Bird scoffs at the idea of me being scary.

But then again he claims the eyebrow is due to a depressing childhood. So I guess nothing scares anymore.

But people still get scared of me all the time.

Even my employer stared at me for 20 whole minutes throughout the whole journey to college without saying a single word cause she was too afraid. She's the employer wei!

And recently...Friend. Don't so scared of me wei. It's not like I'd really harm the person. I know it's not intentional lah. And the only time I choose to deal anything is when it was intentional.

It's all fine and dandy lah. Cause people aren't scared witless. But I find it funny lah. I haven't really let go of anything dangerous or deadly recently. So no reason to fear lah really.

But then...I was following my employer and I were walking around 1U picking up random things. She needed some hairclips. I needed to replace something I broke.

I'm not averse to shopping with girls actually. Cause I do it with my sister occasionally with major amusement throughout the whole session. No she does not ask me if her butt looks fat at all btw.

She wanted to talk to a friend who was working in crocs so I started looking around the store. Jakun marh. Never really seen the whole line of crocs before. I still think they're mad ugly and mad overpriced.

When we left I commented that I'd never seen her friend before who was also her age. And I also said that her friend is what most guys would call fairly cute.

Then she said "want me to introduce?" I replied with "For what?" she does know my status after all.

She replied again "To get to know her." and I repeated "For what?" again.

Then she actually looked at me and bowed her head slightly and apologised.

DANG MAN! THAT SCARY MEH? Sigh! And I even said it playfully!

-----------------------------

Eng Joe keeps thumb upping at me when he sees me handling my other phone. Sigh. Got even by closing the door on him and Stephanie when they we're alone today. Sweet.

I still remember when I went to cheras for a gathering where my aunt was sponsoring dinner.

It was the first time in a really long while everyone was in Malaysia. So we had to pig out.

Geo duck. Old whiskey. Amazing food. And a really crazy egg.

But I gotta admit. I was dismayed for 3 reasons.

Mike went out with my lil sis and when they called I was already in cheras. Those 2 are crazy fun put together. Somo go joyriding. AISEH!

Second...no Poon Choi. As to what is it...Ask your parents what a full poon choi is. Jaw dropping.

And I was also dismayed because I couldn't go visit Soo Koon. Just kidding.

Why am I saying all this?

Cause when there was left over food. My aunt would point at it. Nod at me and say "bandaraya"

When my cousin said "wah Kington you really bandaraya today". I replied "yeah you look in the fish tank you can see me sucking the side."

My sister jabbed me in the ribs for that.

Yeah Sucker. Woot!

===================================

on to it yeah?

===================================

Ordinarily. ORDINARILY! I'm quite annoyed when someone overtly praises me.

It's just something I picked up last year.

Imagine having tried something quite wow. And everyone praises you for effort and skill shown. And everyone in the world is telling you on how the other parties would benefit so much.

And nothing follows through.

Dang man. Annoyinh ah. Peggy is really afraid to comment on any of my plans now. Her jaw just hangs open whenever I say anything.

Even now Edwyn stops cold when he catches my glare when he starts spouting crap over something awesome I did. Classmates stopped commenting about my skills in dota. Couldn't stand the strange reaction.

But aih. Xin Huei arh. That girl spouts praise and compliments like.......like...those tacky pot bearing water fixtures. Or the fake fat terra cotta koi in the fish pot outside my house spouting water out of it's gaping mouth.

Everyday arh....She gets into my car. Learns something new about me. And........

A) Her mouth hangs open and she goes "Gosh........."
B) She goes "omigoodness that's so sweet!"
C) She goes "that's just amazing........."

I could go on forever. Or just as long as she does.

But it doesn't grate. Amazing.

I know I do quite amazing things sometimes.(see I am conceited) Even close friends still gape at me when they ask about something odd and get an answer that shocks.

======================

I gotta cut in here. There's this girl named Zoe making fun of a guy named Kingston by referencing a thumb drive in her hand.

I feel Adeline-ed. Deng annoying juniors.

======================

But it's still odd to have someone gaping and going wow everyday as part of the first conversation you have in a day. Very odd.

But I guess it's ok to get reviewed. After all we know the compliments are purely just comments because we're both uninterested anyway.(she's nearly taken for the 50th time I'm telling this in 3 days) Sometimes it's just entertaining too.

But it's just odd. And I actually feel quite amused when she goes wow and all. But nothing gets me laughing as hard until she says "I hate you Kington!" Woot. I can be annoying after all! Now I just gotta turn it on Bird!

-----------------------

Love teasing her about her dates actually. Major source of irritation somehow to see me smiling like the Cheshire cat.

Goodness she thought me and Emily had something going on! Guess she's not alone haha!

