The gentle chopping of the fan slicing through the air. Outside the window the orange sun casting it's rays onto my neighbours house announcing a insanely hot day for the day greeted me in the morning.

Eh blanket and pillow. Wow it's been awhile since I've used them. Then again my pillow is only about an inch thick.

I hear the quick chanting of another language downstairs. Oh granny is speaking in tongues...GOODNESS GRACIOUS I'VE GOT CHURCH TODAY!

So I finally cleaned myself off. Needed it bad. When you've got alcohol pumping through your veins + Loperamide and various other chems involved with stabilising it + massive gastric attack + cortisol you kinda get knocked out into a GG state pretty fast.

No lah not drunk!

Then went off to church with a bud. And in church I solved a riddle that no one else has noticed so far. And I finally got that renewal I've been begging for. Total reset of everything.

Took Emily and Jorrel to lunch. A&W in state. Saw her feed him waffle. Wah can laugh until die! "Sek ah sek ah!"

Woke up at 6 saw my friend's sms. Decided I belum ada tenaga to layan yet so I just went back to sleep.

Today had lunch with 2 buds. After I sent 1 bud off, me and the other just reconnected on the level that we had a long time ago. I think when he asked the all important question and I gave him an answer anyone would view as honest it just tore away all the time we've spent apart. Been a long time. Was a great talk.

Nothing much nor anything big to do tonight.

----------------------------------

The theory.

"Congratulations." Says a deep voice.
"For what?" A lighter voice.
"For surviving the year more or less." A cunning voice.
"Ah thanks." The lighter voice.
"Yeah congratulations." A wise voice.

Low light vision.

A light voice is owned by a youngish looking fellow who looks too young to be the age written in his IDs.

The deep voice yet again has the face of the same light voice but is dressed in what looks like travelling gear. With an impassive look.

The cunning voice. Same face but twisted into a cunning look. Wearing clothes which seemed to have been tailored for freedom of movement.

The wise voice. Yet again the same face a full white suit covering almost everything in fabric.

And everyone sits on ornate chairs. But dark chairs. With a lot of space between. Orange lights illuminate those speaking but nothing else in the room.

"So an evaluation?" Ventures the light voice breaking the silence.

"Alright then let me start" says the deep voiced person.

"You've started this year sure you've got your marbles. The owner of the other 11A proved you wrong with her cutting ways. But you figured out how to let go. Yet you made the mistake of burning everything that was learnt so you dumped yourself back into square one. Smart enough you picked yourself back up...."

"Yeah you finally figured it out." Interjects the cunning voice.

"You're meant to learn to fully utilise everything. Solo. You're the solo piece in this song because you can survive solo. You don't need anything or anyone else because of the gifts you have."

"Right enough you did figure it out and you got to work using them. Studying them again." Says the deep voice taking control again.

"You accepted the dealings and the pains. Accepted the past and tried understanding the future. And you've laid the first plans for it."

"Well done and well thought out for the best effects I'd say. But who's to say whats the next few events and who's to say how it will unravel." Says the cunning voice.

"Only God would know." Says the wise voice.

"And people came to you again. For help." Continues the deep voice.

"Because you're back to being respectable." Interrupts a kind voice.

A light flickers to life revealing yet another person with the same face dressed in a caregiver like fashion. The expression is thoroughly calm.

"And it's something to be proud about because you're taking care of His children as expected of you again." Says the wise one.

"You've also began to reach out to your faith again and realise the miracles. Kudos to that."

"Back to it. You've also made tremendous progress. Finally getting your studies straight. As well as your domestic life right." the deep voice continues.

The cunning one steps in, "But you've also made a lot of mistakes as well. Your administration abilities leave something to be desired. Actually a lot to be desired."

"But of course at least you've learnt. In fact I'd say you're learning particularly fast this year." the caregiver kindly softening the blow.

"By the by and on the whole. You've become a product that we can be proud of. Something that's finally right. A real charm, proper and well. Growing guts and using your wits more. You've also gained a bit of strength and weight throughout the year. You've become respectable. You've softened and become kinder. Bidden goodbye to your apathy. And solidified into a proper gentleman." the wise one sums it up. "One that looks after women well too." He adds with a wink.

"Well done." the deep one agrees.

Everyone but the light voiced one claps. While he nods mouthing thanks.

The clapping dies off.

"So whats on for next year?" the light one speaks yet again.

"Lets see if you can keep it up eh? And try to fix those poor administration skills of yours. And that is all. The rest will be in the written report." the deep one replies.

"Thank you, gents." says the light voiced one as he rises from his chair. "And a happy new year."

"Likewise" they reciprocate with various gestures.

Fuyoh just had my first shave a few days ago.

As I brought the razor to my chin my hand was shaking gently.

I've got a lot to be peeing my pants about actually. My chin is uneven. I've got scars on my chin too. So an uneven chin makes an uneven and potentially painful shave after all.

"Just the right amount of pressure"
"keep the skin taut"
"Use the lubricating strip on the top edge of the razor to lubricate thoroughly first"
"Go against the direction of the bristles to have the clean shave"

I can never judge the distance in the mirror properly hill anyway. So after 10 mins I still haven't put the razor to my flesh. I gave up and passed the razor to my left hand. Wow it became a blur in my left hand. Twitchy from nerves and lack of sleep.

I pass it back to my right hand. And touch the razor. I nick my skin for being stupid enough to try.

In the end I figure...Hey vibrating blade sure cleaner shave!

And I use my own chin to steady it. A few upward pulls later. Clean chin. Then for the misai.

I remember my friend telling us offhandedly she plucked clean her misai a couple of months back.

I laugh remembering to pull the razor away from myself first.

All of it came off in the end apart from a lil bit on my right side. So I kept scraping. 5 mins later...I've got a nick and a clean face.

Shucks and I was hoping to get no nicks.

Fudge. Gotta shave already bristles poking out.

--------------------------

On a side not however if you guys ever find me online at night. Most likely this is on at the moment. Double screen fun! Laptop on the left, main com on the right.

After all that waiting for lunch. I actually lost my appetite. Sigh. I hope I've enough of an appetite for tonight's poon choi.

I'm trudging through that old slushy memory.

Picking out odd bits. Lining them up. Back to back. Trying my best to tie it into a timeline. And by order too. Not too difficult. But the lineup is very long.

And work begins. I examine my memories. Cruel and cutting. Every gesture. Every glance. Every position. Every move.

I skip bits. I slide back and forth. Cross-reference. Check for repeats.

I come to a conclusion. Enmity has developed.

I think I'm kind of used to it. It's kind of casual already.

A bit used to it since I took on the post of photographer. And it only got deeper when I rose up.

But it was more like jealousy and annoyance at my constant presence. Then I started hanging out with Emily.

Fuh. Flak had to begin. Sigh. Territorial. Afraid of a sudden presence of an older fellow in the mix.

3 people quietly but openly having a cold war attack. And I didn't care. Because I was never badmouthed. But it was disappointing to see a guy who used to call me uncle playfully using it as an attack. Weak attack but nevertheless it just showed how desperate they were.

And then everything cooled off as they gave up when she got a boyfriend. Whew.

Then college started. First it was Sue Wei. Then something else hit in HELP.

Sigh. Then it was that Bio A1...Then followed up with first term results annoyance.

But things cooled. I got back to life. Started hanging out with more people. Got to know new friends and things were ok.

