Let that be enough..
Before hand....Big round of applause to Lesley ladies and gents! She's noticed what I'm trying to do. But sadly it'll be years before I have enough quality material.
File crawl!
-----------
Sarah was talking to me about somethings...while in another window me and Lesley were having a light-hearted conversation...
Topic material completely unrelated. But when the latter said I'm on her active 5(finally lah so it doesn't turn your credit inside out)...
God showed me how small the world is.
I remember. Working with Pui Yean. I learnt new tricks. My time spent there taught me more than just parlor tricks really. Stuff thats brag-worthy. Something that I'd write home about.
But that's also when my life slipped out of balance last year. Sigh. And I had it so good in the beginning of f5!
Problems came up. A girl will never forgive me for what I did in two short months. I learnt that trust is important. But most importantly honesty...
As my problems grew. The worse I got. The only times where I was lucid enough and happy enough were in school, Cc and CF. I did everything wildly then.
And the whole time I was telling myself...I've been through worse. Some soft attempt at trying to console myself. To tell myself I'm going to be alright. Even when there was no one around.
It went on for awhile. I got more paranoid. I couldn't control myself that well. In the weeks leading up to SPM I washed a lot of blood down my sink and drains.(I didn't cut myself don't worry.)
When SPM finally ended. I still wasn't out of the woods. Then well about 1 week after prom. I fell apart. I couldn't hold myself together too well. I wasn't all red eyed and bleeding wrists with the doors locked. But yeah I lost it. I gave up and went to pieces.
I spent the rest of the month trying desperately to put myself back together. When it was time to go Genting I was only about half there really. Then I had a talk with Joel for 2 hours. It was a wake up call. For all I have ever done in my life. He put the pieces of my shattered self back into my hands.
By February I was pretty sure I knew where all the pieces should go. I wasn't whole. But I knew how to fix myself.
But by March I was like a Ming vase flung hard and stamped on. I was really like a shell. Cracked. I hardly spoke for days on end. I was even labelled emo because of those few days. Then I opened my mouth. In AC. While waiting for CF to begin. With the gents and a lady from S207.
I finally talked there and then. But right after that I just kept quiet I didn't even speak to the guys. My msn was offline for a very very long time.
Then yet again a week later I spoke to the lady and gents of S207. And I started to talk to Bird again. Or was it Wei Yew?
Slowly I scooped up my pieces again. I went for Campus City. I started sending someone home. And I fetched Mar-xha to college.
I thought I was nearly done. Then I realised I put another guy back together in the end. I'm just not the same Kington that went away and was shattered. I was putting together something new. Better pieces. Stuff from my ancient days of glory. Some of my finest pieces.
And now that Sarah mentions it...She talks about things that remind me of events that happened and shattered me. I wonder if I remember to pick up the most important bits. And I wonder if I'll ever be whole again. Yes Sarah I've had it done to me. By possibly some of the world's finest. And I also know the guilt of doing it too.
But my opinion on the matter? I'd say I'm proud to get smashed and scarred. Remolded and reshaped. Proud for daring to take the risk and leaping of the cliffs. And slipping on the edge of the other side. I'm being the finest I can be because of those risks. Even if I won't be whole again...I can't regret those mistakes. I'll just never repeat them.
About pausing. I know a very platonic pair of friends who didn't even pause. They just kept going.
And about having to wait. Think of our friend in HELP who wasn't there when we arrived.
I'll take my chances. And between those 2. That friend of ours in HELP. The nature of their relationship...is just letting it be enough...
File crawl!
-----------
Sarah was talking to me about somethings...while in another window me and Lesley were having a light-hearted conversation...
Topic material completely unrelated. But when the latter said I'm on her active 5(finally lah so it doesn't turn your credit inside out)...
God showed me how small the world is.
I remember. Working with Pui Yean. I learnt new tricks. My time spent there taught me more than just parlor tricks really. Stuff thats brag-worthy. Something that I'd write home about.
But that's also when my life slipped out of balance last year. Sigh. And I had it so good in the beginning of f5!
Problems came up. A girl will never forgive me for what I did in two short months. I learnt that trust is important. But most importantly honesty...
As my problems grew. The worse I got. The only times where I was lucid enough and happy enough were in school, Cc and CF. I did everything wildly then.
And the whole time I was telling myself...I've been through worse. Some soft attempt at trying to console myself. To tell myself I'm going to be alright. Even when there was no one around.
It went on for awhile. I got more paranoid. I couldn't control myself that well. In the weeks leading up to SPM I washed a lot of blood down my sink and drains.(I didn't cut myself don't worry.)
When SPM finally ended. I still wasn't out of the woods. Then well about 1 week after prom. I fell apart. I couldn't hold myself together too well. I wasn't all red eyed and bleeding wrists with the doors locked. But yeah I lost it. I gave up and went to pieces.
I spent the rest of the month trying desperately to put myself back together. When it was time to go Genting I was only about half there really. Then I had a talk with Joel for 2 hours. It was a wake up call. For all I have ever done in my life. He put the pieces of my shattered self back into my hands.
By February I was pretty sure I knew where all the pieces should go. I wasn't whole. But I knew how to fix myself.
But by March I was like a Ming vase flung hard and stamped on. I was really like a shell. Cracked. I hardly spoke for days on end. I was even labelled emo because of those few days. Then I opened my mouth. In AC. While waiting for CF to begin. With the gents and a lady from S207.
I finally talked there and then. But right after that I just kept quiet I didn't even speak to the guys. My msn was offline for a very very long time.
Then yet again a week later I spoke to the lady and gents of S207. And I started to talk to Bird again. Or was it Wei Yew?
Slowly I scooped up my pieces again. I went for Campus City. I started sending someone home. And I fetched Mar-xha to college.
I thought I was nearly done. Then I realised I put another guy back together in the end. I'm just not the same Kington that went away and was shattered. I was putting together something new. Better pieces. Stuff from my ancient days of glory. Some of my finest pieces.
And now that Sarah mentions it...She talks about things that remind me of events that happened and shattered me. I wonder if I remember to pick up the most important bits. And I wonder if I'll ever be whole again. Yes Sarah I've had it done to me. By possibly some of the world's finest. And I also know the guilt of doing it too.
But my opinion on the matter? I'd say I'm proud to get smashed and scarred. Remolded and reshaped. Proud for daring to take the risk and leaping of the cliffs. And slipping on the edge of the other side. I'm being the finest I can be because of those risks. Even if I won't be whole again...I can't regret those mistakes. I'll just never repeat them.
About pausing. I know a very platonic pair of friends who didn't even pause. They just kept going.
And about having to wait. Think of our friend in HELP who wasn't there when we arrived.
I'll take my chances. And between those 2. That friend of ours in HELP. The nature of their relationship...is just letting it be enough...
