The wind whips my face as I drive with the window open. I'm alone in my car. The air is cold. I feel alone. I hear a song in my head. Black rose.

Black Rose, where are you now?
White skin
As cold as the snow we walked in
Your lips like midnight
That night we walked
For hours and I remember
But maybe I'm the only one
Who still remembers

You slipped away
But why would you come back to say
You've already moved on?

You slipped away
But I've come back to say
You're not really gone

You're not really gone

My Black Rose, where are you now?
And yes I've seen your black rose petal fall
Fall down to the ground like glass
Shatters and turn it into ashes
But I've seen your color and it's like blood drippin'

And maybe I'm the only one who still remembers

You slipped away
But why would you come back to say
You've already moved on?

You slipped away
But I've come back to say
That you're not really gone

You're not really gone

So try to disappear
But the mind doesn't slip that easy
You can try to disappear
But my dear
You're still standing here

You're still standing here

You slipped away
But why would you come back to say
You've already moved on?

You slipped away
But I've come back to say
That you're not really gone

You're not really gone

Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
At the end of your blog, you need to choose people to get tagged and list their names.
Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.


Deng you cheeps.

Ish there's a reason I call them secrets you know? But it just ain't social if I don't do the tag.

Then again Charlie has a beretta. But then again I love Deadpool's guns. Can I have them Mr. Merc-with-a-Mouth?

1. I've got supremely high patience for those whom I spend it on. So if you suddenly find me having exercising extreme patience on you....I guess you can start to speculate some reasons.
2. I spend a lot of time daydreaming of future possible situations.
3. My Chinese name is Jing Chong.
4. When I was about 5 I stabbed a pencil into my own right palm and the nib was lodged in my flesh even after yanking it out the mark stayed.
5. I can make a 90 degree angle with my thumb. Seeing is believing. It's more 90 than the ruler.
6. I'm afraid of Charlie. I've no idea why. I think it's Keong's horror stories.
7. The reason I wear jeans or long pants everyday to coll is coz I think shorts don't go with shoes, it's awfully cold and to 1 shit big scar.
8. I don't really like Jessica Alba.

I've just used speculate a lot in this post. Dunno why leh.

ANYWAY, I TAG PUI YEAN YET AGAIN.
Yiyun again. And Michelle, Yee Hwa, Melly Woo Woo and anyone unfortunate enough to read this sentence to the end.

---------------------------

Lazy update really actually. But I can think of a few stories I have to tell. So lets hope the hit the blog I guess. Really colourfull stories.

Short update.

Happy birthday Pui Yean. Yeah I know this is late. But I've been busy lately. And pretty much I guess only you and Su Ann and 3 other curious people would read this post.

Happy birthday Su Ann. Yeah I know it's early.

While over lunch with Khai Ming:

Actually arh my sis got a friend named Fusheng. So my sis's boyfriend was saying that when he goes to register for stuff they're like.......

"Hi how do you spell your name?"
"Fffffffff.............Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu....I'm sorry did you get that? Let me start over.....F.................U.........."

For the sake of ease of reading I'm just going to combine it.

"F..........U...........C........"
*interrupts* "Don't tell me the next letter is C" (Khai Ming misheard me and thought I said Fucheng)

Then I realised the real fun would really begin if I could really find a guy that was named Fucheng and registered for stuff with him.

"Hello good day sir, How do you spell your name?"
"F.........U..........C.........."
"Ok wise guy looks like you're trying to do something funny here. Your friend is gonna get to register first then. Spell out your name for me son."
"K.........I..........N.........G"

WOHOOO!!! Any Fucheng wanna be my friend?

------------------

A bit stressed out at the moment and feeling a lil despo and down so it'll be awhile before I actually post something that isn't stupid I guess.

http://view.break.com/320088 - Watch more free videos


OHHHHHHHHHHH SHITTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!

Expression is so there.

I know...............It's kinda repost of an earlier video.....but it's really coz no one watched it.....

Now cause Yee Hwa/Stephanie(still can't make up my mind) tagged me here comes a tag! HOT POTATOE!!

"My Perfect Lover."
RULES:
1. The tag victim has to come up with 8 different points about his/her perfect lover.
2. Have to mention the gender of his/her perfect lover.
3. Tag eight other victims to join this game and leave a comment on their blog.
4. If you are tagged the second time, there is NO need to do this again.
5. Lastly, and most importantly, HAVE FUN DOING IT.

1. Female!! WHEN I SAID FLESH IS FLESH I WAS JUST KIDDING YOU KNOW??!!!
2. Musn't be whiny needy. Must have some high degree of independance.
3. Gotta be able to handle the stress of my female friends calling me "sexy", "hotness", "cute guy" and all that stuff.
4. I think this is not exactly what I want but more or less what SHE needs. To be able to understand me. Rare as a snowflake in hell.....
5. Someone fun, crazy or almost as crappy as me. Same crappy level is just wierd. Like staring into a mirror.
6. Must look like girl. (this rule comes after all those stories I've heard from sunway *shudder*)
7. Not loose like wizard's sleeve. No loose girls or Kington gets preachy weachy. Kennit? Thankee sai. Morality upright girls.
8. Honesty. Gotta be honest most of the time. Doesn't have to be honest all the time but at least most of the time. If somethings up she's gotta let me know.

