Why does my throat bleed. Why does it hurt so bad. Why must I pelt your poor eyes with my incessant complaints about my ill health. Why is the sky blue. Why are my left hand's fingers skinnier than my right hand's. Why do I keep snapping like I'm in a musical.

Many questions.

Many pointless questions.

And even more crappy answers.

Yes, indeed we are in the age of information(according to IT ppl) or the age of reform(according to politicians)

So I will answer only the first three(TUH REEE) for the sake of entertainment.

Since the dawn of...........The new year........1 man has wondered.........Why la throat so pain?

And well yeah I found out. The small itsy bitsy vessels that line the walls of my throat occasionally rupture from my prodigious coughing.(Yes, it does sound like and old man's cough if it makes you happy Sarah.)

While it sounds positively painfull(I assure you it's not very painfull) it is merely disconcerting to spit in the sink after a gargle and see blood in it. However the coughing is annoying. Coughing blood is something curiously cool in a morbid fashion but it gets annoying when all you smell is blood for awhile. My nose is happily blocked.

Why does it hurt so bad?

I bet you're gonna say "it's bleeding dummy". But no. Thats not the cause really.

It's cause my throat is an angry mass of blisters. There's so many blisters back there if you're not looking properly it just looks inflamed. But the inflamation is localised to a pattern. Amboi cantiknya batik merah jambu pada kerongkong mu! Well I got Diflam in liquid form for it lah. Works super well.

Oh why do is still talk normally with blisters and capilaries popping in the back of my mouth?

Falsetto lah doink. Never notice 1 arh permanant falsetto. Pinching solves the pain problem.

Oh last one. Why do I keep pestering you guys?

Cause I want candy. That or Diflam in lozenges form. Sniff.

Tomorrow I'm going to talk about the drugs. Thats a lot funnier.

My sleeves smell like blood and I'm still washing out blood occasionally from my throat.

I think I'm totally going to miss the forecast date for my full recovery.

--------------------------------

I woke up too late to actually make it on time for the first lesson actually. And I didn't bother to check if my friend had class at 8. So ended up in coll with half an hour to shake leg.

Went to AC and ordered the slightly different teh-o-panas and she ordered her milo panas.

And the updates began.

Everything was laid out on the table and she encouraged me to keep at it saying results were so far positive and I'm still an amazing freak doing some amazing things and picking & planning some amazing strategies.

Her situation on the other hand is flowing right but hasn't reached stability. The difference between us is that I'm unshaken due to strategy. She's unshaken because there is a certain unquantified connection on her end. The bond point is pretty obvious. It's good in fact. But all thats left is to sever old chains.

We're both pretty accomplished at predicting strategies. The difference is I lack knowledge about the norms of society making everything I do a bit surreal. And she's still a little naive over the fine tuning causing inefficiency.

So we trade advice on how to handle our respective situations. Both involve patience.

It's quite nice to have someone which has that rare analytical approach until we get along so well because of our similar examining nature. And we both know there is a secure wall between us because she knows my lines, I know her lines and she received the ward against my skills a few years ago.

Been reinforcing it anyway.

When it's time to go, I knew I had to say it. The important phrase. Not everyone gives solid advice and sometimes the advice is given improperly because the person isn't involved. I know I'm not involved. And I've suffered like mad listening to advice from third parties with their heads a continent away from the muddled mess. And I'm probably not the only one consulted on her end so I say it.

"It's not for me to say but for you to know yourself."

And she knows she doesn't have to ask why I lack anything for this so and so day in the future.

I don't think she'll ever ask why I lack plans for certain days in the coming events after this.

-----------------------------

It's just something I've been saying a lot recently. And it's just one of the meanings. Wow I'm regaining the ambiguity!

Sunday and Monday was supposed to be my back to back rest day.

SIGH.

Sunday started with me clutching my throat cause it felt so dry and closed I wondered how I could breathe. Rolled around for awhile unable to go back to sleep from pain.

Got up gargled mouthfull after mouthfull of water.

Had the night before's pasta couldn't eat at the restraunt because I couldn't taste it making it wayyyyy to easy to jelak.

Went to church with Bird after raising core temperature enough. Took awhile though.

Afternoon church went to office to do some work. With some alarm and door trouble involved...Went to say goodbye to Yee Mun and then in a super abnormal occurance for the whole field...Stepped into Keong's house. Seriously. We must be like the one of the 3 ppl to step inside Keong's. He's got a 22 inch LCD screen for his dota frenzies btw.

Went home. Had dinner. Then raise the temp again. Then pick Wei Chin and went for Su Yi's thing.

And just when I thought the fever was coming back...It didn't woot.

But then I spat blood into the sink when I slipped off to go toilet. Sigh. Sucks.