"Eh eh btw
Yesterday I went for Darren's birthday dinner
Suh Ming was asking if you're with Lesley O_O"
"UHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
"HAHAHHAHAHA"
"SHIT"
"anyone answered the question?
YES !
Ya
Me !
^^
I was like NOLAH
They're just good friends only what
He's definitely not with her
GUARANTEE"
"And Sarah also ! She was like Nolah Kington won't be with Lesley wan kinda thing
Eh did I spell her name correctly btw O_O"
"yeah
-_-.............
MING ARH!!!!!11
!!!!!!!!@!!@!!!!1111oneoneonetwotwotwoexclamationmarkexclamationmark"
"AAHAHAHAHA
Cause apparently right !
Someone said that her status on Facebook isn't single anymore
So ya
The whole speculation on how Lesley has a new boyfriend"
"WOW
oooooooooo
hahahahahahaha
SUH MING ARH!!!!
then i tau who lorh
i think
wait did that come before or after all the asking?"
"Er
In the midst of it la"
"sighhhhhhh
sighhhhhhhh"

==========================

He is mighty to save says:
MING ARH
He is mighty to save says:
I WANNA BITE YOU LEH
He is mighty to save says:
BUT I GOT NO FANGS COZ WHEN I WENT TO THE ORTHO AND THEY YANKED OUT MY FANGS
He is mighty to save says:
BUT I'M STILL GONNA BITE YOU
Suh Ming says:
WHOA!!!!1
Suh Ming says:
ok what happened?
Suh Ming says:
lol
He is mighty to save says:
deng
He is mighty to save says:
last night
Suh Ming says:
you are PUTTING BRACES?
He is mighty to save says:
i HAD bracers
He is mighty to save says:
last night lah!
He is mighty to save says:
ELEH
He is mighty to save says:
YOU WANNA KNOW ASK ME STRAIGHT LAH
Suh Ming sent 2/25/2008 5:34 PM:
huh?
He is mighty to save says:
lesley lah
He is mighty to save says:
aiseh!
He is mighty to save says:
beh tahan
He is mighty to save says:
*pounces*
Suh Ming says:
EH YOU ARE CONFUSING ME TO THE MAX!!!!!
He is mighty to save says:
zzz
Suh Ming says:
OOOOOH
Suh Ming says:
LAST NIGHT!!!!!1
Suh Ming says:
hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe
Suh Ming says:
what?
He is mighty to save says:
DENG
He is mighty to save says:
*mauls*
Suh Ming says:
everyone was curious about you two
Suh Ming says:
lol
He is mighty to save says:
BULLSHIT
He is mighty to save says:
JUST YOU LA
He is mighty to save says:
...............
Suh Ming says:
who says?!!?!
Suh Ming says:
lol
Suh Ming says:
ok maybe more of my g4 friends?
Suh Ming says:
XD
Suh Ming says:
heee
Suh Ming says:
how did you hear of it?
He is mighty to save says:
................
He is mighty to save says:
i think Sarah telling me there's always a progression behind every problem was a big fat hint
He is mighty to save says:
even if it was supposedly "random"
He is mighty to save says:
*gnaws*
Suh Ming sent 2/25/2008 5:39 PM:
huh?
He is mighty to save says:
fine lah
He is mighty to save says:
someone told me lah
He is mighty to save says:
don't really need to ask who ok?
Suh Ming says:
WHO?
He is mighty to save says:
don't want
He is mighty to save says:
the fella afraid to die
He is mighty to save says:
aiseh
He is mighty to save says:
you freaks lah
He is mighty to save says:
all screwing up my plans
He is mighty to save says:
dahm tulan you know?
Suh Ming says:
WHAT?
Suh Ming says:
OMG THERE WAS A PLAN?!!?!
He is mighty to save says:
zzzzzzzz
He is mighty to save says:
OF COURSE LA I GOT PLANS
Suh Ming says:
and i didn't say anything to lesley also?
He is mighty to save says:
..................
Suh Ming says:
i am really sorry if i screw it up
He is mighty to save says:
_-_--__----_-__--
He is mighty to save says:
not paying attention arh.......
He is mighty to save says:
i've known everything for a long time lah
He is mighty to save says:
if she got a boyfriend i gotta admit it's news to me lah
He is mighty to save says:
but i knew there was a guy going heavy on the assault
Suh Ming says:
adrian?
Suh Ming says:
i heard that she's not single
Suh Ming says:
on facebook anymroe !
Suh Ming says:
so yea we are really realyl curious
Suh Ming says:
and i'm really sorry kington
Suh Ming says:
didn't mean to spoil things for you
He is mighty to save says:
no adrian
He is mighty to save says:
no lah.......
He is mighty to save says:
not adrian
He is mighty to save says:
and i'm really just friends with lesley weih!
Suh Ming sent 2/25/2008 5:45 PM:
lol
Suh Ming sent 2/25/2008 5:45 PM:
then what plans?
Suh Ming sent 2/25/2008 5:45 PM:
wth
He is mighty to save says:
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
He is mighty to save says:
cannot tell you
Suh Ming sent 2/25/2008 5:45 PM:
...
He is mighty to save says:
mulut tempayan lah

====================================

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz Ming arh Ming! YER FIRST YOU LAME! Speculators! BAH! ANNOYINGH AH!

And I wasn't kidding when I said I've learned how to identify more than lies.

If Lesley is psychic. I'm a prophet. However blasphemous that sounds. But it's the only comparison that fits anymore since I reached this step.

I'll post up some more stuff once I get the liu from Pui Yean.

It's all sort of humorous. Sorry I know I haven't been updating. But between my ailing health(not my fault), dota and intense sleepiness+business. I can't really update.

So here's an extra heavy dose for the next few days.

"So whats up with all the worship?"
"I just lacked worship in my com turns out and I wanted to top up."
"If you really want you should ask Xinyi."

Oh Ah another reason to hunt her down.

"Normally people only go worship crazy when they're emo. Whats up?"
"I'd rather not discuss it this week. Can we delay it?"
"Hmm alright."