Does it really have to be 8?......

Uhhhh ok.

Yiyun
Pui Yean
HEHEHE CHEEPS!
Henry
Crap dunno who else who would actually see this tag.....
Mark?
Charlie(If the meds got you rocking you can just forget about it though)
SUH MING (If she sees it...)
Li Yan (cause it'd be fun to see the rules she'd set if she saw this)

--------------------

And now because of awesome youtube speeds!




Evolution Of An Internet Sensation - Watch more free videos



Very jon bon jovi.....

I can't find the vid I wanna dump here so next time then...

Met an old old friend today.

When I mean old I mean old it's like if you wanna know who I've been friends longest with you start with like Tat Ren then you pick out the others then you hit Michael then there's her.

(I shall now pretend to forget to mention her name for the pure fun of it. Don't ask me how it's fun but it makes this post a whole lot more interesting to read seriously. We've got nothing on we're not really that close but it's really a hell lot more fun.)

We had a long chat today and she's been in Thailand helping out doing volunteer work and well........Tv hibernate tv.

She's living in Shah Alam for the time being. She's driving to coll so soon we can carpool in August as she'll be moving back home then. And she's driving a car thats as tough as a tank. Talk about irony I'm driving a car that steers LIKE a tank.

I've got her number scrawled across my wrist now. Really looking forward to this carpool business. So much more fun than singing to switchfoot on the way to coll. I guess it would be fun IF I could sing.......but I can't.

Oh well. Li Sheen is giving me her notes soon. So THANKS LI SHEEN! Everyone give the cutest girl from the class of 2006 5 Jati a big round of applause!

*claps* Seriously thanks wei if you see this. I'm a dead fish without your notes.

Smell that. Yeap thats dust. *sneeze*

Just edited my blog tweak tweak a bit here and there.

I've no idea how to change my theme to a custom theme........so It's never gonna happen unless I can get some super com pro like Riz or Mich or Melly or the person who does Sue Wei's blog or Yit Tze's blog to teach/help me do it.

Mostly I just added links to the side.

Note: If I haven't linked you. Please dump a link for your website in the comments.

I'm really on a cold. So I can't remember who I added. And I'm really sneezing. With packs growing around my abdomen.....Every sneeze feels deadly.

Today was Li Yan's birthday. I didn't feel like going cause I was still feeling out of the game feeling all screwed up and all but in the end I went and we had fun. Talked about life, joked till we teared and in my case drank till my lactose intolerant stomach threw a fit.

It was all great until I saw Her. The one whom relations have been a bit icy. But I guess even the ice has thawed a bit. Even when I felt that my heart had frozen over, when I learnt how to wear the icy armor that I've gotta wear to hide all other emotions. But that didn't help 1 bit.

I felt fear pump through my veins adrenalin flowed in, blood rushed about my veins, anyone really looking might have seen me form a few extra beads of sweat, but thankfully they were all looking at her.

I looked away. I couldn't look at her. She was dressed well and with a friend she met this year. But I couldn't look. I picked up all these details in a glance. I even noticed the male friend behind her. But I still couldn't bring myself to look.

My sight dimmed I felt nauseated slightly, my heartbeat sped up my breathing became deeper, my hands began to chill. All in the span of the time it takes the escalator to travel a few steps.

Finally I knew I couldn't hide everyone else was pointing and those that knew her gave their greetings. Me as Kington the one whos supposed to be friendly to both friend and foe had to look up. It just wouldn't pass as all my friends had announced her presence.

I summoned the energy pumping in me pulled myself together smiled and waved. My knees slid off their joints unused to me suddenly twisting my nerves after 2 weeks of no emotions absolutely. And my arm obeyed as I gave a stiff wave and a slightly twisted smile. No one noticed yet again. This time I think.

But when I had to wave to her friend. Zap! There it went. Sharp. Faster reactions than me. Hannah. Dahm she's good at it. I've still gotta learn. She frowned for a fraction of a second sensing my discomfort but she smiled her smile.

But I saw it too. Jeez were both so good at seeing these things. But we never discuss these things. Academically were both prodigies at this already. Another lie detector.

As she walked on I tried to resume the jokes but I was rattled things were shaken inside of me so I cracked a few and stayed quiet for awhile. And I heard my muse humming the tune of a song which Jorrel asked:

"So I guessed you've used this song? huh?"