I started hanging out with a friend that wasn't that close too. But we knew each other for quite some time.

Enmity in college didn't really appear. Because well. It looked like I had priority and was ahead of things anyway.

But everywhere else nothing happened. Except there.

Information was restricted. Primarily because someone refused to provide. But a plant still needs to be watered. I needed nourishment. To grow and develope. So my other bud stepped in helped me out. Where someone else refused to.

I was attacked non-stop. Not one splinter is thrown in any other direction. And I took all the blows. All directed at me. Stepping out of the shadows I've become a raw target attacked like a piece of meat.

Sadly it's been a long time since I've spoken to Mar-xha so I was blunt. And I couldn't retort.

Then I realised a slander strategy can only work so much. So I decided to build my fortress. High walls. Letting any slander which hit my walls rebound like feeble arrows and land on my foes. Displaying what slander is: a juvenile strategy.

But the boulders which hit my walls. Sent echoes through my halls. Echoes which troubled me.

As if I stared over the walls from my highest parapet and I saw the banners of my brother fluttering in the wind. And those echoes felt like the boulders were bouncing through my walls themselves.

And I wonder how can it be. Then I realise the reason he's attacking me.

And I won't yield. "Brother fight fair" I thought. And so I picked up my shield. Leaving my other weapons behind. "Be the light in any fight" ringing in my ears.

Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

But then I confronted him. And he denied his reasons. Giving me a guarantor.

Trust is never given but earned. And I know he's earned it. So I grant it.

Yet things don't seem the way they should be. Curiosity pricks. I'm lost and searching for new clues again. But things fork like crazy on this tattered map of the world.

So I'm left to search. But my trust remains. I'll just attribute all I see now to the echoes of the past.

Just like the echoes coiled on my ring.

But Brother, my advice to you, if you read this, is not to let echoes control your actions. They stand to harm more than just you and me. And Brother of mine, don't let enmity tear us apart for our work is plenty in the days to come.

And I sure hope...You were honest.

Someday I'm gonna go out to the country
I'll drive til the highway ends
Chasing after picture perfect sunsets
To take away my breath
I'm tired of living in the city
The world's got me tied on a string
Wanderlust has overcome me
Like Lewis and Clark I'll dream
There's a million different ways to go
Only God can know where I will call my home

Love lead me on
No one else has gone
Faith keep me strong
Love lead me on

The open road can be so lonely
I'm longing for someone to love
If only I could share my new surroundings
Open the doors above
There's a million different ways to go
Only God can know where I will call my home

Love lead me on
No one else has gone
Faith keep me strong
Love lead me on

Faith keep me strong
Love lead me home

I'm lost.

I'm not sure what I'm doing. I'm in new territory. A place I don't recognise anything. Everything that I've learnt in theory. The stuff I never expected to happen has happened.

I'm at a crux.

Being quiet will bring me nothing but silent frustration.

But to speak up would lead me either back to the sufferings that made me who I am or it could bring me higher above what I am.

Does the state I am define what I am? Define the perils I will have to endure the rest of this already predetermined lifespan?

Or is it a glimpse of the futures that I can achieve?

All of it is uncertain. Except that I am at the crux.

"What is my next move?" in a simplistic way of asking.

"What tactical positions and stances I should assume?" is the way I'm asking it.

All the problems piling higher. Even as I pick plans for the current ones. More keep pouring in. My problems. And other people's problems. Those who I am duty bound to help.

Even as I relish my new found abilities and applications of them...I can't help but take a deep breath and wonder if I'll make it through.

All these problems. All beyond my physical age. Crazily difficult. But not impossible. Problems most of my peers haven't even dreamt of before. But I'm glad I had the chance to meet those who have solved them.

I wouldn't be able to make it through without the "nightmare testing".

But even so it's impossible to be sure of what I'm doing.

With no one around to help. No parents can help me. No sister to help me. I never got that brother I wanted. No cousins. No aunts no uncles. No friends.

Alone.

But I'm never truly alone.

Listening to God. I've only heard something once so far. And even then who knows for sure? But I trust. And I hope and wait for the answer.

Love lead me on. Faith keep me strong. In the days to come.

--------------------------

I had 3 nightmares last night alone. And I sleep with little more than mattress and a bed sheet now.

Susah sia. And yes I'm all right at the moment. Just a little nagged.

"Do I have to wear the hat? Sniff"

Cheesy Nachos

Salad with cherry tomatoes, rocket and kat chai peels.

Pot of mushroom soup.

Sniff I wanted 2 bowls but only got 1

Breaded pork chops nice!

Better view of the tableApple sauce. Looks worse but tastes a lot better in real life.Mashy washy potatoe!Whipping cream for the carbonara.The rest of the ingredientsBacon being fried for the carbonara...Feeling my place as pasta cook being threatened. Sausages. A lot of them. They're already half gone in this pic. There were 2 plates.
EH MACHA(green tea ice cream) Home made.Nice bowl. First bottle of wine. (VELI GOOD according to drinkers)
Second bottle
Glasses and decanterAnother look at the decanter
ChampagneMOET! I WANT!Spent most of the night being chilledPort from portugal. Wine fortified with brandy. Strong until can peel paint from the wall.Here's the boxHere's a drunk uncle ^^("cheers") Telling crazy stories about people getting drunk

"you know arh one of my annual dinners arh got that ****** got sooooo drunk he drive drive drive then suddenly he look....EH WHY AM I IN GENTING LEH?"

------------------------------------------------------

Still eating apple sauce.

Missing carbonara pic. Forgot to take. But it was syok! But very very pekat.

I ate most of the food cold. Cause everyone decided to eat first and let me get things done. I ended up bringing dirty dishes to the back before I even had my first bite. But good food.

Tomorrow gotta wake early and wash mushrooms. Loads of them. For a large pot of mushroom soup.

Followed by peeling loads of apples for making applesauce.

Followed by going off to Acts for the christmas play. (Hoping to drag along some fellas)

Then going to Laura's for her lunch invite.

Then coming home and a crazy rush trying to prep a huge and massive dinner for 16 in 4 hours.

Dinner with family and lots of great food.

Oh and MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY! HAVE A BLESSED CHRISTMAS TO TREASURE!

And hopefully you get banyak presents which you share with me ^^

Nearly 400 km travelled. In the dark. With no stars in the sky.

Countless papers were burnt.

Countless tears were shed.

Countless candles were set alight.

Bags of prayer paper were folded.

By visitors.

Relatives.

Children.

Adults.

Parents.

Friends.

Former collegues.

In-laws.

Effort appreaciated.

The hour of the Angelus in catholic faith.

She always loved the Virgin Mary.

And catholics have always prayed to her at noon. When the bells of catholic churches were rung at 6am 12pm and 6pm.

Leaving us at 12. After praying for mercy continously. And sending flowers to her altar.

Can we take it as a sign?

Grandchildren were born.

2 are in adulthood.
3 are in college.
3 are in high school.
1 is in primary school.

6 children were born.

6 children were raised to be adults.

3 rosaries were hung on the cabinet adjacent to the bed.

Now the bed is empty.

3 types of prayer paper were folded.

And there are only 3 who can continue the line.

2 Children were flown back.
1 from the UK.
1 from Sarawak as soon as possible.

2 Nintendo DSes kept the other young ones entertained.

1 woman honoured and prayed for and mourned.
Respected and revered.