On Monday woke up at 6:40 went back to sleep to a twisted long nightmare. Then Bird and Turtle called. They wanted to skip coll so they wanted to crash at my place.

They kinda didn't get the hint that I probably needed more rest. It was a pretty big hint actually. I was just rasping a whisper for about an hour while they were at my house.

Went to bank for dad. And had a crazy amount of trouble. Waste lah. 2 hours just to straighten out documents that are just supposed to be handed over the counter.

Dad was pleased so he said "treat yourself at megamall"

Went to Megamall to repair com.

Parked in Gardens...But ended up walking to Northpoint. Sial far.

Then did the insane.

3 guys, 1 Combo 6(for 6 people) and half a dozen Deli Wings.

Ate like monsters. Cleaned off everything. Crazy fun. Crazy full.

Got home slept and played com till 3 am. Needed to un-emo. No idea why emo but just emo. I think it was the bank difficulty or the annoying lady at the sony repair centre or the incredibly sakai and annoying duo that joined us from Sunway.

Whats the point lah of selecting 2 days to rest. Life happens.

It's better to just go to coll and sleep during lunch break or smth.

Oh wait I'm blogging. Deng.

Head still muddled. Sigh. Slightly muddled. Can't get full access to the storylines that's been moulding in my head for the past few days.

The blood in the phlegm is scaring me.

Still sick. Was sweating like crazy and having the feverish sleep earlier inbetween replying smses. Sorry eh friend you had to wait about 40 mins for a reply. Was trying desperately to collect heat. Success! Fever broke!

At 1 I started staring out windows looking for the maxima.

1:30 I got out of the house with my cd player blaring Pillar.(seriously ladies and gents this music isn't for everyone)(too fierce) Stood around in the front yard staring at the cloudy sky waiting for the maxima.

Currently there's a meteor shower. Been going on for a few weeks actually. But today was the maxima.

Didn't get no maxima on these retinas.

I'm not drugged out of my skull. But I'm having a lot of trouble with my appetite. I'm not feeling hungry when I'm supposed to.

Jorrel is actually crazy enough to kill non stop till I go for a walk with him in 2-3 hours time. Sot lah.

Ok time for 2-3 hours more of sleep. Been sleeping like mad for the past few days.

Supposed to go house visiting too if my health can hold.

When I sneeze I smell blood and it hurts like crazy.

When I cough I smell blood and it hurts more than just "like crazy"

My head feels like it's been stirred using the "folding in" methods.

When blasted with air cond I shiver like a fragile leaf in the wind.

I make zombies look full of energy and life.

But at least I'm nearly recovered!

And at least I still think coherently.(or at least at usual standards)(somehow usual standards also involve feverish babbling I guess)

I've gotta go lie down for awhile.

I'll post something up when I feel better.

Cis shouldn't have travelled.

Zzzzzz feeling emo again.

Sigh it really does suck to be the human lie detector sometimes.

Being the human lie detector is just putting it at the surface level.

I guess when you go through all those modulations and skill sharpening events.

It's not just lie detection that happens anymore. It's just plain outright detection. Of everything.

And wow. When things surface. It's like you just pulled a really really ugly thing outa the water.

I'm having trouble staying asleep. I keep waking up at 6. And coming from me saying I've got problems staying asleep it's another level of trouble already. I can actually induce sleeping handy when you're charged with energy, wounded, in serious pain and the like. But I wake up so pissed off, annoyed, down and out I can't go back to sleep.

Even the feel good factor of the switchfoot concert was inked by it.

But I put myself back together after a long prayer. But then when I fetched this other guy for breakfast. Wow. He talked about all the things that kept cutting. Even with my prayer still in my head I felt as if he was lashing at the bandages that were covering the wounds.

Sigh. Nothing was resolved all these days in the end. Didn't even fix anything. I just went off did my own things to get away from it all.

But I think everyone is just taking a turn for the worse. 1 is going nuts. 1 is considering an old option I considered last time as well. I'm gonna stop him though. And as for me? I feel like retreating away from society.

But sigh advice says, I should go all out?

I know I've been lazy to update. It's just that I'd rather kill ppl than update.

Sigh tomorrow driving to Johor. Boring long journey with no speeding and my music turned down crazy low. Sure bored cow.

And today drove to lcct and got lost. SIGH drove for about 2-3 hours today. Limping and numb again SIGH.

Yes. Expect the emo post when I get back from Johor. But it's going to be good.

Aiyoh slow lah. Only Southampton and Leeds have replied my applications. I've got this "oohhhhhhh I've gotta kill that?" feeling at the moment. They've both asked for AAB for my final results. Do-able. But it's still a challenge. But hey, Since when do things comes without a price. Or a challenge.

