I cough.

I clap my hand to my mouth as I rush to the sink.

I wait.

I swallow my saliva.

I wait.

Cortisol is running high in me.
-------------------------------------

After lunch with Henry and Sarah. Which I gave Henry a bit of a shock halfway.

It was nothing. Quiet nothing.

I wasn't expecting anything anyway.

After a plain and ordinary dinner at home I just got back to trying to fix and recover lost files on my dad's com.

Then just sat around reading "The awakened mage"

I got some info in during the afternoon which was supposed to leave me feeling elated but somehow I just didn't get into the groove of things.

Then sis said she was coming home to pick me up so we could watch the countdown.

When she got back with the boyfriend I knew I had the chance to jump off and go meet Bird and Jorrel.

I met up with them with about 40 mins to go. Went looking for Nother then. But didn't find the animal/unknown.

So we just waited in the park. With the 2 of them being high as a kite. I think Jorrel was just super happy cause of that...

I would have stared at the sky. But it was all clouds so there was no point.

So the 2 of them just crapped each other really hard with non-stop laughter between those 2 as I tried to yan the lameness.

Couldn't quite get into the total lameness groove.

Luckily Emily wasn't there because she'd be reeling from the pain of the uber crap. Unluckily for me no Emily to teman me.

4.........3..........2.........1.........

*Boom**boom*

The fireworks of 1u began. We just stood there watching. With more random comments of crap.

My phone had already broken it's memory banks. So it was just clicking away in the background.

When it was done we sat down and started talking crap about what to do next.

Then curve's fireworks began. We got up and just watched the shot after shot.

Conclusion. Curve pain better pyros.

Then I found out they were actually depending on me to send them home. When they found out that the car was with my sister. They still didn't care. That high eh.

We walked halfway to the car. Stopped halfway in between though and just tried reaching my sis. In the end we decided to walk to McDonalds.

In the dark. On the pedestrian walkways of BU. Bird has less sensitive eyes. Jorrel's has contacts on. But I see perfectly well in the dark and I know all the foot routes so I led.

3 We walked. 3 We marched.

And we crapped like crazy.

We reached McD and couldn't find a place to sit down. And on the way back down the stairs Bird caused some permanent trauma.

Then we just sat and talked outside McD near the parking exit.

Finally we decided to walk off to the petrol station and get something. Then we walked home. Through the rain and all.

3 brothers walking together.

In the dark. Of the night.

One of us did the exact same thing last year.

With the rain pouring down on us. We just kept going. No point waiting for a ride. No point hitchhiking. No point hoping.

So we just walked.

All of us with our churning emotions inside. Hiding with our own unique styles of dealing with it but yet also shown because of our unique styles of dealing with it.

But we avoid mentioning it. We avoid talking about anything. We just walk quietly in the rain occasionally opening our mouths just to spout crap.

Finally we reach DJ. The area of our homes. And we see our supposed ride if we chose to accept it pull in.

And I take the keys and send Jorrel home.

Beginning as brothers. We have to split someday I guess. But until then we're together with all our problems. Our bond. As brothers.

Quietly handing each other our strengths to get through this new year.