Was laid to rest.
And 1 quiet journey home to DJ was made.

And 1 generations of Lees has ended. We will honour her. With our actions, mouths and hearts.

She held my head with her left hand and she placed her right on my neck. Her hair was tickling my brow.

It's been a long day. I've been up and about since 5:15 am. My feet hurt very badly making standing a test of willpower let alone walking. I'm also very sick with a very bad cold bordering on a fever with my inner ear canals infected up to the point if I sustain any more damage I'd be smelling blood non-stop again. And my throat feels burnt.

The soft touch of her left hand is soothing and I nearly go to sleep. Her soft skin against my coarse dry skin because I just had a bath not too long ago.

She's behind me so I can't see her face. And it's dark from the dim lights. The shop is about to close.

Then she squeezes...Siong the siong lah neck massage. GEE GEEE LAH But uyoh dahm needed it after lugging my bag around the whole day. Shoulder dahm pain.

First time getting massage. I was thinking like "eh come Thailand not everyday wei must try at least once"

But the place dodgy. There was only 1 male staff and he was crowd pulling out there advertising his services. With 3 women next to him in the staff uniform(just a shirt and some ordinary black pants) waving and smiling.

Nothing la till I saw the back of the card he was using to display his prices. "DELIVERY"

DAHM SCARED! So I told my mom and she said I can go home if I'm worried.

Especially since I was the only guy in the whole darkly lit outlet which was a converted house. On top of that all the masseuse were female. AND all the other staff kept giving conspirational smiling looks to the person in charge of me the whole time I was there.

I ended up getting a foot massage followed by a head-shoulder-arm-back massage.

She seemed to know where all the sensitive bits of a human body were and kept rubbing circular motions into those bits.(feet and thighs only lah get ur mind out of the gutter) It was quite ticklish. But when she did my left leg she didn't do that anymore.

But she seemed to really know where all the muscles were and all the gaps between the muscles were. Like really ada training like that.

I'm still not really sure if it's really a seedy establishment but I fell asleep during the massage. So I just gave up after the second day. No effect lah. But I think it's just me and my half dead nerves. My mom and my cousin said it was really syok.

I gotta admit lah I was really really curious ever since Lesley told me she got a free spa session. But sigh. I guess it takes someone with some serious strength to really squeeze my muscles. Even though sometimes some bits hurt but they were rare. Kept falling asleep.

But I guess everyone should at least try it once. Strange to go Thailand and not have the Thai massage after all.

OK GOTTA WORK FAST! DON'T WANNA BATHE SO MUCH!

Mom is at a massage right now. It's 2 am Thailand. 3 am Malaysian. And I'm still running off a Malaysian body clock...So I hopped off to a CC because I'm kinda wondering what has happened during the 2 days I've been MIA.

Apparently nothing. Apart from teh CF group going out to hang out twice...Uuuuuu Bad timing to go Thailand really.

It's really warm here. Very warm. The day starts at 31 degrees and every mall is heaving with people and there still hasn't been a holiday since my few days here. I can tell by the school kids walking around. Apparently ada school. AWWW. Eh Darren shoo don't start reminding me how you've finished your course.

Malls are also freaking packed to the brim with shoppers. Apparently it's pretty common to find Malaysians here. The lady at the pharmacy recognised my IC.

But got dahm lot of Ang Morhs loh. And at night they're all walking around with a small thai girl wearing enough to deal with the warm weather.

It's almost entertaining while waiting for food to count the number of ang morhs walking around with one of those women at night.

I've only got 1 day left here in Thailand really. Sunday doesn't really count because I'm taking the first flight out.

Oh I'm waking at 6am Malaysian for that flight. Traffic is really really really crazy out there. The Thai must be really really really patient because the jams are that crazy. And I secretly envy the tuk tuk drivers because of their l33t driving skills. More keng than penyu @@ and I thought my cornering was awesome. I am humbled!(Sarah: you never get to see this because it's pretty bone chilling)

Tomorrow I'm going chat di chat(Not sure how to spell) but were going to get some sweet souvenirs.

It's still pretty lively out there with some roadside stalls selling fruits, foods and all.

Expect to see a crazy amount of pics and videos when I get back. Got very very trigger happy.

My feet hurt like crazy too. It's been a long time since I walked halfway across Singapore after all.

I think Sarah will love it here lorh. When you step into the mall your first thought is. OMIGOSH SO FREAKING HUGE! You pull out your camera and try to take a picture of the view of the airwell...And then you realise...Your camera can't even fit all 7 floors of the complex in the pic.

And as you walk you realise there's alot of annexed places to the main areas. It makes Sungai Wang look like it wasted a lot of space. Food is really cheap here too anyway.

Found a lot of writing inspiration here. And a new form of irritation today too.

Oh the train system here is so efficient. It makes Singapore's look primitive seriously. It's so freaking on time! With trains every 2 mins! And it goes crazy fast and crazy far! Crazy big! Sky Train owns Putra, MRT and the like. Ok lah this is costing me a bomb. I was really expecting 20 baht per hour but I got 2 baht per min. Gotta run!

Gonna try find that cheap CC again tmr. This CC has no games and only 4 coms really. But it's next to the hotel. So despo tourists like me who can't grab their dad's laptops and sneak off to subway(24hr free wifi) or Starbucks get seriously cut up. But thats fine. Food so bleedy cheep! Roar!

Off to buy water. Apparently thats expensive here. That and the CC*grumbles**sniff*

I'll be flying off tomorrow to Thailand. (Sorry Sarah looks like I can't fetch you tomorrow.)

This little trip to Thailand has sort of become and exercise in serious frustration for the past few weeks.

It all started with their "go...Don't go...cannot go...No point going...Eh got massage want go!" attitude. Wow dahm annoying. I was darn happy coz finally going on a holiday! But my sister isn't even coming. Which forces me to stay with my parents. I hope I get a seperate room with my cousin actually. Parents always grumble when I occupy any space at all but always leave me with none. -_- tulane university!

Which all in all wasn't too bad lah it's just about going or not.

But comes the next problem. Which totally didn't occur to me until I talked to Sarah.

Shopping.

Oklah I could do with some clothes. But when I go shopping no one lets me go alone. And my mom takes forever to shop. And if I take longer than 20 mins she starts nagging. So it's most probably I'm just gonna end up following cousin and mom as they go shopping all day. *cringes*

Then came the next part. There's a bunch of us going jalan jalan on Thursday. 7:30 am. Both Sarahs are going. AND HENRY CHUAH! DENG AAAAABBBBBBBBAAAAAAABBBBBBB(long time no c) Sigh. Never mind lah. Bitter sweet holidays just like penyu had last year. Sure got some other time right?

I asked if I could go later. My dad appeared to consider it then he said afraid I get lost trying to go LCCT. Dei I how old lah. Ask me do all the stuff send me go here go there then suddenly tell me that it's too dangerous. I guess they only let me do things if it's convinient for them eh.

Then came the bitter bit my sis said she could come if we leave on friday. My dad willing to book for fri. But my sis says she won't fly alone. Last night. 1 day after my ticket was booked. Irritation nation.

But the little bit that takes the cake...I know my flight is early morn tomorrow. And because Thailand is 1 hour behind I'll land about the same time I take off.