He turns to another. He knows me too well too.

"So why are you emo this week?"

---------------------------------------------------

She takes a seat next to me.

And I feel the prickle. She's calling. That or she's trying to observe me working.

I try to dodge. Try to consume anything outlying. I just feel so embarrassed.

"Kington."

I can't ignore without there being a scene.

"Why did you get 3 out of 25? What was your breakdown for AS?"
"A, B."
"That's not a very strong A you know? You could lose it in A2."
"Yeah I know..."
"So why la you only got 3 out of 25 for the test?"
"Well that part I didn't really turn up for class, sick a lot and..."

She looks at me with a deep look of concern.

"Emotional problems."

Her look softens. It speaks volumes.

'This disillusioned, insanely bitter young man who has always shocked me with how much he knows about the dark side of the world...has a heart that can bleed underneath it all.'

She glances under the table and sees the 2 hand phones.

"You got girlfriend ah?" Curiosity in my love life does not mellow with age regardless of who the person really is. Sigh.

"No......"

She pauses staring at me to carry on.

"It's complicated and I feel embarrassed to tell you teacher."

She realises I'm quite badly taxed cause in a rare glimpse I'm speaking with proper full English.

She leans back in her seat.

"So what are you going to do about it?"
"I'm going to read up and ask you anything I don't know."

And she knows I'm contrite and will probably solve A2.

Sigh. And I took up a promise. To never be affected. Even went out and solved the riddle of ridding sight. Rearmed myself. Went back into a cold winter freezing my heart over. Numbing the shots, I don't even feel physical pain on the level of the average man anymore.

But I let myself be affected. I'll just have to ignore things and shed all the loose weight. Like the soldier discarding his pack to cross a dangerous point.

I'll discard it all.

To slaughter this A2.

There's no real explaining how I look now.

I look dishevelled yet well maintained at the same time. Like a super tired guy that hasn't showered in days but still found the time to shave, brush and comb. The eyebags don't really match the air.

An estimated 12 hours of sleep can really destroy me. 12 hours in 3 days mind you.

3 very nightmarish days of sleep.

Woot I slept close to 11 hours on Sunday though.

But when I woke up(finally) I went around clutching my head. But I thought to myself. "Nice my sleep cycle reset itself."

Then I had to get up at 5 today. -_-

Quite...I don't know how to put it lah. Yer I wanna sleep lah. I can't sleep actually. Almost can't. I get somewhere between 6-4 hours of sleep. It's sorta been like that since uhhh over a week I think. Lack of sleep addling the head you see. Or read. Or hear. Argh whatever tung tung tung chiang.

It's also quite a wow factor for my fixed passenger because her chauffer doesn't have anything else than black eye rings for breakfast. What do you expect I have to tell my employer la. Everything actually stays coherent when we're talking amazingly. However she's notice my voice modulation goes out the window and I'm slurring.

But then again she's been saying wow since the first day of knowing me personally.

But then again she's also a bit freaked out at me laughing at my own misfortune and me confessing that I'm actually envious of her while having a massive grin on my face.

Emily and her confused me right out of my head over who their respective "others" are supposed to be. YOURS OR HERS LAH!!?? DEI SO CONFUSING!

Huh? Apasai la? What happened? Yawn.

Although it's getting late and we're forgetting our duties we can't help the morbid curiosity as we stared into the screen. Flicking through my connections.

We know each other too well.

None of us want to perform our duties.

Even with the orange light and the screen of the laptop illuminating the room. It's still bright enough to see clearly.

We settle back into our positions.

His in front of the laptop reading important information. And myself lying on the bed looking very much like a corpse.

Unstated things hang in the air. Something from my end and his end. It makes the silence seem filled yet all encompassing.

"I need to write a note. You'll be seeing her tomorrow so you can pass it to her for me?"
"No problem."

I prepare him paper and pen.

The pen hovers over the paper. Hesitating. Thinking. Wording in his head.

Then he writes firmly and fluidly.

All I see is a could of grey around him. I cannot fathom his thoughts.

-----------------------------------

He turns down the volume.

Pulls out his laptop and hooks up the external hard drive.

He plays an old song.

There's no sound apart from the car's engine and the music emanating from his computer. The only light is from his screen, the LED indicating his external hard disk is active and the pools of light from the lamp posts.

He's bobbing his head to the rhythm of the music.

It's a good song. Actually it's an excellent song. And the lyrics are meaningful.

But why did he pick it for this time of the night?

It's past 12. We're just grabbing a bite. But why did he pick that song? I'd never pick a song so strong.

I yank the handbrake at the red light.

And I glance at him. He's still a grey cloud. But I can see a red discolouration. He's playing it to cope with the hurt and the pain.

-------------------------------------

He takes the note from me. He's gone to edit it.

I'm just merely a courier for the note. He trusts me to do it. Because we're that close. And he's seen me take care of one of God's daughters.

He hands the note back to me.

Because he knows I'll never read it.

Because Kingtons have more respect than curiosity.

============================================================================
Blood lined mask
============================================================================

He sees me staring at the high ceilings. Singing "Say" and just walking ahead of him in the unusual high speed.

Too energetic. Too fast. Gait too closed up.

He knows it. I should be too chewed to be able to sing. My throat wasn't able to produce any noise earlier too. My legs were too shot. The knees failed to work.

