The Fury
Sounds like a villian from Metal Gear Solid 3:Snake Eater...
But noooo unrelated....I'm no bee keeper.(I think only Henry would understand this joke)
Okay I gotta admit I do have a temper. And my bouts of depression come with an angry edge to it.
Yesterday it felt like I accidentally fell into a cesspool + I got saman + something bad happened in class which I can't really remember coz the first thing was nagging my mind.
I've been pretty chilling about things recently. Not getting angry over anything just plain kicking my heels up and just accepting things. But yesterday I just felt sooooooo....uhhhh....Furious?
My classmates aren't really sure when I'm sulking because I generally go camp up somewhere else sulking. So they're pretty much unsure whats chewing me. Or if I'm getting chewed in the first place.
Even with the new chunted shirt(thanks Jie jie) I was sulking. But yeah, yeah, there goes the pillar of light argument again...
Even on the drive home Benedict was talking about an accident he got into but handled badly recently I couldn't help but feel like "I need some time on my own here and you're in my car because you needed a ride home but at least give me some time to gather my thoughts before you start trying to milk pity out of me."
Then I remembered why I'm made this way. And then I got back to work. For all the tough skin Benedict has. He wouldn't be telling me this unless he thought of me as a friend and someone whom he could confide in. So I let him talk and did my best to try and ease his fears. Although guy to guy it doesn't really work.
But all the while I was still kinda sulky in my driving style. Slamming the gears. Releasing the clutch really fast and going really fast. (If my other passengers are wondering when I'm sulky and angry my driving gets REALLY REALLY REALLY scary as opposed to fast and controlled.)
Halfway there he asked me if I wanted to play badminton and when I said no citing bad mood he said "Just come la aiyoh!"
He even asked what was the problem. But I didn't tell him. He guessed mentally I felt him guessing but he never said it out loud. Good old Ben knows when Kington wants to sulk. He could tell I was pissed looking at the expression on my face properly for once. A smile with a sprinkling of sulk. Magic. He could tell I was pissed and downtrodden, and he was afraid to push things because he's seen me get pissed before once. And he knows Kington has got some serious bite from God knows where under that smile and those kind favours.
In the end I found myself playing badminton. Obviously I played like crap compared to the more athletic pairs of Yee Cheng and Yit Tze and Benedict and Celest. But I got to literally sweat out the frustration. Eventually they played 2 on 2 sibling teams.
And I went over to the wall with a shuttlecock and played with the wall. I tried to cancel out my inbuilt reactions and just aim at the shuttlecock with my eyes and the racquet. When I hit the feathery thingy I don't look I let instinct be my guide. I stopped took a deep breath and tried to play normally without instinct telling me where to swing.(yes I know it's rather creepy playing with a guy who isn't really looking at the darn thing)(However it's less creepy when I suck at it) And only then I really felt like I was getting rid of the frustration.
The shuttlecock was so abused by the time I was done I broke about 4 feathers off it. Forearm still aches.
Walking back to my car I remembered Daniel telling me the day before that. "Love is like trust somewhat. If you love the person you wouldn't doubt him or her right? You love your parents thats why you don't doubt them. Same thing goes for God. Sometimes you feel challenged, sometimes you may feel like God has forsaken you but when you love God you know that He's really there for you. And you can trust Him."
Fury and depression forgotten I drove home more or less content but not really happy. Singing,
"He wraps himself in Light, and darkness tries to hide
And trembles at His voice
Trembles at His voice
How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God"
When I got home I felt ready to try again. I don't care if I'm under attack. I don't care if I'm not allowed to lay a hand on my enemies. I don't care if I'm already losing. Because surely there's something behind it all. Just working with the plan.
But noooo unrelated....I'm no bee keeper.(I think only Henry would understand this joke)
Okay I gotta admit I do have a temper. And my bouts of depression come with an angry edge to it.
Yesterday it felt like I accidentally fell into a cesspool + I got saman + something bad happened in class which I can't really remember coz the first thing was nagging my mind.
I've been pretty chilling about things recently. Not getting angry over anything just plain kicking my heels up and just accepting things. But yesterday I just felt sooooooo....uhhhh....Furious?
My classmates aren't really sure when I'm sulking because I generally go camp up somewhere else sulking. So they're pretty much unsure whats chewing me. Or if I'm getting chewed in the first place.
Even with the new chunted shirt(thanks Jie jie) I was sulking. But yeah, yeah, there goes the pillar of light argument again...
Even on the drive home Benedict was talking about an accident he got into but handled badly recently I couldn't help but feel like "I need some time on my own here and you're in my car because you needed a ride home but at least give me some time to gather my thoughts before you start trying to milk pity out of me."
Then I remembered why I'm made this way. And then I got back to work. For all the tough skin Benedict has. He wouldn't be telling me this unless he thought of me as a friend and someone whom he could confide in. So I let him talk and did my best to try and ease his fears. Although guy to guy it doesn't really work.
But all the while I was still kinda sulky in my driving style. Slamming the gears. Releasing the clutch really fast and going really fast. (If my other passengers are wondering when I'm sulky and angry my driving gets REALLY REALLY REALLY scary as opposed to fast and controlled.)
Halfway there he asked me if I wanted to play badminton and when I said no citing bad mood he said "Just come la aiyoh!"
He even asked what was the problem. But I didn't tell him. He guessed mentally I felt him guessing but he never said it out loud. Good old Ben knows when Kington wants to sulk. He could tell I was pissed looking at the expression on my face properly for once. A smile with a sprinkling of sulk. Magic. He could tell I was pissed and downtrodden, and he was afraid to push things because he's seen me get pissed before once. And he knows Kington has got some serious bite from God knows where under that smile and those kind favours.
In the end I found myself playing badminton. Obviously I played like crap compared to the more athletic pairs of Yee Cheng and Yit Tze and Benedict and Celest. But I got to literally sweat out the frustration. Eventually they played 2 on 2 sibling teams.
And I went over to the wall with a shuttlecock and played with the wall. I tried to cancel out my inbuilt reactions and just aim at the shuttlecock with my eyes and the racquet. When I hit the feathery thingy I don't look I let instinct be my guide. I stopped took a deep breath and tried to play normally without instinct telling me where to swing.(yes I know it's rather creepy playing with a guy who isn't really looking at the darn thing)(However it's less creepy when I suck at it) And only then I really felt like I was getting rid of the frustration.
The shuttlecock was so abused by the time I was done I broke about 4 feathers off it. Forearm still aches.
Walking back to my car I remembered Daniel telling me the day before that. "Love is like trust somewhat. If you love the person you wouldn't doubt him or her right? You love your parents thats why you don't doubt them. Same thing goes for God. Sometimes you feel challenged, sometimes you may feel like God has forsaken you but when you love God you know that He's really there for you. And you can trust Him."
Fury and depression forgotten I drove home more or less content but not really happy. Singing,
"He wraps himself in Light, and darkness tries to hide
And trembles at His voice
Trembles at His voice
How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God"
When I got home I felt ready to try again. I don't care if I'm under attack. I don't care if I'm not allowed to lay a hand on my enemies. I don't care if I'm already losing. Because surely there's something behind it all. Just working with the plan.