BUT NO ONE HAS TOLD ME UP TILL NOW WHEN IS MY FREAKING FLIGHT! Coz you see when I ask my dad he dismisses me and just waves me off. So I have no freaking idea when is my freaking flight. When I asked him to show me the flight timetables...He showed me the page where I fill in my passport number.

Nvm lah I'm just gonna bring the d70 and shoot pics of everything. Expect loads of pics when I get back.

Oh bag is gonna be a bit empty. Clearing out a little room. For a bit of shopping. If I get to do any. And a gift for a pal who "Hinted" that I should return with something.

Oh well. Might as well make the most of it. *burns a few more cds* *packs a few more batteries*

Oh and btw. It's perfectly fine to sms/call me in Thailand. You guys pay local charges while I get a very minor surcharge for roaming. It's just Thailand after all and I'm on Malaysian network anyway.

----------------------------

Movie session yesterday at Jorrel's house rocked. 1408 dahm nice. And battle royale was super entertaining!

*fwap*

They hit the pad. And I bring my head to the ground in a kowtow fashion.

I'm low on energy so I use the structural strength of my ligamens to pull me up again by spreading my shoulders and pulling them backwards creating tension then using it to push my self off the ground.

I stand for moments before it's time to bow again.

My hair brushes the dirt.

An hour later we kneel. And my knees hurt. It's been very painfull the impacts. Even with the cushion. The cushion wasn't very cushiony anyway.

I find my thoughts drifting away from all the monotonous chanting.

My knees have served me well. I use them to block my falls.

I use them to break the ground. I use them to cut speed in the event of an accident.

I know every click and angle of the sockets. I know their structural strong points.

I fell earlier this year twice. And they broke my fall twice.

And when I needed to stand while bleeding to help others they managed to hold well.

They've carried me thousands of kilometres.

They allow me to drive.

They allow me to run.

And suddenly I bow with them. And others around me kowtow with them too. About 400 times we bow. And I think everybody's knees ache.

4 hours work ended with lunch from the boss at esquire kitchen followed with me getting paid 50. Sweetnessss....

WHAT MAJOR IS RIGHT FOR YOU? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as English/Journalism/Comm You should strongly consider majoring (or minoring) in Communication, English, Film, Journalism, Literature, or Writing. It is possible that the best major for you is your 2nd, 3rd, or even 5th listed category, so be sure to consider ALL majors in your OTHER high scoring categories (below). You may score high in a category you didnt think you would--it is possible that a great major for you is something you once dismissed as not for you. The right major for you will be something 1) you love and enjoy and 2) are really great at it. Consider adding a minor or double majoring to make yourself standout and to combine your interests. Please post your results in your myspace/blog/journal. Religion/Theology 100% English/Journalism/Comm 100% Nursing/AthleticTraining/Health 94% Physics/Engineering/Computer 88% Psychology/Sociology 88% Education/Counseling 81% Visual&PerformingArts 69% HR/BusinessManagement 69% Mathematics/Statistics 56% Accounting/Finance/Marketing 56% Biology/Chemistry/Geology 50% PoliticalScience/Philosophy 50% French/Spanish/OtherLanguage 50% History/Anthropology/LiberalArts 13%

Got a bit bored so I took the quiz. Actually studying other religions isn't really my thing. But I wouldn't mind teaching my own religion. Journalism is also a no thanks thing for me. Oh well.

Been crazy the past few days. Really punishing travel log. Went south and came back in a day. Then go south again the day after then came back yesterday. Today went to penang after 3 hours of sleep...Cause I figured my dad's having enough already and I agreed to drive for him.

Ended up driving around penang to weird places where the rich expats stay. The road to batu feringgi was super hard to drive on with such a fat car.(nearly taking up the whole lane) Held up traffic trying to navigate the road. Gimme my saga there and it's freaking driving heaven. Gear 2 pecut brek gear down...pecut naik gear...naik gear...brek gear 2...WAH LIKE RALLY SPECIAL STAGE!

Then went to a factory. Asked a dumb question which got things fixed. Followed by a loooonnnnggg wait for them to do weird things. So I was pretty much stuck in a latex smelling factory with a light overtone of chlorine and an underlying bouquet of grease and cotton flock.

Feeling like crap right now. Super tired. I passed out before Sarah even replied my message. Legs tired from all the standing and pedal play too.
---------------------------

I leaned back glancing upwards, and I saw the trophies on top of the cupboard in the room. Cheap plastic casted with golden colour pellets. With the centre of the main body of the trophy having a school's logo on it.

I see more trophies around the room. Here and there on top of the com, on top of the piano and one on the headboard of the room owner's bed.

And I realise. I share the same line of genes as this trophy winning person.

I remember the few I have at home too.

And I ask myself. Why did I give up?

I've got stuff people envy. I've got genes that give me a head start in the thinking chain. I've learnt stuff that people my age have no clue about.

But why did I quit...

Things were bad. And there was a lot of falling from grace. Feeling shattered against just every freaking thing I did. Nothing went right. Pissed off I broke one of them too. The very first one I got is no longer around because I broke it.

When Colin and I were neck and neck for positions back in f3...I didn't even care. Colin worked hard and did everything right trying to beat me. And all I did was my homework thinking "If he beats me finally he deserves it." and I never really did study. I just flipped through and did my papers just trying to get 7as for PMR.

When SPM came I just tried to get into college. I just tried to match my sister's results because screwing up is getting fried.

And then my aunt came and told me that everyone wants to see me do well. Because they believe I can. Because I should do well. Because God gave me the mojo to do well. I went hardcore. All the subjects that required hard mugging I got myself A1s and for Moral I enlisted Emily to help me nail those definitions in on recommendation from Pn. Mariyam.

College came and I still do try to do well for A-lvls because it's important but not on the level that Lesley and Sarah thinks I do my revisions.

I know why I gave up. And I think other people would have given up too.

Then I see Sarah struggling.

I see her fighting the flow. The difficulties of life. And she never quits. She just plains keeps fighting. Keeps getting up after every blow. She's going through tough times. But she never quits. No matter how discouraging things look.

And I admire that in her.

I've gotta learn something from her.

I know I've been missing for a few days. I know I haven't updated in awhile breaking form and habit. And very few people know why...Cause I lazy tell lah. Sooner or later I'll tell lah but very busy at the mo.

Well just a quick update before I hop off to penang tomorrow.

Oh I've got a job for Monday 9-evening for 50RM for the whole day's work.

I hope I can drain the damage from my throat and lungs before I get on the job.

------------------------------
*rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiingggggggggggggg* *ring* *ring*

An old fashioned ringing tone blares out and I ignore it pulling up my legs again. 12...13...

Zac-vin and his friend stares so I pick it up seeing the name "Wai Lum" across the face. He probably wants CC I thought.

"Hello?"
"Eh................................"

I felt my fingers go slack around my phone. I struggled to hold it.

I was putting on my shoes before I even got to the next sentence. As I left the building Kalim asked "What's wrong man?"

"Emergency."

And I ran all the way home. Even if my energy reserves were burning.

In 20 mins I cancelled everything. Scrapped every plan. Turned down 1 offer to a party and 1 offer to DJ prom.

Time to fly. And the meters hit 160. When the skies had already peeled to black.
-------------------------------------------

Oh lol ironic ben-ji should mention that. I've got a wierd post related to her coming up soon.