---------------------------

I put enough money in the parking meter for the ticket to reach up till 1 today. Threw the ticket onto the dashboard. And said Thanks for getting a parking right in front of Burger King at 8:13.

Sweet.

Strolled off to class. Slightly late but yeah better than normal. Next week hopefully punctual lah for everything.

At 9 had further math. Tricked Mr Wong with the maths question. Woot.

10 talked to Stephanie and we exchanged information. Might have to do an uplink eventually.

Andrew opened com for me and hassled me at 10:30 then I shot off to Free Trade Zone(FTZ) and PE4 did the usual. Boycott lesson.

A severe lack of people turn up in CC instead of class and the teacher is forced to tutor instead. Heh. Edwyn got scolded over the phone and was called ring leader. Luckily Ms. Chian didn't call Fang or Andrew. Edwyn was the only one with the legitamate excuse.

At 1 I buggered off. Feeling hungry I asked a friend out to CHEEE YUUUUUKKKK FANNNNN!

We waited half an hour for the stuff to arrive and then we tucked in. Seriously. This is the best Chee Yuk Fan for about...as far as I know lah.

My suet cha tasted funny.

We talked till 3. It was really relaxing. Because we could talk about things that the rest of the world isn't supposed to know. Our worlds are almost mutually exclusive so it was very different. However when I jokingly mentioned I wanted to make dog curry outa my dog. The fella freaked. OH YEAH FUTURE VET LOLOLOL!

Then I realised I only had parking till 1. Jumped up and went to get the car.

NO SAMAN WOOT!

Drove off leisurely to avoid burning excessive petrol. (the sentra is really burning fuel)

Got to SMKDJ at 4.

Then I saw someone that I haven't seen in...9 years!! It was back before everything began. Wow it's been that long and we're both so freaking different now. Tried to watch movie in someone's house but tak jadi cause no cable. Ended up playing 2 very impressive games.

-----------------------

Switchfoot concert today. Woot! Wanna go walk walk before the thing starts @@

MUST BUY THE SHIRT!

hermes says:
and then mayb abit later i'll have to ask u to go to bake wif yen to buy me a new bag of breadcrumbs to pass to someone
hermes says:
^^
Landstalker's compass says:
do i look like felicia to you?
hermes says:
lolololol
hermes says:
nope.. u just look like the outside of siam paragon now
Landstalker's compass says:
COZ NOT EVEN FELICIA DOES THAT!
Landstalker's compass says:
LAMER
Landstalker's compass says:
LAMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrr
Landstalker's compass says:
*POKE POKE POKE*
hermes says:
cant reach.. nyahaha
hermes says:
come leme give u a maths ques
hermes says:
feel free to ask ur maths teacher hehehe
Landstalker's compass says:
zzzzzzzzzz
hermes says:
see how long u take first la ok
Landstalker's compass says:
ask lah
hermes says:
if u give u..
hermes says:
(a-x)(b-x)(c-x)........all the way till .. (z-x) =?
Landstalker's compass says:
yeah?
hermes says:
yea. wat does all that equal to?
Landstalker's compass says:
zzzzzzzz
Landstalker's compass says:
that will take a bit
hermes says:
not surprising la... my senior took half a day to find the ans
hermes says:
ganbatte~~~
Landstalker's compass says:
i'll think of it on the can
Landstalker's compass says:
where ideas work best!
hermes says:
lol
hermes says:
u know arr.. that fusheng (mr lamer ) always uses my can to poop and lausai and all that crappy stuff
Landstalker's compass says:
LOL
Landstalker's compass says:
AWWW POOR THING
hermes says:
and he close the door after he';s done
Landstalker's compass says:
DOES HE SQUAT ON THE SEAT?
Landstalker's compass says:
AND LEAVE THE SLIPPERS THERE?
hermes says:
now the beautifull part is that that room has no window.. sien..
hermes says:
no thank god for htat
Landstalker's compass says:
LOL
Landstalker's compass says:
GG
Landstalker's compass says:
HE TURN LEFT IN UR TOILET WITH NO WINDOW
Landstalker's compass says:
actually makes sense lah
Landstalker's compass says:
toilet with window in the uk
Landstalker's compass says:
imagine you're glued to the seat
Landstalker's compass says:
and got chilly wind
Landstalker's compass says:
get up and close meh????
hermes says:
neway.. moving on to more pleasant stuff
hermes says:
apparently the a-lvls system here in england has been sold too...
Landstalker's compass says:
?
hermes says:
try to guess
Landstalker's compass says:
to who?
Landstalker's compass says:
hmmmmmmmmm
Landstalker's compass says:
thailand
hermes says:
its a company
Landstalker's compass says:
oh
hermes says:
very famous one too
Landstalker's compass says:
cosmos
hermes says:
i wish
Landstalker's compass says:
LOL
hermes says:
den we no nid to work dy
Landstalker's compass says:
AIA
hermes says:
yea right...
Landstalker's compass says:
scholastic?
hermes says:
think more global dude!
Landstalker's compass says:
virgin?
Landstalker's compass says:
mircohard?
hermes says:
nope
Landstalker's compass says:
macrosoft?
hermes says:
nop
hermes says:
now ur being lame
hermes says:
*JAB*
Landstalker's compass says:
pear?
Landstalker's compass says:
falsefruit?
hermes says:
haih..
hermes says:
its Macdonals
hermes says:
*d
Landstalker's compass says:
WHAT THE........
hermes says:
hehe
Landstalker's compass says:
monkey with a tiara doing the heebee jeebee jig?
hermes says:
lol
Landstalker's compass says:
eh go dl who wants to be a super hero
Landstalker's compass says:
they audition american idol style for superhero roles
hermes says:
i have too much stuff for dl la...
hermes says:
tooooooooo much
Landstalker's compass says:
it's a super lame show
hermes says:
nice dramas out now~~
Landstalker's compass says:
Ice Bitch: FREEZE MOTHAF****ER
hermes says:
whee.... i feel sooooo motivated to watch now
hermes says:
LOL
hermes says:
sounds like they shud use her for ice maidens voice
Landstalker's compass says:
someone really said that
Landstalker's compass says:
it's uncensored so far
Landstalker's compass says:
OK LAH
Landstalker's compass says:
LIKE FURION SAID
Landstalker's compass says:
NATURE CALLS
hermes says:
lol
hermes says:
he says it calmer ok...
Landstalker's compass says:
eh btw
Landstalker's compass says:
answer is *********
hermes says:
darn so fast
Landstalker's compass says:
duh
Landstalker's compass says:
hardly had to think
Landstalker's compass says:
i'll ask dd over dinner
Landstalker's compass says:
lol
hermes says:
lol

