'I have found David son of Jesse a man after my own heart."

I remember it well.

I have no idea why.

The same way I have no idea my brain pans through a thousand facts during a conversation but can't seem to remember even my own birthday sometimes.

It's dark in the sky. And we're walking towards the yellow and red lights.

He knows I'm hurtning like mad. But I'm laughing and it doesn't even sound bitter.

He's never ever going to be able to tell what goes on in me at this rate.

"I think I'm beyond the asking God 'Why?' at the moment."

"When I was a younger I used to blame God."

"No I don't mean that I'm blaming God. I'm asking God why do I have to go through this. I'm asking what is the purpose of putting me through this. What is the real point letting me suffer."

"It's alright to question God. Even David questioned God."

"I'm just really asking how does it fit into the next part of the plan. Somehow when I think about it there's been a reason for every thing I've been through so far in my life. But then again asking right now I get no answer. Maybe not telling me it's the way to get the effect intended. Then again it's up to Him to tell and me to wonder."

What is it in the PLAN!? I WANT TO KNOW! WHY DOES IT HAVE TO INVOLVE SUFFERING!?

The end justifies the means? I don't agree with that. Surely our God can't be so cruel to put me through this before I've even reached adulthood.