It explains what I've been doing for the past few days. Sort of. Ok lah it just explains how I've filled my time the past few days not what I've been doing mainly. And no I did not spend every waking moment thinking about Sarah lah! The past few days have been...distracting...everyone there just sorta dropped what we were doing before that and focused on whats at hand. Psst the uhmmm...3 monkeys who know...don't tell first ah keep the suspense building. Got a uber idea for a post.

And chill lah. I'm alright. Everyone is fine.

And yo! Sup Nash!

Well actually it's sister and Sarah is home. Finally.

After my sister's prolonged abscence in UK she's finally home. Within prodding range. Makes pestering, teasing and laming a lot easier. And retribution for over-laming(Yes I'm pretty good that) a lot more dangerous than a "-_-" smiley.

__/TAXI\__
_@_====_@_

WHEE!

Feeling sick. Sis brought back a lot of dust from the UK.

After Sarah's prolonged abscence at Grace Youth Assembly camp. I was left feeling bored. Lifeless. And bored. In other words. Ordinary lah. Very ordinary. But eh she's back. So the fun and games begin again! Wheeee! Welcome back kawannnn!

Well I'm feeling sick so I can't remember what exactly this post was supposed to be about. But then again I'm pretty brain addled normally anyway. Sigh I'll try to update consistently now that my most avid reader is back.

SNEEZE YER CANNOT TAHAN THE DUST LAH! Dog went on a super scratching frenzy adding more dust to the air also. Wah feel like gonna pass out wei and have to get a respirator on.

Thanks wei I noticed something on the way up. One of the things you did for me incidentally saved all the fingers on my left hand.

I love gesturing. And without fingers. Gesturing would be a lot harder. Thanks Lesley K!
-------------------------

@@ I thought I could get a job which is only 2 days a week for 3 consecutive weeks. And it would pay 600.

Wow 600 in 6 days. Easier than a pimp! Not that I have any experience in the field though.

But turns out now. It's 5 days a week 9-5. For 1 month for 800.

I think........eyer.

Sounded so promising though. Sad lah.

But I need that injection of cash. And I'm not sure how to get it. Sourcing it is a problem. And I can only liquidise my assets next year.

This is screway. CREDIT CRUNCH!

Time for...Balance check!

12 people owe me 7.20$ for ease of calculation.(Sarah expression with the uneven change has scared me)(I don't have common cents she said) That amounts to 86.4

Not bad. But it's kinda hard to latch onto all those people and suck them for the juice. *does pacat like action* But not enough. Then I opened a whole bunch of unopened ang paus. Wow Christmas did come early this year! GOD IS GOOD!

Looks like I'll survive till I can liquidise my assests!

Oh whats the money for? No not surviving subang. I'm on holiday from subang for a month remember? It's for fulfilling promises.

And paying off those birthday gifts thingies. Sharing here and there. Who said it's good to know everyone again? Wait I did lol. Still is actually!

I won't be updating for the next few days so I'll just dump my fore casted weekend here.

In less that 24 hours I will attend my last day of college for a whole 31 days...Unless I'm summoned back to coll for anything...Which is already prepared for anyway if it happens.

I'm gonna stay up late playing dota with Bird and Kurtwin.

I'm gonna go out for supper with the usual gang.

I'm gonna catch up on that much needed rest.

I'm going to finally put together Jorrel's present.(trying to get bird to help)

Put together Michelle's card.

Enjoy all the music that's been collecting on my com.

Go for huddle tomorrow night and Jason Leong's house.

Go to church on Sunday(hopefully)

Read comics. Lots of them.

Read Left Behind series.(borrowed from bird)

Go cycling.

Go swimming.

Go running.

And enjoy all of it.
-----------------------

"You're paling up."
"I am? Must be the excessive stress recently you know? Things haven't been going well."
"You're so kissable when you're all pale and all it gives your lips such a nice colour."
"WHAT THE JEWISH JANGLE! YER! WHATS YOUR PROBLEM WEI! DISTURBING SIAL!"
"Haha Kidding lah. But actually now that you mention it. The problem is in you."
"HUH? Dei mat yea si? Got problem just tell lah."
"Aiyoh. Oklah I think you're gay. Seriously. Like the but grabbing, perfume selling/makeup selling Metrojaya attendant gay."
"Dude abang! I don't have the hots for you lah!"
"I didn't mean that lah! I mean like wei among the whole bunch lah. You get asked out DAHM lot lah. And not just by guys I meant. I'm talking about girls. Dude so many ask you for dinner or something!"
"Just friends really. Good friends which prefer talking over meals lah."
*rubs temples*"Dude...How many "friends" actually ask guys out over and over again to go yumcha/walking alone in bazaars in some romantic looking place."
"The extra friendly tomboyish ones?"
"Just one. Deng la ma deng. Knn. Dahm obvious lah. Even bird called that place "the couple place" and he's the one that doesn't know all these things."
"So whats wrong with that?"
"The fact you don't freaking accept lah. Like so gay like that. Aiyoh got girl ask you turn down pulak. I tell you lah sooner or later you're gonna be selling makeup in Jusco."
"Eh annoying eh you. Ever heard of not interested there and planning things elsewhere?"
"Where? Selling jewellery for Parkson arh?"
"Wah beh tahan."
"Btw got someone went through your whole blog. You're ratings and hits shifted a bit. Like dahm stalker like that."
"Yala I know lah."
"You know who?"
"Yala yala I know who also lah. Not your business lah. You also like stalker like that so teliti my stuff."
"Just checking out your hits only lah. Interesting mah. Get to see who refers the most."
"Annoying stalking probing disrespectfull freak!"

The lights are dim with just orange lights hanging from the ceiling casting small spotlights onto the smooth lacquered maple wood floor. This shiny mirrored walls are all polished and shiny on 2 sides. The other walls are finished with simple wooden panelling and another wall has windows which overlook the quiet world outside. The window overlooks train tracks which no longer has no more trains running for the day.

The room is empty save 2 souls.

The soft thumps against the wood is the only thing to be heard along with a soft lilting music of a quiet jazz piano piece. That and the heavy breathing of a dancing person lost in the passion of a routine.

Aye. There be 2 people in the room. But the other only looks on standing in a corner at a side where it seems the spotlights miss.

Turning and twirling and sliding slowly, deliberately she glides across the floor. A complicated routine which would seem perfect with a partner. But nevertheless it seems well enough on it's own.

The music ends soon enough and she strikes her final pose.

"What do you think?"

The other person smiles a unique calm and easy smile and says.

"Perfect." His soft claps echoing around the room gently.

He strolls over to her. He's dressed casually in a suit that's all black contrasting to the dancer who's dressed in bright coloured dress.

"Would you join me for a dance?" Her voice hanging in the air hopefully. The 4 walls of the room have heard this question so many times that if they could speak. They would probably repeat this line first.

"No thank you." And there goes that easy smile again.

"Then would you dance for me? That circular dance of yours?"
"Aye madam."

He takes off his coat revealing his physique and the dark coloured shirt made out of fine material. She pulls up a chair and eases herself into it and crosses her legs. He drapes his coat around her chair.

He walks to the centre of the room. Turns to look at her and gives her a smile. She giggles a little. Clearly she's amused.

"It's your first time seeing me do this right?"
"Well yes."
"Try not to get your socks blown off."

And he begins. He turns on his feet. It looks as if he's about to lose his balance. But he just turns faster. He opens his arms. And he just picks up speed. He turns and moves in a circle. Quickly and firmly the movements continue. His feet step around in turns as he continues creating rapid taps on the floor. It's fast. It's intense. It's exciting.