But I'm walking rapidly. Singing in a high octave. With another voice.

The other 2 do not notice anything.

But he knows not to speak or ask.

Because I just need my time alone.

With the rain pouring from the sky. Falling on every bit of my body. Washing me anew.

He knows.

What happens beneath the blood lined mask.

--------------------------------------------------------------

"I'm sorry about yesterday. I was pretty emo."
"Yeah I could tell. That's why I didn't say anything."

And I engage the gears of my car. And I do what she's supposed to be paying me for.

She knew it. I did my best to just look sleepy. But I guess I can't hide anything from her if I gave her the best form of resistance against me.

"I'm still quite emo actually."
"I know. A bit more than yesterday."

I really can't hide anything from her. And I was actually smiling when I was apologising.

How sharp her keen eye probes my stance. How instinctively she understands the aura I project.

To the world. I've mastered it. The stance looks right. The aura looks cheerful. Like a colourful cloud.

But she sees the dominant colour. This friend of mine.

===================================================================

It's a mess of things.

"Why you so sad 1?"
"I'm trying to figure out the menu. I don't see why toast costs as much as ordinary bread."

He shrugs.

"Oh, it's steamed bread."

"Why are you so sad today?"
"I've been having problems sleeping recently. I think it's the bed."

He stares at me after putting down his spoon and fork.

"Why do you happen to be so sad today?"

"I'm just having problems alright. It's just getting embarrassing."
"Tell me."
"It's nothing lah. I'm just trying not to let it get to me. I told Bird that it's only sad if I let it get to me."

I try not to look him in the eye. I don't hear him picking up the cutlery. I look at him.

It's concern.

Not a warning. Not a rebuke. It's just concern. Concern for me. Not concern that I won't be able to perform my duty to serve.

Pure concern for my well-being.

I look away again.

I feel him trying to probe me. I block and swing a false gesture into the air. He knows it's fake. He gives up knowing that I'm not going to say anymore.

He picks up his cutlery.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Behind the blood lined mask. He's seen it fall off.

He's seen me be impassive.

He knows I've hardly even been stirred at all for a very long time.

But he's seen something other than blood and sweat roll off my face.

He's seen my full capacity for emotion.

And he knows the only thing that forces the tears flow.

But I know why he's so impassive.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Prepare for a part 2.

I can't freaking sleep past 4 am anymore. I keep waking up.

YER! BEH TAHAN WEI! SNIFF!

Suh Ming. If you read this. You super lame wei!

I challenge you.

To raise the skills.

And help the children again.

So here I find myself. In a super warm cafeteria. Scrubbing my face with my left hand. Deftly annoying one while teaching the other one maths.

Problem was. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to teach.

So I had to read, study the examples and produce coherent proper and helpfull answers.

Sigh susah. Friday teaching a real lil kid add m3 too.

Only if the lil kid remembers HAHAHAHAHA..........

SNIFF malas teach lah! Me and my big mouth!

Zzzzzzz last year teach Emily and Khai Sim until head spin already. Wah. Sigh. Patience kena test dahm kuat. At least when teaching the stamina to yan really God given 1. Somehow it's like the only thing I kept from the older days.

Sien. Actually got a stuffed up nose. So skipping the powerhouse idea of a post today.

Life is kinda boring.

It's like one big yawn nowadays.

There's not much to do. All my plans have been streamlined and trimmed for efficiency. There's no superflous moves anymore.

So there's not much to do. All I do is wait day in day out. Something pops out. I abuse it. Then end up waiting again for awhile.

Nothing seems to be interesting anymore.

It's like since I know the end of anything. And I know whats necessary to produce the end I don't have to do much anymore.

Even hanging out with people I just end up staring into space mentally asleep because there's nothing for me to do. Sometimes I'm enjoying myself having a rest from the day's actual bits of work(getting tougher)

I just feel so jaded. Chewing on my food in AC all I can think about is how and where to find better food.

Every game of dota I play. I feel like I can do better. And I know I've already done better.

Well at least things are getting more challenging. Things are just about to heat up again I guess.

And sigh...Friend...When you get that permission to go and have that awesome dessert with me. Let me know lah.
--------------------------------




2 beautifull songs. What surprised I listen to this kind of music? I listen to everything remember? Try to feel the emotion in the songs.

Aye be it so.

Aye just as true as the rain pours from the sky.

Aye just as I was born from my mother's womb.

More fool than man aye?

Too oft as the weather changed. The dry leaves flit by across my car as I drive alone on the roads.

I think of it.

That. Aye.

I be more fool than man.

Planning the endings of so many stories. Wading into it all standing blindfolded.

Agreeing to be the protector of the person I believe has the greatest shot of being a legend where I believe it will count the most.

Pulling threads and chains to influence the outcomes of a lot of events.

Shaking things.

Predicting forecasts.

Predicting lives.

Predicting future worlds.

And yet I keep making mistakes.

What good is a man if he is but a fool when he drowns in the robes of his own office?

What good is a man if he cannot utilise all that which is given by God to him?

What good is it if I keep trying to keep my honour but in the end it's just a facade?

What good is a man if he's asked to manage the lives and outcomes of many, but can't even settle his own domestic life?

Aye. I am a fool.

But if this fool don't work.

He's not even a fool.

------------------------

Inspired by something Jorrel can repeat from start to end. It's actually kinda fascinating. That and I kinda feel like an idiot now.