---------------------------

Notes:

In thai "turn left" is liao sai.

Try to figure out the math question. And tell me over msn don't ruin in for other ppl.

Falsefruit= apple

Somethings were omitted in this post. But omitted material does not affect continuity. And take a random guess at who that may be.

Orange light shines across the pinkish bed sheet. The glow reflecting off the pale coloured wall onto the rest of the room.

The black book in my hand is large and heavy......

Trees rustle from the sudden wind. It whips across our faces blowing hair into her face. It's cool and as if it's foretelling the coming rain.

She looks away from me quietly biting her lower lip as we lean on the metal bars.

I wait quietly for a response.

The tension is thick in the air as she doesn't say anything and I have no idea how to comfort her. It's been a long time since I've left my post.

She wipes away her tears as we still stand there in silence and as the world passes by behind our backs.

I wait still for a response as she wipes her face again while still staring blankly into space.

She tells me she'll be alright and that I shouldn't worry and I should leave if I need to.

I stay.

I hear a short but distinctly disturbing wail. It came from her. But she didn't move.

And it wasn't an audible 1. It was just picked up by something else.

It's the sound of everything inside wailing from the hardship.

And it's a wail signifying how useless I've become. How redundant I am. It speaks volumes about how I can't solve anything. How I've failed to help her because I was afraid of her.

It's bone chilling.

The orange light dances lightly on the glossy book surface. I blink and stare. I'm lying face down and sideways on my bed.

Staring at the words "Fiction" printed in very small print on the back of the book.

An Eurasian man wear dark sunglasses and a jacket is flashing a torchlight in my face from the cover of the book.

"Fiction" I read it again. Right. Sure thing.

And I knew it's going to be the first time in the series of late night rude awakenings I experience tonight.

It's dark. It's hot. Not crazy hot but the kind as if I've been placed in a Thermos to collect heat.

I open my eyes. I see nothing. I throw off the blanket. And let my senses play out.

My nose is jammed. I can see faint outlines of stuff in my room. I'm on my bed half covered in my blanket. I hear the usual rumble of stuff being prepared for daylight downstairs. I taste sour spit. No blood thankfully.

I stare at the sky. The cloudy sky. It's dark.

On the fringes it blue and there are some blank patches which are clear in the sky. It's serene yet foretelling a cloudy and probably rainy day.

I lay back down staring at the ceiling. I feel the warmth of things against my blanket. My skin is lightly sticky from bathing in sweat due to the light fever.

I enjoy the peace and calm of the morning trying to avoid thinking of the busy day ahead. Trying to avoid thinking of the games I played last night. And just stare at the ceiling listening to the gentle chopping sound of the ceiling fan slicing gently through the fan.