She watches his dance. And she knows what it means. It's a dance that only the people of his profession know. Guardians.

And she sighs knowing it's full meaning. He only thinks of her as a charge. Nothing more. Just a target to guard. To sign those life giving contracts with. He doesn't need the contracts yet because he's only as old as her. But when it's time he'll start signing those contracts and he'll become an immortal.

He keeps going slowing down and then speeding up again. His routine creates a slight breeze in the whole room with it's intensity. He just keeps going.

When he ends he's panting and sweating.

"Well? What do you think?"
"I've never seen anything like it."
"I should think so." And he smiles again.

She knows the meaning of the dance but it's not that which scares her. It's the difficulty of their life which scares her. The difficulty of her feelings for him. The difficult conditions.

"Is something wrong?"
"Nothing at all." She smiles a fake smile.

They make to leave. He dons his jacket and helps her into her own. And he turns off the orange lights in the room.

Gotta admit I overeacted a wee bit. Sometimes crap just rains and you gotta handle things.

So at 3 smth am I burned myself a CD. Plugged in the CD checked the batteries. And WHEEEEE!!! I'm handling it.

So we got there early after a little problem...And we were sweating like mad for walking to the KTM and back to the building.

And then we were brought into the main hall. However I noticed right outside...The money museum was closed. OH MY ISH ISH ISH ISH!!! Thats the main reason I decided to go. -_- Aiseh. For reno. Aiseh. Sigh. Rassum frassum. Did I miss out anything? Oh yeah Jewish Jangle. zzzzzzz

So we had the talks. Basically the dude just repeated everything my dad has ever said to me. I put in 1 earphone. And when it was out I knocked off. Snore.

Needless to say I fell asleep and woke up about 5 times. Coolies. Well I just hope he didn't see lah...Quite rude leh...Ms Chian also stared daggers...

Can't help it anyway. I only had about 3 hours plus of sleep last night. The Plus part doesn't really count anyway because it was somewhere between me actually sleeping and not moving.

I was on borrowed time and I was trying to suck up energy. I didn't even move the whole car ride to the place anyway.

The tour was a bit the boring lah. We just got to see what our tax dollars are paying for. But we did get to see some of the uber impressive equipment our central bank uses to control our currency while generating a slight amount of income.

We also got to see an uber cool but super small library and the book...


It's a real book. SERIOUSLY!

And Andrew got himself a fancy new RM5 note by trading in his ripped one. When one of our guides found out what we were doing she just rolled her eyes and walked off.

Btw we have 101.2 bil in that building somewhere.

After that we went Megamall and had Kenny for lunch. No not the southpark version. The country music singing Kenny.

Walked around alone for a bit explored The Garden. Then train hopped all the way home solo. Had my headphones in and I fell asleep halfway in the train on the way home to KJ woke up just in time(praise the Lord). Walked to my car 2km away and drove home.
It's been a good day for thinking. And I've discovered new things about myself again.
-----------------------
If Sarah doesn't update by tomorrow I may post a story that involves dancing. Maybe I'll shove in a pic for food also. But if she does...I may post up another story instead. @@ ideas bouncing around. Links up tmr hopefully too.

Truth be told I'm annoyed at the moment. Cause I have to go for the field trip. Sigh I only like getting fielded for work. Not going on field trips -_-

Sigh and it's a talk on interest rates too. Very very irritated. ON TO THE POST!
------------------------------------------

I woke up with my head feeling like a soup pot. Sluggish and slightly stirred.

But hey. Pretty normal. A lot of normal things inbetween. Talked to Sue Wei and even she's not going. Sigh.

Ms. Chian gave up asking me if I'm going too. And the other teachers had an evil grin as they confirmed we were going to bank negara. Wow. Jahat Mr. Wong.

After coll I talked a lot of crap with Yun Xin. I think...She's gonna hit her limit soon. Either that or Beatrice is really flinging crap in PE5. "look at nick's face confirm Beatrice laming again!"

Thats when the fun began.

The poor people of Ridzuan were looking for a ride. So I ended up giving Serena and co. a ride home.

Problem is. I forgot to ask for directions for me to get home.

So I had to rely on old El Photographia Memoria. Basically I just drove around exploring the area next to Ridzuan just listening to my music and following cars. Bliss. I didn't find driving heaven. No doubt it's in Switzerland...But it was just me and my car. No Michael. No Sarah. No Bird. Nobody.

I finally got out of the Ridzuan area and hit the road.

I followed the road. And I remember Edwina's dad turning in somewhere about there to go to TBS. So I followed. Then I mucked up. Wrong turn. Wrong place. So I was stuck on open highway. Just going with the flow. But then again. No one needs me. And no one is looking for me.

And then...I mucked up again. I found myself in Sungai Way. Ok so I had to get smart. Use the old photographic memory.

I normally only went to Sungai Way at night. And the last time I went it was during f4 in the afternoon after I was fielded for community service and the aunties liked me.

I tried turning the colours of black in my head from all those mental images to day to find my way out. But nope stuck. Like a stick in quicksand. So I went round and round the place. Like a labrat in a maze. Chi chi chi?

I gave up stopped at Caltex and asked for directions. I got directions to reach the LDP but halfway I saw something familiar remembered a shortcut tried to take it. And ended up lost coz some guy painted his gate....

Needless to say. When I finally hit 90 on a long stretch of Highway and I saw the sign. "Selamat Datang Ke Selangor Dahrul Ehsan" I finally said something....."I'm sooooooooo soooooooooooooo soooooooooooooo sooooooooooooo soooooooooooooo soooooooooooooo scrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedddddddddd"

So I drove along until I nearly reached Midvalley. And I hugged the roads that said "Universiti Malaya".

Actually arh the road going there...Quite leng leh. And it was a clear blue sky with a few clouds all the way. Perfectly beautifull sky. But really sucky temp.

I shot into UM. Parked my car. Got out. And looked at the freaking directory trying to triangulate my exit onto Jalan Universiti.

Needless to say I screwed up and drove 1 round around UM. Not that I didn't enjoy it though I got to see almost everything in UM. Stuff people don't really see. And it's actually quite leng in there. Nice lakes. Nice landscaping. Nice trees.

But I was getting bored of being lost. My kidneys were hurting. I was in pain from dehydration and low blood pressure.

And I was begining to worry if I'll have to call Eng Joe. So I followed more signs. And When I came back to the spot where I took the wrong turning.(I didn't know it was wrong then. Directory said can.) I just thought "eh this place leng like Jessica Alba like that. Get lost also not bad leh." and trusted my Maker and took the turn.

After yet another scenic route it turned out to be right and I reached Jalan Universiti. And I just plain drove home. For good.
People have been telling me to get lost for years. Even more when I was wielding my camera. Not to mention Sarah has a really unsettling frown when she doesn't want you to take her pic....

So I got lost. And I enjoyed it.

It rocked lah. Thanks Serena. And thanks my Maker for making Malaysia a beautifull place.

--------------------
Sigh. Sien the chow mien lah field trip. Sarah said there was nothing. So I'm stuck on the trip.

Bird says he wanna play pool tomorrow. Lagi sien. Annoying ah. Dahm cranky di.