Nearly full recovery! (Thank you Sarah for constantly checking up on me you aunty!)

Praise God! Recovery had hit an invisible wall for a few days sinking in and out of fever. Glad thats over!

Yes ladies and gents.

In that 1 week of illness. The triple infection week.

I think there was a third. No real way to ascertain since I killed off everything.

Especially since I spent the week nauseous unable to pig out during the one week of the year where every guy in the country proudly thumps the table and tells the rest of us how much he gained in weight.

The least I could do was eat a few dishes and not hold my head while relatives ate the other dishes.

So yes how did I lose 2kg?

Not eating I guess. I spent nearly the whole week starving cause I just couldn't put down any food. Dahm jelak lah when you can't taste your food.

I also lost quite a bit of hair. No baldspotting though. Mom gave me genes which gives me a lot of hair.

Did lose a bit of muscle mass too. That weighs a lot. Realised it at the gym when my strength fell in most places. Even the muscles that support some of my functions don't work too well. (shoulder popping out during lateral pull down can be crazy painfull)

But.............

Haha.................

Eat your heart out wei! Starving lah. Fat gets burnt off first!

Since I lack it everywhere but the stomach...Free toning session hahahahahah!

But still beh syok I lost thermal insulator but I'm going UK so soon.

--------------------

I'm listening to Vertical Horizon. Nice lah their music. Super classic!

"Gotta be honest, I think you know. We're covered in lies but that's ok.............."

I need my left hand.

I need my left hand BAD.

I need it to input quick commands!

But it's preoccupied holding my phone thats too small to cradle in my neck.

The small voice on the other end is obviously very happy to hear me speak.

To listen to the opinions of this now super jaded, aging once prominent photographer full of energy.

I hear a beep. And I know whos sms is that. And I want to read it.

I hint a few times. Changing my tune.

I try to irritate. Saying very little. Just trying to make it seem as if the person on the other end is talking to a wall.

I get brutal. Jorrel and the others are telling me they're all suffering because I'm preoccupied elsewhere. And I'm shocked by my own brutal comment.

Finally I say I've got to go.

And as I hang up. I begin to explain why the call was so long to my buddy next to me. And when I tell an important detail.

I can feel him turning to look at my shrug.

Kid. Give up. You're never going to get anywhere. Especially with what I already have. You can't ever match the stuff that impresses me. And I'm sorry. But I'm really that jaded.

Went to coll. Had class. Ate cuttlefish during econs.

Went for lunch with Shern Ren, Serena, Joel, Xin Dee and Eswhy. Xin Huei hopped halfway. Still got her stuff in my car.

Came home. Coordinated a few things. And left 1 handphone at home. Walked to post office while considering a lot of random things.

Came home again. Pocketed the other handphone. It's mostly a dead weight.

Picked out the Sentra keys. Low petrol but can't beat that comfort when you nearly groaned out loud sending a passenger home from raw pain. And walked out of the world.

Went for an escape.

-----------------------------
Alright alright I gotta admit it.

-----------------------------

Falsetto off, I said our goodbyes. For once. Haven't turned it off since the switchfoot concert and that was for volume and stamina. And even after that with my throat all busted up I put my hand to my throat and squeezed it back on.

I just wanted to say goodbye proper and all. With everything real.

I'll miss everything.

I'll miss seeing you think. The way you just stare off into space. Musing quietly whilst plucking at the corners of your pillows.
I'll miss watching you play with your clamshell handphone. Opening and closing it absent-mindedly not at all like the people in my line would do it..
I'll miss walking behind you soundlessly even as you're happily humming in front of me.
I'll miss telling you all my confusing stories and seeing you pause after hearing them.

And I'll miss the expression on your face when you catch me just looking at you trying to find the words to fill the silence.

Even if it was awfully short lived.

I remember meeting you. With the marble beneath my shoes. I felt so torn inside that day. I would have let the facade blow but my friends were reminding me how fortunate I am. I felt like tearing my own face out.

Shortly after I lost all the confidence in myself. Confidence that I was once something that people would be proud to say they know.

Then you put it back in me. Reminded me that well...you still think I'm a nice guy. I still don't see how you get that notion. But if you say it's true I guess maybe it is. Haha.

Telling you a rubbish story over a piece of very hard chicken and rice. It was all fun. Walking in the insane heat with your friends knowing we were likely to be late for class. Was something completely new for me.

I picked up the pieces. Slapped it back together. Regained the confidence that I needed to do what I do now.

We got a lot closer recently. And I'm happy we did.

Spending time together. Laughing as you did the things that always made me smile.

Gossiping about the rest of the world. Was also major fun. Even if I didn't know some of our subjects.

I was wondering if I would miss you after you leave. It rested on my mind a few weeks ago. I've seen a lot of people come and go. And in the previous year I mastered not feeling anything seeing people go. Walk out of my life. I've even let one of my oldest friends go. Without even a second thought.

And yeah I gotta admit. If I was there watching you go down into the lower hall. With marble under my shoes again. You might see me do something other than smile.

See you.

When you're back I'm going to book you for one full day I don't care!

And yes you're a good teacher haha. That or I'm just a good student.
---------------------------

Listening to a lot of old songs. Feeling nostalgic. All I gotta do now is stare at the moon sipping wine from a glass. And suddenly laugh to myself shaking my head.

