Face forward, face forward

Speaking foreign language, nothing I can translate
You're speaking foreign language, nothing I can dictate
you’re speaking foreign language

Boys speak in rhythm and girls just lie
doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo
Tell me how you feel, come out of the dark
And we can head back home and I'll know where to start

Speaking foreign language, nothing I can translate
You're speaking foreign language, nothing I can dictate
Speaking foreign language, nothing I can translate
You're speaking foreign language
Where did we go wrong?
We need medication in this miscommunication
where did we go wrong
Our conversation's weakened
Our conversation's weakened