I just hope I don't get bored. If not some buff guy in board shorts is gonna grab me and run to the beach shouting "SURFS UP DUDES!" and proceed to surf some narly waves.

Life would sooooooooo rock then.

Ugh! Finally 11:45. But boyyyy has it felt like a loooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggggg night.

"you're not emo-ing over ******* right?"
"Nope if my philosophy is if I can let it get to me I'm probably not ready for a relationship."
"no"

The rest was an explanation on why. Which was sound. Saying if I'm not affected it means I'm not opening up. Something like that lah. More or less.

"She said she........."

And I was treated to another philosophical theory about how wrong that idea was. About how no experience is a dangerous thing. But then again God may deal the right cards.

"She left without saying goodbye. Highly uncharacteristic of her."
"Oh my God lah you're madly in love."

Am I? I don't know.

"I'm trying not to bother. I'm just not letting the little things get to me you know?"
"Oh I haven't learnt that trick yet."

Wow I'm actually ahead of my friend in a department finally. The great Laura. And I'm a step ahead of her in 1 department at least. But I don't know if she's feeling any pride that I've finally learnt something or she should be worried because I've learnt this. Tricky.

Not emo. Seriously. Don't sms me wei asking if emo or apa! Just introspective and feeling like I need to rethink my life at the moment.

Tomorrow no update I guess. Gonna write something fancy again.

Before hand....Big round of applause to Lesley ladies and gents! She's noticed what I'm trying to do. But sadly it'll be years before I have enough quality material.

File crawl!

-----------



Sarah was talking to me about somethings...while in another window me and Lesley were having a light-hearted conversation...

Topic material completely unrelated. But when the latter said I'm on her active 5(finally lah so it doesn't turn your credit inside out)...

God showed me how small the world is.

I remember. Working with Pui Yean. I learnt new tricks. My time spent there taught me more than just parlor tricks really. Stuff thats brag-worthy. Something that I'd write home about.

But that's also when my life slipped out of balance last year. Sigh. And I had it so good in the beginning of f5!

Problems came up. A girl will never forgive me for what I did in two short months. I learnt that trust is important. But most importantly honesty...

As my problems grew. The worse I got. The only times where I was lucid enough and happy enough were in school, Cc and CF. I did everything wildly then.

And the whole time I was telling myself...I've been through worse. Some soft attempt at trying to console myself. To tell myself I'm going to be alright. Even when there was no one around.

It went on for awhile. I got more paranoid. I couldn't control myself that well. In the weeks leading up to SPM I washed a lot of blood down my sink and drains.(I didn't cut myself don't worry.)

When SPM finally ended. I still wasn't out of the woods. Then well about 1 week after prom. I fell apart. I couldn't hold myself together too well. I wasn't all red eyed and bleeding wrists with the doors locked. But yeah I lost it. I gave up and went to pieces.

I spent the rest of the month trying desperately to put myself back together. When it was time to go Genting I was only about half there really. Then I had a talk with Joel for 2 hours. It was a wake up call. For all I have ever done in my life. He put the pieces of my shattered self back into my hands.

By February I was pretty sure I knew where all the pieces should go. I wasn't whole. But I knew how to fix myself.

But by March I was like a Ming vase flung hard and stamped on. I was really like a shell. Cracked. I hardly spoke for days on end. I was even labelled emo because of those few days. Then I opened my mouth. In AC. While waiting for CF to begin. With the gents and a lady from S207.

I finally talked there and then. But right after that I just kept quiet I didn't even speak to the guys. My msn was offline for a very very long time.

Then yet again a week later I spoke to the lady and gents of S207. And I started to talk to Bird again. Or was it Wei Yew?

Slowly I scooped up my pieces again. I went for Campus City. I started sending someone home. And I fetched Mar-xha to college.

I thought I was nearly done. Then I realised I put another guy back together in the end. I'm just not the same Kington that went away and was shattered. I was putting together something new. Better pieces. Stuff from my ancient days of glory. Some of my finest pieces.

And now that Sarah mentions it...She talks about things that remind me of events that happened and shattered me. I wonder if I remember to pick up the most important bits. And I wonder if I'll ever be whole again. Yes Sarah I've had it done to me. By possibly some of the world's finest. And I also know the guilt of doing it too.

But my opinion on the matter? I'd say I'm proud to get smashed and scarred. Remolded and reshaped. Proud for daring to take the risk and leaping of the cliffs. And slipping on the edge of the other side. I'm being the finest I can be because of those risks. Even if I won't be whole again...I can't regret those mistakes. I'll just never repeat them.

About pausing. I know a very platonic pair of friends who didn't even pause. They just kept going.

And about having to wait. Think of our friend in HELP who wasn't there when we arrived.

I'll take my chances. And between those 2. That friend of ours in HELP. The nature of their relationship...is just letting it be enough...

So...I've got the muscles tuned up. Good enough for about 8 heavy ones.

And good enough to carry Sarah.(I can lah! you're not that heavy!) And possibly everyone else. But not Keong. I don't wanna snap my spine. Whoops!

Combined strength allowance has also exceeded my own body weight. So not bad lah.

But absolutely no stamina. Just raw instant firepower. So holiday it's stamina building time. Useless lah if got gun but low ammo supply.

Running at 6am. Every other day hopefully. Maybe earlier to catch the sunrise too. Gotta stop all the 4AM(c'mon 1 more game pls) And just run. Hard and fast. Pummeling the road. Testing the traction on my shoes.

Alternated with swimming. Also hard and fast. Try to tear those shoulder muscles again.

Gonna be tough. But not many choices for a guy running out of time sadly. Rah run run. Friend of mine rung a bell when she said so. Bird wasn't happy with the idea of 6am. Eh rooster crows lah. Jorrel probably wouldn't mind though.

Credit where due...

Sarah came up with the "Life rocks thats why it's so hard joke." HEhehe you asked for the credits right.
--------------------------
Eh 3:41AM eh dei!

OMIGOSH I FELL ASLEEP IN FRONT OF THE LAPTOP AGAIN!

Eh why la dei got flashing orange light. *blink blink*

EH? "Wheeeeeeeeee"? Who's that?

Oh jiu chiu shiu. It's Emily. Eh still awake?

The next bit was kinda disorienting. She asked me if I wanted to eat dinner "today" at nearly 4 in the morning I thought....EH DINNER PASSED ALREADY LA DEI!

Then I realised it's the first of December. Wow it's been a whole year come to think of it. Been a whole year since I had a proper meal with her.

She taught me Moral and to my dismay still no A1...And I taught her add m3 with Khai Sim. She met me a week before I had the uber bleeding session from last year.

And she's one of the few people who calls me "King".(seriously eh my other friend, you can call me King if you want to nothing lah we're close enough)

She wants to makan since her parents ffk her for the "next" day and her brother isn't around. So ok lah.

She pretty much knows I'm quite apprehensive about eating with her alone cause of the trust building issue...So we do the usual. Summon the common friend. Khai Sim? Family cook di. Xin Huei? Gone to times square. Her options exhausted I reach for mine. Daniel? Family day. Jorrel? He asks if she's still with her boyfriend and then tells me that his mom wants him to buy dinner. Kein Yew? Dinner at home. Peggy? In Ipoh. Sarah? Bukit Tinggi. I think if I got anymore desperate Jon Ling would be talking crap already over dinner.

Bummer. Oh bird says he can join us after his dinner. So ended up at Kayu Tesco.

