Restart To The Head
It's all grey in my eyes. No sharp images strike my retina. A hazy blur of pillars in a large and mostly empty mall.
My sight slides out of my body. I look at myself. I see myself in a black jacket with black clothes stylishly dressed but is it a coat or a jacket? The image is too blur.
I see a girl walking next to me. Her skinny frame as tall as mine just slightly taller though. The spring in her step even with the heels on indicate that she's happy. She's decked out in a green jacket black skirt with a dark coloured coloured blouse.
"Kington? You're dreaming again."
I'm back in my own head looking at her. She's staring at me quizzically. I smile and she knows I'm fine. I recognize her face. I met her in college. Just a friend from another class. The smile feels odd like I haven't tugged that special muscle at the side of my cheek for an eternity to carve that special smile.
"Let's go over there."
I nod and smile and we walk towards the shop.
She picks out a golden coloured handbag and tries it on as she does...I find myself slipping out of my own head again and I see the shop as a whole. Full of metallic gold coloured bags jewellery.
"I hope you don't mind following me around as I do my shopping"
"No I don't it's quite relaxing actually. Besides I get to see you trying on all sorts of stuff."
She smiles like she knows I'm just pretty much saying this so she won't feel bad for dragging me along.
I stare at the ceiling. It's so awfully far away and such an odd mix of grey and light blue.
I find myself wondering how we got here. Where did we park? How long have we been here? Yet as I can't answer any of these questions I don't feel at all troubled.
We leave the shop and I'm punching in an sms to a friend.
"Where should we go next? Who are you smsing?"
"I don't know up to you I guess. That was just a friend wanting to know something."
As we walk down the row of shops with my handphone in my right hand, she grabs it. She holds it as a couple would do. Her hand is warm and delicate in contrast to my calloused palms with dry cold skin and the hardness of my handphone.
I turn to her, and she says,
"Lets act as a couple for today? Why not? It'll be fun"
I don't say anything but chuckle and turn away. Secretly I know she's playing that this won't last. I begin to feel uneasy and everything turns a bit more grey.
We walk on for awhile and I realise she's having trouble holding my hand with my handphone in it and all.
"Hold on let me put my handphone back in my pocket before I drop it."
I slip it into my left pocket. Odd I never put it in my left pocket.
As we walk on I grab her hand just like she did earlier. But she pulls her hand out of my gentle grip.
She gives me a look that says "Ok maybe this is a bit strange after all?"
"Indeed it is."
We walk on for a few paces.
"I'm not here because you wanted anything right?"
She looks away. Her guilty look her guilt which hangs in the air. I can feel it even if I can't see her face.
"I'm just here because I'm convenient, patient, readily available and I can drive right?"
My voice still sounds normal but I realise that my face is a facade of ice.
She still doesn't look at me. But we've both stopped walking.
I find my vision sliding out of my body. I'm looking at myself from a distance. I'm looking at her with a cold stare. But she's looking away unwilling to face me it's unclear if she's crying or feeling extremely guilty. I find my heart pumping hard in my chest.
I hear a distinct chopping sound. Everything is fading.
5.........
4.........
3.........
2.........
1.........
Lights up. Eyes open. Brain get to work.
With a rush I'm breathing heavy. I hear my heartbeat. I sweep my hair back. I realise it's morning. I check my phone and it's 6:45. I feel my head clearing and I lie back down to catch hopefully 5 more minutes of sleep. If I was hoping to see more of her or just looking for sleep while trying to avoid that dream again I can't tell. But my world fades to black as my eyes close. And I dream no more of her and of that mall again. King of Hopes and Dreams, Nightmares and Fears. This is my fourth night with yet another false dream. I feel the warmth of my blanket. And I'm braindead again.
My sight slides out of my body. I look at myself. I see myself in a black jacket with black clothes stylishly dressed but is it a coat or a jacket? The image is too blur.
I see a girl walking next to me. Her skinny frame as tall as mine just slightly taller though. The spring in her step even with the heels on indicate that she's happy. She's decked out in a green jacket black skirt with a dark coloured coloured blouse.
"Kington? You're dreaming again."
I'm back in my own head looking at her. She's staring at me quizzically. I smile and she knows I'm fine. I recognize her face. I met her in college. Just a friend from another class. The smile feels odd like I haven't tugged that special muscle at the side of my cheek for an eternity to carve that special smile.
"Let's go over there."
I nod and smile and we walk towards the shop.
She picks out a golden coloured handbag and tries it on as she does...I find myself slipping out of my own head again and I see the shop as a whole. Full of metallic gold coloured bags jewellery.
"I hope you don't mind following me around as I do my shopping"
"No I don't it's quite relaxing actually. Besides I get to see you trying on all sorts of stuff."
She smiles like she knows I'm just pretty much saying this so she won't feel bad for dragging me along.
I stare at the ceiling. It's so awfully far away and such an odd mix of grey and light blue.
I find myself wondering how we got here. Where did we park? How long have we been here? Yet as I can't answer any of these questions I don't feel at all troubled.
We leave the shop and I'm punching in an sms to a friend.
"Where should we go next? Who are you smsing?"
"I don't know up to you I guess. That was just a friend wanting to know something."
As we walk down the row of shops with my handphone in my right hand, she grabs it. She holds it as a couple would do. Her hand is warm and delicate in contrast to my calloused palms with dry cold skin and the hardness of my handphone.
I turn to her, and she says,
"Lets act as a couple for today? Why not? It'll be fun"
I don't say anything but chuckle and turn away. Secretly I know she's playing that this won't last. I begin to feel uneasy and everything turns a bit more grey.
We walk on for awhile and I realise she's having trouble holding my hand with my handphone in it and all.
"Hold on let me put my handphone back in my pocket before I drop it."
I slip it into my left pocket. Odd I never put it in my left pocket.
As we walk on I grab her hand just like she did earlier. But she pulls her hand out of my gentle grip.
She gives me a look that says "Ok maybe this is a bit strange after all?"
"Indeed it is."
We walk on for a few paces.
"I'm not here because you wanted anything right?"
She looks away. Her guilty look her guilt which hangs in the air. I can feel it even if I can't see her face.
"I'm just here because I'm convenient, patient, readily available and I can drive right?"
My voice still sounds normal but I realise that my face is a facade of ice.
She still doesn't look at me. But we've both stopped walking.
I find my vision sliding out of my body. I'm looking at myself from a distance. I'm looking at her with a cold stare. But she's looking away unwilling to face me it's unclear if she's crying or feeling extremely guilty. I find my heart pumping hard in my chest.
I hear a distinct chopping sound. Everything is fading.
5.........
4.........
3.........
2.........
1.........
Lights up. Eyes open. Brain get to work.
With a rush I'm breathing heavy. I hear my heartbeat. I sweep my hair back. I realise it's morning. I check my phone and it's 6:45. I feel my head clearing and I lie back down to catch hopefully 5 more minutes of sleep. If I was hoping to see more of her or just looking for sleep while trying to avoid that dream again I can't tell. But my world fades to black as my eyes close. And I dream no more of her and of that mall again. King of Hopes and Dreams, Nightmares and Fears. This is my fourth night with yet another false dream. I feel the warmth of my blanket. And I'm braindead again.