*Ring ring*

"Yeah I'm awake don't worry."

The call ends and I stare at the ceiling for a short while longer. 5 minutes later I get off my bed and get ready for the day.

It's still cloudy but I can feel the sun rising deep within me.

---------------------

I retreive from the shallow box a pendant.

It's made in the shape of a sun encircled by an outer ring filled with symbols.

I let it hang holding it halfway down the length of it's leather thong.

Holding it up to the light to check for any imperfections in the design.

It's dirty.

I remember when I first talked to the future owner of the pendant. It seems so long ago. So distant. When I was a mere template for what I've become.

She ended up working for me a year after we met. I taught her vaguely about capturing fleeting beauty and she learned prodigiously developing her own style.

Licensed incredibly fast. I'm thankfull for it. Because she had the license she could help me when I got into that accident.

Helped me when I was dripping with blood and limping.

Months after that I helped her solidify her relationship with her boyfriend. I knew she was borrowing my influence and I gave her full consent to abuse it.

The whole of my family including the extended family knows her name for various reasons. We've done each other a lot of favours actually. And she's also met another branch of the family.

We hardly talk anymore. But we both know we both don't have much time for each other.

I realise I'm swinging the pendant.

Oh well. Buds are buds.

I pissed the Bird off.

The unfazed. Super good at annoying people off. Bird.

After all those years of crap. 3 only actually. We've got a serious bond already.

Thing is I mentioned his bad driving very pointedly in a conversation. Saying how he's the last person on earth I'd take driving advice from and that his track record speaks for itself.

He got pissed enough to get out and slam the car door. Walk across the road and get into turtle's car.

I just waited for the traffic light to turn green then I went home to park then got into turtle's car.

He was naturally a bit pei already and probably got "overscrewed" from his parents over his driving. So I guess thats why he so pissed.

My reason for bringing it up? I was getting scolded for not jumping the traffic light. And jumping the gun is what got him screwed for all his accidents.

It's not without any reason I brought it up really. It's because I absolutely hate people telling me how to drive.

Even if my dad is telling me how to park I can get quite annoyed. The passing comment is alright. The shrieking I can handle. The "jaga speed" I can also handle.

But an outright instruction on how to drive seriously taxes my patience. I.E. "jump the traffic light" "cut out and cut back in to block the guy" "don't give him face" And doing it repeatedly begs for me to do something.

Naturally I don't have much hand-eye coordination skill. I can't play basketball. I actually rely on crazy reflexes and the ability to just repeat the same motions as accurately as a video tape. Thats how I get through life.

But driving...Ohohoh I love driving. Apart from the numbing sensation thats caused by the seat pressing into my lower back causing me to limp right after driving...I loveeee driving.

Driving is like ballet with the car for me. Manual or auto. Kancil or Iswara or Sentra or the other 2 rarely used cars. It's all good to me. It's crazy fun.

The calculations based on speed, turning radius, brake traction and tyre traction. The sheer complexity of it all unravelled in my head in a split second as I enter corners lets me enjoy the drive fully and feel the corners almost precisely.

The vibrations of the wheel, pedals(manual) and body of the car. Tells me how much pressure to apply to the accelerator, how much grip should I have on the wheel, how steady it's going to be when I brake.

I know all of it. No matter how the car swerves. No matter how near it gets to the dividers sometimes. I know all of it.

It's just crazy fun for me. I'm really fully in control of the car when I'm paying attention. And to tell me how to drive, as if I'm a complete novice, unless the person is crazy skilled like turtle. I'll get quite annoyed.

I've got a lot of experience driving. I've been driving almost everyday for the past year since I got my license.

So ladies and gents. Don't worry lah when I'm driving. I know what I'm doing lah. If I happen to drive recklessly. Don't worry I've probably already done worse.

Driving is an off limits topic between me and Bird now. Oh well.

Friday started with a phone call from Yiyun.

"Eh wake up already a not?"

I've had a super disordered sleeping habit for a long time and on Thursday I even woke up at 5 am and read an sms asking me over to sample some brownies.

Needless to say at 5am I shouted "what the??" pinched myself to check if I was dreaming because it felt so foreign and all. But still fell back into sleep. Woke up(late) and re-read it. Then went to coll. Late again.

But on fri...I actually made it really really early. By normal standards of course. Eng Joe even asked as we were talking to coll "Eh why so early?"

Sat down for physics. Assaulted by pain. Went home.

Ate the meds. Ate the food. Played 1 crap game of Dota.

Headed off to HELP and tried to get my passport renewed.

