Been crazy the past few days. Really punishing travel log. Went south and came back in a day. Then go south again the day after then came back yesterday. Today went to penang after 3 hours of sleep...Cause I figured my dad's having enough already and I agreed to drive for him.

Ended up driving around penang to weird places where the rich expats stay. The road to batu feringgi was super hard to drive on with such a fat car.(nearly taking up the whole lane) Held up traffic trying to navigate the road. Gimme my saga there and it's freaking driving heaven. Gear 2 pecut brek gear down...pecut naik gear...naik gear...brek gear 2...WAH LIKE RALLY SPECIAL STAGE!

Then went to a factory. Asked a dumb question which got things fixed. Followed by a loooonnnnggg wait for them to do weird things. So I was pretty much stuck in a latex smelling factory with a light overtone of chlorine and an underlying bouquet of grease and cotton flock.

Feeling like crap right now. Super tired. I passed out before Sarah even replied my message. Legs tired from all the standing and pedal play too.
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I leaned back glancing upwards, and I saw the trophies on top of the cupboard in the room. Cheap plastic casted with golden colour pellets. With the centre of the main body of the trophy having a school's logo on it.

I see more trophies around the room. Here and there on top of the com, on top of the piano and one on the headboard of the room owner's bed.

And I realise. I share the same line of genes as this trophy winning person.

I remember the few I have at home too.

And I ask myself. Why did I give up?

I've got stuff people envy. I've got genes that give me a head start in the thinking chain. I've learnt stuff that people my age have no clue about.

But why did I quit...

Things were bad. And there was a lot of falling from grace. Feeling shattered against just every freaking thing I did. Nothing went right. Pissed off I broke one of them too. The very first one I got is no longer around because I broke it.

When Colin and I were neck and neck for positions back in f3...I didn't even care. Colin worked hard and did everything right trying to beat me. And all I did was my homework thinking "If he beats me finally he deserves it." and I never really did study. I just flipped through and did my papers just trying to get 7as for PMR.

When SPM came I just tried to get into college. I just tried to match my sister's results because screwing up is getting fried.

And then my aunt came and told me that everyone wants to see me do well. Because they believe I can. Because I should do well. Because God gave me the mojo to do well. I went hardcore. All the subjects that required hard mugging I got myself A1s and for Moral I enlisted Emily to help me nail those definitions in on recommendation from Pn. Mariyam.

College came and I still do try to do well for A-lvls because it's important but not on the level that Lesley and Sarah thinks I do my revisions.

I know why I gave up. And I think other people would have given up too.

Then I see Sarah struggling.

I see her fighting the flow. The difficulties of life. And she never quits. She just plains keeps fighting. Keeps getting up after every blow. She's going through tough times. But she never quits. No matter how discouraging things look.

And I admire that in her.

I've gotta learn something from her.