Makan. Both wallet beaten people feeling poor.

Normally if someone asks me out to makan. Unless the guys. I would decline. That or Sarah/Yiyun/Lesley lah. And even then it's not one on one.

But then again I found myself across the table sucking on my straw with this little chiku that has just finished SPM across the table. With not another soul in sight. Bird said "ENJOY YOUR DATE!" Gee Gee lah bird. Crow hunting season you watch out. I'm gonna get myself a license.

But I kinda expected that we'd talk about each other's love life. Thats a super given thing. Always happens. But nothing happened. Guess it's still a touchy subject. She knows what I'm doing in my own life anyway. Makes me off limits. Very off limits. She knows the dangers anyway. Saw all the uhm...dynamite.

But wow. 1 year of nothing apart from an intensive add m3 lesson. And it was a total flood of crap yesterday. Scary lah she. Laughing like that non-stop. I think SPM addeled her brains too.

After we found him. He kept up the crap too! I think she was desperate to go home after that. Her eyesockets must be really smooth from all the eye-rolling anyway.

So there's one important must have dinner out of the way...It's time to visit Khai Ming.

Oh I guess since Sarah calls me immoral...Emily's tutoring didn't change much lol.

After taking off my jeans yesterday I found my right leg had red welts that looked like blisters but were filled with just blood.

After my bath my right leg was bleeding. Sigh somedays it's just comes too strongs and mucks up the other biological functions.
-----------------------
What should I do? What should I do? I've got a chance to cut the chains. But how do I cut the chains? What should I do?

I worry for a second then I remember what happened hours ago.

"Are you and her together?"
Gotta get it running. Anxiety still floods my head but I know I gotta check to make sure you know.

Tension in the air. Waiting for my answer. And undeniably. Worry.

"HAH? No we're both single." But unavailable I say in my heart.

I feel the tension subside. And the worry from one of the people asking lesson.

Strange. I thought she had a boyfriend. It's been a long time I've been missing from her life. Strange. She chooses not to follow me shortly after with my indeterminate path.

She stared at my hand when she saw me wearing the ring for the first time. She has my birthday in her phone. She has records of me. But not enough.

Hours earlier...

She looks happy. She's energetic. She's shifting from foot to foot. In a happy kind of way not the impatient kind of way.

I turned to look at her. My usual examining look. And she looks at me. I realise maybe that my look was too cold. Because her smile shatters. And she pauses in mid hand movement.

I turn away on focus on whats happening at the front. She collects herself and continues what she was doing.

And I remember it. When I had no idea what I was capable of. When I didn't know whats my rating. It was as if I stuck my knife into her and drew lines in her flesh scarring her. I was learning. And I learnt things with the time I spent talking to her.

It's ironic. She's never seen me in the flesh much. But I've talked to her a lot. And yet she has never heard what my voice sounds without any damage or modulation. But she's heard what my reality is.

And then she looks at my friend with me. She must be wondering if I'm plunging my knives into my friend too. I learnt from her and Lay Shu to never repeat what I did.

Does she still hurt to see me with other people? Did I scar her in that short time? But I always thought she moved on...

So I was wrong. And I don't know how wrong am I. But I think I should make it up to her somehow. But I don't know how to.

Back in the present. I look at the people before me. I remember something from the tricks. And I try to soften the cut as I prepare to do it to the person before me.

I lean forward low. And I say something. Using my raw voice. For both the people in front of me to hear.

I picked up my usual passenger. And then I felt the premonition roar.

It tugged. Made me sweat. Destabilised my heartbeat. Made me unable to concentrate. Made me uneasy. Sorry wei if I spaced out quite a bit today. Just had me worried a lot. But I was still listening to everything you said really just couldn't come up with proper responses. Btw nice job on the nails. And did you apply makeup?

Wei Chin asked me to sit with them during CF. Maybe she saw my disorientation. My confusion. Hyper-reactions.

I sat with them again during lunch. But my mind didn't really take a seat with them. I hadn't eaten anything much in 14 hours but I didn't feel hungry.

I couldn't foresee what it was. But by the time lunch was quite over I thought of 1 possibility.

When we left for 1U I should have noticed the scope of the problem. I didn't think much of it. But when we reached the lifts. I knew it. We should split up.

After splitting up, time to pay the cost. I got a bit impatient as the blood pumped a bit harder. Not faster by much, but a lot harder. Finally we all finished what we were supposed to do respectively then I got the sms..."Big apple's". My head felt like it was being lanced. Painful wei. And as I neared Big Apple I smelled it, the CH chains(not Chee Hoe chains wouldn't wanna smell that) in the air. Superheated oil. And the pain climbed.

While my other friend was talking to her friends, I went to Zoe's shop and resumed my never ending hunt for...that thingy. It's not there. The pain subsided when I stopped smelling the oil.

I walked back and as I tried to deal with it. I overshot the place so I went into Windancer and checked out kites. I noticed the lady manning the store was very very bored. And then I picked up some beads and slots. No problem. Then I saw something that Eng Joe has. Some kind of powerful magnet. I picked it up. Stupid stupid stupid. When I'm stressed my body's EM field spikes sky high. For the tail end of f5 I couldn't use the radio in my room because it was too sensitive. Just being in the same room as it caused only static wash to be played. Picking up the magnets was GG. They were strong enough to kill pacemakers and other equipment.

I put the thing back. Feeling disoriented. I walked out and when the sales assistant thanked me. I looked at her. And everything was blur. Darn stupid magnets.

At Big Apple I just let my head cool. I knew if I ate a donut that would seriously seriously mean trouble. But the smell wasn't too much of a problem in the end.

When leaving I think that's when the problem began. Someone recognizes my passenger. Never mind. I turn to look. WOAH A WHOLE BUNCH OF GIRLS. Ok keep distance. Vanish first. She should occupy their attention they might not have noticed me.

Then one keh poh chee turn to look directly at me. SIGH. I caught the fellow looking and I gave a look of confusion.(VERY VERY HANDY EXPRESSION) Why la got 1 turn to look when the rest couldn't be bothered. That never plays out well. Confirm you got asked the usual things kawanku. Talked to Sin Yen. Also got asked the usual questions over there.

Problem. Then when my friend was once again alone I joined her and eh ada kawan lagi. Oh church mate. Gee Gee folks. While they were talking I didn't feel too up to it but I tried it anyway. When this new person glanced at me I did the usual. Read the feeds. Curiosity, confusion, joy and suspicion gathered on this person's mind.

So I changed body language. Confusion grew. Suspicion shrunk but din't vanish. Take what you can get some days really. I made a window for you. You gotta grab it kay.

My friend, then you did the most impatient thing I have ever seen you done. You refused to wait for the lift. I really didn't like the idea of you following me across the car park. In 1U there's too many dark corners. I really would have preferred waiting for the lift. But it wasn't too far anyway.

In the car eventually everything slipped away. Didn't feel so funny anymore. Just tired. But inside I knew something had changed today. Wasn't sure what.

But my friend. If you get into trouble. Call me. I'll back you up. Just let me know what to say. Sorry wei I should have known better than to risk things in the first place. Sigh really need to get back to work. Been ages since I've used these tools of mine.

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Jokes of the day:

"Life rocks thats why it's so hard."

A guy approaches the counter at A&W.
"Hello sir, would you like to drown?"
"HUH? Of course not!"
"So you must want the float then."