Smile You've Got A Choice
Yes, you can choose to let the inner man shine through or let the other man show.
But what if both feel like crap?
Man this is a sucky day. After talking to my friend last night and reassuring her that I was very much no emo I was very sure I was still living it good. I was happy and content even eagerly awaiting future events. And most of all believing even if things weren't going to be all right...At least it would be in the best situation when things ended.
Then I woke up this morning. Blame it on the weather. Blame it on the lack of sunlight. Blame it on the fatigue. Blame it on falling asleep with the lights on again. Blame it on anything. Blame isn't unimportant and it doesn't change facts or anything at all.
I got up. Took out my retainers. And suddenly I remembered something. (see having a good memory can sometimes be a curse) And I had to sit back down and deal with the negative hormones being pumped into my blood. My heart was just racing there like a mad rabbit having a heart attack. (no, not about exams I'm quite confident I'll be ready for it) And I hit a low.
I sorta shambled about thinking about it while trying to prepare for college. I woke up at 8 and class was at 8. So it took me about 1 hour to get there. Far too long. And when I hit a bend on the way to coll I actually drove into the grass. Tyres squealing on the wet grass and all too. Don't worry I'm ok. Didn't crash but probably scared all the other road users.
Ms. Lim also excused my sudden shortcoming in physics due to grogginess.
I was pretty ok and coping during it all. But when further math came and I failed again. I was like "woah!" "ah never mind la it just happens" but then again I got 3rd lowest in class. Aiya. Sniffles. Tak puas. But then again lowest is 2/30. So at least I know something anyway. Probably took a wrong turn in my working somewhere. Nearly passed after all.
Econs came and Ms. Chian was telling us how the smart girls all know their stuff but their too afraid of the paper so sometimes they screw up coz too tension not sure what to write. And then she pointed at me "but the boys on the other hand....TOO RELAXED!" XD I did my very very best to look Innocent. "But teacher I do study!" "Not enough. Take some pointers from Juan Ying." "Teacher like that I might have to take ALL of her hardworking attitude."
Then she started to tell us how we needed confidence to do well in econs. That we gotta be confident in what were writing is the right stuff. And that we should always never give up, be confident sure think coolly and calmly.
I just felt so ashamed of myself. I'm so used to having things under control suddenly when I realised things had blown that morning I just went right into depression mode. I couldn't do anything. Things were sunk. And all I thought I could do was sit back and watch the fires consume my plans. The destruction eventually ruining everything.
When she started telling those things I had to hold my right hand down. I just felt so much like scratching some of my own flesh out or just blowing it and going to pieces. But eyer later mummy Chian get all motherly. All the time I was laughing about it yet feeling depressed too. Dahm I'm so sadistic and masochistic at the same time.
Yeah she's right! I gotta be confident I'm on the right track regardless of the outcome! I can't say I've started losing before I've even drawn my weapons! I will do my best to fight gloriously!
I remember my friend saying "It sucks to see you so down and not being able to do anything for you." Remember that? If you don't then never mind la it was so long ago.
I promised myself I'd always keep the chin up and smile on and do my very best. And I'd at least try to enjoy myself while doing it. But last night talking to Laura and all...Argh never again. I should be happy I'm living in Jesus! Why am I taking my problems to people again? I know that only God can solve them now. I'm a self contained problem, I don't need others to solve them. I just need my God. But yet I couldn't help myself. Don't worry Laura when you read this I really really wasn't emo!
But today la. My friend kept talking while at Pizza Hut and I kept giving "I don't really wanna talk" kinda replies. But the fellow kept yammering on. Smart Kathi changing subject seeing my eyes narrow to points lol.
Ah gotta keep things up and going! Gotta focus on those papers first! That and so many people need my help. The foundation people need my econs the f5's need my maths, others need my support, others need my strategies. That and people are beginning to look at me as the craziest happiest guy around. If I fall apart now what will that mean for others? The happiest guy getting depressed? That's very very bad news for everyone.
So yes I gotta cheer up and keep trying! Without giving up! Chances are just beginning to open up! Why am I so down!? I should be standing! And I'll never let that friend of mine see my sullen face ever again because I'm depressed! I owe it to the bugger too much!
So the answer to your first question is "No I'm not ok....But I will be very shortly." :)
Don't worry I'll be back by your sides soon. I just need sometime alone to sort things out and drain all the negativity.
------------------
1 Kington was emotionally hurt in the production of this post but fortunately the wounds were light and we'd be happy to report that the-bite.blogspot will be resuming normal service as usual. He didn't break any fingers after all lol.