Or a gin would be excellent.

Suddenly wondering what would happen if it's time for Mike to leave. Or time for me to leave things behind.

Aiseh friend leave already stoning keep quiet with Jorrel laughing/complaining about the lag next to me. My turn to leave I wonder how I'll react lah.

Throwing the blank check and the order letter into the backseat with the sun rising in the sky slowly painting it's orange glow on everything.

I slam the door.

Shove the key into the ignition and twist spreading a bit of energy to get the car to start on the first try.

I rev the engine of this rarely used 1.4 litre car. It's only 1.4 litres but it's light making it agile even if the handling system is less than ideal.

Time to go and get to work I guess. The world can't wait forever.

And even if I don't play my role it'll figure out a way of it's own. I just wanna know I did something anyway.

-----------------
One of the possible reasons it's called Valentine's day is because of a dead Catholic saint. And I know all you protestants out there wrinkle your noses at the thought of anything about saints or the Seven Sacrements of the Catholic faith.

As a guy that is neither here nor there I can't really say much. Except that we all have the same boss but different office.

Ah wait. Thats all pretty unrelated.

Uhh yeah anyway. I don't really see how this specific day has anything to to do with crazy hustle and bustle of chocolates and roses. If you ask me lah. If you really wanna do anything it gets even more wow if you do it on another day.

Valentine's day is kinda like saying you've submitted to peer pressure.

I really sound like I'm trying to justify my inactivity today right? Well I do acknowledge I'm not doing anything. And well it's cause I've got nothing to do really...And today is really a day for me to mourn.

It's the day that I had to let someone die. Oh well. It's only a death in theory. It creates a paradox. So is it a metaphorical death? I'm not too sure myself.

I felt funny last night. But I just dismissed things. I ended up waking at 5:30. I wanted to go into a long 1 hour devotion. Best calm my soul can ever find with so much stuff weighing on it.

But I fell asleep waiting for something.

Very difficult for me to stay awake. I slept during econs exam. It's not that I'm tired. It's just the general I don't wanna stay awake feeling.

It's such a muted day. I'm waiting for this crux point to pass so I can unfold my hands and get to work again.

Today was supposed to be yet another rest day. But dad's laptop came through. So I gotta go get it. Taking the fast car. Sadly not the very very fast car...That would be just awesome.

I guess all of this is just another random babbling session. Been really crazy in terms of the need to think recently. And with everything offline/sleeping/resting today it's kinda hard to get all of my resources.

Slept the whole evening yesterday so not really surprising I missed the update...

-------------------

I'm called the druggie king. I got the nickname when Bird came to my house and saw me pull out med packets for myself.

I think it goes without saying I pulled out a lot of packets.

Ever since then he just keeps insisting I'm a druggie king.

After awhile I gave up and agreed when the other guys agreed with Bird.

So here's a run.

"Eh if you sick go eat your drugs lah. You sure got a lot right? You're the druggie king after all."
"Eating already la. I'm the druggie king lah of course I know what to do."
"Oooo Nice. You taking Tinkerbell arh?"
"Yeah and some other faeries."
"Nice. Taking any elves? Like legolas and some arwen."
"I dun like taking elves that much."
"How about dwarves?"
"I don't like mixing my mythical creatures."

------------

"I don't quite like taking dwarves actually. The high isn't that high. It's just sorta low and short lived."

"And dwarves are kinda funny anyway. Take Grumpy for instance. Makan already don't get you high 1 it makes you dahm pei and dahm angry for no reason.

Happy is ok lah. Quite good actually la makes you happy all the time. But then like very unnatural lah. Happy freak suddenly.

Then there's Dopey. Instant stone on consumption 1. You'll go all stoned out 1. Cannot think properly at all for awhile.

Sleepy...is just kinda low. Always pass out 1 from taking sleepy. Can't seem to stay awake.

Bashful dahm funny 1. Makes you all shy shy.

Sneezy...Goes without saying lah."

---------------------

Actually I'm getting kinda sien with so many people asking what are my plans for today. It's nothing lah to ask. But it keeps going...

"Eh you doing anything for valentine's day?"
"No orh nothing planned."
"Ah? Why?/Not doing anything?/But why?/You should do something lah."
"Nothing la I'm just a single guy so I've naturally got nothing to do."
"ARE YOU SURE? Sure got something 1. You're Kington lah."
"Go find your girlfriend lah."
"I don't have lah..."

And the conversation goes on and on. Can actually get quit pei.

Now silly Keong don't wanna follow me Megamall. Eh I thought agreed adi if you get nothing you'd follow me :(

Sniff. Then again you didn't promise so I cannot say anything lah.

Why does my throat bleed. Why does it hurt so bad. Why must I pelt your poor eyes with my incessant complaints about my ill health. Why is the sky blue. Why are my left hand's fingers skinnier than my right hand's. Why do I keep snapping like I'm in a musical.

Many questions.

Many pointless questions.

And even more crappy answers.

Yes, indeed we are in the age of information(according to IT ppl) or the age of reform(according to politicians)

So I will answer only the first three(TUH REEE) for the sake of entertainment.

Since the dawn of...........The new year........1 man has wondered.........Why la throat so pain?

And well yeah I found out. The small itsy bitsy vessels that line the walls of my throat occasionally rupture from my prodigious coughing.(Yes, it does sound like and old man's cough if it makes you happy Sarah.)

