Ok I've seen the light.

I understand the accursed thing.

I understand the purpose.

But I don't understand why does it hurt so much less that it did the last time?

Experience lah must be.

So I just bummed around all day reading the awakened mage.(those love dovey bits in the book can be quite squem worhty)

Made some massive progress finally. 200 pages in a day. Not bad lah.

Then when I finally put the book down. I figured out why and how does it figure out into the plan.

Mentally I'm staring at a huge flow chart. More like mindmap. But it just looks like names hanging in the air in a 3d ball some large, some small.

It's full of names. And below every name is written loads of details.

Sarah Tan's is detailed and complex. Sarah Jane's is outdated but detailed as well but more or less like a history lesson.

Bird's is also there. Dauntingly complex compared to everyone else.

Locations are also listed.

An insane number of names are listed here both male and female.

Trying to understand the factors of the plan is the point of this. I use it a lot just wondering about it. I just try to understand the connections. Try to figure out where it begins. Where it ends. Where things are pointed. The purposes of things.

I pull out a red marker. I start circling names and places. It's almost everything. I pull red line from each to a centralised location. I keep drawing.

I draw a large circle. Larger than any other. Almost as big as myself.

And I write GOD in it.

Below I write. "Save me." and "I serve thee."