Come and go now as you please
Your actions write the melodies
To those songs that we sing
And you just sing

And I finally found that life goes on without you
And my world still turns when you're not around

Is this the way you want it?
Is this the way it has to be?
Sitting here beside you
When my heart's lost in New Orleans
Dreams come clever
Hearts now severed
Deep inside forever
And I am lost there

And I finally found that life goes on without you
And my world still turns when you're not around
And I finally found that life goes on without you
And my world still turns when you're not around
And I finally found that all........

Your actions write the melodies
To the songs that we sing
Your actions write the melodies
To the songs that we sing
And you just sing along out loud.....

Now I'm actually awake blogging about it I can't sleep. I don't know why.

I flicked my cd player on and it switched to that song anyway. As the drumbeats failed I hit next and a familiar favourite of mine plays.

I like it's mournfull tune well sung by the singer. I don't understand the lyrics but I feel the emotions.

Sa buhay ko'y labis ang hirap at pasakit,
Ng pusong umiibig mandi'y wala ng langit.
A ng lumigaya hinango mo sa dusa,
Tanging ikaw, sinta, ang aking pagasa...

Then I think of today again. They were walking Yiyun with Chee Hoe in hand. Out of chance she looked right and said.....

Hey it's Edwina aren't you going to go and say "Hi"?

Already did my dear friend.....Already did.

I feel like Anton Gorodetsky from "Nightwatch" feeling the stab but knowing I have to let go.

And I know it's gone but the echoes are still strong and deep. I just wish that I could stop hearing these echoes. All I feel is the guilt for ruining a strong friendship now. And I guess I treasure every friendship too much.

I'm gonna listen to Hammock and see what happens. Maybe I'll sleep. Maybe I'll finally decipher their lyricless songs.

----------------------------------------

I know I'm not allowed to date. Not allowed to take in any girl. But my sister broke the rules in form 2. And I've only stayed true to the rules never dating, only knowing how to have a heart for friends. So my dear sister of mine if you do read this and feel like you should reproach me. There's no point I won't feel a thing. I'm no longer pursuing. And it's not for you to comfort me. And on top of it all I know the risks carried by trying especially during a-lvls.

This year my life has been full of personal problems.

Loads of it. With no end it sight. Looking like some kinda wierd downward spiral.

I wouldn't say that I've emerged from them unscathed. I even thought that I'm insulated from these things. After last year and all....I've even felt cold and distant to some of these personal problems the smaller one's. But somehow some of them. Are really trying to break me down. Tear me apart. Show that real men truly do cry.

Some of this.....I guess has warped my personality. Cracked me. Split me around my edges. And with 1st term results I think I'm about to see it buckle and split or rather burst.

I've lost my manners. Lost my morals. Lost my pride. And I'm losing friends.

I guess it's no big secret that I've got more readers than friends. And even those which are close to me are just sorta closer too. And I'm begining to offend those which I have left with my new found temper.

All my personal problems have made me draw back into myself, keeping to myself.

It's just like what my dad said to me when I started form 1.

"Keeping to yourself like that you're going to end up a loner."

I think I'm just sort of there right now anyway.

Maybe Stephanie Lim from Pe2 saw it coming, saw me withdrawing into myself. But I'm not her concern. She's my classmate's girlfriend. And to me thats where I draw my lines.

I used to hear whispering. Whispering I couldn't understand. I used to see dark shapes. Shapes which I couldn't describe or look at. But that was even when I was in college. And the nightmares. Warped as hell. It could wake a child screaming blue murder. Leave grown men curled up in a fetal position in bed eyes open with cold sweat. But I'm used to them.

The whispering still comes occasionally when I'm not paying attention to what I'm doing. I never see the shapes anymore.

But now I can't tell the time. I'd stare into space. I'd forget what I did just this morning or what I did yesterday. My past 2 weeks of holiday now seems like a smudge which I can only guarantee that I definately played a lot of dota.

I'm losing touch with the world isolating myself. I still remember the words Mar-xha said to me.

"No man is an island."

They still ring true. But I find myself becoming an island all the same. No not a tropical one maybe a nothern island in the nothern ring.

It's all happening again.

I wish I could start this whole year again. Maybe I shouldn't have come to Taylor's. Maybe I should have picked a different career line. Maybe I shouldn't have loved who I loved, hated who I hate and learnt what I know.

I wish I could just go off into another world leaving no traces, bringing no one, telling no one.

And there I'd start again after learning from my mistakes.

But this is reality and I have to fight it bone and bone, flesh and flesh, claw and nail.

But I can't taste my food anymore, I'm not sure what is pain and pleasure, I don't know what makes me happy, what makes me sad. I'm not sure if I'm still Kington inside. Familiar faces call me that but am I still Kington?

I think I'm losing it. But I can't be sure. Maybe I should write down what I am. But what am I? Slipping back and forth in the timeline of my own life. What am I?

I wonder if I really am sane anymore. Or is this what insanity feels like to a mad person? Or is this just a dream? Pinch me. Please.