As I was parking the car...I saw a familiar face. In between judging the space on the left and right of the car I kept glancing at the face. She notice I was looking and she stared back. So.....I looked in the mirrors. You know la can attribute it to passerby curiosity. Then I looked up. Remember where I met her. Waved. And *crunch*. GOODNESS CRAP I SCRAPED THE FRONT! THE FRONT OF THE CAR! AGAINST THE KERB! OH MY AHHHH!!!!!!!

She half laughed and smiled and walked on. I still think her hair is lala.

Form counter closed. So I took the shuttle bus off to wisma. And read Daywatch(sequel to Nightwatch) while waiting for CF to start.

CG ice breakers and stuff after worship. Heard the "He's from taylors but he don't know how to sew his pants" joke finally. Hehehe EDEXCEL SUCKS! WHOOPS!

Had a really really long lunch with the HELP CF gang. Then decided to make a move before it rained.

Then went to get the passport done. Quite fast. But sigh coulda saved 150$ if I had the bankdraft for which I pay the first term for my uni.

Oh the Imigration department of Malaysia also says my thumbs are messed up.

Before I got home my cd player batt quit on me. So...No music. The stuff I'm used to listening to and I enjoy. Sigh I switched back to Hitz.fm.

Went for supper. Tisu again for turtle and bird. And I ate mee goreng daging. We were pondering the existance of daging in it for awhile.

Then fragged with kurt till 2++ am. Slept till 6:20. Got up feeling quite pei. Then 2 ppl ffk me. So had a walk and breakfast with Colin.

Got home dota. Lunch. And went out to hunt for a present for Jamie. Took awhile to decide. And I didn't have anything to go by. Didn't even do any research. Felt like I was up a creek.........With no paddle. No compass. No map.

As it was getting wrapped. I did the usual. Talk craaaaaappppppppppp. I sorta know the people at Pretty Bows. And the lady kept on insisting she saw me on Friday. But I assured her I haven't been there since earlier in the week. "Good looks are pretty common yeah?"

Came home and had to handle an explosion of a unedible recipie from India. If you look really carefully you can see where my skin is stained. My room also kena a bit.

Went over to Jamie's.

Came home. Fell asleep typing a message to Jamie.

Woke up read an sms from a friend.(wow if I ever get an sms on monday morning it's generally from you heh) And Sunday is a blur dry boring sickly day. I'm very close to a fever sadly. Hence the babling senseless post.

---------------------

Nice hair btw friend. Quite wah.

bull says:
i found my thumb
Yew (:+++< says:
underneath your feathers?

I was actually supposed to post this on wednesday night itself...But I fell asleep cause I was super tired cause there were actually 2 birthdays on the day itself.

In keeping with the usual style of putting up very few pictures and not describing anyone at all...I'm just going to say...

Happy birthday Sarah Tan. ("Kid" Laming power!)

Happy birthday Peggy. NYOH! (Delete! Delete!)

And I totally forgot what else was supposed to be in this post because I've procrastinated too much.

-----------------------

If I get asked one more time "Where is Sarah?" I will seriously immitate xinyi and scorch earth!

So many people ask wei! Aiyoh we're both single lah!

Super annoying amount of people asked when I went HELP.

Ice breaker for their CG was today and miraculously the only reason I could go was because of food poisoning/my digestive tract is really breaking down.

Sigh turns out the slander against me has really piled up in my silence.

Maybe I should have discredited the source...Hmmmm...Is that allowed?

Sigh. Quite annoying lah when people stop talking to you because this fella starts gossiping about you.

Actually the mouth isn't annoying. It's the general effect of the reaction of the crowd.

Getting mudslinged non-stop is getting tedious. However I'm fortunate enough to have people around me that know me better than that and actually help deflect it.

My usual policy is just to stand upright(even with the scoliosis) and let my character just show on it's own as living proof.

But oops. Sigh. Turns out the slander will trim my outer circle of friends.

The distant friends that I want to get to know better are slowly getting trimmed off. Hmmm...

Oh well I wonder if it's fair to retaliate.

I'm going to pull out my com's speakers and drag them to my room.

Cannot tahan wei! Too much good music! It's like being thristy 24-7 now!

--------------------------

"A tabloid once said you were gay. Do you have any comments about that?"
"Oh I tend to make up rubbish during interviews just to see if the reporter is actually listening."
"So could you go over what happened?"
"Well I told him that I was a homosexual but I had to give it up because it made my eyes water. And he just nodded and kept writing."

Brilliant. It was on top gear.

-------------------------------

Kurtwin: Eh guys I think we're losing.
Kington: Eh Kurt I didn't know you got secret I identity.
Kurtwin: I do?
Kington: Yeah. You're captain obvious.

Every few days whenever we get to frag.