While it sounds positively painfull(I assure you it's not very painfull) it is merely disconcerting to spit in the sink after a gargle and see blood in it. However the coughing is annoying. Coughing blood is something curiously cool in a morbid fashion but it gets annoying when all you smell is blood for awhile. My nose is happily blocked.

Why does it hurt so bad?

I bet you're gonna say "it's bleeding dummy". But no. Thats not the cause really.

It's cause my throat is an angry mass of blisters. There's so many blisters back there if you're not looking properly it just looks inflamed. But the inflamation is localised to a pattern. Amboi cantiknya batik merah jambu pada kerongkong mu! Well I got Diflam in liquid form for it lah. Works super well.

Oh why do is still talk normally with blisters and capilaries popping in the back of my mouth?

Falsetto lah doink. Never notice 1 arh permanant falsetto. Pinching solves the pain problem.

Oh last one. Why do I keep pestering you guys?

Cause I want candy. That or Diflam in lozenges form. Sniff.

Tomorrow I'm going to talk about the drugs. Thats a lot funnier.

My sleeves smell like blood and I'm still washing out blood occasionally from my throat.

I think I'm totally going to miss the forecast date for my full recovery.

--------------------------------

I woke up too late to actually make it on time for the first lesson actually. And I didn't bother to check if my friend had class at 8. So ended up in coll with half an hour to shake leg.

Went to AC and ordered the slightly different teh-o-panas and she ordered her milo panas.

And the updates began.

Everything was laid out on the table and she encouraged me to keep at it saying results were so far positive and I'm still an amazing freak doing some amazing things and picking & planning some amazing strategies.

Her situation on the other hand is flowing right but hasn't reached stability. The difference between us is that I'm unshaken due to strategy. She's unshaken because there is a certain unquantified connection on her end. The bond point is pretty obvious. It's good in fact. But all thats left is to sever old chains.

We're both pretty accomplished at predicting strategies. The difference is I lack knowledge about the norms of society making everything I do a bit surreal. And she's still a little naive over the fine tuning causing inefficiency.

So we trade advice on how to handle our respective situations. Both involve patience.

It's quite nice to have someone which has that rare analytical approach until we get along so well because of our similar examining nature. And we both know there is a secure wall between us because she knows my lines, I know her lines and she received the ward against my skills a few years ago.

Been reinforcing it anyway.

When it's time to go, I knew I had to say it. The important phrase. Not everyone gives solid advice and sometimes the advice is given improperly because the person isn't involved. I know I'm not involved. And I've suffered like mad listening to advice from third parties with their heads a continent away from the muddled mess. And I'm probably not the only one consulted on her end so I say it.

"It's not for me to say but for you to know yourself."

And she knows she doesn't have to ask why I lack anything for this so and so day in the future.

I don't think she'll ever ask why I lack plans for certain days in the coming events after this.

-----------------------------

It's just something I've been saying a lot recently. And it's just one of the meanings. Wow I'm regaining the ambiguity!

Sunday and Monday was supposed to be my back to back rest day.

SIGH.

Sunday started with me clutching my throat cause it felt so dry and closed I wondered how I could breathe. Rolled around for awhile unable to go back to sleep from pain.

Got up gargled mouthfull after mouthfull of water.

Had the night before's pasta couldn't eat at the restraunt because I couldn't taste it making it wayyyyy to easy to jelak.

Went to church with Bird after raising core temperature enough. Took awhile though.

Afternoon church went to office to do some work. With some alarm and door trouble involved...Went to say goodbye to Yee Mun and then in a super abnormal occurance for the whole field...Stepped into Keong's house. Seriously. We must be like the one of the 3 ppl to step inside Keong's. He's got a 22 inch LCD screen for his dota frenzies btw.

Went home. Had dinner. Then raise the temp again. Then pick Wei Chin and went for Su Yi's thing.

And just when I thought the fever was coming back...It didn't woot.

But then I spat blood into the sink when I slipped off to go toilet. Sigh. Sucks.

On Monday woke up at 6:40 went back to sleep to a twisted long nightmare. Then Bird and Turtle called. They wanted to skip coll so they wanted to crash at my place.

They kinda didn't get the hint that I probably needed more rest. It was a pretty big hint actually. I was just rasping a whisper for about an hour while they were at my house.

Went to bank for dad. And had a crazy amount of trouble. Waste lah. 2 hours just to straighten out documents that are just supposed to be handed over the counter.

Dad was pleased so he said "treat yourself at megamall"

Went to Megamall to repair com.

Parked in Gardens...But ended up walking to Northpoint. Sial far.

Then did the insane.

3 guys, 1 Combo 6(for 6 people) and half a dozen Deli Wings.

Ate like monsters. Cleaned off everything. Crazy fun. Crazy full.

Got home slept and played com till 3 am. Needed to un-emo. No idea why emo but just emo. I think it was the bank difficulty or the annoying lady at the sony repair centre or the incredibly sakai and annoying duo that joined us from Sunway.

Whats the point lah of selecting 2 days to rest. Life happens.

It's better to just go to coll and sleep during lunch break or smth.

Oh wait I'm blogging. Deng.

Head still muddled. Sigh. Slightly muddled. Can't get full access to the storylines that's been moulding in my head for the past few days.

The blood in the phlegm is scaring me.