But what if both feel like crap?
Man this is a sucky day. After talking to my friend last night and reassuring her that I was very much no emo I was very sure I was still living it good. I was happy and content even eagerly awaiting future events. And most of all believing even if things weren't going to be all right...At least it would be in the best situation when things ended.
Then I woke up this morning. Blame it on the weather. Blame it on the lack of sunlight. Blame it on the fatigue. Blame it on falling asleep with the lights on again. Blame it on anything. Blame isn't unimportant and it doesn't change facts or anything at all.
I got up. Took out my retainers. And suddenly I remembered something. (see having a good memory can sometimes be a curse) And I had to sit back down and deal with the negative hormones being pumped into my blood. My heart was just racing there like a mad rabbit having a heart attack. (no, not about exams I'm quite confident I'll be ready for it) And I hit a low.
I sorta shambled about thinking about it while trying to prepare for college. I woke up at 8 and class was at 8. So it took me about 1 hour to get there. Far too long. And when I hit a bend on the way to coll I actually drove into the grass. Tyres squealing on the wet grass and all too. Don't worry I'm ok. Didn't crash but probably scared all the other road users.
Ms. Lim also excused my sudden shortcoming in physics due to grogginess.
I was pretty ok and coping during it all. But when further math came and I failed again. I was like "woah!" "ah never mind la it just happens" but then again I got 3rd lowest in class. Aiya. Sniffles. Tak puas. But then again lowest is 2/30. So at least I know something anyway. Probably took a wrong turn in my working somewhere. Nearly passed after all.
Econs came and Ms. Chian was telling us how the smart girls all know their stuff but their too afraid of the paper so sometimes they screw up coz too tension not sure what to write. And then she pointed at me "but the boys on the other hand....TOO RELAXED!" XD I did my very very best to look Innocent. "But teacher I do study!" "Not enough. Take some pointers from Juan Ying." "Teacher like that I might have to take ALL of her hardworking attitude."
Then she started to tell us how we needed confidence to do well in econs. That we gotta be confident in what were writing is the right stuff. And that we should always never give up, be confident sure think coolly and calmly.
I just felt so ashamed of myself. I'm so used to having things under control suddenly when I realised things had blown that morning I just went right into depression mode. I couldn't do anything. Things were sunk. And all I thought I could do was sit back and watch the fires consume my plans. The destruction eventually ruining everything.
When she started telling those things I had to hold my right hand down. I just felt so much like scratching some of my own flesh out or just blowing it and going to pieces. But eyer later mummy Chian get all motherly. All the time I was laughing about it yet feeling depressed too. Dahm I'm so sadistic and masochistic at the same time.
Yeah she's right! I gotta be confident I'm on the right track regardless of the outcome! I can't say I've started losing before I've even drawn my weapons! I will do my best to fight gloriously!
I remember my friend saying "It sucks to see you so down and not being able to do anything for you." Remember that? If you don't then never mind la it was so long ago.
I promised myself I'd always keep the chin up and smile on and do my very best. And I'd at least try to enjoy myself while doing it. But last night talking to Laura and all...Argh never again. I should be happy I'm living in Jesus! Why am I taking my problems to people again? I know that only God can solve them now. I'm a self contained problem, I don't need others to solve them. I just need my God. But yet I couldn't help myself. Don't worry Laura when you read this I really really wasn't emo!
But today la. My friend kept talking while at Pizza Hut and I kept giving "I don't really wanna talk" kinda replies. But the fellow kept yammering on. Smart Kathi changing subject seeing my eyes narrow to points lol.
Ah gotta keep things up and going! Gotta focus on those papers first! That and so many people need my help. The foundation people need my econs the f5's need my maths, others need my support, others need my strategies. That and people are beginning to look at me as the craziest happiest guy around. If I fall apart now what will that mean for others? The happiest guy getting depressed? That's very very bad news for everyone.
So yes I gotta cheer up and keep trying! Without giving up! Chances are just beginning to open up! Why am I so down!? I should be standing! And I'll never let that friend of mine see my sullen face ever again because I'm depressed! I owe it to the bugger too much!
So the answer to your first question is "No I'm not ok....But I will be very shortly." :)
Don't worry I'll be back by your sides soon. I just need sometime alone to sort things out and drain all the negativity.
------------------
1 Kington was emotionally hurt in the production of this post but fortunately the wounds were light and we'd be happy to report that the-bite.blogspot will be resuming normal service as usual. He didn't break any fingers after all lol.