--------------------------------

"How did you get here?"
"Oh we flew."
"You flew?"
"Yeah you've never heard of the flying club? To get airborn right we just take a running jump...Then we try really hard to forget about hitting the ground. If you get that right. You won't land."
"Amazing."
"Isn't it?"
"So how did you get here lah?"
"Drive la."

"If there was a law against stupidity I'm a repeat offender."

Actually no. I don't think any wise man would say that. Probably a wise guy though.

Ugh slept at 3 yesterday. Super sleepy in college...

Last night went out with Bird and Emily for supper. Lucky lah had Emily there if not Bird confirm whine non-stop about results all the way.

"Eh Bird if you wanna commit suicide...You just fly up then you stop flapping."

When we were done ordering.

"Eh Bird still alive eh!"
"I got caught in the tree."

Had a small discussion on suicide tactics in the end. I managed to turn his opinion around about the merits of jumping.

--------------------------

Alright I've got the goods. I can go Uni now.

After fretting about it for awhile I just totally forgot about it till my cousin's girlfriend reminded me about 1 week ago.

But shortly before that I came up with a contingency plan.

Screw up AS too much to get into uni and I'll do psych in Help.

Sigh still doing engineering.

Somehow it's all a bit lacklustre. After being so stressed up over it when taking the papers somehow when I got the results it was more relief that I didn't mess up than being happy I did pretty ok.

But the buildup was bad. I couldn't get up because I had daya ria and it blew apart my sleeping schedule.

So I got up at 10:30 got to coll at about close to 12.

But I was kinda worried because I asked Andrew and he said a few ppl didn't get A for econs. And he didn't get A for physics either. Which I really really needed. Even if it's 3 As and 1 B for phys I'm out of Uni because I applied to unis too high in the tier.

Then when I got to coll I found out by overhearing the Vietnamese girl talk to Eswhy...No one in their law class got above D for socio. And quite a few people screwed up math.

Scary.

I had to wait for Mr Ananda to get back to the office before I could get my results in the end so I waited till 1.

When I told my mom and dad they were quite happy about it.

But I knew 1 thing is for sure.

Those 3 As are gonna be worth squat at the rate my A2 is going.

(For the benefit of the SAM people)

A-lvls is divided into

AS (which is what we just took which is just pretty much a repeat of SPM material with more thinking)
and A2 (entry level uni stuff. The material is very different much more complex and requires a level of maturity that I don't have)

AS and A2 will be averaged out at the end of the 1 and a half year course to determine the final grade.

And as my teachers put it.

"An A in AS helps your final grade. But be sure to get an A because you're going to be hard pressed to do well in A2."

Ms. Indra is freaking right so far.

"Even with an A in econs for AS, It's still possible to get C for the final grade so don't relax."

Ms. Chian is also on the ball. I've got a feeling I'm quite dead in this department too.

Ms. Lim however just encouraged us to do well over all. Maybe cause she's given up hope on us.

Either way like my sis said "Getting the A here means you're answering the way they want you to. But it's good you realise that A2 is the real deal where you'll be tested properly. So keep up the good work."

I've gotta figure out a new way to do things. The old mechanical way of learning by copying isn't working at all in A2. With further math to contend with (I'm weak in both sections. Actually more like crippled) I'm in a very bad state to fight it.

Can't give up yet sigh.

"For every time you refuse to use your talents. It's as if you're refusing a gift from God. And even when you're refusing to use a gift from one of your friends they would feel offended. How do you think the person who has done more than just given you talents and life feel?"

They ring hard. And I realise I've gotta look for my wings again. And if I can't find them...I better have something that allows me to fly.

-------------

And oh my results at this level although they sound good...They aren't "wow" worthy actually. They're good I have to admit. But everyone knows I could lose things. And we're all still in the thick of the woods. Lets add oil(to borrow a phrase from a friend) my fellow a-lvls brothers and sisters and fill those A2 papers to the brim with something more susbstantial than crap.

Food poisoning. Sial.

Yer I don't wanna spend the night with my head spinning like some lovestruck young maiden smitten with a very charming young man(such as the delusional self image of the author of this blog).

I had a nap on the floor. But I couldn't stand the orange lamp in my room so it's now pointing at the wall and I'm living off any light bouncing off the wall.

But my mom would come in see me sweating and shout at me to go take a second bath.

The din nearly split my head clean like firewood on the chopping block.

But I woke up much later at about 11 had a bath anyway.

Came out. Then found my fragging mates.

Had a sad frag. But we were saying "If we win this 4A's tmr right"

Game was that sad.

We didn't win. Duh no possible way.

Fear for my econs now. NOooooooooooooooooo I don't wanna give up 10% of my income to my econs teacher!