Still sick. Was sweating like crazy and having the feverish sleep earlier inbetween replying smses. Sorry eh friend you had to wait about 40 mins for a reply. Was trying desperately to collect heat. Success! Fever broke!

At 1 I started staring out windows looking for the maxima.

1:30 I got out of the house with my cd player blaring Pillar.(seriously ladies and gents this music isn't for everyone)(too fierce) Stood around in the front yard staring at the cloudy sky waiting for the maxima.

Currently there's a meteor shower. Been going on for a few weeks actually. But today was the maxima.

Didn't get no maxima on these retinas.

I'm not drugged out of my skull. But I'm having a lot of trouble with my appetite. I'm not feeling hungry when I'm supposed to.

Jorrel is actually crazy enough to kill non stop till I go for a walk with him in 2-3 hours time. Sot lah.

Ok time for 2-3 hours more of sleep. Been sleeping like mad for the past few days.

Supposed to go house visiting too if my health can hold.

When I sneeze I smell blood and it hurts like crazy.

When I cough I smell blood and it hurts more than just "like crazy"

My head feels like it's been stirred using the "folding in" methods.

When blasted with air cond I shiver like a fragile leaf in the wind.

I make zombies look full of energy and life.

But at least I'm nearly recovered!

And at least I still think coherently.(or at least at usual standards)(somehow usual standards also involve feverish babbling I guess)

I've gotta go lie down for awhile.

I'll post something up when I feel better.

Cis shouldn't have travelled.

Zzzzzz feeling emo again.

Sigh it really does suck to be the human lie detector sometimes.

Being the human lie detector is just putting it at the surface level.

I guess when you go through all those modulations and skill sharpening events.

It's not just lie detection that happens anymore. It's just plain outright detection. Of everything.

And wow. When things surface. It's like you just pulled a really really ugly thing outa the water.

I'm having trouble staying asleep. I keep waking up at 6. And coming from me saying I've got problems staying asleep it's another level of trouble already. I can actually induce sleeping handy when you're charged with energy, wounded, in serious pain and the like. But I wake up so pissed off, annoyed, down and out I can't go back to sleep.

Even the feel good factor of the switchfoot concert was inked by it.

But I put myself back together after a long prayer. But then when I fetched this other guy for breakfast. Wow. He talked about all the things that kept cutting. Even with my prayer still in my head I felt as if he was lashing at the bandages that were covering the wounds.

Sigh. Nothing was resolved all these days in the end. Didn't even fix anything. I just went off did my own things to get away from it all.

But I think everyone is just taking a turn for the worse. 1 is going nuts. 1 is considering an old option I considered last time as well. I'm gonna stop him though. And as for me? I feel like retreating away from society.

But sigh advice says, I should go all out?

I know I've been lazy to update. It's just that I'd rather kill ppl than update.

Sigh tomorrow driving to Johor. Boring long journey with no speeding and my music turned down crazy low. Sure bored cow.

And today drove to lcct and got lost. SIGH drove for about 2-3 hours today. Limping and numb again SIGH.

Yes. Expect the emo post when I get back from Johor. But it's going to be good.

Aiyoh slow lah. Only Southampton and Leeds have replied my applications. I've got this "oohhhhhhh I've gotta kill that?" feeling at the moment. They've both asked for AAB for my final results. Do-able. But it's still a challenge. But hey, Since when do things comes without a price. Or a challenge.

---------------------------

I put enough money in the parking meter for the ticket to reach up till 1 today. Threw the ticket onto the dashboard. And said Thanks for getting a parking right in front of Burger King at 8:13.

Sweet.

Strolled off to class. Slightly late but yeah better than normal. Next week hopefully punctual lah for everything.

At 9 had further math. Tricked Mr Wong with the maths question. Woot.

10 talked to Stephanie and we exchanged information. Might have to do an uplink eventually.

Andrew opened com for me and hassled me at 10:30 then I shot off to Free Trade Zone(FTZ) and PE4 did the usual. Boycott lesson.

A severe lack of people turn up in CC instead of class and the teacher is forced to tutor instead. Heh. Edwyn got scolded over the phone and was called ring leader. Luckily Ms. Chian didn't call Fang or Andrew. Edwyn was the only one with the legitamate excuse.

At 1 I buggered off. Feeling hungry I asked a friend out to CHEEE YUUUUUKKKK FANNNNN!

We waited half an hour for the stuff to arrive and then we tucked in. Seriously. This is the best Chee Yuk Fan for about...as far as I know lah.

My suet cha tasted funny.

We talked till 3. It was really relaxing. Because we could talk about things that the rest of the world isn't supposed to know. Our worlds are almost mutually exclusive so it was very different. However when I jokingly mentioned I wanted to make dog curry outa my dog. The fella freaked. OH YEAH FUTURE VET LOLOLOL!

Then I realised I only had parking till 1. Jumped up and went to get the car.

NO SAMAN WOOT!

Drove off leisurely to avoid burning excessive petrol. (the sentra is really burning fuel)

Got to SMKDJ at 4.

Then I saw someone that I haven't seen in...9 years!! It was back before everything began. Wow it's been that long and we're both so freaking different now. Tried to watch movie in someone's house but tak jadi cause no cable. Ended up playing 2 very impressive games.

-----------------------

Switchfoot concert today. Woot! Wanna go walk walk before the thing starts @@

MUST BUY THE SHIRT!