Oddly enough. I'm not worried somehow. Not even anticipant. I'm just talking crap with a friend who's alvls doesn't matter anymore too.

Sigh I guess I should sleep. If not I won't be able to get up on time tomorrow.

If the results suck...I'll be home early and you won't see a post from me.

If they rock...I'll still be home early and you won't see a post from me either cause I'd be busy.

And a big thank you to the only non-alvls student who wished me blessings. You know who you are. Smsed me at 4:30. Thank you wei.

That night fragged with Bird till 4 then slept for 3 hours.

Woke up went to wish Amanda farewell. Went to church. (sorry eh friend I had to dash off so suddenly if I wasn't late I would have to stayed to help you)

Went for lunch with church members. Sent a new guy I just met to KJ station then came home to a fully occupied house again. Sigh no longer alone.

------------------------------

Looking for a roti tissue we went to a mamak just me and a pal.

Then I saw them. The people from a world that I don't quite belong but I frequently visit.

Then I saw her. Still the same. Ever cheerful. Ever smiling. As if I never walked into her life.

I talk to the others while hoping that she'd notice me waving. But she doesn't. Too busy.

Oh well. I go back over to my bud and settle back into my chair order my usual teh-o-ais. I drop her an sms asking if she's in this so and so place. My normal style of teasing when I spot her and she can't see me.

"Haha Yeah" comes the reply. But I didn't notice it.

She calls and asks me to raise a hand so she can see me. I raise my left with the tape and she doesn't see it. She's kinda short anyway so it wouldn't be easy to see my hand.

"Wave it in the air." I wave. "Can't see"

The phone call ends shortly after and my bud and I get cracking on his roti tissue and me on my cheese naan.

Minutes later her group makes to leave as me and my friend are only halfway through our meal.

I wave to them. And resume my meal.

Chewing on my naan with mint paste. Ah bliss. Sucking on my teh-o-ais. Watching 22 men chase chase a leather ball. It's all so relaxing. Even with such a crazy week. Things just seem so peaceful to just be sucking on the straw.

A tap on the ribs.

I look up. And I see her smile and wave goodbye.

"Oh well" I say to myself as I resume sucking my rapidly dwindling teh-o-ais. Somethings just aren't meant to flow that way I guess. Even after knowing her for so many years I guess we'll just never have a solid conversation.

Guess I'll never know the person behind all those smses.

----------------

Jorrel asked me soooo many freaking times in a row "Are you sure you're not gay?"

-_-...............BEI la this guy

The sunlight licks the surface of the pale green car as we speed across the intersection.

It's cool even though the rays are bright because it's still early in the morning.

But in the car...

She told him she’d rather fix her makeup
Than try to fix what’s going on
But the problem keeps on calling
Even with the cellphone gone
She told him that she believes in living
Bigger than she’s living now
But her world keeps spinning backwards
And upsidedown
Don’t say so long in the cellphone
Don’t spend today away
Cuz today will soon be

Gone, like yesterday is gone,
Like history is
Gone, just trying to prove me wrong
And pretend like your immortal

She said he said live like no tomorrow
Every day we borrow
Brings us one step closer to the edge (infinity)
Where your treasure, where’s your hope
Forget the world and lose your soul
She pretends like she pretends like she’s immortal
Don’t say so long
Your not that far gone
This could be your big chance to makeup
Today till soon be

Gone, like yeterday is gone,
Like history is gone,
The world keeps spinning on,
Your going going gone,
Like sumemr break is gone,
Like saturday is gone
Just trying to prove me wrong
You pretend like your immortal your immortal

We are not infinite
We are not permanate
Nothing is immediate
We’re so confident
In our accomplishments
Look at how dark it is

Gone, like frank sinatra
Like elvis and his mom
Like al pichino’s cash nothing lasts in this life
My highschool dreams are gone
My childhood sweets are gone
Life is a day that doesn’t last for long

Life is more than money
Time was never money
Time was never cash,
Life is still more than girls
Life is more than hundred dollar bills
And oh the town fills
Life more than fame and rock and roll and thrills
All the riches of the kings
And up in wills we got information in the information age
But do we know what life is
Outside of our conveinent lexus cages

She said he said live like no tomorrow
Every moment that we borrow
Brings us closer to the God who’s not short of cash
Hey bono I’m glad you asked
Life is still worth living, life is still worth living

We sang the whole song. Heh. We were just so high.

And whenever a "gone" came along we'd shout it extra loud. As if we're referring to the problems in our lives.

Then the next song plays....

"I'm surrounded by the sound of loud machines, And everyone's got their problems, and no one knows how to solve them....."

And we sing it all the way till I park my car.

Brilliant music.